


Clarity

by orphan_account



Category: Clarity - Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-20
Updated: 2015-06-20
Packaged: 2018-04-05 06:31:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 63
Words: 158,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4169502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account





	1. Chapter 1

Rory  
The music was loud. I wasn’t sure where he was. I hadn’t been sure in about six months. I hadn’t heard his voice in about six months. It was the first and last time we’d speak. I shouldn’t have answered, that I knew. Yet, the phone was pressed against my ear after the second ring.  
“Hey, are you okay?” I asked, doing everything I could to keep my voice steady.  
The music was so loud.  
He was crying. He was drunk. He was really drunk.  
“I miss you,” he simply slurred.  
I took a deep breath, knowing I’d regret the next few words.  
“I miss-”  
I froze, mouth going dry.  
The girl’s voice was louder than the music, clearer than his. The last two words would never leave my lips.  
-you, too.  
There was no room for misinterpretation; he was coping in the way he knew.  
Memories of lazy kisses and love letters had blurred my thoughts temporarily, causing me to make an innocent mistake. The baggy flannel currently covering my body suddenly felt restricting.  
I felt like I was going to be sick.  
I hung up the phone with trembling fingers. He didn’t call back. I was happy and sad.  
I didn’t cry that day, nor did I cry the few days that passed after that. I was numb. Going through the motions. No tears were left. I wasn’t bitter. I had come around to the idea of cliches…for I was living the biggest.  
Sometimes you have to let go of the things you love the most…  
The aching in my chest didn’t subside. I tried not to think about what “could have been”…for really, what could have been? There were no two people in the world that wanted something as badly as he and I wanted each other…yet it fell apart, nonetheless.  
The decision to listen to my best friend came easy after that phone call. Within days, my entire life was packed and a one-way ticket was booked. I wouldn’t look back…for my sake, I couldn’t. Reliving the wonderful memories every time I stepped outside was far too painful, and sometimes you have to start fresh in order to move on.  
On one of the few nights I agreed to third-wheeling, we toasted to a new life, a new city. We toasted to coats and boots instead of shorts and sandals. We toasted to snow instead of palm trees. We toasted to their engagement, and my brand new beginning.  
We toasted to New York City.  
I watched as the wind whipped my dear friends’ cheeks, turning them a rosy pink. I watched as they kissed, smiling from ear to ear. I watched as the bright lights off the skyscrapers around us illuminated the dark patio of the overpriced restaurant. I just watched — and I held my champagne, and I rose it in the air so that I was the only one who knew.  
I made a toast —  
To writing my first novel. To making the best out of the worst. To not being sad about losing true love.  
To Harry.  
I sipped the sweet drink, scrunching my nose slightly as it burned and tickled. I was giggling alone, allowing the excitement of a new world to pull me under. He was off living his dream, as he should have been…  
I was ready to live mine, but one thing was for sure.  
I missed him dearly.  
I knew with time it would get easier, and it wouldn’t break my heart to hear his voice on the radio…but I was in no rush…I just hoped we made the right decision to let go…  
To find our clarity, separately.


	2. Chapter 2

image  
One ::: Harry  
“How does it go? You know…you know the one-”  
“What are you goin’ on about, Haz, Jeeeesus,” Zayn grumbled, agitation thick in his voice. I shot him a glare…he was sitting way down the line, on the other side of Louis. Wasn’t sure why he was getting involved. “I’m starvin’, want to hurry up and finish.”  
“Relax, Zayn. Like I was sayin’…”  
The other boys groaned, smiling or making their serious faces for the photographer. Only Niall was paying attention to me, laughing with his eyes screwed shut.  
“You know - it’s like, it’s that one tune….goes like, like da-da-da da da-daaa, know what I’m sayin’?”  
“You’re a right idiot,” Niall cackled as I glared, dropping my jaw. The photographer was yellin’…telling me to pay attention. “Come on, Haz, who cares about a stupid commercial song.”  
“I very much do, Niall, it’s been in my head all day.”  
“Harry, bub, can you please look at the camera? Deary me,” Helen huffed, walking over with her arms flailing. I smiled innocently. She tugged at my hair, putting it back in place as I winced. “Looks like it’s going to rain, dear. We have to hurry.”  
“Won’t rain on my parade, no, no, no.”  
She gripped my cheeks, her lips spreading into a smile as she laughed with me.  
“You’re a child, ya know that? A lovely, lovely, very annoying, 22-year-old child.”  
“Thank you,” I chuckled as she let go of me, walking away. “Do you know the song I’m talkin’ about?”  
“What are you goin’ on about?!” she yelled with her back to me as I huffed, dropping it…though it was still playing in my head, narrating the rest of the afternoon.  
It was an easy day…photoshoot for some magazine. We were back in LA, which was a nice change…I’d been avoiding it like the plague for quite some time…but it was good to be back. The house was starting to feel like home again…in the very early stages. The memories were there, but it was becoming easier to block them out.  
“Let’s call it a day - catering is here!” Helen shouted, and everyone was down in seconds.  
I trailed a few steps behind, reading the message that had appeared on my phone. It was one that I received quite frequently…from numerous numbers. Wasn’t something I was proud of, but I wasn’t ashamed, really…I was single, I was allowed to find comfort where I could.  
Hey…wine night at your place? My treat.  
My thumbs moved quickly and I had a message sent within seconds…the simple task of texting was even different, after over a year…I didn’t spend my time smirking at the incoming words, or pondering a witty reply anymore. Just simple, to the point. Nobody to impress.  
Sounds lovely.  
“Lining up your evening shag?”  
“What?”  
Niall smirked, wrapping his arm around me as we neared the catering tables. I pulled out of his grip, a bit annoyed.  
“Just messing with you, Harry.”  
“Don’t like it.”  
“You’re just always on your phone,” he started fiddling with his thumbs, texting on an invisible phone. “Being sneaky, is what you’re doin’.”  
“Not really.”  
“Alright.”  
I made a plate of food…grabbing two bananas, some grapes, some sort of…sandwich deal. The other boys stood, laughing with the crew…I was still trying to figure out that song. Found a nice patch of grass in the sun, plopped down…bobbing my head to unknown song.  
“Mind if I join ya?”  
I wasn’t surprised to see that Niall didn’t wait for my answer, sitting next to me. Thankfully, I didn’t mind.  
“So long as the mockery was left over there,” I pointed. “Then we are golden, my friend. Care for a grape?”  
I held up my plate, raising my eyebrows. He laughed, shaking his head as he took a massive bite of his sandwich…I cringed, watching him attack it.  
“Lovely, Niall. Truly.”  
“Thhadlkdnaf yoafudo.”  
“Right, yeah.”  
He finished chewing…the breeze felt nice. I shut my eyes after I finished my food, laying back on the cool grass. I felt my hat fall off, but I didn’t bother fixing it as I laced my fingers on my chest. Sounds of light conversations and soft breathing filled my ears, nearly putting me to sleep.  
“You heard from Rory?”  
And just like that…I was wide awake. Didn’t show it, though…couldn’t show it. I took a deep breath, fighting the familiar feelings hammering in my chest.  
“No. Why?”  
“Just wonderin’,” Niall said as I gave in, opening my eyes. I squinted over at him as he picked at a blade of grass…twirling it between his fingers. “Doin’ well for herself, you should be happy. I think her book came out today, estimated to be on New York Times’s Best Sellers list already.”  
I let the information settle…though most was old news, at least to me. Of course I knew she was writing a book…I’d done my best to somewhat keep tabs on her, while also maintaining a safe bit of space. It wasn’t healthy…I knew it was dangerous territory, so I kept my blinders on…but I knew, I knew she was going to put out a book. And Niall was right…I was happy for her.  
“Good for her.”  
“Miss her still? Even though I think I know the answer…”  
I wanted to be angry with him for bringing it up, but it almost felt…nice. I’d rarely speak about it…it had been nearly a year and a half. A year since I’d heard her voice…only a few months since I finally felt like me again. It was okay…it was okay to acknowledge it.  
“Every day.”  
She smelled of vanilla…a faint vanilla, mixed with maybe…cherry chapstick? Something sweet…and me, a bit of me. I was still…trying to learn how to act. When there was a physical connection, but nothing else…did I twirl her hair? Could I…kiss her cheek just because? I knew the small gestures would probably be accepted, though they were incredibly forced.  
“That was good.”  
“Yeah…yeah, it was.”  
She sat up, holding the comforter to cover her chest. I didn’t mind the censorship…not because she didn’t have a nice body, but because it just wasn’t…her breasts were the same size, really. They were big…they were big and looked the same. The left wasn’t just a bit bigger than the right…there wasn’t a mole under the curve of the smaller one…she didn’t think it tickled when I ran my tongue between them…they were nice breasts, but they weren’t the ones I kept thinking of.  
“Mind if I slip out?” she asked, cringing. I knew I only provided the exact thing she was. Temporary bliss. “Promised my friends I’d have a movie night.”  
“Not at all. You good to drive?”  
We’d finished about half a bottle between the two of us…I always needed the edge to be taken off before I did anything. She nodded, climbing out of bed and pulling her clothes on. Out of respect, I stared at the ceiling. I also wasn’t particularly used to the idea of differing girls dressing in front of the same backdrop I used to watch one girl do the same thing in front of.  
She rounded the bed, smiling as she tucked her messy blonde hair behind her ear. A kind smile played on her lips as she sat on the edge of the bed. Suzie was cute…model material. Though she didn’t call me an idiot, or care to help me find a song that had been in my head all day on YouTube.  
Lips pressed against mine briefly. I returned her smile as she pulled back. She knew she was one in a handful…  
“I’ll talk to you soon?”  
“Sure. Yeah.”  
She laughed lightly, rolling her eyes at me as she went to walk away. She hesitated in the doorway…sighing heavily.  
“You said her name again.”  
She did notice.  
“I’m…I’m-”  
“It’s okay. Just…yeah, try not to…again?”  
I was flustered…it had happened once before, and not only with her. Usually when I’d had more to drink…I wasn’t sure how I felt that I was pretty much sober and I’d slipped.  
“‘Course. I’m sorry.”  
“Sure, Styles. See you.”  
The door was shut and I was left alone, again…I’d come a long way. I still had my low points, but I was happy…was having fun with the boys again, excited about writing, exciting about touring…I was good. Pulling the sheets back, I stood up…glancing at my phone.  
8:19.  
I took a quick shower before tugging on some clothes, making sure to pull a hoodie over my shirt. I grabbed my keys and wallet, shutting the bedroom door and any remnants of my evening away with it. It was dark out…but LA was warm. A nice change from London.  
I parked at the large store, hating to see so many cars. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting…though I hoped I’d come at an off time. I shut off the car, setting my mind on my goal as I shoved my hands into my pockets and walked inside. The stares were immediate, but expected. Some smiles, some just curious, some people asked for a quick picture. I obliged, only partially paying attention…my eyes were in search of one thing.  
I found it fairly quickly…a ghost of a smile tugging at the corners of my lips, though I didn’t want to draw attention. I merely grabbed the item, paid for it at the register, and held it tightly to my hip in a dark bag that nobody but me knew what was inside.  
I got to my car and hesitated…quickly walking back inside. The cashier gave me a warm smile, a nice lady about my mum’s age.  
“Back so soon?”  
“Erm, yeah…” I nervously ran my fingers through my hair, self-conciously looking around to make sure nobody was taking notice to me. “I’d like…I’d like to pay for the lot, yeah? Leave 'em out…don’t want them all, but I’d like to buy them. Is that possible?”  
She smiled…knowingly.  
“Of course, dear. Awfully sweet of you.”  
When I got home, I stripped back down to nothing…made a cup of tea. The bag sat on my bed, on wrinkled sheets…silently scolding me for my actions. I didn’t let the guilt rise…no reason to feel guilty, other than my irrational thoughts.  
I set the mug in the sink after rinsing it out, making my way to the bathroom. Out of habit, I cupped water and ran it over my face, brushed my teeth…stared at myself. Shutting off the light, I went and climbed into bed…leaving the overhead light on.  
Carefully, I reached for the bag…reaching inside and pulling out the only tangible copy of the 50 I’d purchased.  
I smiled, running my hands over the cover. She’d done it. I took a deep breath, shaking my head…I opened it to the first page, allowing the words of a girl I used to know put me to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Two ::: Rory  
“It’s up - it’s up, it’s up, it’s up - holy hell, I can’t breathe. I think I’m going to faint. I am absolutely going to faint-”  
“Read it! Oh my God, Rory, read it out loud, right this minute!”  
Em chased me around my kitchen, both of us sliding around in our socks as we battled for the device. I held my phone in my trembling hands, my oversized sweater tucking over my fingers. I chewed on my lip, turning the screen away from my face.  
“I can’t…I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.”  
“Do it!” she squealed, jumping up and down and clapping her hands together. “Please - I’m going crazy, go, go, go!”  
“Ooooh,” I exhaled heavily, eyes wild. I turned it back to me, trying to steady myself. The words at the very top of the page ignited an unfamiliar combination of anxiety and excitement to arise. New York Times Book Review. “Okay. Okay, okay, here it goes.”  
“Stop saying you’re going to and then chickening out. Read it. Read it.”  
“Fine. Okay.”  
With one final breath, I hopped into the barstool, crossing my legs. Pressing my elbows on the counter, I brought the screen close to my face, slowly reading the words out loud.  
“If you don’t know about Steff Thorn’s youngest spitfire-of-a-daughter, then you’ve been hiding under a rock. Even the world’s most-wanted curly-haired lothario himself…”  
I trailed off, swallowing.  
“..knew he needed to snag her while she was hot. Since splitting from boy-bander Harry Styles, young Aurora has not only experienced a coming-of-age maturity of her model-like appearance, but exposed the world to her unmistakable and frankly, shocking, abilities to wow the entertainment community with her brutal and impressive breakdowns of the local Los Angeles music scene. In her first novel, BitterSweet, Thorn gives a chilling and bothersome depiction of her childhood spent in the shadows of her father’s roller-coaster of a career, exploring both her adolescent years up until her teens where she learned how to deal with the aftermath of dimming fame. Her words are gut-wrenching and soft, tragic and beautiful, and everything that you’d not expect from a 24-year-old previously pegged off as a brainless, very rich piece of arm-candy. Though a small collection of high-pitched ‘boos’ may be heard across the world, in the form of many disappointed young ladies, Thorn did not touch on her whirlwind romance with Styles, something that critics are commencing in a simultaneous slow-clap for. Thorn is witty, sharp, brilliantly honest, and far beyond her years. BitterSweet may be just that, but her career - if based on the quality of her first piece of literature - is simply going to be very, very sweet. 9 out of 10.”  
The room was silent. Em and I looked at each other, and then…we squealed so loudly the neighbors banged on the wall. I jumped up, running to her and hugging her with everything I add. We spun around and jumped up and down, and I finally felt like everything I’d been working towards had been worth it.  
“Rory!!!!”  
“We did it!”  
“No,” she cooed, shaking my shoulders. “You did this! You have nobody to thank but yourself, nobody to blame but yourself. You did this!”  
“No, no, if you hadn’t pushed me to move-”  
“Well if you’re going to do that, then you can thank Bryce for proposing and graduating and getting a job offer here and-”  
“Okay, okay. This was me…” I couldn’t believe it. I just…I couldn’t believe it. I felt like I was dreaming. “Em, I have a book signing this week. A book signing. In Times Square! What is my life?!”  
She hugged me again, spinning us - again. I nearly lost my footing as I slid, gripping the cold counter.  
“I’m…I’m so happy.”  
“We’re celebrating tonight.”  
“Okay.”  
“Yes! Ahhh, we’re…we’re going to get really dressy, okay? Please?”  
“Fine,” I laughed, honestly prepared to go along with whatever she suggested. “It’s cold, though…”  
“Tights and dresses are cute.”  
“You’re right. I do like that.”  
“You’re so nice to be around when you’re in a good mood!” she said excitedly as I shot her a glare. “And oh my gosh, your legs are going to look so hot in heels now. I’m telling you, the yoga has been paying off.”  
“Keep the compliments coming, really.”  
I walked over to the tea kettle, setting it back on the burner. Some habits are hard to break…  
“You, me, Bryce and Casey?”  
“Yeah, sounds good.”  
“Sooo…”  
I turned around, crossing my arms. I looked past Em’s suggestive look, looking out the windows at the cold and snow-covered city. She was quiet as I looked back at her.  
“What?”  
“So…why don’t you make tonight the night?”  
I knew exactly what she meant, though the topic was still…raw. Like putting salt in an open wound. I merely shrugged, hoping the conversation would turn to something more positive. I had a lot to think about…my schedule, planning events, promotions…I was going to make my unwanted fame mine. I would no longer live in the shadows of my father and…  
“What do you mean-” she shrugged, making an ugly face.  
“I didn’t look like that.”  
“Okay. Well…I think it’s time. Do it. Literally.”  
“You’re overthinking it, Em…” I sighed, the kettle screeching. I quickly shut the stove off, moving the iron pot off the burner. “Casey and I are…we’re good, you know? We care about each other…we haven’t labelled it.”  
“You’ve been together for like two months.”  
“Hardly. He takes me to dinner. We kiss. We’ve hooked up, but sex is…no. It’s quite simple, juvenile. I don’t need any more than that.”  
Casey randomly moving to New York was…convenient? I wasn’t sure. I had a feeling he’d moved to win Mel back…though, he didn’t really talk about her. He got a job, writing for the paper…the first time he came over, Em and Bryce took a quick liking to him. Honestly, I think Em would have liked any guy I brought home…for she didn’t think it was fair that Harry was pictured with other women, and I was single. I told her that was life…she told me, that I needed to move on. My…relationship with Casey was easy. We didn’t stay at one another’s often. We didn’t call each other 24/7. We merely hung out like friends, with a little something more. I did care for him, as he cared for me…though there wasn’t that spark I yearned for.  
“You know he’ll be here this week.”  
“Who?”  
She gave me a look and I just knew. I tried to appear unfazed…bored, even.  
“Performing at Madison Square. It’s been all over TV.”  
“Oh. So?”  
She huffed, rolling her eyes with a knowing grin.  
“Don’t oh me. I know you’re flipping on the inside.”  
“Why would I be flipping?” I poured two new cups of tea, stirring in some sugar and cream into both. “It’s a big city. He’ll probably be in and out.”  
“He will be just that, if you aren’t careful.”  
I picked up on her suggestion as I rolled my eyes, cupping my mug and blowing on it. She brushed past me, grabbing her own as she poked my shoulder.  
“I’m serious, Rory. He’s dangerous territory with you, as you are with him.”  
“As I said…very big city.”  
“And I have this weird feeling that somehow, out of spite or something, God is going to bring you two together. And next thing we know, bam, the P is in the V and all hell is breaking loose for a second time.”  
I couldn’t help but laugh really hard…she was completely serious, giving me a threatening look.  
“You’re honestly delusional. We haven’t talk in a very long time…I doubt he even thinks of me anymore, Em.”  
Deep down, I felt that those words were a lie…I knew Harry. I knew he thought of me…well, some sick part of me hoped he did. It wasn’t healthy, no. But I did…I hoped that if he was actually taking other girls out…he was thinking of me. It was selfish and cruel, but absolutely true.  
She followed me to my bedroom as I typed up a text to Casey, letting him know what the plan was. Bryce was already planning on heading over after work with a “really expensive and bad ass bottle of fucking good champagne”. You would think obtaining his PhD and getting a big-boy job at one of the most renowned hospitals on this side of the country would have changed him…it didn’t.  
“I know you won’t have sex with Casey because of Harry.”  
“That is not true,” I sang, setting my mug down. I walked to my closet, digging through the racks of clothes. “Help me. Do I have tights?”  
“You do - but seriously. Stop being a little s-h-i-t and jump in the pool.”  
“What?”  
“You know. Quit dipping your toes in - just jump. A new P may be just what your V needs.”  
“Em, you are seriously like a freshman in high-school.”  
“You know, you should start listening to me. I’m the one that’s engaged.”  
I knew she was joking, but it hit home. I swallowed hard…hands stilling briefly. She knew.  
“I’m sorry.”  
“It’s okay.”  
She groaned, collapsing on my bed. “I just really want to see you like you were with Harry at the beginning. All smiley and laughing all the time and super sex-crazed. When you’re happy.”  
“I am happy,” I assured her, stepping out of the closet. It was the most we’d talked about him in a very long time…it was having an affect on my mood, and I didn’t like it. “Which dress?”  
“Whichever one makes you feel good.”  
I nodded, liking her answer.  
“Sex wouldn’t be so bad, Rory.”  
“I know that,” I pulled my shirt and pants off, sliding the cool fabric of the dress over my head. “But it also complicates things. Casey is a good guy, I don’t want to hurt him.”  
“Why would you hurt him? If anything, it would be the opposite. Girls are the ones that get attached, not guys.”  
I’d hurt him because I’d be picturing a tattooed body the entire time.  
“It’ll happen when it’s supposed to. You’ve pushed me past my breaking point, go get the wine out of the fridge - we’re celebrating early.”  
She was up and out in a matter of seconds, returning with a huge grin and her arm in the air. I could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, though it had been a long journey.


	4. Chapter 4

Three ::: Rory  
I’d never been to a prettier restaurant. There was something so, so special about reaching one of my biggest goals…being surrounded by dear friends, smiles directed my way. I was proud…really, really proud of myself. We’d spent the evening tossing back shots in my kitchen, dressed in our nicest attire…I was on and off the phone with my parents, sister, old friends…everyone was celebrating my massive success. By the time we’d gotten to the rooftop lounge, I was in such a good mood it wouldn’t have mattered if we went to a hot dog stand. The beautiful hanging lights, the heaters, the subtle decor…it was all the icing on the cake.  
The breeze was chilly across my cheeks, my glistening lips trembling slightly. My cheeks stung with warm inebriation. I’d had a lot…more than I’d had any time recently. I pulled my peacoat tighter around me, silently cursing Em for suggesting tights…why wear them if they felt no better than going out with bare legs? She was too drunk to notice, leaning into Bryce’s side. Her ring was shining in the soft lighting…I stared at it. I watched them smile…kiss. Hold one another. Nobody was staring.  
I gasped as an arm wrapped around me. I was tense…awkward. Casey laughed uncomfortably, glancing down at me. He looked handsome…suit still on from work with a big black coat over it. I eased into him…offering him a smile as he licked his bottom lip.  
“Sorry, you…you seemed cold.”  
“I am, thanks. It’s so nice up here.”  
“Yeah, fuckin’ cold, though.”  
“You could be in Texas…stop bitching.”  
He laughed, rolling his eyes. He reached forward, gripping my small glass. The icecubes sloshed back and forth as he made note that it was empty. Raising his eyebrows at me, I shrugged in return.  
“Want another?”  
“Um. Yeah, sure.”  
“Okay. My treat, tonight. All of it.”  
“No - no, Casey, I know you aren’t doing that great financially right now-”  
He cringed at my wording as I blushed. I kept forgetting how tipsy I was.  
“I’m not rich, yeah, but I’d like to treat you. Alright? Now you stop bitching.”  
I laughed…looking up at Em. She smiled warmly at me, nodding her head. I immediately frowned, shooting her a death-glare which caused Bryce to snort and receive a punch in the arm.  
“Another round, guys?”  
The waitress smiled at the four of us as Bryce and Em ordered two more glasses of wine. Casey look down at me, cocking his head.  
“Um…do you happen to have a Manhattan?”  
I could feel Em’s knowing gaze, though my drunken self didn’t care. My tongue yearned for a familiar taste….especially with my blurred thoughts.  
“We do - is that what you want?”  
“Yes. Yes, please.”  
Casey nodded, looking back at the waitress. “Yeah. Two of those sounds good.”  
“You hate whiskey.”  
“So do you.”  
“I don’t…” I trailed off, looking away from him. I couldn’t look into his eyes. I looked up at Em, who was no longer shooting me a playful look…just looking. “Just wanted something new.”  
“Whiskey is an interesting choice, Rory,” she commented carefully, raising her eyebrows just enough for just me to notice. “You sure?”  
“Yep. Whiskey, please.”  
When our drinks were brought out to us, I stared at mine…the glass was cold in my hand. It looked familiar…I’d seen it held by someone else so many times…it didn’t seem right to be the one holding it. I looked over at Casey who cringed as he sipped it…but not with his dimples showing, because he didn’t have dimples. He also didn’t hold the glass with his left hand…because his right one wasn’t occupied.  
I sat back in my chair and stared upwards…at the stars. They were small, miniscule…but so, so big. I was perplexed by the simple beauty of the night sky…and the complex one of the skyline. All of the windows, all of the people, all of the stories…love, hate…life, death…  
“What are you thinking about?”  
I glanced over at Casey who was laughing lightly at me. He sipped the drink, making a face again. I took mine, taking a big swig before replying.  
“Just…I don’t know, things. Life. Do you ever…I don’t know. Look out into a big city and feel so…so small, but big at the same time? Like…”  
“Continue.”  
He stared at me with amusement…but, it just…it wasn’t the same. He didn’t have a small smirk…a buzzed glint in his eyes. He wasn’t interested in what I had to say…he thought I was drunk and rambling.  
“Nevermind.”  
I downed the rest of the whiskey, deciding that I was going to end the night on a good note. Not the saddened reminiscense I was drowning in.  
“New York Times…shit.”  
“Shit is right, Rory. You did it,” he retorted, smiling down at me. “I hope I had something to do with it.”  
“What?”  
He pursed his lips, a pinkened flush spreading on his cheeks.  
“I mean…I don’t know, I did tell you that day at lunch…that you should write,” he picked up on my silence, taking it as a wrong move on his part. “Just me wanting some portion of the riches soon to be coming in, yanno.”  
I laughed, shaking my head…I wished I could tell him it was him. I couldn’t.  
My phone began buzzing against my leg, through my purse. It wasn’t a constant buzz…lots of short ones. I furrowed my eyebrows, the whiskey topping off the prior feeling I had, magnifying how drunk I was. I pulled out my phone, squinting my eyes….and feeling my stomach tighten.  
It was the cover of my book…a tweet…with a link to the Amazon page.  
@Harry_Styles: Good read. Very good read. Recommend it. Buy it here.  
And just like that…I knew I wasn’t going home with Casey. There wasn’t…there wasn’t even the slightest of a chance. I knew it was irrational and naiive…but he had a hold on me. One I wasn’t going to shake by sleeping with someone I didn’t love.  
Em saw me looking at my phone…like some sort of psycho…or maybe because she just knew…she didn’t have to ask what happened. I was sure she didn’t know specifics, but it was a look on my face…the same one that happened every time his name would be mentioned.  
We finished our appetizers…walking down to the parking lot. Bryce had called a taxi, Casey was standing by his car. I walked over to him. I hugged him, giving him a kiss on the cheek. He wasn’t like Em…he didn’t know…but he still understood.  
We waited for the cab, my legs were wobbly. I laced my arm around Em’s, laying my head on her shoulder. She put hers on top of mine.  
“Wouldn’t hurt to try and hide it a little more,” she commented quietly, though not harshly.  
I laughed, without humor.  
“It’s okay to miss him, Rory. That’s normal.”  
“It’s not normal for him to have this kind of affect on me…even when I haven’t seen him in over a year. It’s not normal at all.”


	5. Chapter 5

Four ::: Rory  
The week had slowly come to an end, signifying both my book signing, and also the departure of a certain visitor. I’d heard through the grapevine that their performance had been wonderful…I didn’t doubt it. I felt…torn between disappointment and relief that he hadn’t texted, hadn’t called, hadn’t shown up on my doorstep. I wasn’t sure why I expected any of it…he didn’t even know I moved, though really, none of it mattered. I was silly to want it, knowing it would only break me.  
I was shocked to see all of the people lined up outside of the Barnes & Noble at Times Square…my smile couldn’t have been bigger, though I was nervous. Nervous to be the center of attention…I had to remind myself that this was all different. This was a good attention. My publicist, Jane, gave me a small nod as a large man stood outside my door. I tugged at my leather pants, adjusting my boots and sweater before nodding at him through the glass. He opened the door and escorted me through the crowd of people…lined up for me. Taking pictures of me. It was surreal, but it meant I’d done something right.  
“Aurora! Aurora!”  
For once, my full name didn’t bother me. I gave a tight-lipped smile, waving as I stepped inside. I couldn’t believe my eyes…the line wrapped around the entire store, all leading up to a table in the very back with my cover blown up huge behind it. My name was massive…it was a fame I was okay with. One that I’d be proud of, if that meant I could keep writing.  
My chair was pulled out for me as I smiled and sat down, taking in the fact that all of the flashing…it wasn’t stressful. It wasn’t scary, it wasn’t too much…I grinned bigger, posing for the cameras. Jane handed me one of my books so I held it up, smiling with it. It was…beautiful, that feeling.  
Once the line started moving…so many kind words. I was in shock, on cloud 9. Compliment after compliment after compliment. I was given a few flowers from guys…creepy, but flattering. Teenage girls were nervous, their hands shaking to talk to me. I took pictures with them. I signed their books. I listened to stories, I gave advice…it was so strange. I was so incredibly happy. By the time the two hours was over, I’d signed thousands of copies…met thousands of people.  
“That was…”  
“Fucking awesome.”  
Jane laughed, and I was surprised. She was around Cal’s age…seemingly stuck up, well-dressed, constant bitch-face. But she wasn’t bad, though I didn’t even think I needed a publicist. My mom told me differently, so for once, I listened.  
The store was cleared out as I stood up, pushing the chair back in. She was looking at her clipboard.  
“Okay…there’s that charity event tomorrow on the upper east side, 7 p.m. You have to be there.”  
“Okay.”  
I adjusted my sweater as I listened.  
“And a photoshoot with Vogue on Tuesday.”  
“Vogue?” I was taken aback as she smirked at me, nodding. “Really?”  
“Yes - why, you don’t want it? Don’t be stupid.”  
“No, I will, I’m just…it’s…flattering, weird. I’m a writer.”  
“And you look like a supermodel, milk it. You’ll sell way more books.”  
I didn’t say anything, unsure of what to say. Good promotion was good promotion…I was just so new to everything.  
She hummed under her breath, looking up at me.  
“One last thing needs to be done.”  
“Sure.”  
“In their stockroom.”  
“What?”  
She laughed lightly. “Yep, don’t ask. Come on.”  
I did as she asked, following behind her…and completely confused. I didn’t understand what I’d have to do in private…unless they wanted me to sign a box full of books. Coming upon this idea, I figured that’s exactly what it was…  
Until I turned the corner.  
My breath caught in my throat…nothing would have prepared me for that moment. Green eyes…  
“Mind signin’ this?”


	6. Chapter 6

Five ::: Rory  
My entire body felt numb…a heavy exhale fell from my lips. He stood…unsure. He’d cut his hair a bit…had a thin black headband in, a grey sweater with a peak of a white tee underneath, a black peacoat…he was smiling, just watching me. Neither of us moved. I thought I heard Jane excuse herself, but I wasn’t sure.  
When I could finally bring myself to function, I was…awkward. Nervous.  
“Hi,” I breathed out, voice shaking.  
His smile grew. His dimple…he was smiling so big, appreciating my reaction. He held my book in his hands, eyes taking me in.  
“Hi,” he replied, tongue slowly running over his bottom lip. “I, erm…wow.”  
His breath was heavy, a raspy chuckle breaking through. I felt my cheeks flushing…I wasn’t sure why.  
We stood so far apart. Uncomfortably far apart.  
“What?”  
“You look…” his eyes widened as he looked me up and down, completely tearing me apart on the inside. I felt like my body was on fire, just being in the room with him again. It was this magnetic pull…one that I was desperately trying to fight.  
His smile was so big…painfully so.  
“Wow, Rory. Can a man get a hug?”  
Mentally, I was hesitant. Physically…I took the few steps, smiling up at him. Seeing him so close again…I saw the little dark spot in his eye, right by his pupil. Saw the patchy stubble on his upper lip and over the spread of his jaw and chin…saw his pink, pink lips…his curls were bouncier than the last time, the chestnut color glistening under the fluorescent lighting…  
I froze, eyes fluttering shut as he slowly pressed his moist lips to my cheek, lingering longer than we both knew necessary. Shortly after, my arms were wrapped around his neck…his squeezing my back, lifting me off the ground just that little bit to close our height differences. I smelled him…and a flood of memories came crashing down, sweeping me off my feet.  
Before I could get pulled out, the undercurrents suffocating me…I let go. I stepped back, rubbing the back of my head awkwardly. He paid no mind, still smiling from ear-to-ear.  
“You cut your hair,” he commented, making some typically-Harry move of his fingers like a pair of scissors. He swallowed hard, cheeks flushing slightly as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Looks…it looks nice.”  
“Thank you,” I said as I rubbed my lips together, trying not to smile. Trying to tell my heart to slow down, stop. “You, um…cut yours, too.”  
“I did.”  
“Yeah.”  
“‘Mm.”  
We both just kept staring. He finally sighed, holding up the book.  
“I…I finished it in two days, Rory. S'good, it’s really good. I…I’m speechless, really.”  
“Yeah? You liked it?”  
I felt like an idiot, tucking my hair behind my ears…nodding heavily, smiling stupidly.  
“I did. Very much…I’m…proud of you, love.”  
“Thank you,” I smiled, clasping my hands together. We were quiet as I looked down at my feet.  
“I…I hope you don’t mind me turnin’ up,” he said quietly as I looked up. He chewed on his cheek, a bashful grin pulling the skin from between his teeth. “Had no idea you moved. Saw all the signs…a bit surreal, seeing your face, like…the size of Godzilla.”  
I couldn’t not laugh. I tried to stifle it, raising my eyebrows.  
“You know how big Godzilla is?”  
“Yeah. We go way back. Lads.”  
He bit his lip to stop from laughing as I giggled, shaking my head. We just…we couldn’t stop staring at each other. My smile fell…he didn’t have bags under his eyes anymore.  
“How have you been, Harry?”  
He was slow to reply…licking his lips. Nodding slowly.  
“Been okay. You know…doin’ what I do.”  
I didn’t know. I had no idea…but he was choosing to be ambiguous, and I was starting to feel things I hadn’t felt that strongly in a long time. I was okay with vague.  
“I’d ask how you’ve been but…” he held up my book, pointing at it. “Kickin’ ass, takin’ names…you’re in leather pants, Rory. I’m a bit scared, if I’m honest.”  
I laughed. He gave me a tight-lipped smile, patting his hand over the book and looking down at his boots. It was strange…feeling so incredibly close, yet so far away. There was a barrier…we were holding each other at arm’s length. He cleared his throat.  
“Just wanted to stop by, see you…tell you congratulations.”  
“Thank you,” I said sincerely, crossing my arms. I rubbed my biceps, a chill shaking my spine. “Um…but yeah, you’re doing well, right? Like…I saw you played here, the other night…”  
I was so incredibly awkward, I hated it…a self-concious mess. He found it…something. His dimples were back as he watched me, gaze so heavy.  
“Yeah. Yeah, we did,” he finally said, relieving me of my misery. “We, um…out of here on Tuesday, I think.”  
It was Friday. I hated that I counted the days in my head.  
“Oh. Nice.”  
“Yep,” he popped his 'p’.  
There were red flags…waving everywhere. I needed to listen…I needed to understand, he wasn’t there to pull me back in. He was being polite, friendly. He didn’t try and kiss me, try and bend me over one of the back tables…  
I swallowed, eyes wide at my own thoughts.  
“I have to go.”  
“Oh, right,” he shuffled on his feet, biting his lip to minimize his grin. “Busy lady, I reckon. God, it’s…”  
“What?”  
“Nothin’…” he laughed, shaking his head…looking down as if some inside joke. “I, erm…yeah. Glad to see you, Rory. Really…I’ve, uh…very, very glad to see you.”  
“Yeah, it was…nice.”  
“Yeah.”  
We both danced the anxious little dance…scrambling forward, wrapping our arms around each other. I pretended not to notice how his hands were placed lowly on my hips…tips of his fingers trailing over the top of my tight, thin leather pants. I hugged him tightly. Inhaling as deeply as my body would allow, remembering the moment.  
We stepped back, staring yet again. The chance was there…yet, we said nothing.  
“Right. Bye.”  
He merely nodded his head, a distant smile as I walked out of the room.  
I sat at the kitchen table alone…half a bottle of wine sloshing around in my stomach. I hiccuped, staring out at the lights of the city…thinking of nothing. I was…in a weird state of acceptance. I knew, I knew all along…but seeing him confirmed that I’d been right. What I had felt wasn’t normal…it was rare, it was special…  
The front door opened. I’d called Em, hadn’t told her anything…just asked that she come over.  
She walked into the kitchen, eyes falling on my quarter-of-a-glass, and the bottle with the cork off…she set her purse down, raising her eyebrows at me.  
“He came to the signing today,” I simply said.  
She said nothing…she reached for the bottle, clanking it with my glass. The harsh sound vibrated the glass in my hand…she took a massive chug, wincing as she swallowed and ran the back of her arm across her lips.  
“Of course he did.”


	7. Chapter 7

Six ::: Harry  
The heels of my palms were driven so hard into my closed eyelids that I was seeing spots. I was shirtless with the AC on high…yet the comforter was scorching under my back. My muscles were absolutely on fire, contracted. I was angry…angry at myself.  
“You dumb idiot…”  
I was wallowing in self-rage…wishing nothing more than to rip my hair out and put myself out of my misery. A fool, I’d been. To think I could simply show up to congratulate her on her new book…easily give her a nice kiss on the cheek, send her on her way…  
“Fucking twat.”  
Went from five steps forward, to about two thousand steps back. Paige…Paige was texting me, and it was only making me want to smash my phone. I didn’t reply…a different pair of eyes were driving me mad…those eyes, those blue, ocean-blue eyes…her hair smelled of the same shampoo she’d kept in our shower…she was in a thick sweater, though my hands…I felt the same curves…the ones that had been pinned under me on endless occasions…moving on top of me…and the damn leather pants, holy hell…  
I had to physically remove myself from being near my phone. I was aimlessly pacing around the dark room. It would be too easy to relapse…she was doing so well. She looked…  
“Fuck,” I groaned, whimpering and pinning my hands on the wall.  
It was such an awful idea, seeing her. Worst part was, she didn’t give in…she didn’t try and kiss me, but she didn’t swat my hands off when I purposefully dropped them a bit lower than necessary…the minute I saw her, it was like everything made sense again. She looked different, but no different than the girl I’d run baths for…no different than the girl I’d cook breakfast for…no different than the girl I’d cry and watch romance films with…  
She was the girl I dreamt of, the girl I pretended was riding me, even though it was so far from the truth…I was a pitiful mess, replacing her with different faces in hopes that one might feel okay. That one wouldn’t make me feel even sadder after…though my attempts were hopeless. Seeing Rory only reminded me what I lost, what I couldn’t have…  
My chest shook as I inhaled heavily, glaring at my bed. I knew it was pathetic, animalistic…but I needed to get her out of my system. If I didn’t, there was no way I’d leave New York without calling her and ruining everything we’d been working so hard for. I needed to let her be…I couldn’t ruin her again, not when she was doing so well.  
“Fuck it.”  
I tugged my belt off, unzipping my pants. My legs felt like cement blocks as I trudged over to the bed, falling back and leaning onto the headboard. It wasn’t the first time it had happened, though I liked to pretend it was…felt different after seeing her. But I needed relief, and it was the only way.  
My fingertips gripped the waistband of my briefs, pulling them down…I was already impossibly hard. I huffed as I grabbed my base, pissed off…I didn’t understand how she had such a strong hold on me, still. Like I was her puppet…with the snap of her fingers, I was a melted puddle on the ground, acting like a prepubescant teen with his first nudie mag.  
I reached for my phone with my free hand, scrolling through my photo album. Lots of pointless things…but I knew exactly where one picture was. The only one she’d ever sent me…it wasn’t tasteless, no. It was classy, like her. Achingly beautiful. Sexy as hell. Just her in her bra and panties…I didn’t need more than that. I knew what was underneath, and damn, was I absolutely sick over my need.  
The minute my eyes landed on soft blue ones, messy hair, gentle yet breathtaking curves…that was it. I rubbed the pre-cum over my tip before jumping right in - wasting no time. My heart was pounding, body was on fire…the phone fell out of my hand within a matter of a few minutes…I didn’t need the help. I shut my eyes, visualizing pulling off the leather pants…sliding them down her long, lean legs…probably so smooth, tone…probably smelled of her lavender lotion…  
“Oh, God…”  
My chest shook as I groaned, my shame forgotten…she was all I could think of. My hand sped up, my other busying itself as I cupped my balls…my eyes screwed shut…I pictured plump lips, her canine digging into her fatter bottom one…fluttering eyelashes….she’d be arching her back, moaning my name…  
Knock, knock, knock.  
I froze. My breathing was so uneven, heavy…I was throbbing, my hand gripping so tightly but unable to move as another set of knocks rang through the door.  
“God damn it…” I muttered, exhaling heavily and running my hands through my hair. “What?!”  
Knock, knock, knock.  
“Jesus Christ…”  
I was fuming as I tugged my pants back up, adjusting myself so it wasn’t completely obvious what I was up to…I paced over to the door, taking a deep breath as I opened it.  
“Hey - what’s your Netflix password?”  
Niall’s eyes widened as he covered his mouth, silently laughing. I merely glared at him, holding the door open in a firm grip.  
“Is someone here?”  
I swallowed the lump in my throat, feeling my nostrils flare with embarassment and agitation. My reaction answered his question as he slowly began laughing.  
“Oh my God, I’m sorry, Haz. Awful timing, I have…you dirty dog. I’ll go.”  
“You’re a fucker, you know that.”  
“No - clearly, that’s you,” he laughed, shaking his head. “You -”  
Realization settled over his face as his smile disappeared, a groan leaving his throat.  
“Makes sense.”  
“What does?” I growled, knowing that it was too late. I wasn’t going to be able to pick up where I left off, and the blonde idiot giggling like a child in the hallway wasn’t helping my mood. “Cut it out, Niall. Stop lookin’ at me like that.”  
“You saw her today, didn’t you?”  
I turned around, allowing the door to shut but he caught it and followed me in. I ran my hands over my face, staring out the tall windows. I stood with my hands on my hips…knowing he was reading me like a book.  
“Look at you. Told you it was a bad idea, you’re a wreck.”  
“I am not…” I spun around slowly, sighing. “…a wreck. Just a bit worked up. Was fixing the problem, but ‘course you interrupted.”  
“I hardly think a wank - not even a good one - is gonna fix this, Haz. You and I both know it. She happy to see you?”  
“Dunno,” I muttered, walking over and sitting on the edge of the bed. He was tossing his remote back and forth in his hands, standing barefoot in his boxers. We were like two schoolgirls as I glared up at him. “Not in the mood to play 20 questions, Niall.”  
“Look at you, Jesus. See her for an afternoon, and you’re like this again.”  
“'Mm not like anythin’…” I grumbled, leaning on my knees. “Just need to get her out of my system again, is all. Can’t do this to her again…to me. I need to get out of New York.”  
“Feel like I need to keep watch on you. Don’t text her, Harry. You’re either here - ” he motioned with his hands. “Or you’re there. You can’t be in the middle, you know if you half-ass somethin’ with her it’s gonna tear you up.”  
“I know, I know. Let’s move on, shall we?”  
He chuckled, the mockery returning as he covered his eyes.  
“Ahhhh, can’t believe what I nearly walked in on.”  
“Hop off, Niall,” I warned, watching as he mindlessly tossed the remote up, catching it. “You going to the charity event tomorrow?”  
“Dunno,” he gasped, as if suddenly remembering. “Oh, shit. I forgot about that…Buble is playin’ tomorrow.”  
“Oh God.”  
“You know how much I love him.”  
“I do. But…”  
“But…”  
“Pleaseeeee,” I whined, pressing my hands together. “Be my date to the charity, Niall. Please? No one else is going, don’t want to go alone.”  
“Take that one girl, what’s her name…Paige?”  
“Nope.”  
“Why? You were shaggin’ her just a few days ago…”  
The reminder made me ill…usually it wouldn’t, but after seeing Rory…there was this deep-rooted shame. I knew I hadn’t done anything wrong…I was on my own, as was she. I wondered if she’d even care that I’d been getting around quite a bit…the thought of her doing the same completely shut me down. I swallowed hard, running my fingers through my hair and tugging on it. No, she wasn’t. She couldn’t be, wouldn’t be…  
“Yeah, well…no. You’re my date or nobody. Standards are set.”  
He grabbed his heart, smiling. “Appreciate it, Haz. But I’m a one man kind of guy. Buble is it, for me. More I think about it, more I realize I can’t miss it.”  
“Nialllllll.”  
“I already donated money!” he said in defense, holding his hands up. “You’re a big boy, you’ll be fine. Now - Netflix password.”  
“Not gettin’ it, now.”  
“Fine - didn’t want it.”  
He made his way out of the room, shouting before he slammed the door.  
“Have a good strum!”  
I groaned, collapsing back onto the bed. I needed to be detained…chained up, with no chance of succumbing to my desires. I needed to get the hell out of New York.


	8. Chapter 8

Seven ::: Rory  
“I’m going to kill Jane.”  
“Relax. If you wanted some promo, you’re getting it.”  
All eyes were on me as Casey and I walked into the gala. My dress was…interesting. I looked around the room, taking in the conservative and simple pieces the other women were wearing. They stared at me with heavy eyes, sipping their fancy drinks…  
The gown was designer, incredibly expensive. More expensive than anything I’d willingly buy…but it was beautiful. Chanel. Intricate detailing of sheer mesh and royal blue patterns covered my entire chest, all the way to the floor…dark patches covered the most important parts, and a black piece was worn underneath, though a bra wasn’t needed…it was risque in the classiest of ways. I loved it…though I felt a bit odd having everyone staring at me. Celebrities and the nouveau riche filled the room, all in support of the children’s cancer fund.  
Casey’s hand slid into mine, taking me back a bit. He wasn’t one for any sort of show…though when I looked up, meeting his reassuring smile…I knew he was only doing it for my sake. Trying to ease my subtle worries.  
I smiled, squeezing his arm with my free hand. He was in a simple black suit…looking handsome, just like how he went to work. I leaned up and kissed his cheek…praying that I’d feel a spark shake me from the inside out. Unfortunately, I only felt a dull buzz…contentment, if anything.  
“Should you be doing interviews?”  
I sighed, glancing around…there were reporters spread throughout. Filming short talking bits, trying to dig to find out who donated the most…  
“Probably. I’m not one for following rules, though.”  
“Oh, do I know…” he laughed, making a face down at me. I giggled, rolling my eyes. He was funny…good-looking. Kind. Genuine. He was safe, and wouldn’t uproot my life. I wasn’t sure why I kept picking him apart, turning him into a pro’s and con’s list…actually, I knew exactly why. And it was driving me nuts. “I have an idea.”  
“Go on.”  
“Well, I have to be up early for work tomorrow…”  
“Not an idea, you’re just stating a fact.”  
I smiled smugly as he rolled his eyes at my sass.  
“Wasn’t finished…”  
“Clearly.”  
“You’re a piece of work.”  
I laughed loudly, nodding. “Okay, okay. Go.”  
“Anyways, I say we each grab a drink. You knock out a few interviews. Then we leave and I make you dinner at my place.”  
Unlike most guys, I knew what Casey had in mind…and it wasn’t getting me home and into his bed. The game was on…if there was one thing I knew about him, it was that he loved football more than he loved most things. He’d tivo’d it, and I knew he was dying to be watching it…but being the guy he was, he agreed to be my date instead.  
“You sure you don’t want to catch the Cowboys game?”  
“Might have a little to do with it, probably. Just a little, though.”  
I laughed, nodding.  
“Right. Go get our drinks, I’ll turn on my people-pleasing charm and do as you want. Deal? Let’s give it an hour, and you can go watch your men jump on top of each other in tight pants.”  
“You have such a way with words. Really know how to make a man question himself.”  
I laughed, smirking up at him. He stared at me for a second, hesitating. I knew what was coming…I didn’t stop it, though I wondered if I should have. His lips were firm…they didn’t mold against mine like clay, but they were…nice. He pulled back, and I silently scolded myself…I was allowed to do as I pleased.  
“Be back in a bit. Champagne okay?”  
“The strongest you can find, if it happens to be champagne, you did well.”  
He saluted me, disappearing into the crowd of people. I stood awkwardly…glancing around. A few reporters kept looking at me as they talked to other people…clearly lining up their next sound bite. I smiled in return…hoping that was all it took to encourage it.  
And then, the temperature shifted. I felt…like I was being watched. Like the room was off balance…floor switched with the ceiling. It was a strange feeling, one I couldn’t quite describe…until I turned slightly to my left.  
There was one other person in the room with all eyes directed at them…naturally, it made sense, and naturally, I felt like the wind was knocked right from my stomach. A punch to the gut.  
Effortlessly handsome, to the point that it was almost cruel…short glass of whiskey in left hand, a black-inked cross contradicting the sinful way reddened lips captured the edge of his glass…a simple black suit, but done right…his black shirt underneath was unbuttoned to his torso…a thin silk scarf around his neck, skulls dancing upon the surely expensive fabric…the velvet hat atop his head would look silly on anyone else, but he knew it didn’t on him.  
My heart was pounding.  
Emerald, miniature versions of crystal balls caught mine…and I felt a flood of emotions nearly knock me over. Strange how with one simple look, it was obvious that it hadn’t been the first time he’d spotted me…obvious that he hadn’t seen me standing alone.  
I wasn’t sure how to feel. Part of me felt invigorated…some sick amount of satisfaction filling me whole, the idea of him having to watch me kiss another man giving me the power he’d always had. But then again, I felt nauseated…guilty…his face was neutral, though the tensing of his jaw didn’t slip past me. The slight narrowing of his eyes didn’t slip past me. He felt something seeing me with Casey…and as usual, I felt a whole lot of something just seeing him, see me.  
I swallowed the lump in my throat as he turned his head away, breaking our silent exchange. His boots were planted on the wooden floor…he wouldn’t be saying hello, or comparing the posters all over the city to Godzilla. He was feeling something.  
As I was hounded with questions from different magazines, I tried to put Harry out of my mind…I was shocked he was there, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense…though I almost was inclined to believe Em was right. There was a higher power mocking us…plopping us into the same place on multiple occasions, wanting to see what it would take to crack. I was glad that whoever it may be had at least some sympathy in their sick little game…for if Harry had shown up with another girl, the game would be over. I’d crack.  
“Here you go, pink champagne. Your favorite.”  
“Thank God.”  
Casey watched in amused bewilderment as I downed the entire glass…enjoying the burn in my throat. He stared at me, trying not to laugh.  
“Right, okay. Um…another?”  
“Yes, please.”  
Without having to ask again, he was off. I glanced back over to the left…he was gone. My eyes continued to search the room…but with no luck. The idea that he’d left instilled an uneccessary and irrational disappointment deep within me.  
“Saw you needed a refill.”  
My blood ran cold. The chill I had yearned for kissing Casey finally made an appearance, tickling the hairs at the bottom of my neck to the heels of my feet. Casey hadn’t been gone long enough to secure another glass, and that voice…that voice was not Casey’s.  
Keeping my composure, I slowly turned around…putting on the facade I’d taught myself to maintain on many occasions. Green eyes, gentle smirk…his right hand held a glass of pink champagne.  
“Strange, I didn’t even see you.”  
His grin grew…we both knew we were putting on face, keeping our walls built…I needed to hire a damn security guard, just to keep me away from him. He handed me the glass, ignoring my comment. Our fingers brushed…he ran his tongue over his bottom lip.  
“Strange. Very strange.”  
“Yes.”  
I cradled the glass with both hands, keeping my eyes on him as I sipped. He watched my lips, not even bothering to hide the way his eyes fluttered as I pursed them and swallowed.  
“Wasn’t expecting to see you here.”  
“S'what I do. Show up when least expected.”  
“You’re a mysterious one.”  
“Not really,” he hummed, eyes narrowing as he sloshed his drink around in his glass, watching the way the liquid moved with the flick of his wrist. “Tend to be quite forward. So I’ve heard.”  
I chose not to answer…knowing he was pushing my buttons. He was speaking in a way he knew…full of innuendo, flirtatious undertones, vague references…I wasn’t going to play his game. He was putting on a very strong front…clearly I was right. He had been affected by seeing me with Casey.  
“Just wanted to come over and meet your friend.”  
“My friend?” I laughed, picking up on his purposeful choice of word.  
He nodded, maintaining a straight face. “Yeah, tall bloke.”  
“Sure.”  
We didn’t say anything…I felt someone standing next to me, though my eyes stayed on Harry’s…his trained on mine, hard. I was aware of Casey uncomfortably clearing his throat.  
“Um…here’s your drink, looks like you already got one, though…”  
“Yeah, thanks.”  
He awkwardly held two glasses, forcing a smile over at Harry, who returned it with the most fake, knee-weakening smile.  
“Hey man, Casey.”  
“Harry, mate. Nice to meet you.”  
They shook hands and I just wanted to disappear. I could see it in Harry’s eyes as he made small talk with Casey…he was purposefully making a statement. Acting out of being hurt…trying to rub it in my face that he didn’t care, that he was glad I’d found someone.  
“Yeah, my date bailed on me,” Harry easily spoke, sipping his whiskey. He didn’t need to acknowledge that, and he knew it. “Figured I’d stop by for a bit, great cause.”  
“It is, it really is,” Casey replied, sighing. He looked over at me, noticing that my glass was empty. “Um…another? Or…?”  
His eyes were begging to leave. I was unsure if it was Harry, or the game, but I simply nodded.  
“I think we’re going to head out,” I said gently, giving in and looking up at Harry. His smile was gone…we were silently conversing. His eyes were desperate, pleading. “It was nice seeing you.”  
He pursed his lips, nodding once. He looked up at Casey.  
“Nice to meet you, have a good one.”  
“Yeah, you too.”  
And just like that, he disappeared back into the crowd…out of sight, but not out of mind. Not a chance.  
My heart was pounding in my chest. Casey was holding my hand, taking me towards the front doors. We didn’t speak. A cold gust of wind pulled me from my daze as he pushed open the front door. I stopped in my tracks. He looked at me inquisitively, not seeing that I was fighting the hardest internal battle I ever had.  
“What’s wrong?”  
I was a bitch. I was such a bitch.  
“I think I’m going to stay for a bit, if that’s okay?”  
“Um…yeah, yeah, sure. Are you…are you coming over after?”  
I swallowed hard.  
Bitch.  
“Yeah, yeah, I should. I won’t be too long…just going to try and secure a few more interviews, you know. Promo.”  
“Yeah. Yeah, okay,” he nodded slowly. “You sure?”  
I laughed without humor.  
“Yeah. See you later.”


	9. Chapter 9

Eight ::: Rory  
Our departure was orchestrated beautifully - a massive moment watered down by careful timing, separate cars and different exits. He’d been the first to slip out - giving me just enough time to toss back a shot of whiskey, which I chased with two more glasses of champagne.  
It was strange how something that was once so complicated and messy had become simple and neat. The car dropped me off at the back entrance of the hotel…screaming girls lined the front. A large man walked me through the lobby, blocking their view as I got into the elevator.  
Not a single person took note of the tipsy, nervous girl about to jump off the edge of the cliff.  
The elevator door ding was loud and echoed, or at least it seemed to. My heart thud with each footstep, body on fire as I nervously held my clutch in my hand. The unfamiliar security guard left me at room 904…I stood at the door, unsure. Did I knock? Did I just open the door? I wasn’t sure…  
We’d barely spoken a full sentence to each other.  
I walked back into the gala, feeling absolutely nuts…what the hell was I doing? I didn’t give myself time to think.  
Blue eyes found green ones. He continued talking to an older man in a nice tux…though his gaze kept falling on mine. He was perplexed. I had said I was leaving…but I had stayed. This realization answered his question as he excused himself from the man…he walked towards me. I felt like I could feel his footsteps shaking the ground on which I stood.  
“We should talk,” I said, though I didn’t feel my mouth moving.  
“Not much to say,” he retorted, raising his eyebrows in challenge as he sipped - or say chugged - the rest of his whiskey. Still that front…I could see more in his eyes, though he was hiding behind his usual confidence.  
I was all too aware of the heat stinging every inch of my skin. I stopped thinking, completely.  
“Let’s not talk then.”  
He knew what I was saying…for a brief moment, I saw the real Harry…nervous, scared, hurt…though he hid it well. He licked his bottom lip, bending slightly so his lips tickled my earlobe.  
“I’ll send a car ‘round back.”  
I knocked lightly - twice. Once seemed unusual, three times sounded eager…truth be told, I wanted to knock a thousand times. I needed to be in the room with him again.  
The door slowly opened…and my Harry stood in front of me. Still strikingly handsome…but eyes that were soft, vulnerable. He held the door open for me, the room dark. I stepped in, back facing him. I could only hear his soft breaths behind me…I knew he stood frozen, unsure of what I wanted…what was about to happen. We were on the same page, though.  
I dropped my clutch onto the bed…he hadn’t moved when I turned around. His feet seemed glued in place - one hand in his pocket, watching me with his lips pressed together. His eyes slowly trailed over my body, then back to my eyes.  
It happened fast. Almost in flashes.  
He slipped his hat off as I neared him, smirking devilishly as he set it onto my head. I laughed lightly, though not for long - nothing funny about feeling his whiskey-soaked breath brushing over my face. His lips…right there. But we didn’t kiss. We were slow…careful around each other.  
Still. No words.  
My wrists were gently taken as he turned me around - placing me where he had been standing. With careful hands, he placed my palms flat on the back of the door, keeping my back to him. I shivered…he was so gentle. Massive hands…hands I knew so well…ran down my sides ghosting at my hips before they made their way up my back. I wasn’t surprised, but I still gasped under my breath as I felt him grip my zipper - slowly sliding it down. Once it reached my lower back - where it stopped - I literally shook in his hands…cold fingers slid into the opening, settling on my bare hips…my heart was pounding as his lips met the back of my neck in a slow, delicate kiss.  
I turned around, nearly sliding down the door as I tried to maintain my balance. I was dizzy, looking at him…he was unsure, hair a tangled mess, eyes glistening with alcohol and an emotion I had been so afraid was gone.  
Dumb, dumb, dumb.  
I took a deep breath, though I didn’t show my hesitance. I slid the dress off my shoulders…down my arms…it fell, hanging on my waist. I was bare, topless…his eyes fell…lingering on the newfound skin…his jaw was tense. He swallowed hard. I could see his mind working…wondering what the hell to do. We both were still holding back, though it seemed I was moving us forward.  
The alcohol was talking for me.  
“Have you missed me?”  
He whimpered - literally let out this pitiful, low cry…his eyes were torn. He knew we were both being impulsive, rash…I didn’t care.  
I took his collar with both hands, pulling him towards me. His feet were dragging…but he obliged. He stood so close, hands limply by his sides…I could feel his breath again, tickling my lips.  
“I said…”  
He groaned lowly as I ran my tongue along his jawline, teeth closing around his earlobe. I gave it a quick peck as I lined my lips to his ear, whispering so very lightly.  
“Have you missed me?”  
He swallowed so hard I could hear it.  
“You’ve no idea,” he admitted, staring down at his boots…as if ashamed to say it out loud.  
I ran my fingernail down his chest…through the small bit of hair…stopping where the first button of his shirt was. I tugged lightly.  
“Then show me, Harry.”  
A conflicted growl shook his throat as he hissed through shut teeth, my lips coming closer to his. I couldn’t play any longer…letting all inhibitions go, I pressed my lips to his - just once, lightly. Everything went white - I wasn’t sure where I was, who I was, when it was…I just know that my entire body came alive…and apparently, I wasn’t the only one.  
He moaned so loudly into my mouth that I gasped - startled. He kissed hard, hands gripping the sides of my face. I could feel everything…the ridges of his dry lips, the way his tongue was running over every single inch of mine, trying to reacquaint itself…I cried out when his rough hands trailed down my neck to my chest, roughly squeezing my breasts as he broke our kiss, watching what he was doing.  
“Oh God,” he panted, wincing as if he was in pain. “Oh God, Rory, how are you his?”  
We both froze…his hands fell, slapping his thighs loudly. My carefully constructed walls began to crumble…his eyes…no longer strong, sexy, smug…broken.  
“Hey-” I said, quickly closing the space between us, grabbing his face. “Forget about that, why-why are we talking about that? Just…show me how much you’ve missed me, Harry.”  
He nodded slowly, like an obedient child…I didn’t know what the hell we were doing. I knew it was stupid, it was so stupid…but my body, it just ached for him. The minute I saw him in the stockroom…that smile. It was like we’d never been apart.  
“Kiss me…” he begged, guiding my hands to the buttons on his shirt. He was panting heavily, his stomach muscles tensing through the sheer fabric. “God, Rory, just kiss me.”  
It was the most amazing tangle of limbs as I did as he said - wasting no time in ripping his shirt open, tugging it out from his pants. He slid off his jacket as I tossed his hat onto the floor. His arms tensed as he picked me up, my legs wrapping around his waist. I cried out, feeling him hard through his pants, pressing at my butt as he carried me…towards the dresser.  
I was a completely different person, craving his familiar, beautiful body as he set me on the edge of the wood, roughly tugging the dress down my legs and letting it drop to the floor. I tugged him between my legs by his belt loops, undoing his zipper as he watched my hands, panting…  
“Who is he, Rory?”  
He asked again, but I merely groaned in agitation, pulling his pants down his thighs, along with his boxers. He was distracted - we both were, the minute he was bare…he was there, right in front of me. His dick was so familiar…I looked into his eyes, and it’s like suddenly the reality of what was happening hit us…he was so timid as he stepped forward, running just the pads of his fingers up my sides…trailing them up my neck, through my hair…his eyes met mine, his nose pressing against my cheek.  
“Am I dreamin’?” he cooed softly, under his breath, as if only talking to himself. He lay his forehead against mine, eyelashes fluttering so close…he had a soft smile…he kissed my cheek. “Are you sure about this?”  
I hated that he was asking…because I wasn’t. I was, but I wasn’t…I knew he…he was the only thing that had ever felt 100% right in my life. Having him…wild, panting, a mess at my touch…he was my everything, I was stupid for ever thinking that would change. I tangled my fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck, pulling him back slightly.  
“No, I’m not.”  
“Me neither,” he confessed, eyebrows pulling down. “Who is he, Rory?”  
His voice was broken…he wasn’t dropping it. I smiled, shaking my head…tears building.  
“Nobody, Harry.”  
I reached between his legs…taking him in my hand. He exhaled sharply, forehead falling to my shoulder…his chest was rising and falling as I squeezed him, pumping my hand up and down…he was moaning, crumbling…  
And that’s when I saw it.  
Small. Nearly non-existent…but it was there.  
I kept my hand going…  
One hickey was on his v-line…right where the top of his pants would usually be. My entire body was shutting down….I kept him distracted, seemingly tugging his pants down for more room…soft hair danced upon his pale thighs…and suddenly, I felt like I was going to be sick.  
Multiple hickeys…coating his inner thighs…conveniently placed right around where I currently was.  
“I have to go.”  
I shoved at his stomach so harshly he grunted, nearly stumbling over as I jumped down, reaching for my dress in a frenzy.  
I couldn’t see straight…the liquor had something to do with it, but it wasn’t what was currently gripping my heart. It felt like someone had reached in, squeezing it with all of their might…  
He may as well have had red lipstick written all over his chest.  
He’s not yours anymore, Rory.  
“What…what did I do?” he asked, voice light…pained…confused. He tugged his pants up, watching me dress. My hands were shaking. He noticed as I tried to zip up the back of my dress. “Shit, Rory - don’t…don’t…”  
He zipped the rest up as I pulled from his grip…feeling like an idiot. I wasn’t sure who to be more angry at…him, for being such a hypocritical pig, or me, for giving into my physical yearning…I knew it was more than that. There was a reason I was in tears, scrambling to get the hell away from him.  
“Oh God,” he said in a panic, following after me. “I can’t - Jesus, please…please don’t leave here like this, what…what happened? What did I…?”  
I couldn’t bear how devastated he looked…his chest was heaving for a different reason. He ran his fingers through his hair as I stared at him, bottom lip trembling.  
“What just even happened…I-I…”  
“This was very stupid.”  
He cringed, shaking his head desperately.  
“No, no…don’t do this, don’t tell me that - I, I know it was impulsive, but don’t tell me you don’t feel what I just did…don’t tell me you haven’t been achin’-”  
“Yeah?” I laughed bitterly, gripping the doorhandle. My voice shook, silent sobs fighting to escape my chest. “The bruises all over your fucking thighs and dick really scream heartbreak, definitely.”  
The color absolutely drained from his face as he looked down, like he could see through his pants. He looked back up, shaking his head.  
“No - Rory, we’ve been broken up, it’s not…fuck, you can’t blame me for that!” his voice was raising, but I could see he was breaking down. He was crumbling. “Do you know how hard this has been for me, tryin’ to stay away? I’m shit for you - I know that, at least right now I am, I never wanted to hurt you…I’m just trying to keep myself busy, distracted-”  
“Well clearly you’re doing a great job,” I hissed, the first few tears trailing down my face.  
“Rory - you don’t…I can’t…please, please don’t hate me for that….please,” he begged, taking a step forward but I only backed away. “I’d never…I’d never use you, I didn’t know tonight would go like this - I didn’t, I swear it, I wasn’t trying…please Rory, you’ve no idea how bad I’m hurting…are you with that guy, are you actually with him?”  
His bottom lip shook. I opened the door, watching as he pursed his lips, shaking his head.  
“You fucking filthy hypocrite, you disgust me.”  
His chest heaved.  
I watched Harry Styles begin to cry…and I forced myself to leave him there, slamming the door in my wake. Loud cries shook my entire body…what the fuck was I thinking? How the hell could I have thought I’d be able to just have meaningless sex with him? Nothing with Harry would ever be meaningless…no matter how much time had passed…  
Dumb, dumb, dumb.


	10. Chapter 10

Nine ::: Rory  
“Hello P, have you met my V? Yes? Oh, but it’s been awhile, you’re right - ” Hand gestures. Ridiculous accents. Drunk laughter. A teary glare from me. A teary drunk glare from me. “-and BOOM. Hell broken loose. What did I say, Auroooora?”  
I could only stare at my tipsy friend from across the kitchen. Our sock clad feet were touching as we rocked them back and forth…each sitting on the floor, backs against opposite sides of the counter, clad in the most unflattering of sweats.  
Bryce was working late, and Em had come over to mend where need be…what began as an angry rant had quickly turned into a wine-induced heart-to-heart, with plenty of tears, and lots of I-told-you-so’s. I was sleepy, buzzed, and sad. Very, very sad.  
“I just want to know who they’re from.”  
“Rory, don’t do that to yourself.”  
“That’s all I’ve been able to think about, Em…” I laughed lightly, tilting my head back as I took a big swig of the bitter Pinot Noir. I swallowed, scrunching my face as stray strands of hair tickled my cheeks. “You have no idea how bad it hurt…to see that…they were all over his legs…I counted four and it was dark…”  
“Rory.”  
“Four. Who even sucks there? Like, honestly.”  
Another massive swig of wine.  
“His thighs are sensitive, I hardly think he enjoyed that.”  
“That’s…graphic.”  
“They are…especially that crease of skin between his legs and…what is that? Like…general, pubic region?”  
“Oh, Rory.”  
“You know the area. We have it, too.”  
She snorted, causing me to laugh and spit everywhere.  
“We do. We also have legs and a general, pubic region.”  
“We do.”  
“Oh lord, we’re going to be so hungover tomorrow.”  
“Yes we are.”  
“Will you just admit it?”  
“Admit what?”  
I was a slurring, snotty, hiccuping, giggling mess.  
“That you’re still in love with him.”  
“Well no shit, Sherlock.”  
She was no longer smiling…her eyes were shiny from too much alcohol and the soft kitchen lighting. She watched me as I laughed bitterly, holding up the bottle.  
“Cheers to stupid whores that will always be better than me.”  
“Enough of that, Rory.”  
“‘Mm serious,” I giggled, falling sideways. I lay on my back, hair sprawled out all around me…staring at the ceiling. “That’s what he’s chosen…”  
“You and I both know you guys agreed to do what was best for you both. Don’t act like it was an easy choice, Rory.”  
“I know it wasn’t…” I whispered quietly, holding my hands to my chest. “I just miss him…miss him so much.”  
“He misses you, too.”  
“Pfffffft.”  
“He does. That’s why those were there. Don’t be daft.”  
“I’m not daft.”  
“You are. One minute you’re bawling your eyes out and telling me you felt so bad leaving because he was crying over you and Casey, the next you’re saying he doesn’t miss you,” she was making dramatic faces, causing herself to laugh. "You are literally having an argument with yourself, out loud.“  
"His face, Em…” my voice cracked as I sat up quickly, nearling knocking myself down. “It broke my heart…but I was so mad…”  
She tried to snatch the bottle from my hands, but I cradled it to my chest. She rolled her eyes, hands falling back into her lap. The floor was cold through my sweats, but my body felt warm.  
Four hickeys.  
Another massive swig.  
“'Mm gonna be so hungover,” I muttered, finally giving in and passing Em the bottle. “I said I was disgusted with him. I’ve never felt so awful, Em…I mean I am disgusted…but I just, I don’t…don’t want him to think I hate him. I love him…s'much.”  
She hummed, taking a sip of the wine. I stared at her ring…it was shiny. It was big. It wasn’t mine.  
She took notice, glancing at her hand with a distant smile…she looked back at me, laughing as she shook the bottle…it was empty.  
“We were supposed to be picking my flowers for the wedding tonight.”  
“You’re getting married, Em.”  
She smiled…happily bouncing her heels on the ground as she blushed, nodding.  
“It’s crazy, isn’t it…”  
“I want to get married.”  
Her smile stayed. She crawled over, laying on her back…staring at the ceiling, lacing her fingers on her stomach. I felt like we were teenagers again…before I got bad. Back when I had a crush on Mason Dennings in the 6th grade, and she thought boys still had cooties…at an incredibly old age, mind you.  
“You’ll get married, Rory.”  
“I want to get married in a big, green field.”  
“Sounds like something you’d want,” she hummed, shutting her eyes. I did the same…picturing it.  
“I want it to be kind of cold. Lots of trees…rustic themed, I think. Like…maybe picnic tables for the guest tables…and log seating, or something. Hanging lights…I want those big, chinese lanterns when the sun goes down…and folk music. I want daisies…or sunflowers. A little bouqet of them, on the center of every table. I want poloroids taken…printed out, on the spot. No editing…just real, one time. I’d like a vintage dress…maybe my mom’s, if Cal doesn’t get it…I’d have it brought in…maybe have the sleeves cut off, I don’t know. I want it to be small wedding…unless…”  
“Unless what?”  
“Well…” I swallowed hard. “Well, unless he wants it to be big…or different.”  
“Who’s 'he’, Rory?”  
I opened my eyes. I looked over…Em was staring at me. Tears in her eyes.  
“Harry…why are you crying?”  
She laughed, wiping at her eyes. She sniffled, pulling her sleeves over her hands.  
“Because I’m drunk.”  
I laughed, but she stopped shortly after.  
“And because you used to tell me you were never going to get married.”  
I thought back…remembering how awful a life spent with someone else sounded. I was bitter over Sam…four years, I wasted. It sounded invigorating to only worry about myself…to be independent, choose who I dated, who I kicked to the curb…  
“Well. Things change.”  
“You’ve changed. And I’m so proud of you.”  
“Yeah, yeah…”  
She held my hand, squeezing.  
“I hope you get your rustic wedding in a big field with sunflowers and poloroids, and I hope it’s right in the middle of small and big.”  
I laughed lightly, getting teary myself.  
God, we were drunk.  
“And I do hope it’s with Harry, because that sounds awfully hipster, and boy, would he fit the role perfectly.”  
I burst out laughing, as did she.  
“You know he would.”  
“Oh God, he would…” I giggled. “He’d probably wear his same damn ripped up black jeans. And those tattered boots…”  
“Probably. You guys would have rings made out of braided vines and tiny wild flowers. And probably be barefoot, oh lord.”  
“Sick Em, too far. You know I hate feet.”  
“True…” she giggled, looking over at me. She nudged me with her shoulder. “Really, though. I’m happy to hear you say that.”  
“Shut up.”  
“I am! And Rory…”  
I laughed, biting my lip and looking over at her.  
“I hope there comes a time when you and Harry can have that, without all of the complications. I do…I really do.”  
I groaned, shutting my eyes…enjoying the darkness.  
“We can’t seem to get it right…am I crazy for still loving him?”  
“You’re crazy for asking me that. But I do think you either need to cut it off, or have a serious chat with him…the in between clearly isn’t going to work.”  
“I’m not ready for either of the other choices, though,” I said quietly, half-falling asleep. “I need him in my life…but I don’t think either of us should make a step in the other direction, either…there’s too much we have to sort out. Too much we’ve been through, too many feelings, too many emotions…if Harry is it for me, I don’t want to mess it up by rushing into something when we’re not ready.”  
“Well…not everyone has that luxury. Sometimes timing is everything…and sometimes, it’s merely a temporary issue…you guys just have to figure that out.”  
I hummed.  
“Do you think I’m holding on for no reason? Do you think I need to let him go…for real this time?”  
She groaned under her breath…we were nearly asleep on the kitchen floor, having one of the most important conversations of my life.  
“I think you should let Mr. Styles explain himself. And then, I think you need to hold his hand…at arm’s length. I think you should give him space, and give yourself space, and give him time, and give yourself time…and then see where that takes you both. Maybe together, maybe apart. But at least you’ll both know…you’ll know what’s meant to be.”  
“That was nice…and very confusing.”  
“I’m drunk, Rory. I also feel bad for Casey, by the way. I feel bad for Harry, too, though.”  
“A modern-aged maneater, I am.”  
“That was such a Harry thing to say.”  
“Oh God…” I groaned, sitting up with wide eyes. “Okay. Woo. Dizzy. Enough serious talk, time for bed.”  
“Helpppp,” she whined, extended her arms. I stood up, pulling her up. We both laughed, nearly falling over. “Can I stay over?”  
“Yeah, you can sleep on the rug by the front door.”  
“You’re such a sarcastic bitch,” she grumbled, grabbing the empty bottle off the floor. “Your phone is vibrating.”  
Sliding my feet with half-closed eyelids, I walked over to it. She leaned her chin on my shoulder…reading the incoming message.  
Can’t get over last night. Please…let me see you before I leave.  
I sighed, as did Em…I turned the phone over and shut off the lights as we made our way to the bedroom. We didn’t brush our teeth - or wash our faces…merely collapsed on top of the comforter.  
“Em?”  
“Mmmmm.”  
“Would you be mad if I texted him back in the morning?”  
She sighed, muttering as she fell asleep.  
“I’m going to be mad if you keep asking me what to do. You know what you want. Do it.”


	11. Chapter 11

Ten ::: Harry  
“A bit cold,” I sputtered out, bottom lip shaking as I tugged my jumper down over my hands. The New York skyline was breathtaking…but so was the chill, and not in a good way. I couldn’t decide if the view from the roof of our hotel was worth freezing my balls off for a temporary escape. “Been a bit…no judging, yeah?”  
A puff of smoke emitted from Zayn’s lips as he laughed, raising his eyebrows at me. We slowed our pace, stopping as he inspected the gravel-covered ground.  
“Not gonna tweak on me, are you?” he teased, deeming the area worthy.  
“Hope not.”  
We both sat down…he extended his legs out, digging through the pocket of his own jumper as I tugged my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them. I glanced over as he pulled the joint out…wetting it with his lips. I wasn’t one to get high…ever, really. But, I was driving myself mad in the hotel room…our long awaited day off had ended up falling during the absolute worst time. I needed to talk, or else I’d never sleep.  
“When was the last time?”  
“Erm…” I heard him lighting it up, but I was fascinated with the scene in front of me…all of the lights, the distant sounds, people. “With Ed, probably. One night on his tour,” I picked at my lip, trying to remember. “Think we were in Nashville, some place random. His buddy had some…we got really high and went to bed. Nothin’ interesting.”  
“‘Mm.”  
I looked over, watching as he inhaled heavily, pursing his lips as he gripped the joint between his pointer and thumb. He narrowed his eyes, taking a deep breath before exhaling heavily.  
“Shit, bro, good stuff.”  
“I wouldn’t know the difference,” I laughed, tiredly running my hand through my hair. “Just need to get away for a bit, yanno? Let my mind…dunno. I’m going a bit mad, if I’m honest.”  
“So I’ve heard,” he coughed, shaking his head. “S'good one. Here.”  
I reached over, taking the lit piece between my fingers…staring at it, before bringing it to my lips. I inhaled slightly, sucking harder…it was a tough one. The unfamiliar burn reached my throat as I tried to hold it in, coughing like mad as Zayn started laughing at me. I shook my head, handing it back to him as I continued to cough up a lung.  
“Jesus,” I hissed, voice barely squeeking out. “You weren’t lyin’.”  
He continued to laugh at me as I groaned, clearing my throat…he really wasn’t lying.  
“Whoa.”  
“Yeah, man. Good stuff.”  
My ears felt like they were on fire…I began giggling. Zayn merely laughed, muttering words of mockery under his breath. The city looked…slow, I wasn’t sure. I just knew I felt relaxed…weird, but relaxed. I exhaled deeply as I lay back on the roof, lacing my fingers over my chest…staring up at the few stars.  
“Thanks for joinin’ me, Haz. Wasn’t expectin’ it,” he laughed a bit harder, taking another hit. I smiled over at him before shutting my eyes. “You’re makin’ a weird face, ya creep.”  
I laughed, keeping my eyes closed. Felt good.  
“So, like, you and Rory back at it?”  
An exhale that shook my entire frame left my lips as I scrunched my eyes shut…groaning as I tugged on the roots of my hair. I lifted my neck a bit, pulling my hood up for extra cushioning before I lay back down.  
“Where’d you get that?”  
“Rumor has it,” he sucked in, holding the smoke in as long as he could as he talked through it. “Sure you have an idea.”  
“Niall has a big mouth.”  
“Yeah. So, like…yeah?”  
Rory. Oh, Rory. I was really high…off one hit. Made it somewhat easier to put the mess of what I was feeling into words. Though, that was never easy when it came to her.  
“Wish it were that simple.”  
“But, like, you want to, yeah?” he ashed onto the roof, glancing over at me. I peaked one eye open, watching as he spoke. “Know you better than that, Haz. You’re not happy shaggin’ a bunch of randoms, no?”  
“Not even a little,” I admitted, focusing on one star that was brighter than the others as I opened both of my eyes. “She’s all I can think about. I think I really fucked up…I’m…I reckon I’ve never felt this bad about anything, really.”  
“Wha happened?”  
“Paige…” I grumbled, shutting my eyes again. Trying to hide from my problems. “She’s, dunno, she’s a bit crazy…left a bunch of marks all on my thighs, Rory came home with me last night…saw them. I’ve been a wreck since…not just that, saw her with this, like, tall, like…dunno, nice-looking dude…dunno if it was her boyfriend, she never said…didn’t sleep last night 'cause of it.”  
“I’m sorry, Haz.”  
“Yeah…” I trailed off, my chest tight. I was unsure if the pot had made things worse…didn’t seem like it. “Like, I’m….” I laughed lightly. “I’m going mad, if I’m being honest. I can’t…seeing her with another man…”  
I exhaled, blowing out heavily…laughing bitterly, because there was nothing else I could do…  
“Was up cryin’, like, half the night.”  
“I’m sorry, mate, really…” Zayn said sincerely, though he was absolutely blazed. I smirked, rolling my eyes as I moved one arm under my head. “She’s, like, your girl.”  
“Yeah. Yeah, she is.”  
“If I were to, like…put together a girl, for you, like…looks-wise…I think Rory would be pretty damn close.”  
I laughed, looking over at him. “Really?”  
“Yeah, that whole, like, rocker vibe…but, like, classy, too…pretty girl, real pretty girl.”  
“You’ve no idea. Almost painfully so,” I hummed, smiling to myself. “Dunno, you haven’t woken up next to her…”  
“Yeah, you’re right,” he laughed at me as I joined him. “Thank God, right.”  
“I’d fucking kill you.”  
“'Mm sure you would, understandably. So what’re you gonna do?”  
The sky was massive…endless. Stars spread out…all trying to catch my attention. I couldn’t help but think that the one, really bright one…the one special one…was like Rory. And the rest, were all of the other girls…trying to win my attention. I knew I was baked, but I couldn’t help but think it accurate.  
“Want her back?”  
“Of course I do,” I scoffed, shaking my head. “That’s not the problem…problem is, life never wants to work in our favor. Been a bloody year and a half…and still, found a way to muck it up…I’m a child, a damn child. I sit here obessin’ over her and this other guy, even when I’ve been makin’ my way around quite a bit…it’s drivin’ me mad, Zayn. Literally feel like I’m going crazy.”  
“It’s 'cause you know you don’t, like, feel anything for those girls. Ya been doin’ your thing, foolin’ around…but just to get her off your mind, yeah? Don’t know why she’s been with that guy, 'course that’ll drive you mad.”  
I was glaring at the sky…I blew into my hands, trying to warm them up before reaching over and silently asking for the joint. He raised his eyebrows, laughing.  
“Sure?”  
“Yeah.”  
I took it from him, trying it again…the smoke was a bit harsher, but I didn’t cough as much…I shut my eyes, inhaling heavily…thinking about Rory, thinking about how stupid it was to take her home…I passed him the last bit of it, laying back down. I was no longer cold, no longer…anything, just relaxed. Thinking.  
“I’m just…”  
“You want her back?”  
“Of course I want her back…but I feel like we’re constantly hittin’ this brick wall. I would get back with her in a heart beat…but nothin’ has changed, except maybe gotten more complicated. She has…this massive career takin’ off…and we’re not slowing down, yet. So what am I supposed to do? I just…I don’t know. If I knew it would work out, I’d drop everythin’ and be with her. Hell, I still want to…but it’s bad timin’, yet again. And she hates me, there’s that, too.”  
“Don’t think she hates ya, bro.”  
“Right now she does…if she…Zayn, if she knew who I’ve been with…why am I like this?” I hissed, rubbing my face. “Why did…sex is just always there, yanno? I bring these girls home, and just, like…disappear for a few hours. But I still see her face…I’ll literally be in the middle of, like, dunno…in the middle of it, and I just see her…she’s all I see, and I feel like that’s so bad. That’s so…that’s so bad, because what if she really doesn’t want me anymore? Not like we can really work right now anyways, but what if…fuck, I-”  
“You’re tweakin’ out, man. Chill out.”  
“Sorry. Told you, goin’ a bit mad.”  
“S'okay.”  
“I just need to talk to her, is all. Just…just so she knows, she’s everything. Don’t want her feelin’ like how I do right now…wonderin’ if she stays up late watchin’ stupid YouTube videos with that guy…if she wears his shirt to bed, kisses him where he’s ticklish to wake him up…gets all done up for him…am I crazy to think like this? That in the end…she’s still mine, she has to be?”  
“No, mate. Not crazy, no. Still love her, if that was Pez…I’d feel the same. Just have to push through, right? Can only do so much right now, we’re quite busy, you’re right. I do think, you know, if it’s meant to be…you two will work something out.”  
“Just want her to be happy.”  
He laughed lightly. “But you want to be why.”  
“Damn right, I do.”  
“Quite the romantic, Haz.”  
We both started laughing as I groaned, pulling out my phone to check the time. Not only did I see that it was somehow past 2 a.m., but I had a text. I swallowed hard…not saying anything to Zayn, sliding it open.  
Jusstt wantrd to say i’m drnk and i’m sorry for yelling at yuo..we should talk befoer you leave..come over tomorwe night. i’ll test you in teh morning. goodnight Harry..  
I blamed my current state, but I was smiling…from ear to ear. I laughed…shoving my phone back into my pocket. I could feel Zayn’s stare…a knowing smirk on his lips.  
“Really hope that’s who I think it was,” he commented, putting the last bit of the joint out on the roof. “Better not be smiling like that after sayin’ all that to me if it’s not.”  
I merely smiled, staring out at the skyline…she had this affect on me. No matter what…it was this thing, this thing where when I read her texts, I read them in her voice…I pictured the face she’d be making as she was writing it…pictured what she was wearing, where she was, how she was…I’d missed her texts. The funny ones, the intellectual ones, even the mean ones when she’d be angry and bitching at me…in the end, it all came down to one thing.  
I missed Rory…too much for my own good.


	12. Chapter 12

Eleven ::: Rory  
“You’re that guy! From One Direction — my ex loves you!”  
“Uh, yeah - yeah, I am.”  
Harry’s deep drawl barely broke through his fits of laughter as the man approached him. He was bundled in a thick coat, as any person should be on a typical evening in New York. He stood next to me…and, next to the rest of the tenants living in my apartment building. Stares were plentiful, but his giggles were all I was noticing. My arms were crossed…slippers soaking through with the aftermath of old snow.  
I wouldn’t look over at him, knowing that the convenient timing of my small slip up couldn’t have been any worse. I’d never live it down…he’d be sure of it.  
“Can I get a picture?”  
“Yeah - yeah, sure.”  
I was pleased that the first selfie had a domino affect, distracting him. I was wishing I’d grabbed a jacket somewhere in the mayhem I’d created, the cool breeze sending chills up my spin as my lip began to tremble. Thankfully, it seemed as if my humiliation was over.  
Even the fireman was laughing to himself as he approached me, shaking his head.  
“Smoke has been cleared out. We, uh…disposed, of the casserole.”  
“Thank you.”  
I tried to keep my composure, but a smile was tugging at the corner of my lips. I laughed lightly, shaking my head as he told everyone they could go back inside. What had initally begun as widespread annoyance had quickly been calmed, thanks to my unlikely house guest. I kept my gaze forward as we started walking back inside…the way his arm brushed against mine as he spoke to my neighbors didn’t go unnoticed.  
It wasn’t until we reached my hallway that the distractions dissipated…all attention back on me. I felt his gaze burning my back as I unlocked my door…he hadn’t even made it that far the first time, the alarms screeching as I ran into him on my way down the stairs. By the frown on my face, he’d known I’d been the reason for the spontaneous mass exit…he hadn’t stopped giggling to himself since.  
“‘Mm I allowed to at least get one good joke in?”  
“Nope.”  
The door finally clicked open as he chuckled under his breath behind me…I was vaguely aware that the conclusion of my real-life comedy skit meant that much heavier topics were at hand…I blushed as I let him in, avoiding eye contact…considering the last time I’d seen him his hands had been on my breasts, and I’d left in a jealous rage after finding marks from other women coating his skin…  
“Been what, nearly two years and you still are no better at cooking.”  
I gave in, meeting his eyes. I’d never grow tired of his little bun…pulling his hair off his face. He stood in the foyer, smirking down at me. It was a nice smile…one that made me laugh, as well, even though I’d told him teasing wasn’t allowed. He merely shook his head, following me down the hallway…I’d cleaned up the place…wanting him to see what I’d done with it.  
“So…” I spun around, clasping my hands together. I shrugged, pursing my lips. “This is it.”  
He looked around…a ghost of a smile playing at his lips as he began walking around, hands stuffed in pockets. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t imagined him doing exactly what he was doing in that moment on one or more occasions.  
“You design it?” he asked, his voice perking up at the end as he motioned his finger around the room. “Nice choice of table.”  
I smiled, crossing my arms…the old table covered in records held a lot of memories..ones that came to life seeing Harry standing in my home again.  
“Really, though. This is amazin’,” he smiled…taking note of all of the small trinkets I had. The rug…the candles, the tea lights…the picture frames. I was afraid such a big move would be tainted by cold walls and an unwelcoming collection of new furniture…with time, I’d crafted my dream apartment…the cluttered Rory was still around, but I’d taken magazine clippings here and there, found inspiration…made it into something special, mature and modern, more…me. The new me. “It’s quite different than I’m used to. I’m a bit put off - there’s no old coffee mugs layin’ around, no clothes thrown on the floor, takeout boxes on the tables…where is Rory, and what have you done with her?”  
I laughed, shrugging…I was blushing still. It was nice, light…it felt normal, right. But whenever I’d settle, become comfortable with having him around…I’d remember what I’d seen, and I’d be back to square one.  
He rubbed his lips together, squinting at something small I had framed in my cabinet. He smiled as I stood awkwardly…wondering how the evening would go. Em was right…I needed to do what I wanted, and inviting him over was what I wanted…though that’s as far as I got.  
“Mind if I have a look around?”  
I laughed…my bitter amusement pouring through…he knew, he merely smiled with a sad shrug. It was weird…acting like things were normal, when they were so clearly not…not after the night we had.  
“Sure. I’m going to go…see if there’s anything else I need to clean up in the kitchen.”  
He smirked as I turned my back, walking out of the room.  
“Should I have the fire extinguisher in hand?” he called, and I couldn’t help but laugh.  
The kitchen was clean. I stood with my hands on the counter…staring at the marble. His foosteps were loud as he finally returned…jacket off. He played with his hands, sitting in the barstool across from me. Leaning on the counter with his elbows, I caught his eye…he smiled.  
“So you cooked for me?”  
I laughed under my breath, breaking his eye contact…before looking back up. He was always so careful, like if he looked at me the wrong way at the wrong time…I’d slip between his fingers. I usually loved how attentive his gaze was, though it made me feel incredibly pitiful in that moment.  
“Yeah, ruined it…of course.”  
“'Course you didn’t…well, you literally did,” he laughed, easing my tense shoulders as I snorted. “But, not like, in spirit…”  
I bit my lip…his grin grew.  
“It’s the thought that counts, that what you’re trying to say?”  
We both laughed as he nodded, playfully bowing his head in shame.  
“That’s the one, you always…” he trailed off…looking back up. “Always seem to do that.”  
We stared at each other. No words…no words were necessary. Studied the way our faces had changed, just slightly, with time…how he was just a bit taller, thanks to his late puberty that I’d always given him a hard time for…how our hair was shorter…how our bodies had matured, thanks to endless hours working out to try and ease some of the stress, the heartache…  
“What the hell?”  
“What?”  
“You have a mermaid vagina on your arm, Harry.”  
“No way, how did that get there?”  
He held his arm up in feigned disgust, staring at it. I was doing the same, tilting my head…trying to decide if I hated it or loved it. The changes in tone were giving me whiplash, but I was too enamored with the new ink spreading across the back of his forearm.  
“A naked mermaid. Casually, hanging out on your arm.”  
“As they do.”  
“When did you get that?”  
“Dunno, awhile ago.”  
“May I ask why?”  
“May I ask, why not?” he countered, smiling proudly. “Naked mermaid, on my arm. Need I say more?”  
“Very much naked. Boobs. You have boobs and a vagina on your arm.”  
“Generally the goal of every man, I reckon.”  
I snorted, unable to do anything but close my eyes and shake my head. I could hear his quiet laughter…when I opened my eyes…recovering from the fact that what we shared was just so natural…felt so right…I knew I needed to stop, to stop acting like things were okay.  
“I’m so hurt, Harry.”  
His smile faded to the point of a deep frown…he cocked his head slightly…knowing we were getting to the hard part. Knowing we were both about to lose it, at some point in the conversation.  
His adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed.  
“I know.”  
“But do you?” I reached up…playing with my necklace…anything to keep calm. “Can you…can you just tell me how many?”  
He visibly cowered…slowly shaking his head as he shut his eyes…it pained me to think his answer was so bad, that he was in pain.  
“Can’t do that, Rory.”  
He opened his eyes…carefully watching me.  
“It’s not relevant, come on, love. I need you to know it’s - it doesn’t matter, it really, really doesn’t.”  
“Matters to me…I just. I need a peace of mind. Can’t you just tell me? Or maybe…just, like, who…?”  
“I can’t do that. I can’t…no.”  
I flinched as if he physically hit me, looking away from him. I held onto the necklace…squeezing it out of desperation to be done with such an anguish-filled conversation, but knowing it had to happen.  
“Would you tell me if I said I haven’t been with anyone? Would that change anything?”  
I looked up at him, and it looked like I punched him in the gut…he slowly shook his head, rubbing his hands over his thighs.  
“I really can’t tell you then, Rory…s'that true?”  
I bit my lip…unsure of what hurt more. The fact that he seriously wouldn’t tell me how many girls he’d been with…or the fact that I’d held out, for him, when he couldn’t for me.   
I merely nodded once, but it was like I took a gun and shot him through the heart. He let out a pained breath…looking down at the counter.  
“That guy your boyfriend?”  
“No, but I wish he was now.”  
He looked up at me, shaking his head. “Don’t…don’t be like that.”  
“How can I not?” I scoffed, rubbing my forehead…shutting my eyes. “I stupidly waited for you-”  
“It’s not stupid, Rory. It’s the farthest thing from stupid.”  
“I feel stupid.”  
“You should feel good…you should feel,” he scoffed. “A lot better than me, actually. I’m sure you do.”  
“I don’t.”  
“You don’t know that…” his voice was quiet, shaky. “I feel empty, Rory. I’m happy, but there’s this space where you had been, and somehow still are, and I don’t know what to do anymore. Because I can’t be the man you need me to be, but I want to be that man…it’s been a long time, but I’m still madly in love with you.”  
My stomach literally dropped. I stared at him…he didn’t even blink as he continued to speak with a steady voice.  
“Always have been, and I think I always will be. But I can’t give you what you want…”  
Somehow, the first half of what he said eased the pain caused by the second. I wasn’t hurting…I could see it in his eyes. I understood. I had just needed to hear it, out loud, from him, sober.  
He still loved me. He still loved me. He still loved me.  
“I-”  
“I’ve never stopped loving you-” I blurted out in a rush, needing to get it off my chest. “I love you, I love you with everything in me…but I know, I get it…I understand.”  
He froze…eyebrows raising as his jaw fell open slightly. He shut it, smiling…his smile got a little bigger, dimple showing.  
“I, erm…I’m not sure if that’s the best thing I’ve ever heard, or incredibly, incredibly depressing.”  
I was returning his smile…hips leaning against the counter behind me.  
“I think it falls in the middle. So, neutral.”  
“What I’m feelin’ is far from neutral, Rory, tell you that much.”  
We were quiet…unsure of what to say. I chewed on my cheek…trying not to smile. I noticed his hands…they were gripping his thighs tight, as if controlling himself…forcing himself to stay sitting. My arms were crossed tightly, doing the same.  
“So now what?” he asked…a hopeful glint in his eyes. We both knew we couldn’t be together…but it was a step. “I feel like a kid on Christmas.”  
“You’re not getting laid.”  
“Right, well I’m leavin then,” he stood up, pretending to walk out as I rolled my eyes at him. He chuckled, walking back in…walking towards me. I backed up slightly. “I…really though….what now?”  
“Generally speaking, or right this second?”  
“Eeeerrm…now, like..now.”  
I laughed at his idiocies…realizing just how much I missed them. When I looked into his eyes…I saw familiarity, warmth. I couldn’t shake what I knew was on his legs…but for the time being, I was alright.  
I shrugged.  
“Don’t really know. But just…want to hang out? Like…for the evening?”  
He smiled…nodding.  
“Are you askin’ me out, Aurora?”  
“No, chill out. I don’t date guys with mermaid pussies on their arms…though, I can be friends with them.”  
“Friends…” he repeated, smirking devilishly as he neared me. “Friends is a good word, I think.”  
“I think so.”  
“Okay, yeah. Let’s give this friends thing a shot.”  
“Okay.”  
And for those few hours…friends was a good thing, for things felt…normal. Except for the small fact we weren’t running off to have sex on different surfaces every five seconds…we didn’t even kiss. We…cooked pizza, and laughed about what he’d been doing on tour. I made fun of him, and he flirted with me. He laughed at my jokes, and I cringed at his puns. He told me the parts of my book that he liked, and the parts that hurt him to read. I told him about the move, and how his phone call had caused it, inadvertently. He apologized, but somehow skewed it into trying to make me believe that I should be thanking him for causing all of my success. I laughed, but I did thank him…not because I agreed, but because he was so damn cute when trying to prove a point even he clearly didn’t believe in. We watched stupid videos on YouTube, and tried to reanact things we saw. We ate icecream out of the carton, and lay on my kitchen floor…knees touching, backs pressed against the same side of the counter. He tried to kiss me, I put icecream on his face. We laughed and laughed and laughed.  
Somewhere in the mix, two glasses of wine were shared…not enough to make bad decisions, like the few nights before…but enough to take any last bit of edge off. The reminder of reality gone - at least for a bit.  
“Wow, it’s late,” Harry commented, glancing at his phone. “Normally it wouldn’t matter, but my flight is out pretty early.”  
“Yeah, I have a photoshoot tomorrow.”  
He stilled…eyes interested, lips perking into a curious smile.  
“Yeah?”  
“Yeah. For Vogue.”  
“Aurora Thorn…” he laughed fondly, shaking his head. “I thought once upon a time we agreed that I’d be your agent.”  
I smiled at the memory…my chest aching as he went to grab his coat. I didn’t want him to go, but I knew he needed to…for the sake of us both.  
“Well. Things changed.”  
His smile faultered…he pursed his lips…a small smile reappearing.  
“Well. Turtle necks and long things - just my bit,” he held his hands up. “You’ve heard it from me. The looks of next season, trust me.”  
I laughed…walking behind him as he tugged his coat on.  
“Keep the twins covered, please.”  
“Harry.”  
“Just being a good friend.”  
I leaned against the wall as he turned around…we’d reached the door, but we weren’t sure what that meant. His eyes were light…smile still there. I bit my lip to stop from grinning as I looked up at him…his hands were tucked safely in his pockets as he looked over every inch of my face…faintly shaking his head.  
“What?”  
“Somethin’ about you, Thorn.”  
“'Mm.”  
“Just something,” he shook his head more adamently, taking a deep breath. He wouldn’t stop staring…the door remained shut. “Strange how I’m leavin’ under the same circumstances…but I feel like I’m on top of the world.”  
“I know what you mean.”  
“Yeah?”  
“I do.”  
He hummed…a deep noise in his throat…smile fell.  
“What does it mean?”  
I shut my eyes…letting his words settle. I wished that my silent thought would bring me some witty, amazing answer…something for him to remember me by. Though, I was just as in the dark as he was. Still…through it all, Em’s words stayed firmly planted in my mind. It was the only thing I was holding onto to remain sane…to remain okay with letting him go, knowing we weren’t anything definitive…that he’d be travelling the world, and I’d be living my own life.  
“Just know that I love you, Harry Styles.”  
My answer was somehow all he needed. He smiled…eyes glistening with tears…he laughed at himself, nodding…nervous hands made their way out of his pockets as he reached to push his hair back, awkwardly stalling when he realized it was still pulled back. He swallowed hard…looking down at me.  
“Send me off with a souvenir?”  
Time stood still…we just looked into each other’s eyes, everything we’d been through right there in the room…heavy in the evening, heavy on our lives, heavy no matter who we were with…for some reason, I felt okay giving him that little bit of hope…I felt okay sending him off, because something told me that the journey we were beginning wasn’t going to be as painful as I initially expected.  
I bit my lip, raising my eyebrows. My eyes were teary, too.  
“Like what?”  
Pink lips…green eyes…in writing they weren’t mine…but they were still mine. He cupped my cheeks gently…his rings cold on the sensitive skin. He hesitated, giving me time to move. I didn’t. My entire body felt light…his lips pressed to mine, moist from where he’d been licking over them anxiously. His fingers inched their way back, tangling in my hair, though his mouth stayed timid. We eased our way into a bit of a heavier exchange…his tongue slipping into my mouth and trying to memorize mine with each slow stroke.  
Neither of us were ready when he pulled back…but we knew we were getting to the point of no return. Where it would get too hard to stop, to let him leave like he needed to. Free. But slightly less free.  
He bit his lip…nodding as he backed up, opening the door. Before he walked away…he smiled at me.  
“I’ll see you around, princess.”


	13. Chapter 13

Twelve ::: Rory  
The shoot was finished and I was feeling all sorts of things. I was excited, and nervous, and a bit proud, and a bit embarassed…we started off the morning with a peptalk from Jane in the car. You need to step out of your comfort zone. Show the world who Aurora Thorn is, not some shy - timid girl. I felt like the shoot did just that, although it did make me blush…  
The stylists slipped me into a long white robe afterwards, my hair still fluffed, lips stained with a blood-red color. It was a whole new world…to be tended to, catered to…I had someone asking me if I wanted water or a coffee every five seconds. My answer never changed (no thank you), but I was quite confident that if it ever did, I wouldn’t have to worry about a thing. Endless years of dramatic meltdowns by the rich and famous had crafted Vogue to be a top contender in kissing ass.  
“Okay, now you’re going to be doing the interview,” Jane’s heels clicked heavily as she tried to keep up with my long strides. I was much taller than her, though her insane amount of energy made up for the distance. She read off her clipboard, talking at a mile a minute. “A few suggestions, this is the one time your sarcasm is fine - it passes off as intelligent, aggressive in print. In video interviews, it comes off rude, so you’re good only today-”  
I rolled my eyes, smirking and nodding. We stood outside the backroom of the studio, where I’d be sitting with the journalist and doing the interview. Jane seemed far more nervous than I was.  
“Um, on the topic of your sister, I’d say definitely acknowledge it but you don’t want people assuming you’re associated with her-”  
“Well, she is my sister. Association by blood, so…”  
She pursed her lips, taking a deep breath for the sake of giving me a quick glare.  
“Don’t want people thinking you’re into drugs, and last thing, if they bring up Harry-”  
“I’m going to politely guide the conversation away.”  
“No! No, no, no! Why would you do that?”  
I laughed at her mini freakout, adjusting the robe around my frame.  
“Because it’s nobody’s business what happened with us.”  
Memories of the night before were still plaguing my mind…I hadn’t heard from him. I wasn’t sure if I should be disappointed or thankful…it had been hard enough sending him on his way after he kissed me like he did. Constant conversation was treading in rough water, though it didn’t make me want it any less. As bad as it was…my spontaneous move to step out of my comfort zone and do something very uncharacteristic of myself had a little bit to do with the idea of him seeing it later on…my curiosity and need getting the best of me.  
Regardless of my tangled and messy feelings, I didn’t particularly want the start of my career to be misconstrued with the idea that all I cared about was PR. Harry was great in that sense…but I didn’t need his talent or career to boost mine. I’d be the last person to use him, in any sense, including that.  
“Yeah, not doing that.”  
“Aurora-” she huffed, doing her best to keep her voice down. “You hired a publicist for a reason. I’m telling you, this is the time to answer those tougher questions. It’ll make you look empowered-”  
“Or just petty? I’m not going to discuss my personal relationships, at least not with men. That’s for women who have nothing better to talk about, now if you’ll excuse me, I have an interview to do with one of the world’s top magazines.”  
She stood with no reply as I gave her a smug grin, walking into the small room. A girl around my age with black hair smiled up from her laptop, reaching forward to shake my hand.  
“Oh - hey, sorry, they finished with you quickly. I heard the pictures look fantastic, I’m Ren, by the way.”  
“Aurora, and thanks,” I took a seat, smiling with a nod as she finished whatever she was typing, pulling out a small recording device and a notebook and pen. “I’m not used to being on this side of things, that’s usually me.”  
She laughed, nodding. “Mind if I write that down? We’ll just jump right in, if you don’t mind.”  
“Let’s do it.”  
“Okay, so…BitterSweet was released, what, less than a week ago?”  
I smiled, nodding.  
“And you’re already on the top 3 for the NYT best seller’s list, how does that feel?”  
“Um…strange, exciting. Kind of hits like a slap in the face, really. I grew up dreaming of being a journalist, so you can imagine landing this kind of success this early is kind of…well, it’s awesome.”  
“Understandly,” she hummed, giving the usual incredibly-interested-even-though-I’m-thinking-about-my-lunch journalist’s face. “So you’ve always been a writer, do you remember the things you first started to write?”  
“Yeah, I mean, I think most kids start out with a diary, or something of the sort…I always liked that, but it was more…I don’t know, I wrote a lot of poetry. Wasn’t any good poetry, but poetry nonetheless-” we both laughed as I scratched my head. “Little dabbles about my days at school, getting in fights with my sister, my parents arguing, first crushes…the plethora of teenage angst topics. When I started really getting into music, I’d take notes on the albums I liked, didn’t like, songs I liked, didn’t like…I’d keep all of these random notes for myself, and then it came to a point where I was like, well shit. I could do this.”  
“And we all know you were fairly big in the LA music scene, clearly turning that hobby into a career. Do you miss reviewing, or do you find writing a full-length novel more satisfying?”  
“I don’t really think that’s a fair comparison, I mean…music will always be me. I’ll always drop everything I’m doing if a good song is on the radio just so I can dance to it and listen to the lyrics…I’m a word person. I don’t…I don’t listen to music for the sake of a catchy tune, although I appreciate that, too. I like lyrics, I like the poetry and emotions behind a good song. I think that’s probably why I got pegged off as a bitch when I reviewed, I was harsh, but…it wasn’t harsh to me, it was being honest. If I thought a song was shit, I’d say it was shit. If I thought a band had an over-inflated ego, I’d say it. I think that’s what probably differentiates me from others like me…maybe it’s why I’m in the position I’m in today. This isn’t an industry to be nice, and I’m not afraid to not be nice. In the music scene specifically, though, I don’t think that’s a bad thing…it’s necessary for artists to get better, and I think the good ones realized I was only doing it to possibly guide improvement, and I think in some cases I did. As for novel-writing…”  
I trailed off, unsure of how to talk openly about the change without directly discussing why.  
Be honest.  
“It had always been a dream…a far-fetched dream, to write a book. Somewhere along the way, I got caught up in things, you know, day-to-day life, especially in the last few years…”  
I could see it in her eyes, she knew exactly what I was hinting at.  
“But when I came out of it and things settled down a little, I figured what’s a better way to pick up the pieces than to start fresh, you know? I had friends, people…giving me advice, telling me I needed to build upon a clean slate. I moved across the country - even though I hate the cold - and just…started there. I wrote BitterSweet in a matter of three or so months, which I guess is unheard of…I’m not sure. I think it was just a lot of things that had built up over the years that were sitting on my tongue, waiting to be said, waiting to be written…so when I had the chance to do it, I just wrote.”  
She nodded, her hand flying. I patiently waited, pursing my lips…hoping she delved deeper in an area that mattered, an area that didn’t involve what a lot were dying to know about…  
“So you picked up and moved to New York…why? Why couldn’t you write from your hometown, your city, if you hate the snow?” she laughed as did I, though I knew exactly what she was doing.  
“I did, I did, and I had a lot of reasons, actually. My best friend got engaged and her fiancee was offered a job he couldn’t turn down over here…that in itself was the majority of my motivation. There were some outside factors, as well, but I couldn’t put my finger on one thing and say that’s it. THAT’S why I moved.”  
“Right, I think that’s understandable. So BitterSweet is about your broken relationship with your father, was that difficult to write about? To expose to the world?”  
“I mean, broken is a bit of a depressing word. I think dysfunctional is better, and I didn’t look at it as some confessional process or anything like that. I think anybody that deals with fame, with being in that spotlight, understands the things that come with it…and it’s not all pretty, and it does tear apart families, and friends, and relationships…but it also makes you stronger and makes you realize the things that are important versus the things that are just trivial, for show. I’m glad, and I think I’m lucky that I’m one of those people that has been around it my entire life, but I don’t let it affect me significantly. I don’t like it, and I’ve been through some hard times because of it, but I think today I’m a better person and I’m choosing to make it into something I want it to be. It’s not a label anymore - being in the spotlight - it’s a choice. I’m choosing to make a name for myself, instead of living off of my dad’s fame. I think that’s the best I could have done.”  
“Exactly, you turned it into what you wanted. I think that’s killer, that’s awesome. Now - many were surprised you didn’t address your relationship with Mr. Styles in the book, considering you did speak briefly about your relationship with Sam Higgins. Is there any reason why?”  
I knew the question was natural, and being my first interview, I knew that it would be one addressed frequently…though I hated that it was even a topic. It shouldn’t have been, but it was, and I had to face the fact that I’d be speaking about him quite a lot…no matter what.  
I took a minute to think about what I wanted to say…knowing that when it came to Harry, every single word would be taken apart and examined for a deeper meaning. Again…I just had to remind myself to simply tell the truth, forget what everyone else thought about us.  
“I mean…my relationship with Sam, which I also don’t go into detail about…was really long. The book kind of covers my life up until I was about 22, so up until then, that’s just kind of what I knew…and that relationship, with Sam, was the first one where I had to try and balance the fame with trying to be normal…but as you’ll read in the book, it wasn’t possible. I didn’t say too much about it, though, because I feel like there’s a reason a relationship takes place between two people…there are just things that are better left unsaid, better to leave people guessing than to just lay everything out on the table. I’m a bit private, in that sense. I have to at least try to be.”  
“So you left Harry out in order to keep things between the two of you, or…?”  
I sighed, smiling at her…I picked at a hang nail, looking down.  
“I didn’t talk about Harry, because I felt it was…it was a lot more that we went through than my relationship with Sam, in a different way, though. I could write an entire book on the pros and cons of dating Harry Styles…but I’m not going to.”  
She smirked, nodding her head. “So no top-of-the-charts song written about him? Not gonna do any of that?”  
I couldn’t help but laugh, raising my eyebrows. “Um…not really my style, no. Not saying it’s wrong or right…but in my eyes it’s wrong. Maybe because I was with him for a long time, and I think when you get to know somebody on that level, they become more than just a hit song or a best selling book or CD or magazine cover. I don’t know…Harry is a special person, I will say that, and I think special people deserve to be respected. To me, respect is keeping certain things under the radar, that I feel deserve to be kept under the radar.”  
“A classy woman, I like that. Do you two still talk?”  
I smiled. “To me, that’s one of those things. Under the radar.”  
“Fair. So at 24…what are you thinking? If you hate snow, how much longer will you be in New York? Or are you planning your next big move? What’s next?”  
I sighed….shrugging my shoulders with a grin. “I don’t know. I’m 24…I’m happy, I’m in a good place, I’m busy. I think New York has a hold on me…I won’t be leaving anytime soon. I really hate the whole frost-bitten cheek look, and frozen toes, even with socks and boots…but I’d like to go iceskating at some point, I’ve never been.”  
“You’ve never been?!”  
“No…I’d like to do that. So maybe…maybe I’ll move after I go iceskating. Probably.”  
We finished up the interview, and I was feeling good about it…really good about it. We talked for a few minutes about this and that, before I was ushered out of the room by Jane, who was seemingly pleased with my answers. I felt…proud, happy. It was a lot to get used to, but I was going to get there…I actually wanted to get there, and that was a nice change.  
“You know Cal, she bitches a lot, but she’s doing well. She doesn’t even drink anymore, Rory, that’s great.”  
I smiled, walking down the hallway with my phone pressed between my shoulder and ear. My mom was rambling…I didn’t mind. Getting up at 5 to head downtown to the Vogue office through rush hour traffic had taken its toll on me…I was exhausted, in need of a very long nap. I took the long way to get to my apartment, hoping that by the time I reached my door she’d be done.  
“That’s a shocker.”  
“Right? She’s detoxing all of the time, drinking all of those hippie tea things that your father would do before a drug test-”  
“And she’s doing them?” I laughed, furrowing my eyebrows.  
“No - no, not the same ones, the ones you find on Pinterest.”  
“Ahhh. So she’s a juicer now.”  
“Yes, doing a lot of yoga. Still crabby, but healthy and crabby. A mother is okay with that.”  
“Well I’m glad to hear it. I haven’t talked to her in a good few weeks…so, her and-?”  
“Yes, they’re getting pretty serious. It’s been, what, two years now?”  
“Yeah, that’s crazy…”  
Hearing it out loud put things into perspective…I still tended to peg them as a casual couple, and I felt bad for that. I guess some ideas can never be lost.  
“You never told me about whatever went on between the two of you-”  
I stopped in my tracks, sighing. Soft brown eyes met mine…a hesitant smile, a bouquet of sunflowers in his grip.  
“Mom, I have to go.”  
“But Rory, I wasn’t-”  
“Sorry, I’ll call later.”  
I hung up…dropping my phone into my purse as I started walking again. Casey smiled awkwardly, glancing down at the amazing flowers in his grip. I felt below awful.  
“Oh Casey, you didn’t have to-”  
“Well, good thing I didn’t then,” he laughed uncomfortably, scratching the back of his head. “Those were, um…sitting by your door.”  
“Oh.”  
I took them out of his hands…my heart pounding with his confession. A small note was tucked into the middle of the bunch, though I’d have to wait to read it. I looked back up at him…wincing as he offered a sorry smile.  
“I’m really horrible. I should have been standing at your door…like, yesterday. Or two days ago. Probably with a bunch of flowers.”  
He laughed, shaking his head. “To be fair…I had an idea the minute you told me you were staying for a bit. I locked my door, knowing you wouldn’t be showing.”  
I chewed on my lip…trying to read him. He spoke calmly, casually. He didn’t look mad, or even…hurt at all.  
“It’s one of those things, isn’t it…” he rhetorically asked, shrugging. “We can try all we want…but there’s just still someone else there…in the back of our minds.”  
“I didn’t want it to be like that, you know I like hanging out with you…”  
“Yeah, of course, I’m not saying I don’t like you, Rory…you’re an awesome girl, I care about you…but I think we’re both just kind of…yeah. It’s weird, I don’t know.”  
“I know…”  
“So you’re with…him…again?” I could tell he wasn’t asking out of jealousy, he was merely curious. “Out of respect for you, I’m wondering.”  
“Um…not quite, no. We’re friends.”  
He snorted as I rolled my eyes.  
“Really. It’s just…it’s complicated.”  
“So you’re a Facebook label,” he smirked, raising his eyebrows. “Didn’t peg you as that type.”  
“Hey. You know better than anybody that it is a legitimate title, excuse…I don’t really know, Casey, but it’s not fair on you. Or me, even. Me and you, that’s a solid and true friendship. It’s not complicated, it’s not messy, it’s not tangled with memories and feelings…we’re good, right?”  
He nodded. “Yeah, can’t say I wasn’t expecting it. Just don’t make me watch football alone, you know I need someone to tell me to shut the hell up when my neighbors start getting pissed.”  
I grinned, nodding. “And you know any chance I get to tell someone to shut the hell up, I’ll take.”  
“That’s Rory,” he chuckled, nodding his head. “Well. Glad we…cleared that up?”  
“Yeah, thanks for coming by.”  
“Shoot went well?”  
“Very,” I said slowly, unlocking my door before turning around. “I’m…anxious for it to come out.”  
The door clicked as I opened it, laughing at his perplexed look.  
“I hardly think you’re the type to pose nude, so I’m very curious.”  
I merely smirked, shrugging. “Don’t jump to conclusions.”  
I shut the door, locking it behind me…walking towards the kitchen, setting the bouquet on the countertop. I hesitated…staring at the white note as if it had the power to burn a hole in my skin. I finally gained the courage to open it, reading the typed up note.  
Congratulations. I’m sure the turtle neck looked brilliant with the long skirt. Just looking out for the twins…in a friendly way. Cheers to new adventures….and a very good old one. H  
I couldn’t help but smirk…feeling like an entirely new person…and feeling my stomach take flight, hoping it would all be worth it in the end.  
Cheers to new adventures….and as Harry said. A very, very good old one.


	14. Chapter 14

Thirteen ::: Harry  
My eyes were screwed shut…back pressed against the wall. The brick was cold through my t-shirt. I held my phone slightly away from my ear so I didn’t go deaf. I could hear the boys in the other room, discussing the rehearsal process for our performance.  
My fist was clenched…I bounced it back and forth off the wall, trying to keep myself calm. The soft voice, harshly shouting at me was too much…I felt so dirty, just hearing it again, yet it’d barely been a week since I heard it last.  
“I don’t know that I can do this right now, Paige, I’m busy.”  
“You’re a fucking asshole, Harry. Leaving without saying bye, without saying anything to me?”  
“Didn’t know I was s'posed to.”  
“Oh, that’s great, Harry. Such a typical response from you, playing stupid when I know you’re the furthest thing from.”  
I opened my eyes, feeling my headache starting…I wasn’t sure if it was her shrill voice, or the guilt that began eating away at me…knowing how much weight the conversation had. Knowing that every ounce of me was dedicated to Rory, yet for so long I gave myself to anybody who would take it.  
I answered her call out of panic…wondering what she’d do out of frustration. Hoping she’d be mature, understanding, maybe…though I knew I was just as bad off…worse, even. It was my fault…it was all my fault, which upset me the most.  
“I’m sorry, I really…I mean, I am sorry, I just…”  
“What? You’ve been fucking me for over a year, I hardly think you can play the oblivious card anymore.”  
“We were never together, Paige, you know I was with other people, too…” I rubbed my forehead…feeling lightheaded. I just kept thinking of Rory…how she hadn’t been with anyone, how she asked me who I’d been with…it was selfish, it was incredibly selfish, but I couldn’t tell her I’d been with Paige…not as many times as I had, not at all. She’d be…she’d be crushed, the thought alone made my stomach turn. “I just figured a clean cut would just…just make it easier, you know? You have to get that…I’m not going to do this anymore.”  
“No, I don’t get anything. I’ve been sneaking around behind my boyfriend’s back whenever you called, whenever you were crying about her, and yeah! Fuck me because I thought it maybe meant something to you-”  
“That’s not fair! That’s not fair, not even a little bit, you were okay with that, you knew I wasn’t into it - you knew, Paige.”  
I was holding back, trying not to yell…I could never raise my voice at Rory, it was rare. Paige was….irritating, and cruel, and knew where to hit when it hurt when it came to her words. I’d scream at her and say awful, awful things and not care one bit. She was right in a lot of ways, I had been completely open and vulnerable and needed someone to be there to help me put myself back together…it was wrong, I knew that much. It was very wrong, but it was needed…I needed someone who viewed me as a sexual partner, not…not anything more. Over time she’d developed more…I should have known with our brief past that the idea of time would come into play, but I’d been stupid, hoping the fact that I was honest about sleeping with others as well would ease that. I was wrong…so wrong, and in a bit of a mess, because I was done. I was done sleeping around, I was done texting other girls, I was done with it all. I’d seen a very small, almost non-existent bit of hope, and I was really, really praying I could make things right with Rory again.  
Unfortunately, I wasn’t starting on a clean slate.  
“You gonna say anything?”  
“Are you back with her?” her voice was quiet, eerily quiet. “Are you? You saw her at the gala that night, didn’t you?”  
I didn’t reply…I felt like I was going to puke.  
“Did you tell her you fucked me in the same bed as her when you brought her back home? Hours before?”  
“Stop.”  
“Oh my God, you did….you brought her home that night, didn’t you?”  
“Paige, stop it.”  
“You filthy asshole. You jerk, I hope she saw all of those damn hickeys I marked all over you-”  
“I’m the filthy one? You practically begged me to give me head, Paige.”  
“You asshole.”  
“I can’t do this. Okay? I’m sorry, I’m sorry for everything, but please don’t contact me anymore.”  
“Dick.”  
“Lovely mouth on you.”  
“You seemed to think so.”  
“Goodbye, Paige.”  
My chest was heaving when I hung up…I turned around, leaning my closed fists on the wall. My entire body was tense…I felt like absolute shit.  
“God damn it.”  
“Sounded like a good convo, Haz.”  
I glanced up, being met with Lou as she raised her eyebrows with a smirk. She was heading into the studio, but stopped as she stared at me. She slowed, walking towards me.  
“You okay, bub?”  
“Peachy.”  
“Who was that? I was really hopin’ I misheard.”  
“Wish you did.”  
She sighed…reaching up and petting my cheek. I shrugged her off, burying my face in my hands.  
“Wanna talk?”  
“Be honest with me, yeah?”  
She sighed, putting her hands on her hips. I merely smiled…used to the look. She was my girl, in the least romantic sense…we were best friends, practically…though she acted as more of a pesky sister.  
“This gonna be one of those long ones?”  
“Probably.”  
“Multi-task and you have yourself a deal, Styles.”  
“What?”  
“Come here, you idiot, you can talk while I do your face up.”  
“Oh. Okay.”  
I followed her down the hall towards the dressing room. She rolled her eyes at me as I plopped down in the seat, the lighting warm on my face. She tapped my chin, raising her eyebrows as I looked up.  
“Oooh, you’re breakin’ out a bit, Haz.”  
“That was rude,” I whined, but I just didn’t have it in me to joke around. She sensed it as she began powdering my face. “I need help, I really do.”  
“You gonna remember this next time you try and put vodka in my water bottles?”  
“I don’t try, I’ve succeeded on multiple occasions. You’re underestimatin’ me.”  
I winced as she slapped me on my head…giving me a serious look as she stopped rubbing the itchy brush all over my face.  
“Spill. Why are you talkin’ to that awful girl? Niall said you and Aurora are back at it, I approve of that one, not the other.”  
“Niall and I are going to have a nice little chat.”  
“Harry.”  
I looked past her…looking in the mirror. My eyes were sad…I knew exactly why. I was terrified.  
“‘Mm tryin’ to maybe get back on track with Rory.”  
“That’s lovely, bear. I’m on your team.”  
“Yeah…”  
“May I ask why the hell you were on the phone with that fake arsehole? The screamer?”  
My eyes widened as she rolled hers, continuing to do my makeup.  
“We stay in five-star hotels, Harry, not sound-proof cells. She’s awful.”  
“I know…”  
“And you’ve had her around for a long bit…have a feelin’ I know what you’re getting at.”  
“Rory doesn’t know. About her, or any of them.”  
“Oh, babe.”  
She chewed on her cheek as I stared at her…appreciating how carefully she tended to me. Knowing I was self-concious about my acne, knowing I was still hurting from Rory and I’s breakup. Knowing I’d never felt lower than I had the entire time we were apart.  
“I dunno what to do. Tell me, tell me what I should do.”  
“You have to decide that.”  
“I can’t…I can’t, I’m torn. I know if I tell her, if I tell her that I was hooking up with Paige nearly the entire time we were broken up, she’ll think it was something more…you know, Lou, you know it wasn’t.”  
“I know, puppet, I know…she didn’t see you at that point, she doesn’t know how much we all worried. You were such a bloody mess, love. She’d have to understand that, yeh?”  
“No…no, I don’t think so…” I hung my head, tugging on my hair. “She’s not gonna put up with shit, Lou. She’s…she’s better than that, I know that. Doesn’t deserve to get hurt, she really doesn’t. I just…I need to know, is it so bad if I don’t tell her? 'Mm not lyin’, I just…it happened when we weren’t together, shouldn’t matter.”  
“You know it doesn’t work like that, babe.”  
She crossed her arms, leaning against the counter. I groaned…feeling helpless. Like a piece of shit…  
“I don’t want to hurt her,” I muttered, looking right up at her. I leaned my elbows on my knees…rubbing my hands together. I couldn’t stop thinking of the night I spent at her apartment…seeing her smile, seeing her laugh…I couldn’t bear to be the reason she cried. “I just don’t…just tell me. Tell me what to do, what is best? I’m scared I’ll lose her for good, Lou…I really, really am. It’s makin’ me sick.”  
“Wait, can I ask one thing? And again, I know this because the damn thin walls, you really need to start thinkin’ about what you’re putting us all through when-”  
“What?”  
She sighed, hesitating. “Night of the charity thingy. I know Paige was with you the night before, that mornin’…Niall said-”  
“Jesus.”  
“Niall said you had Rory over the night of. S'that true?”  
I looked down…answering her question. She was quiet.  
“Say something,” I harshly said, shaking my head hopelessly. “Anything.”  
“That’s fucked.”  
A whine shook my chest as I looked up…feeling any sense of hope I had lost. I bit my lip…any bit of support that had been showing on her face was skewed into a look of both disappointment and pity.  
“Don’t look at me like that, like I’m awful.”  
“That’s not you, Harry.”  
“I know!” I threw my hands up as they trembled, trying to calm down. Trying to find some sort of stable answer to what I needed. “I know it’s not, but how could…Lou, I saw her with another guy…I didn’t expect her to come back, to want to go home with me…how could I say no? How could I…”  
My voice was shaking, cracking as my chest started to shake…I could feel my lip trembling as she looked at me like the idiot I was.  
“Maybe I am awful…maybe…but how could I turn her away? How could I turn her down when she’s everything…? I just-I know sleeping around was bad, I do know that…but like, if she could see…if she could just see how much she means to me, how none of that meant even a little bit…you know Lou, you know I was drunk half the time, you know those girls - they were so, so awful to me - use me, you know that! You know…” I tugged so hard on my hair tears were in my eyes. “I just…Paige. Paige of all people, Rory has some weird jealousy thing or somethin’ with her-”  
“I wonder why, Harry,” Lou quietly commented. I couldn’t blame her.  
“She’s just easy, Lou…s'all it is. I know that makes me the bad guy, but…but that’s it. She was there when I needed someone to hold me through the night. A distraction. She’d always come through…I won’t lie to Rory, I won’t…but if I can just save her from that, from questionin’ herself, from…damn it, she’s doin’ so well, Lou. The girl I fell in love with…she’s so damn confident, it’s so incredibly sexy…and funny and smart and beautiful…I’ll tell her if you think I should. I will…I’m just…I’m scared I’ll lose her.”  
The room was quiet…I swallowed hard, shutting my eyes…composing myself before I looked up.  
“Know what I think?”  
“No…please say it.”  
“I think…” she sighed, running her fingers through my hair. “I think you’re a very good guy, Harry. And I think you were an idiot for a bit, and it hurt us all to see that…but I still think you’re a good guy, and I think Rory knows that just as well. But I do think, if anything, telling her about Paige would hurt her…I think you should maybe come clean about all of the girls…if she wants to know how many, tell her…but I wouldn’t give her more details than necessary. I’m a girl, I know what is needed and what will tear her apart…number is good, simple, quick. The specifics…no. You’ll kill her, don’t do that.”  
My stomach tightened…I nodded once.  
“Yeah. Yeah, okay. If she asks again, yeah.”  
“Out of curiosity…how many was it, really?”  
“Six.”  
I was pleased she didn’t flinch, but she did snort…I whimpered, rubbing my hands over my face…wanting to disappear.  
“You nearly doubled your knotches, you skeez.”  
“Please don’t, Lou…I’m so awful.”  
“Stop that, Harold. You’re a good boy.”  
I winced as she grabbed me by my hair, making me look up.  
“Man up. Stop cryin’. Keep ya dick in ya pants. And you get your girl back. You hear me?”  
“Loud and clear.”  
“Harry…”  
“I’m gonna get her back.”


	15. Chapter 15

Fourteen ::: Rory  
I was smiling - grinning like an idiot from ear-to-ear. My toes were numb, cheeks stinging, lips trembling…the sounds of a few brave cars trudging through the mess and the crunching of boots were all that could be heard. I stuck my tongue out…walking forward with my hands in front of me, eyes screwed shut.  
“You’re both idiots.”  
I laughed loudly, turning around. The dimming streetlights made the thick snow look yellow, Bryce laughing in amusement as Em walked on the curb to avoid getting her new Uggs in the brunt of it. She was cursing under her breath while I was dancing around like a fairy - enjoying weather I’d only known for a little over a year.  
The two glasses of wine at dinner had my stomach feeling warm - in stark contrast to the grueling temperatures outside. We’d walked from my apartment to a little Thai place a few blocks away - to Em’s dismay. Bryce and I playfully pelted snowballs at each other while she scolded us for wasting precious time we could be inside. It was safe to say, Em was meant for LA.  
“Hurry up - that movie is coming on soon!”  
I rolled my eyes as she shuffled ridiculously, trying not to soak her boots. Bryce trailed behind, keeping his casual pace, completely unphased by Em’s scold. I reached down, taking a handful of snow into the palm of my gloves and forming a ball. I had no intention of throwing it - it was getting dark out, and I wasn’t keen on getting frost-bite. Still, while Em shied away from the unknown, I found it strangely comforting. The snow had become one of my favorite things.  
“What time is it?”  
My fingers nimbly tugged my beanie down in an attempt to warm my ears. I bounced on my heels, looking at Bryce when nobody answered. He had a smug smile…and I knew what was coming.  
“Don’t-”  
“Time for you to get a watch, am'mi right, ladies?”  
“You are such an idiot,” I snorted, giggling as I opened my mouth again in an attempt to catch a frozen flurry. Em was scolding us but I tuned her out. “That was such a Harry thing to say.”  
The words left my mouth before I could stop them. I blushed, smiling knowingly as Em and Bryce both raised their eyebrows at me.  
“So what’s going on there?”  
I turned around swiftly, avoiding Bryce’s amused gaze. I could feel Em smirking over at me, though I chose to focus on how interesting my boots were.  
“Care to explain, Rory?”  
“I’m not answering any questions until my lawyer is present.”  
I heard Bryce laugh from behind me as I grinned, still avoiding Em’s look that I knew she was surely giving me. When I offered no more, she decided to take over.  
“Basically, dweedle-dee and dweedle-dumb think they can be friends.”  
I glared over at her.  
“Or should I say, tweedle-dumb and tweedle-dumber.”  
“You’re funny,” I hummed, smiling like a brat. “I hope I’m dumb. He can be dumber.”  
“At this point, who’s keeping track…?” Em sighed, rolling her eyes at me.  
“You’re the one that said to keep him at arm’s length, and I agree with you. It’s fine, Em, I’m being smart.”  
“Thoughts, Bryce?” she muttered, ignoring me. He was being awfully quiet as we both turned around, taking in his blank look. “Hello?”  
“No thoughts.”  
“What?” she hissed, stopping in her tracks. I laughed, sensing a fight coming on. I found a weird sense of satisfaction watching them argue - it was always equally as annoying and hiliarious. “What do you mean, no thoughts? You always have something to say.”  
“And I don’t this time.”  
We both stared at him…not buying it. He was smiling, calmly…too calmly.  
“Then why did you ask?”  
He shrugged…his smirk was far too smug.  
“Spit it out.”  
“No, there’s nothing to spit.”  
“What do you know?”  
“Ehhh…lo sentimos, no Ingles.”  
“Idiot. You’ve been talking to him, haven’t you, Bryce?”  
Em was prying, but at that point, I was hanging on his every word, too. He knew…because his smile fell a little as he looked at me with knowing eyes. He shrugged, hands firmly placed in his pockets.  
“Maybe.”  
The confession made me feel light…I swallowed hard, giving up.  
“About what?”  
He smirked at me, rolling his eyes. “Like I’d tell you.”  
“Please, Bryce,” I begged, completely throwing my power card out the window. Em watched me as she shook her head, knowing I was truly needing to know. “He talks to you?”  
“Why is that so shocking? I’m a cool guy-”  
“Bryce, what does he say to you? You didn’t even tell me that, you ass!”  
He yelped as she hit him on the arm, earning a series of overly dramatic faces as she turned her back to him to seek refuge on a high curb. Her boots were damp…God forbid.  
“Chill out, women,” he groaned, shaking his head. “Yeah, we’ve talked on the phone on a few occasions. Truthfully, not even that much about you, Rory. I don’t know, he’s a cool guy, we get along. I was actually surprised when he called me, I hadn’t heard from him since…”  
He trailed off, catching himself. His mouth made an “o” shape as his eyes widened.  
“What the hell, Bryce, are you living a secret life?” Em snapped as I couldn’t help but laugh, again. He was trying not to as she continued irrationally scolding him. He waited for her to stop as he sighed.  
“He used to text me a lot, like, right after you guys broke up.”  
“Saying what?”  
My voice was quiet…all I could hear were Bryce’s next words.  
“He just wanted to make sure you were okay…he would always ask that. I almost feel like he was waiting for me to give him even the slightest hint that you weren’t, so he’d have an excuse to come back…it stopped after a few months, then recently, we’ve been talking more.”  
I was smiling…I stared down at the snow, smiling, tuning the rest of what he said out.  
“You know - like real bros.”  
“You’re an idiot,” Em mumbled. I glanced up as she grabbed his hand, dragging him along…I followed behind, lost in my own daze. “Thanks to you both, by the way. We’re late now.”  
“Like Hallmark movies are even any good,” Bryce scoffed, though I was still hung up on he just wanted to make sure you were okay. “By the way…Rory, I wasn’t going behind your back or keeping things from you. Really, recently it’s just been guy talk…my personal goal is to get him to come to the wedding. Harry Styles attends wedding, bam, legend among friends. Legend in medical community. My funeral is broadcasted on national channels. Books are written about me.”  
Both Em and I had given up our acts…hysterically laughing at her idiot of a fiancee as we neared my apartment. He continued to ramble on about something or other as we kicked the snow off of our feet, hurriedly shoving through the doors to get into the warmth. I grabbed Bryce’s arm, making him turn around as he huffed. He shook off the last remnants of the frozen substance as he returned down the hallway, giving me an innocent smile.  
“Better, don’t want to get bitched at by the landlord.”  
“Yeah, yeah. So where are you flying next week?”  
“Miami, why?”  
“Think you’ll be able to get out with this storm?” Bryce asked as I laughed at him, confused by his thought-process. “You know. Since it’s snowing, and all.”  
Em laughed as we climbed the stairs, just as put-off by his question. “Well duh, you idiot. It snows here all of the time, and I’m sure it’ll be better by next week.”  
I nodded in agreement as we reached my floor, sighing. “I’ve never been to Florida, should be fun.”  
“Yes…I’m sure it will be,” Bryce nodded as we finally got to my door, though I was focused on something else.  
“Is that-”  
I cut Em off, reaching down and reading the label. The thin envelope came from the Vogue offices.  
“Yes. Oh my God, it’s a copy of the cover.”  
“Ahhhhhh!”  
We screamed in unison as Bryce cringed, taking my keys out of my hand and unlocking the door as we continued to giddily rejoice. I was anxious, and excited, and proud, and I didn’t know what to do with myself as we went inside - straight to the kitchen. I grabbed a pair of scissors, carefully breaking through the tape…the envelope was torn out of my hand before I had the chance to complain - a thin sheet of paper quickly slid out with careful hands.  
Wide eyes. Jaws dropped. I bit my lip.  
“Is it bad?”  
Bryce slowly started laughing. I felt my stomach drop, up until Em glared and hit him in the stomach, pulling the picture to her chest.  
“You aren’t allowed to look!”  
“Why can’t he look? What’s wrong with it?”  
“Wrong with it?” Bryce laughed, earning a threatening look from Em but he ignored it. “Only thing wrong with it is where you put your arm-”  
(*see cover photo here*)  
“You are sleeping on the couch, you asshole!”  
He held his hands up defensively, trying to shake off the flustered smirk on his face as I snatched the picture out of Em’s hands.  
My jaw dropped.  
“Wow…”  
“Excuse that pig, but from a girl’s perspective…” Em smirked, wrapping her arm around me. “You, Miss Thorn, are quite the catch. Harry Styles, who? The boys will be lining up.”  
I didn’t acknowledge her statement…I couldn’t believe the girl in the picture was me. It didn’t even look like they photoshopped anything…it was simple…my lips looked plump…dark. My hair looked great, I didn’t recognize myself…  
“That doesn’t even look like me…”  
“Yes it does?” Em said with a laugh, looking at me like I was crazy. “That looks exactly like you, you idiot. Barely looks like they did your makeup, other than the lips.”  
I was quiet…my heart was beating heavily, my mouth was dry…I felt so…sexy. So empowered, independent…Em and I continued staring at the picture, which was simply that - no wording - while Bryce remained with his arms crossed, leaning across the counter a safe distance away.  
“Rory, it’s-”  
“Don’t you say a word!” Em threatened.  
“What? It’s a nice picture-”  
“Bryce. Out.”  
“Fine…I’m putting on Spike TV then.”  
“Good!”  
Em remained agitated only for a few minutes…watching my reaction. Smiling to herself.  
“You know what you should — nevermind.”  
“What?”  
“I mean…maybe it’s stupid. Could be kind of fun, though…”  
“What?”  
She sighed…a small smirk tugging at the corner of her lips.  
“Have you talked to him?”  
The usage of his name was no longer necessary.  
“Yeah, we text…why?”  
“Where is he?”  
“Um…I think he said he was flying to LA for a few days. Why?”  
She grinned…biting her lip. Realization hit me. I blushed profusely, opening my mouth to speak…with no words coming out.  
“I think you should.”  
“Oh, I don’t…I don’t know. Is that…like, is that too forward?”  
The more I was thinking about it, the more I wanted to kiss Em on the lips for being brilliant…it was perfect.  
“Send him the copy.”  
“Okay.”  
She giggled mischeviously, covering her mouth with wide eyes.  
“Oh my God - you’re like one of those girls back in the 30s and 40s.”  
“Harry isn’t at war, Em, and I’m not a pin-up girl.”  
“No, but you’ll be his pin-up girl. Whatever, friends do this…maybe.”  
I chose to ignore what she said…knowing the purpose of why I was sending it was completely different. I looked sexy…so, so sexy. The picture made me feel sexy again, like I was on top of the world…I had a best-selling book…I was posing nude for Vogue. I was on top of the world…but I couldn’t shake the hickies…  
Maybe I needed to remind him what he was missing. Maybe I needed to show him what I had.  
I took a small napkin…and coated my lips with a red lip stain. I jotted out a quick note…pressing my pout against the open spot next to my writing. I slid the picture and note into an envelope as Em watched on, enjoying my satisfaction vicariously.  
“Am I doing this?” I laughed, shrugging and knowing the answer before she answered me.  
“Yep.”  
“Fuck it. Eat your heart out, Styles.”


	16. Chapter 16

Fifteen ::: Harry  
There were a lot of ways to describe how I was feeling, but the best word would just be…contentment. I was neither here, nor there. I wasn’t exuberantly happy…but I wasn’t sad really either. Things were going…I wouldn’t say well, because I wasn’t sure. But I was happy with the progress…as happy as I could be, knowing Rory was on the other side of the country with no real link to me. She could up and marry another guy, and I couldn’t hold it against her…I just prayed she wouldn’t, because it would surely be the end of me.  
I smiled down at my phone, dragging my suitcase behind me through the entryway. I was tired and hungover…dinners at Cal’s always led to that same physical anguish…his wife would spoil me with amazing home-cooked meals and homemade sangria…and I’d usually throw it all up a little bit later. Lovely tradition.  
I ignored my aching head, re-reading her reply for the probably fifth time…I’d never grow old of it, knowing she was on the other line, knowing she was giving me the time of day again…it was honestly very, very pathetic. I was willingly whipped by a girl that wouldn’t even have me.  
Hungover you is my least favorite you. You’re a whiny little man child.  
I chuckled to myself, setting my suitcase down and going to the kitchen. I didn’t reply…giving it a bit. Keeping her on her toes. Right when it hit two minutes, my thumbs were racing.  
But still a favorite.  
I knew exactly how she’d react…as she always would when I’d skew the meaning of what she was saying in my favor. She’d roll her eyes, call me an idiot. I’d usually take the chance to kiss her, hope I could get her into bed. Unfortunately, I continuously had to talk myself down…to remind myself-  
Friends, friends, friends.  
Well, fuck friends.  
Glancing around once more, everything was good to go. I nodded to myself, shoving my phone into my pocket as I went and grabbed my suitcase. I was on time, though I knew the other boys were bound to be late…well, at least Zayn and probably Louis. We were getting on our new tour bus, heading down to San Diego to start rehearsals for the upcoming tour. Then we had a few days off.  
I shoved my wallet between my teeth, sliding my sunglasses on as I carried my bags out to the car after locking up. Everything was thrown in the back when something caught my eye sitting by the door. Groaning under my breath, I jogged back up, grabbing the thin envelope and running back to the car. I tossed it into the passenger seat, knowing I didn’t have time to read what was probably a letter from a fan or something. I’d have plenty of time once we got everything situated on the bus.  
I stalled for two more seconds seeing Rory’s reply.  
Have you left LA yet?  
I typed with one hand as I was backing out, nearly taking my mailbox right out. I cringed, stopping and finishing the text.  
Yeah, now. Why?  
Her reply was instantaneous, which was good, for I’d surely be checking to see what she had said while I was driving if not. I smiled to myself….shaking my head.  
Oh, okay. Just wondering.  
“Laddy lad lads,” I sang loudly, carrying all of my stuff on the bus. It was mayhem, people everywhere…as usual. “Did you miss me?”  
“Hazza!”  
Niall helped take some of my things, dropping them on the ground with a thud as I smacked him upside the head. Liam tried to trip me, Louis threw a few of his M&Ms at my face, and Zayn was MIA. The usual. Lou and the rest of the crew were mucking about, a few coming over to hug me, the rest not finding me that important. I pouted as I made my way to the back of the bus.  
“I see how it is, going to have a wee, don’t say hello.”  
My quick trip to the loo wasn’t so quick. I knocked half of the things off the counter on accident, so I had to pick them all up…I then found Zayn playing Fifa in the back, so naturally I joined him for a bit. By the time I walked back into the lounge area, we were nearly to San Diego…and I was incredibly, incredibly confused and annoyed.  
“What the hell are you guys gawkin’ at?” I muttered, Louis, Liam and Niall all smirking and looking at some sheet of paper. I tried to near them, but they pulled it away so I couldn’t see. “Heyyy, you opened my fanmail…”  
The envelope was torn, laying on the ground…they all looked like their heads were about to explode. Suddenly, they all started chuckling…acting like absolute idiots.  
“Let me have a look - what’s so funny?”  
“You dirty bastard, Haz,” Louis sighed, feigning disappointment as he shook his head. “Sending by mail, though, that’s new.”  
“I’m not a dirty bastard, come off it. What is that?”  
Niall spun the sheet around, and I could feel my blood absolutely drain.  
“Gimme that, you wankers.”  
They were giggling to themselves as I pulled it out of their grip…the thick paper held tightly between my fingers as my eyes ran over every inch…memorizing the picture by heart…my heart was pounding, and I knew they were watching me, but I didn’t care. I just stared…continued to stare, I knew my jaw was hanging open…  
“Holy shit.”  
“Oh - there’s a note, too.”  
I reached forward, glaring at Liam as I snatched the small napkin from his grip. They innocently smirked as I took the two items…walking back towards the bunks where I’d be alone…  
I sat on the edge of my bunk, setting the picture into my lap. I unfolded the bit of napkin…careful not to smudge anything. Red lips….her lips…  
Friend to friend…hope you like the cover.  
The lump in my throat was massive…I set the note aside…picking the picture back up. I could feel my pulse in my fingertips…I tried not to crease the sheet, tried not to get marks on it…everything was coming at me in flashes…  
Seeing her driving her black jeep that night I helped Cal to the car…her blue eyes…meeting mine from through the windshield, right before I got elbowed in the balls…her cussing me out backstage after she interviewed us…the thrift shop trips, making the table…renting out the movie theater, getting in our first fight…taking her out on dates, spending days in my apartment just talking and laughing…hiking, moving in together…feeling like a fucking champ walking with her on my arm…our year anniversary on the roof in Australia…holding her through the night when she thought she was pregnant, just holding her all the time…watching her leave me in that taxi…  
I ran my fingertips over her soft, two-dimensional curves…over her reddened lips…over her hair…over her face…  
That was my fucking girl. I chewed on my lip…barely blinking, just staring at it…  
My girl that hadn’t been with another man completely since me…  
I set it aside gently, walking back into the lounge. I could feel them all staring at me…I could hear them, mocking me, telling me not to get spunk on my sheets so early into the tour…I ignored them, digging through one of the small kitchenette drawers…finding what I needed.  
I walked back through, the safety pin cold between my pointer and thumb. I kneeled my head down…right by the wall of my bunk, up by where my head would be…I took the picture, carefully sliding the pin through the top, making two tiny holes. It clung to the fabric on the wall…hanging right by where I’d be sleeping. I grabbed my phone, walking to the backroom where Zayn was still playing. I asked him to leave, and with brief difficulty, he did…I shut the door.  
I flexed and tightened my fist…leaning my elbows on my knees as I pressed my phone to my ear. I wasn’t nervous anymore…the dial tone nearly ruined everything when it continued to go off, until I heard a small click…  
“Hey,” her voice alone…I shut my eyes, hanging my head down. “Can’t really talk right now, especially not to hear some stupid joke about turtle necks-”  
She sounded rushed, though very amused…knowing why I was calling.  
I wouldn’t waste her time.  
“No, no - I just needed to tell you that you’re absolutely beautiful, Rory.”  
“O-oh, I-”  
Her nervous stammer was the last bit I needed to hear.  
“Perfect. Absolutely, completely perfect. That cover…Jesus Christ. You’re so pretty. I just needed to tell you that, and that I’ll see you in Miami, yeah? Heard Friday is your free day…well, no more. Talk soon.”  
I hung up. I didn’t need to hear a reply, for there would be nothing changing my mind.


	17. Chapter 17

Sixteen ::: Rory  
Realization slowly reeled me from my deep sleep as I scrambled for my phone in the deep covers of my hotel bed. I’d been so cold all night I practically buried myself undearneath them, losing my dear mobile device in the process. I finally found the obnoxious thing - though I was not pleased to see that Harry’s call was signalling that my alarm had not gone off.  
I rubbed my hand over my face in a failed attempt to wake myself up a bit more before answering, sitting up as I tugged the sheets over my chest.  
“Hello?”  
My eyes widened as I croaked into the receiver, shutting my eyes in embarassment. He laughed lightly.  
“Somebody slept in, I reckon.”  
“Possibly, maybe.”  
“‘Mm, 'course you did.”  
His gentle teasing warmed my stomach…my eyes remained closed, but I was quickly smiling. I shifted slightly, giving into my body’s urge to return to slumber. His voice paired with the comfy bed were like my own personal lullabies as I forced myself to stay upright.  
“So have you made it into the Sunshine State, Mr. Styles?”  
“Downstairs, love.”  
My eyes widened as I jumped out of bed, cursing under my breath. He snickered to himself, clearly more than aware of my current flustered state as I ran to the bathroom in nothing but a loose tanktop and my underwear.  
With one hand, I squeezed toothpaste onto my toothbrush and shoved it into my mouth. I scrubbed vigorously, the minty substance getting all over my lips and the counter in the process.  
“S'alright, mind lettin’ me in?”  
Too many things were happening at once…I spit out my toothpaste, rushing back into the room to slide on a bra. I found it funny how one minute I’m walking around Harry completely naked, the next I’m scrambling to cover up as much skin as possible. Funny how things change.  
Sliding on boxer shorts was a difficult task with one hand.  
“Deep breaths, Rory,” he cooed, though it was obvious mockery. “I just can’t get in my room yet, need to put my stuff somewhere.”  
Success. I was dressed and clean, though still looking like a trainwreck.  
“You’re staying here?”  
“Yeah, figured that was more convenient.”  
“How did you…when did you…?”  
“Mind if we hold off on 20 questions 'til I’m up there?”  
I bit my lip as I blushed profusely. I was a mess. “Yeah, sure. Um…814.”  
A quiet click emitted in my ear…I sat on the end of the bed…my heart was pounding, and suddenly his phonecall a few days before felt real…his arrival was confirmation I hadn’t been dreaming.  
“Perfect. Absolutely, completely perfect. That cover…Jesus Christ. You’re so pretty. I just needed to tell you that, and that I’ll see you in Miami, yeah? Heard Friday is your free day…well, no more. Talk soon.”  
Obnoxious knocking on the door snapped me from my daze, and from the thoughtful mood I had fallen into. I rolled my eyes, pacing towards the door before the people on the floor called down to complain. I opened the door. The fist belonging to the childish man was held in the air, prepared to continue the noisy assault until I blocked its path. An innocent grin followed.  
There was always this moment….these few seconds when we saw each other when we hadn’t for awhile…like time stood still. I’d get lost…lost in a time where I was waking up to him every morning, lost in a time where we hadn’t been yet destroyed by everything around us…his green eyes would hold me hostage, but I could feel his smile all over me…see it tugging at the corners of his bubblegum pink lips, know his heart was beating just as fast as mine…I’d only ever experienced that feeling with him.  
“Hallway smells weird.”  
Oh, Harry.  
He grinned smugly before brushing past me…careful to make sure his arm slowly rubbed against mine.  
I stood still after I shut the door, pressing my back against it…watching as he shoved his suitcase to the side of the room, laughing to himself as he noticed my clothes thrown all over the place. I seemed to lose my train of thought…though I wasn’t sure I cared anymore.  
“I don’t even get a hello?”  
My comment took him off guard…he smiled slowly…running his fingers over his lips before setting both hands on his hips. He looked so good…he always did. Had the little bun I loved so dearly.  
“You want one?”  
I glared at him, though my attempt was futile as we both laughed lightly. He walked over, purposefully slowing as he stood in front of me…biting his lip to stop from grinning.  
“Hi,” I said, my voice barely recognizable.  
“Hi there. Don’t recognize you with a top on.”  
I pursed my lips, trying to stifle my sheepish smile…failing. He chuckled, and I felt like I’d been knocked off my feet as his arms slid around me…moving my shirt in the process, bare skin on skin. He held me tightly…burying his face into my neck, nuzzling his nose into my hair…my arms wound tightly around his neck as I shut my eyes…inhaling him, exhaling the butterflies in my stomach that had made their way throughout my chest…I swallowed hard as he pulled back, knowing that the soft kiss pressed to my shoulder was not a figment of my imagination. He had a mischevious little grin, lacing his fingers behind his back as he stepped away some.  
“Go on. Get dressed, Thorn. Long day planned.”  
“Are you going to explain why you’re here, how you knew to come here, what we’re doing, and any other questions I happen to come up with first?”  
“Not a single one.”  
“Fine.”  
I went to go into the bathroom when I heard a loud thump. I turned around, seeing that he’d climbed into the bed…snuggling up with his arms under my pillow, big smile on his face, eyes shut tight.  
He peaked one open, teeth showing as he grinned.  
“Wha? Just takin’ a quick nap.”  
“Mmhm.”  
“Rory.”  
“Yeah?”  
I was laughing…with no real reason, just leaning in the doorway. Taking in the sight in front of me.  
“When did you get a bum like that?”  
My eyes widened as I turned, though he only giggled to himself more.  
“Mirrors are lovely.”  
I rolled my eyes, turning around…sure enough, he smiled at me through the bathroom mirror. I pulled my shorts down before facing him again, raising my eyebrows.  
“Been workin’ out?”  
“A bit, yes.”  
“For me?”  
“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”  
“Won’t be sleepin’ with those kinds of thoughts.”  
“Harry, best behavior today.”  
“Right. Friends.”  
“Yeah…”  
“Probably ruined that with the topless picture, if I’m bein’ honest.”  
“Harry-”  
“Get ready!”  
I huffed…shutting the bathroom door behind me. I stood there for a second…hearing him muck around in the sheets through the door…just smiling down at my toes.  
I wasn’t sure why it was so easy to let my guard down with him…maybe because through it all, I still trusted him with my heart…the hickies killed me, but I somehow knew he wouldn’t be messing with me…our friendship held a much heavier weight than either of us was ready to admit…and I knew that the second he casually climbed into my bed.  
“What…? Erm…is this okay? Are you…are you excited? Or…”  
My jaw was open…we sat in the backseat of our chaffeur car. I was staring out the window…completely and utterly speechless. Harry was flustered…trying to make excuses, though he didn’t need to.  
“I figured you still hadn’t gone…you used to tell me you wanted to go once, so I-”  
“Will you shut up?”  
I spun around, laughing when I saw his wide eyes and flat lips. I grinned, biting my lip. Only he would think he messed up by taking me to the aquarium…a place I’d only mentioned once that I wanted to go to, but never had the chance.  
We were about to spend the afternoon at the Miami Aquarium.  
“You’re….” I stopped, shaking my head increduously. He raised his eyebrows with expectation. “You’re…”  
Realizing I was merely at a loss for words out of excitement and endearment, Harry grinned.  
“-Harry. Let’s go, love.”  
“Oh my Gosh!”  
I squeeled, fidgeting with two inked arms placed tightly around me, holding the bar in front of us. Harry’s laughter was felt in warm puffs, tickling my neck and shoulders as I tried to back out of his grip - with no success. My hands were freezing cold and dripping wet.  
I accidentally elbowed him in the stomach as he tensed, grunting lowly.  
“Rory,” he cried out under his breath, bucking his hips forward and pressing me into the bar. If we’d been anywhere else, the action would be much less innocent. “I didn’t buy two trays of sardines for nothin’. Feed them, they’re hungry.”  
His playful scold made me giggle as I tried to ignore everything I was feeling…things had changed, surely. They felt…simple. It was almost a sick joke. People were staring, though we didn’t care…they’d approached us a few times, but it somehow didn’t feel constricting…our actions being watched didn’t bother me. I’d asked Harry…he simply said “I’ve got nothing to hide.” His answer was all I needed to let go of all inhibitions and enjoy my day seeing the sea creatures I adored in person for the first time.  
Those did not include stingrays.  
“I can’t! They’re…ew, there’s goo all over them.”  
“A bit of slime never hurt anyone.”  
“You’re so dumb.”  
I could see out of my peripherals that he bit his lip, resting his chin on my shoulder. He tightened his arms firmly around me, squeezing me playfully as I gasped for breath. He laughed…though he kept his chin on my shoulder even when he loosened his hold. We were being so flirty…it felt good, it was fun. He was right, we had nothing to hide…we were friends.  
Just friends.  
“Go on, feed it.”  
I sighed…knowing he wasn’t going to give up. The minute he saw the stingray tank, he grinned like a child…swinging his hips around and giving me a pouty face. I’d agreed, although I’d never been a fan of the weird looking things.  
Reaching into the tub, I grabbed a small fish…holding it between my pointer and thumb as it dangled. I made a face as Harry chuckled, lips tickling my ear.  
“Don’t act like a priss, I know you’re not.”  
“It stinks, badly, and those things are gonna slurp it out of my hand.”  
“You’re a priss, is all you are.”  
“No I’m not.”  
“Prove it.”  
I huffed…reaching my arm forward. I slipped my hand under the water…cringing as they all swam around the large pool, coming towards my hand. They were going fast, but not fast enough…I wouldn’t admit it, but I was nervous. They freaked me out, even without the barbs.  
“Almost there….”  
One of them went to swim right over my hand when a sharp squeeze to my hips caused me to scream, dropping the fish and getting water everywhere. I got my tank top and shorts soaked as Harry laughed wildly behind me, all eyes on us…I purposefully cupped a handful of water, tossing it towards him as he yelped and dodged it…we were both laughing like crazy, the entire exhibit entertained until security came and kindly asked us to stop our antics.  
I walked with my head down as we walked through the gift shop, stopping when I realized Harry wasn’t next to me anymore. When I found him, I couldn’t help but smile…he walked over, crumpling the receipt in his hand, a plush stingray in the other. He handed it to me, smiling sheepishly.  
“What was this for?”  
He shrugged, hands in pockets, eyes scrunched up with a tiny smile.  
“You’re cute.”  
We walked in the most comfortable silence in existence…Harry pointed certain things out, I smiled…people asked him for pictures. People asked me for pictures. It would take some getting used to.  
My heart was pounding when we stood outside the large black building…Harry knew how much it meant to me. Dolphins were my favorite animal since I was a little girl…I saw one at the beach and ever since, I had been fascinated. I’d always wanted to pet one, though the dream had never been reached…  
“You ready?”  
I laced my arms around his neck, pulling him into me…he laughed…but it was brief. He quickly reacted, tugging me into him more. He held me tightly…rocking me back and forth.  
As usual, just by being Harry, he’d completely made my week…if not month, by showing up on the other side of the country and taking me somewhere that he knew would mean so much to me…something so very small, but big at the same time.  
I went out on a limb…when I pulled back, I pressed my lips gently to his jaw line….a quick peck, that turned into a slow linger…I was stunned, feeling his skin against my pout…like lightning shooting up my spine.  
When I pulled away….green eyes met mine, giving me no time to react before he leaned forward. His fingers…cold rings….laced in the back of my hair, pressing the back of my scalp to close the distance…his lips were warm, familiar…I gasped against him, feeling like he surely could feel my pulse against his mouth. He sucked on my bottom lip as I pulled back, lip snapping back into place….  
His gaze was heavy as he studied my reaction…he knew he’d overstepped the line we’d agreed to draw - yet, we both remained silent…no complaints were heard, though no smiles were shared.  
He cleared his throat…rubbing the back of his neck. My fingertips were tingling as I closed my hands into fists by my sides.  
“Let’s go see the dolphins, yeah?”  
His voice was barely a mutter…a gentle push. I didn’t say a word when his hand slid across my lower back…fingertips pressing into my hip as he held the door open for me and ushered me inside.


	18. Chapter 18

Seventeen ::: Rory  
I was trying not to laugh…trying to focus on anything but the scene in front of me. The sunset was beautiful, the breeze was warm, the view of the ocean was great…but nothing was as entertaining or satisfying as watching Harry try to hide his clear distaste for the sushi he’d bought us.  
I held my chopsticks, though I couldn’t find it in myself to take another bite…fascinated with his drive to be polite. His face was dull…his chews slow…throat tense. His eyes were trained on the horizon, unable to meet mine.  
I was really trying not to laugh.  
“You like it?”  
He didn’t answer right away…swallowing with some difficulty. His eyes met mine…lips in a slight frown.  
“Do you like the tuna?”  
He poked at the next piece…literally poked it with his finger. His eyes were hard…almost as if he was making a silent challenge with himself. He quickly picked it up with his hand, giving up on the chopsticks, before tossing it into his mouth. I watched as he chewed…finally cracking. I snorted, covering my mouth as I began laughing incredibly hard.  
“Mm-mm.”  
He shook his head, wincing as he picked up one of the napkins and spit into it. I looked away, unable to watch him regurgitate raw fish. He groaned…gagging with a disgusted laugh as I looked back over.  
“"Mm sorry, I don’t…it’s so…” he fought to find the words, running his fingers through his recently released mane of hair. The soft breeze blew a tendril into his face as he pushed it back, again. “Just so raw.”  
“It’s sushi, Harry.”  
“What ever happened to fish are friends, not food?”  
I rolled my eyes, taking a bite as he watched me with both fascination and revulsion.  
“You’re eatin’ Nemo, Rory. You’re eatin’ all the friends we made today.”  
“Not the dolphins,” I grinned, holding my hand up to cover my mouth as I chewed the last piece. “Dolphins are friends.”  
“Yeah, well,” he smirked, leaning his closed fists on his thighs which were perched lazily across the lounge chair he was sitting in on my balcony. I sat in the other one, feet propped on his. “Still. Friends don’t eat friends.”  
“Well, friends don’t kiss friends.”  
He was quiet…I glanced up, feeling my cheeks flush and forcing a smile to show him I was joking. He raised his eyebrows in challenge, laughing lightly.  
“Friends don’t tell each other they’re still in love and then agree to be friends.”  
I wouldn’t look at him…my face was burning. I swallowed the lump in my throat, gathering up all of our trash. I could feel his gaze searing through me as I stood up, walking inside without a word to throw everything away.  
It took me a second to gather my wits about me…to remind myself to stop overthinking things. I’d had a wonderful day…my best in a long, long time - and that was saying something - because I’d been having great, great days. My career was exactly where I’d always dreamed of. I was happy. I needed to stop letting intricacies mess with that.  
I padded over towards the sliding glass door…opening it slowly. He was laying back, hands laced on his chest, sunglasses on.  
“Want me to order room service? Since you loved the sushi so much…”  
He smiled, sighing as he leaned forward. “No, no…I got it.” He stood up, streching out…smiling softly at me as he brushed by me, again, making sure his arm rubbed up against me. “Want anythin’? Didn’t eat nearly enough.”  
“I ate plenty.”  
“You look thin.”  
I gave him a look, shutting the door behind me. The room was freezing compared to the warmth outside, and I didn’t appreciate him fathering me as I rolled my eyes.  
“You weren’t saying shit when you-”  
“Language,” he whined, picking up the hotel phone.  
“-when you were complimenting my ass.”  
He gave me a look as I stuck my tongue out. He dialed the number, leaning his closed fist onto the night table. Once he’d confirmed it was ringing, he moved the receiver away from his mouth and looked back over at me.  
“You look good, but you didn’t need to lose weight. Never needed to lose weight - oh, hello. Yeah…yeah, erm…”  
I tuned him out…plopping down on the bed. Tucking my knees up, playing with my fingers…when he hung up, he sat on the side of the bed…smirking at me.  
“What?”  
He merely laughed…squeaking as he reached off the edge of the end of the bed, doing his best to grab the item of his desire. He sat back up with the massive dolphin stuffed animal, handing it to me. I smiled, squeezing it to my chest…resting my chin on it.  
“So. Let me hear it,” he hummed, leaning over on his elbow as his knees dangled off the edge. His head was near my toes, freaking me out as I tucked them under the covers. He smirked, but didn’t acknowledge the small act. “Were the dolphins as great as the imaginary dolphins Rory crafted in her lovely head?”  
“No.”  
His smile fell, eyebrows furrowing in a playful scowl.  
“Much better.”  
He chuckled, shaking his head. “What I like to hear. They have it where you can swim with ‘em over the summer…tried to convince them to let us. Unfortunately, dolphin trainers don’t really have a soft spot for boyband members.”  
“I wouldn’t either of I got to play with those perfect creations every day.”  
“Are you tryin’ to say you’d leave me for a dolphin?”  
“I’m saying I’d like the dolphin better than you, though I’d have to be with you in order to be able to actually leave you for one.”  
“Your definition of be is off, love. You are simply being with me right now,” he continued our ridiuclously silly conversation, talking with his hands. “Here we are, in the same room. You’re with me. So, you could leave me for a dolphin…hypothetically speaking. I’m a conflicted man.”  
“How are you conflicted?” I pushed, trying not to giggle as I bit my lip and took in the crazy-haired amazing man in front of me. “I feel like I’m the conflicted one in this situation. Trying to decide between you and a flubbery animal.”  
“I’m conflicted because I’m tryin’ to decide if I should be pleased with myself for takin’ you today, or incredibly, incredibly disappointed…'cuz I introduced you to your next boyfriend.”  
“This is one of those jokes we’ve drawn out way too long.”  
“Absolutely. Did you have fun, though?”  
I smiled…hugging the soft dolphin closer to my chest with a nod. He smiled…studying my face, my smile.  
“Good.” He hesitated…licking his lips, rubbing them together. “Any bit you didn’t like?”  
My smile faltered…heart started beating a little faster…he was still smiling, lips continuing the casualty of the moment…but his eyes were telling a different story. He wasn’t referring to the stingrays, or how I’d been chilly after our water fight, or how I’d stepped in gum…he was talking about the kiss.  
I slowly shook my head…content with my answer.  
“No. Everything was good.”  
Licking his damn lips…his tongue kept swiping over them, buying time. He slowly nodded.  
“Yeah?”  
“Yeah. What about you…good day?”  
“Yeah. Yeah, great day…got to see an old friend.”  
I smiled, looking down…playing with the dolphin’s fin.  
“Know those friends where no matter how much time has passed, things will always be the same?”  
I swallowed hard…continuing to look down…nodding my head.  
“Yeah. One of those friends.”  
I wasn’t sure what to say, so I didn’t. The knock on the door broke through the tension that had filled the air…Harry stood up, walking over. I continued to stare at the soft grey fur…picking at it as I listened to him politely address the delivery man, surely giving him a far too generous tip…the door shut, he came back. I could smell his burger as he opened it…biting into it.  
“Would you like a bite?” he said in between his own, chewing quietly. “S'good.”  
“No thanks.”  
“Suit yourself.”  
I looked up just in time to see him going to take another bite, tongue sticking out like it always would. I smirked, looking back down. I was no longer in the mood to beat around the bush…feeling all too comfortable having him so close…having spent the day in his wonderful company.  
“How’d you know I was going to be here, Harry?”  
Clearly, he felt the same.  
“Bryce,” he simply replied, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand as he swallowed. His eye contact was so sure…so confident. “Asked him last week. Bought my ticket the next day.”  
“What if I wouldn’t see you?”  
“You would,” he said with a curt nod…but not in an arrogant way. In a strangely attractive way. “I’d make sure of it.”  
“You sound awfully sure of yourself.”  
He shook his head…wincing in subtle pain. “Not really. Just…dunno. Was gonna make sure.”  
“And why did you come?”  
He said nothing…he merely laughed at me. Shaking his head increduously…just…laughed.  
I adjusted the dolphin…laying it under my head and making it a pillow. I tucked my legs up comfortably…blinking slowly as I watched him. Watched him chew, watched him swallow, watched him just…be. Be with me.  
“I quite liked that picture you sent,” he confessed, crumpling the trash from his dinner as he prodded his tongue into his cheek, getting food out of his teeth. A pet peeve of mine that he somehow made into an endearing quality. “I may have hung it in my bunk.”  
“You didn’t.”  
He smiled…sitting up with a bit of difficulty. I got chills as he nudged my knee, his hand chilly on the skin.  
“I did, 'course I did.”  
I watched as he stood up and walked to the trash can…throwing out the small bit of trash. We were both moving slowly…tired from the long day. I wondered what his plan was…he’d moved his things to his room, just down the hall…though I had no idea if he planned on staying there, or…  
“You’re tired,” he said matter-of-factly, sitting back on the edge of the bed…but closer to me. My heart was pounding as he smiled gently…that same smile he used to give me when I’d fall asleep during a movie we were watching out on the couch…the look he’d give right before he’d so carefully pick me up bridal style, to move me into our bed. “Why don’t you go change, get ready for bed?”  
“Sure.”  
I stood up…walking past him. The tension had returned…though a different kind of tension. The tension that was always around, but especially so at night…in dim lighting, when we were both lazy and content…stepping into the bathroom, I shut the door. I took my time…trying to calm myself down. Washing my face, brushing my teeth…a light knock was heard on the door.  
“Yeah?”  
“Have to have a wee!”  
I laughed to myself…thankfully, finished. I opened the door…not appreciating his close proximity in an attempt to frighten me, but expecting it. He smiled innocently, allowing me to walk out.  
“Ask before you come out, I’m going to change.”  
“I just may forget.”  
I rolled my eyes as he grinned, shutting the door behind him…I made my way to my suitcase, knowing exactly what I was about to do. Knowing it could end in multiple quesitonable ways…but also knowing, I didn’t care. I knew what I wanted.  
When Harry finally emerged…I was laying in bed. His eyes…I watched the breath leave his chest in a huff…he ran his fingers through his hair…eyes scanning me.  
“Fuck, you still have that?”  
I bit my lip, shrugging. “An observational one, you are.”  
“Jesus Christ, Rory…”  
He kept looking…taking a deep breath and lacing his fingers on the top of his head. I had on black boyshort underwear…and his old plaid shirt. He chewed on his lip…hesitating as he reached into his back pocket.  
“No-”  
“Please. Won’t do anythin’ with it…just let me remember this. Please.”  
I slowly nodding…covering my face with my hands. He didn’t complain, knowing we were so overstepping the boundaries we’d set…I heard the flash go off as he took a picture…moving my hands once I deemed it safe.  
“'Mm gonna head back.”  
“What?”  
My stomach dropped…he looked hurt, conflicted.  
He groaned…laughing bitterly.  
“I want to stay, you have…no idea how badly. I just…slow, fuck.”  
“I know, but you can stay and we’ll just hang out-”  
“There’s no way,” he laughed again…rubbing his hands over his face. “'Mm doin’ this for you, Rory. Just…fuck. Get under the covers, hide your face, make it a bit easier on a guy, yeah?”  
I blushed…pulling the comforter up. He smiled…shaking his head.  
“Gonna leave, okay? I’ll see you in the mornin’, yeah?”  
“Sure.”  
“Okay.”  
“Okay.”  
“Yeah.”  
He was flustered, nodding his head as he walked towards the door…hesitating and then opening it.  
“Lock up, yeah?”  
I smiled…rolling my eyes. “Yes, Harry.”  
“Okay. Night, Rory.”  
“Goodnight.”  
The door shut…and I couldn’t help but feel completely and utterly disappointed, but that was just the impulsive side of me. The rational side…was incredibly proud of Harry, and respected him more than I ever had.  
I walked over…locking the door. His shirt was warm…I tugged it around myself, climbing back into bed. Staring off. Smiling. I could keep telling myself that I was merely content…but I wasn’t. I was happy.  
I was about to shut off the light…there was a knock. I froze…on my feet in seconds.  
I stood on the other side of the door…not needing to peek through the peephole. I took a deep breath…opening it.  
Skin…a lot of skin. He was just in his briefs…hair a wild mess, chest heaving slightly from the jog down the hall.  
I smiled.  
Green eyes meeting blue.  
Friends.  
My friend gripped my cheeks tightly, pressing his lips to mine fervently. I gasped…not even having a single ounce of my body that tried fighting it. His tongue tasted like toothpaste, his lips were moist, both moving confidently in the most desperately sexy pattern against mine - until it all stopped.  
He gasped for breath…backing away. He bit his lip, letting it slide out from between his teeth.  
“Yeah. G'night, Rory.”  
I was stunned. He reached forward, careful not to hit me as he shut the door…for he knew I wouldn’t have.


	19. Chapter 19

Eighteen ::: Rory  
The night was spent tossing and turning, lonely and cold. I was so, so happy with how things were going…but I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d be just a bit happier if he had warmed me up for the evening. By the bags under Harry’s eyes that morning, I knew he was facing the same internal conflict.  
“Sleep well?”  
“Not cute when you’re condescending.”  
I smiled proudly as we made our way downstairs to grab breakfast before heading out for the day. We were both leaving the next morning…going separate ways. I was curious to see what the day would hold…what the night would hold…I just knew he told me to be in my bathing suit, and I wasn’t complaining about the little white shorts he had on…no more hickies…  
We somehow made it out of the hotel without getting stopped…surprisingly enough, the businessmen had very little interest in Harry…though, that couldn’t be said of me. I had to bite my lip to stifle my smile, hearing Harry grumble under his breath something along the lines of, dirty wankers.  
When we arrived at the dock…I was perplexed. Harry was grinning…rubbing his hands together. We got out and started walking, the sun hot on my back…and I saw them.  
“Oh boy.”  
“Oh boy is right,” he clapped his hands together, grinning like a madman at the jetskis. The guys working the rental place began to walk over. “Haven’t been on one of these babies in a minute.”  
“You told me you’re awful, I’ve heard the stories.”  
He smiled innocently, though I was already a little nervous. I didn’t want to admit it, though…jetskis always seemed like motorcycles on the water, and I didn’t like riding on the back of his bike very much. I stared at the two as Harry talked to the guys, getting lifejackets and the waivers ready to go. I didn’t like that I was signing a waiver, but I did it anyways.  
“Are you actually nervous?”  
Harry laughed, forehead creased as he handed me my lifejacket.  
“No, I just don’t trust you.”  
“Then get on your own.”  
“I trust you more than me.”  
“Make up your mind, woman.”  
My lips broke into a smile as he nudged me with his hips…a tiny smile playing at his lips. His hair was tucked back under a white hat, the sun bright on his face as he squinted. I couldn’t help but stare as he took his shirt off…tossing it down onto the seat of the ski. I sighed….pulling off my clothes and tossing them on top of his. I didn’t notice the extended silence until after the fact…glancing over to see a perturbed Harry with the two guys gawking over me.  
“Jesus Christ,” Harry muttered, smirking as he shook his head. “Get on, you.”  
I didn’t acknowledge his comment, doing as he said with slight difficulty. I opened the seat cover, stuffing all of our belongings into it…I could feel all of their stares as I straddled it, shutting it and taking a seat. I had to admit, though…I didn’t mind Harry checking me out…seeing my new figure. He climbed on, his skin warm against mine as he patted my knee to tell me to scoot forward. I did as he said…trying to pretend I wasn’t affected when his thigh hair tickled my legs, his body sliding easily behind mine. I hardly thought the seat was too small…he had plenty of room, though he made sure the warmth of his bare chest was pressed right up against my back. We put our lifejackets on before pushing off of the dock, the two guys smirking the entire time.  
“They were…friendly.”  
He laughed lightly, arms reaching around me to grip the handles. I was happy he couldn’t see my face…for I was smiling like an idiot.  
“Can you blame ‘em? You’re gorgeous.”  
“Oh hush.”  
“No, you hush.”  
I squeeled as one of his hands dipped down, squeezing my hip…it was hard to ignore the way he let it linger afterwards, fingertips ghosting over the skin before returning to the handle. I felt him scoot forward…I was pressed completely between his legs, though I had no complaints.  
“You want to go fast or just cruise?”  
I could hear the smirk in his voice as I bit my lip…trying to keep my composure. The water was hitting my face in a mist, the taste salty on my lips as I licked them.  
“You know me, you know what I like.”  
He let out a heavy breath…an exasperated chuckle. I watched his arms tense, his grip on the bars tighter.  
“Dunno, it’s been a bit. I may be a bit rusty.”  
“Pick one, then.”  
“Hard to choose. I’m a fan of both.”  
My heart was pounding…his breath was warm on my ear. I swallowed hard, trying to keep up the banter.  
“So am I.”  
“Yeah?”  
“Very much so.”  
He suddenly sent us shooting forward, going super fast away from the dock behind us…I shut my eyes as the water hit my face, laughing loudly as I was pressed back into his chest. He angled his head on my shoulder, laughing with me as we dodged the bigger waves, weaving around the choppy water and bouncing in the process.  
He slowed down…adjusting himself on the seat.  
“Just switchin’ up the patterns.”  
I could literally hear his devilish grin as he spoke…knowing he was by no means referencing the jetski speeds. I arched my back slightly…pressing my thin bottoms against his front. My eyes shut, jaw feeling open when his right hand dropped from the handle…gripping my hip and sliding me even further into him. He held me there, his hips lined with mine as we “cruised along.” I was a puddle - absolutely at his mercy.  
“You’re killin’ me,” he whimpered, laying his forehead against my shoulder. He took the gas off completely…just letting us float…hands falling limply onto the tops of his thighs. “You asked if I slept well?”  
“'Mm.”  
“I did,” my eyebrows furrowed as I heard him swallow, his voice a raspy mess. “'Cause I fucked the shit out of my hand first. Wore myself out.”  
“Harry…”  
I squeezed my eyes tightly…trying to ignore his hands rubbing my hips…trying to ignore them sliding just under the straps on the sides of me, smoothing over the sunkissed skin.  
“I’m trying so hard to be good for you, Rory. Be a gentleman.”  
I gasped…unable to move as he reached up and unhooked the lifejacket…I let him slide it down my arms and set it to the side…I heard the click of his…shutting my eyes. Ignoring any pesky thoughts, just focusing on he heat on my skin - unsure if it was from the blazing sun or the achingly sexy man behind me.  
He nudged my leg…urging me to turn around…I slowly did…moving my legs over the seat…turning completely around so I was facing him. I had an idea, but seeing him…seeing his pupils completely dillated…seeing his white shorts that had hung loosely suddenly tight…painfully tight as he strained against them.  
He took my thighs, pulling me into a straddle as he made me sit back, my back against the handles. It was uncomfortable, but I couldn’t pay attention to anything but his face and the way his hands were consistently rubbing over my inner thighs.  
“Know how many times I’ve gone to bed, touching myself to you? To old pictures of you?”  
He chuckled darkly, shaking his head as he looked at my body.  
“Nothing compares to the real thing…Rory, you have me so fucked up. I can’t shake you…let me be a gentleman. I’ll be your friend, fuck, I’ll do whatever you want - but let me be a gentleman.”  
“What-?”  
I wasn’t able to answer as he slowly moved his hands inward…watching my reaction with pulled eyebrows. His finger looped under the front of my bottoms…tugging them aside.  
“Harry-”  
“Let me take care of you, doll.”  
“Oh God…”  
He scooted forward…bringing my hips closer to his as his chest molded against mine. I could feel his hot breath on my cheek, my head turned to the side.  
“What if there’s people-”  
“There’s nobody 'round, we’re in the middle of the damn ocean.”  
I gasped, body tensing as he slid his wet fingers up and down my slit…his adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. He continued the slow action…watching his hand…eyes wild.  
“Harry…”  
He was exploring…as if he was a little boy, never having seen a woman before…completely lost.  
“Tell me this doesn’t feel right…” he groaned, teasing my entrance. I couldn’t move, let alone reply. I had a feeling the comment was rhetorical. “Tell me and I’ll stop.”  
“Harry…” I moaned, back arching as he slowly slid one finger in. “Oh, oh Harry…”  
“That’s it,” he groaned, pushing forward so his lips were by mine. “Fuck, fuck Rory…just like I remembered.”  
It took everything in me to open my eyes…to look up at him, the sun shining down on him…I kissed him with everything in me, wrapping my arms around his neck. He moaned into my mouth, sliding his tongue in expertly as he added another finger between my legs, sliding both in and curling them, rubbing my spot…his spot.  
“Oh…oh, yeah, Rory. That’s it, baby girl. Oh, I’ve missed you,” he buried his head in my neck as I continued to moan, crumbling with each pump of his hand. “Missed you so fucking badly.”  
The sounds were shameful…Harry was panting wildly, as was I…I dug my nails into his shoulders, squeezing my eyes shut and arching my body against his chest as I let everything go…melting into him. He kissed my neck over and over again…cradling me, holding me so tightly to him as he released his hand. I could feel him hard against my thigh…I reached for him, but he grabbed my hand.  
“No, wanted to take care of you.”  
“But I want to-”  
“Not yet, love…this wasn’t supposed to happen,” his breaths tickled my neck as he slid me forward, pulling me up into his chest…pressing the back of my head so my forehead lay on his collarbone, petting his fingers through my hair. “I’m sorry…I just, I couldn’t bare it…I’ve missed you more than I can explain, Rory. I’m a mess…I’m a fucking mess without you.”  
“Harry…” I leaned back…running my fingers over his slightly stubbled jaw. He pursed his lips…anxiety drawn all over his face as he looked down at me. “You know I’ve missed you, too. You know I’ve missed you so bad.”  
He whimpered, making a face…I pet over his cheek, forcing him to look at me. “Why would you think differently?”  
He didn’t say anything…merely shook his head, wouldn’t make eye contact. We sat like that…just holding each other in the sun for what felt like forever. I felt the warm touch of his lips pressing against my forehead as he rubbed my lower back.  
“Come on, let’s muck about for a bit. I have this for a few more hours.”  
“No…no,” I whined, gripping his face and trying to distract him. “Let’s just…oh fuck it, Harry. Let’s just go back to the room, hang out there-”  
“No…” he gently said, smiling softly as he shook his head. “We can’t, Rory.”  
“Why?” I laughed without humor…my voice meak. “Why won’t you have sex with me?”  
He cringed…looking away. I forced him to look at me again.  
“Why? I won’t regret it, I know…I know what we said, I know it’s soon, but…but I want you, I’ve missed you. You’re right, I just…I want that again, I want to feel you again. Do you not want that?”  
“'Course I want that. But…just wait, alright? Just…let’s stick to this thing. Let’s stick to this slow thing, yeah?”  
“You just fingered me on a jetski.”  
He smirked…rubbing his hand over his jaw. “I did. But I could have had sex with you on the jetski, too…would’ve been a great bucketlist item. But I didn’t, and I won’t. Okay? Trust me on this.”  
I searched his face…I didn’t understand, at all. But the twinkle in his eyes…the gentle smile. I nodded…sighing as I climbed around, facing forward. He helped me put on my lifejacket…and we did as he said. For the rest of the afternoon, just playing in the water…trying to pretend we hadn’t passed the point of no return just shortly before.  
I was exhausted by the end of the day….the sun was going down, Harry and I donned slightly reddened cheeks and shoulders, and my body was dry from all of the salt spritzed on us throughout the day. We walked down the dock…his hand gently resting on my lower back. There were people waiting…taking pictures. Harry smiled, didn’t say a word. I smiled…laying my head on his shoulder.  
By the time we stopped off at a fast food place and were back at the hotel…I was feeling that burn again. That aching in my bones….he walked me to my door, hesitating. I looked straight at him…I knew my eyes were telling the story my mouth couldn’t.  
Stay. Make love to me.  
He swallowed hard…shaking his head then looking at the ground.  
“Please,” I begged, taking his fingers…playing with them. “Please, it’s the last night we have together…I don’t know when I’ll see you next-”  
“Six.”  
“What?”  
His eyes met mine, and I knew…I just…I knew. They were scared, and hurt…I dropped his fingertips, feeling my chest tighten with an unbearable amount of jealousy and sickness. His rosy cheeks were no longer cute…but seemed like mockery, the day seemed like mockery.  
I could tell that he understood how I was feeling…lacing his fingers behind his back, eyebrows furrowed in expectation.  
“I…”  
“I’m sorry, Rory. Yeah, I was single and doin’ nothing wrong, but I’m sorry…I’m sorry I was weak, and I’m sorry I did that…knowing what it means to you.”  
My eyes were teary…he shut his eyes in anguish, opening them soon after.  
“I didn’t want to have sex with you tonight when you didn’t know…I needed you to at least know how many-”  
“Was-was it once, or like…or like a lot…or-?”  
“'Mm not going to answer that…”  
“Oh God.”  
“No…” he gently took my cheeks…rubbing his thumbs over my tears. “This is nothing for you to be upset over…none of it meant anything, nothing at all.”  
“Then why? Why did you-?”  
“Because I missed you, and I know that’s no excuse to use other people, but that’s the truth. That’s the bloody truth,” he sighed, shrugging. “I said your name…I said your name more than once, drunk and sober-”  
“Stop.”  
He grunted…visibly pained as he dropped his hands…running his fingers through his hair.  
“I just…fuck, I know…I know it hurts, I know…”  
The words flew out of my mouth before I could stop them, letting my anger and frustration and jealousy speak for me.  
“Casey fingered me and I touched him, too.”  
His face fell…color drained, mouth hanging lifelessly open. I swallowed, pursing my lips…regretting it.  
“Know how to kill a guy with one sentence…” he said with a bitter smile…shaking his head. He sighed…running his hand over his face as he crossed his arms. “Tells you how much I care about you…in a fucked up way. You didn’t do anythin’ nearly as bad as me…yet you just broke my heart.”  
My stomach felt sick…I was aching, but I didn’t want to slam the door in his face. I was still holding on…still staying strong. He was struggling, but so was I.  
“I’m sorry.”  
“I’m sorry, too.”  
“And I’m happy you told me…but I’m hurting right now.”  
“I am, too, Rory…” he muttered, eyes distant…staring off at the wall. “I…I love you, I do. Okay?”  
I smiled through the tears…nodding, but it hurt. “I love you, too.”  
“I just needed you to know. The specifics…don’t matter. But I needed you to know that.”  
“Thank you…” I sobbed, wiping at my eyes.  
He winced…carefully stepping forward, conflicted with his actions. He kissed my forehead softly.  
“Goodnight, Rory. I’ll see you soon.”  
“Yeah.”  
“Oh, love.”  
He hesitated a few feet away…watching me cry, watching it hit me full on. But he knew I had to cope alone…he knew it was something we had to come to terms with if we could move forward.  
“Nothing like it meant with you, Rory. Nothing.”  
I nodded…he knew exactly what I was thinking, and somehow…I knew that would be enough at some point.


	20. Chapter 20

Nineteen ::: Harry  
Strange how a single weekend can turn your entire world upside down.  
Heavy beats. Bright, eratic lighting. Pumping music. Sweaty bodies. Short, tight dresses. Flirty eyes -  
Niall’s idea.  
Physically, I was there…in that club. In Los Angeles. Shoved between a large security guard and Niall, who was inhaling shots with the rest of them. We’d been there for nearly two hours…I stared down at my watered down mess of a drink - the whiskey tasting more like piss by the minute.  
First and last drink.  
I arched my back, wincing. Fingers dug into my shoulders, squeezing the tense muscles sharply. I sent my fist back, hoping to meet the sensitive area between Niall’s legs. Unfortunately, I missed, pain shooting up my arm as my hand collided with a metal bar.  
“Damn it.”  
I shook my hand out…a numb ache tingling in my fingers.  
“Loosen up!” Niall shouted over the music, his eyes a mixture of pink, yellow and green as the lights began flickering to the beat of some Nicki Minaj song. He was swaying - purposefully or due to his inebriation, I wasn’t sure. “Get another drink, come on!”  
I shook my head…holding my glass up, which was still half full. He rolled his eyes…throwing his hand at me as he disappeared into the crowd, swallowed whole by the sea of gyrating people.  
I stared across the bar…two blue eyes meeting mine. She was sitting there…with a glass of water. Just sitting at the bar…notebook splayed in front of her, pen in hand. I’d never seen anything so beautiful…so unapproachable, yet, like someone you feel like you could tell your deepest secrets to…long hair…even longer legs…  
Funny thing was, she wasn’t actually there. A mere figment of my imagination…a memory. A night spent listening to a blind man singing Billy Joel songs at a shitty biker bar…I’d never forget it.  
Maybe I had agreed to go out…to “loosen up” for a bit. I figured I deserved it…hadn’t heard from her in nearly a week. But I wasn’t there…  
I was watching her smile as she watched the baby manatee swim up to the glass…her hand ghosting over where its nose would have been touching…I was trying not to gag on a disgusting combination of grass and fish, knowing it was her favorite…I was watching her face as my hand moved inside of her, trying to stifle my own pleasure as the waves of the Atlantic rocked our vessel back and forth…I was watching her face crumble as I told her the one thing I never wanted to feel fall from my lips in her presence…  
I was stuck in Miami, no matter where my location truly was…I was stuck on blue eyes that meant home.  
Blue eyes that I was terrified would never forgive me.  
Blue eyes I kept picturing looking at another man while he did the same thing I did on that damn jetski.  
“You look lonely over here.”  
I was reeled back in…a finger snapping in front of my face. I glanced over…and down. Then back up.  
Brown eyes I recognized.  
I swallowed hard…forcing a small smile before directing my eyes to my glass.  
“Looks are deceiving.”  
“And so are men,” she easily cooed…sitting in the empty chair next to me. I could smell her perfume. The same one I’d smelt on my sheets the entire next day, forcing me to wash them. “You didn’t call me again.”  
“I’m a busy guy.”  
“You’re a pouty one, at that,” she commented, ordering some drink as I stared at the murkish color of mine. “I would say it’s not a good look, but you’re still sexy as hell.”  
“Appreciated.”  
She huffed…accepting her drink. I scooted even further away from her as she hopped out of her seat…memories of a pathethically drunk and low night flooding my mind. I was a pig. I couldn’t even peg her name…stripping me of the ability to at least seem polite.  
“Why are you here if you’re not looking to take a willing body home?”  
“To enjoy the relaxing atmosphere and casual music,” I sarcastically muttered.  
"Still charming,” she hummed, raising her eyebrows. Her hand rested on my shoulder. “I had a nice time that night. I’d like to relive it some time, preferably when you’re not moping.”  
“Noted.”  
She was amused…I’d seen her from across the club that night…saw her standing with her friends. Red lips, dark hair, dark eyes…I was hammered, wasted…Paige had flown back to New York, leaving me in a home full of empty memories and painful dreams…I’d given her one look, and she was in my bed…she’d slapped me, done all the work…I wasn’t sure in my state I would have been able to function…  
“It’s her, isn’t it?”  
I’d said Rory’s name….she’d stopped, but continued riding me…even when my face went dull…arms limp.  
“Who?”  
Even full of a handful of melted ice, the whiskey burned my lips as I knocked back the remaining bit. I could feel her smirk…her condescending gaze burning into me as I focused on the dark bar top.  
“Your actions speak for themselves. She’s a looker, I’ll give you that.”  
I didn’t reply.  
“Saw her on all of the Vogue covers.”  
I didn’t reply.  
She sighed…reaching over and squeezing my wrist. “Well. Chin up, handsome.”  
“I’m trying to be nice,” I gently pulled out of her grip. “Not interested.”  
“Clearly,” she scoffed as I looked over…she smiled. “We’re not all disposable mindless fucks. I like sex, so do you. I went home with you. I have no attachment to you.”  
I pursed my lips…slightly embarassed, but not caring enough to apologize.  
“I hope you get the girl, Styles. You deserve it. She does, too…they do say to wait for that someone who tells strangers about you. You’ve already given her that much.”  
I stared up at her….slowly nodding. I wanted to thank her, maybe…? But the fact of the matter was, I’d had sex with her…I couldn’t act like it wasn’t a big deal. It was.  
“It’s Jessica, by the way.”  
That time, I blushed…incredibly embarassed.  
“I’m really sorry.”  
“No. I’m sorry. I stumbled upon some magazines at work the other day…pictures of you frolicking about with her down in Florida. I’m sorry I ever had a part in your story…it’s obvious where your heart is, always was.”  
I nodded…laughing bitterly as I shrugged.  
“You were a good fuck, though. Even borderline comatose.”  
“Your intentions are givin’ me whiplash.”  
“Not looking to seduce you. Only reminiscing,” she laughed, completely comfortable with herself. She sighed. “Have a good one. And I suggest if you’re going to expel the energy to go out and cry in the corner by yourself…the very least you could do is step out and give her a call.”  
I was left perplexed…shaking my head. A one-night stand giving advice…decent advice. Thought I wasn’t sure if I should listen or not…  
Of course I wanted to call her, text her, fly to her…but I was conflicted. I knew she’d be crushed…but I didn’t expect to see her cry like that…I didn’t expect her to come at me with the idea that she’d let another man touch her…touched him…like a slap to the face. She needed space…  
Paige was eating away at me. Texting me. Constantly reminding me that she’d happened…that I’d let it happen, selfishly. I knew it was awful of me…but I wasn’t sure I’d ever tell Rory, if she’d ever take me back and give me the chance to tell her…if she asked, I’d tell her. But it was pointless…it would just cause unecessary strife. I didn’t want to hurt her to the extent I knew that hearing about Paige would…  
“Harry?”  
I turned around…forcing yet another smile as two girls nervously stood there.  
“Do you mind if we get a quick picture?”  
“Not at all.”  
I squeezed by the guy next to me, asking my guard to take the picture. He did, and for a few minutes I was distracted…havin’ a bit of banter with them. It was nice…just laughing. Not thinking about Rory.  
And then they were gone, and so was I.  
I slid my phone out of my pocket…merely to check the time. I wouldn’t leave without Niall…but he also wouldn’t leave without a fight if it was before 1.  
My heart stopped.  
Six. Trying to wrap my head around that.  
I swallowed hard…knotting my fingers in my hair. I typed back with one thumb…dragging it over the screen.  
I’d go back if I could. You know I would.  
She didn’t reply.  
She let another man touch her.  
I had another drink…or three. I sat alone until 2:17. I somehow still managed to be the one carrying Niall out at the end of the night.


	21. Chapter 21

Twenty ::: Rory  
I was in a weird place…a very…very weird place.  
A glass of Merlot sat next to me as I sat, fully dressed on my couch…coat on. Boots on. Just staring…sipping straight from the bottle. My indulgences had grown more frequent, but it was fun, social…I wasn’t drinking to have fun, though. I was drinking to gain the courage…the courage to grow the fuck up.  
Vogue had hit the stands. People went crazy…I’d gotten calls from multiple publications, begging for me to do interviews with them. To model for them. People had nominated me as one of the hottest under 25…my book had moved to #2 on NYT’s list…  
I had every reason to feel independent, empowered…simply great.  
There was something eating away at me, though…one digit, and it had nothing to do with records I was breaking or lists I was making.  
Six.  
“Six…” I scoffed to myself…drinking straight from the bottle.  
Six girls…six girls had been under him, or on top of him…six girls had kissed his lips, felt his tongue in their mouths…six girls had felt his fingers inside of them…six girls touched him, got him hard…six girls let him in…six girls scratched up his back…six girls tugged on his hair…six girls looked into his narrowed green eyes, his gasping pink lips…six girls brought him to climax….six.  
Six, six, six.  
My chest was aching…but my head was telling me to grow the hell up. To accept it. We weren’t together…what did I expect? The answer to that was even more pathetic.  
How could you have thought he’d wait?  
I was ridiculous for thinking that way…considering when we’d ended, there was no clear answer…we didn’t say we’d find a way back to each other. It was open…the possibilities endless. I could have found someone…he could have found someone….  
I rested my elbows on my knees…burying my head in my hands. I took another swig…wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.  
Really, I was just hurt…hurting so badly because all I could think about was the man I loved giving himself to a handful of other girls in the most intimate of ways…I knew I hooked up with Casey, I knew that. But I didn’t have sex with him…with anyone…  
I set the wine down on the coffee table…a small trickle of red dripping down the side, though I didn’t bother stopping it.  
I needed to feel release…I needed to feel that freedom he’d felt. Maybe then I’d feel better…maybe then I could feel as sexy as I should have…  
I knew I was being irrational when I grabbed my phone…brazen, impulsive, maybe even stupid…but I was making a decision for myself.  
A decision he’d made six times…at the very least.  
“Rory-”  
Casey’s voice was nice…it wasn’t raspy, it didn’t send chills up my spine…he didn’t have much of an accent, other than a left-over southern twang cutting through every other word…but it was nice.  
“Hey. What’s up?”  
“Um…not too much, just made some dinner…might put on a movie, wild life, I know…”  
“Um. This is going to sound a little bit weird-”  
“Uh oh.”  
I could hear his smile…his casual tone. I swallowed hard.  
“You know, um…you know that saying that it’s better to just rip the band-aid off?”  
He was quiet. “Uh…yeah, heard it…heard it once or twice. Why?”  
“Do you want to have sex with me?”  
“Uh….”  
There were tears in my eyes as I realized everything that was happening…the alcohol flowing through my veins, causing my heavy clothing to seem constricting…my bottom lip trembled.  
“What’s this about, Rory?”  
“Just…look. Do you want to get over Mel?”  
“Um…I mean, yeah,” he laughed uncomfortably. “Obviously. Kind of why…I don’t know, we were doing whatever we were doing. But…Jesus, Rory, you were just in Florida with him-”  
“Can we…can we just not talk about that, please? I don’t want to think…I want….I want to try it, I want to have sex with you and just…just forget about everything else, okay?”  
My voice was shaking, though I was almost positive I was the only one who could tell. He sighed…cursing under his breath.  
“This is possibly the most awkward conversation in the world. I, uh…shit, Rory.”  
“Didn’t know I was so awful…”  
“Shut the hell up, you know you’re, like, a 12…just shut up,” he groaned, laughing. “Yeah. Yeah. Fuck it, want me to come over now?”  
“I’ll come there.”  
“No, it’s late, don’t-”  
“I’m dressed, on my way.”  
I hung up….setting my phone down. Rubbing my hands together…staring forward, taking the wine, taking another sip. Swallowing hard. I dialed the number of the cab service.  
I was going to rip the band-aid off….I was going to see what it was like to give myself to someone else, completely.  
I sat on Casey’s couch…he wasn’t lying. The entire place smelled like pizza…some older Tom Cruise movie playing on the screen. He excused himself to the bathroom…leaving me to look around, rubbing my hands over my knees. Nerves building.  
I’d been there a few times…we usually hungout at my place, because it had less of a…single-guy-who-lives-alone-and-doesn’t-really-know-what-a-vacuum-is feel. The walls were brick, floors wooden…it was nice.  
It was nice. Like him.  
“You can change it, if you want. Don’t really have you pegged as a Jerry McGuire fan.”  
“What? ‘You had me at hello’…such a classic, timeless line. Not cliche or silly, not even in the slightest.”  
He smirked at my sarcasm, rolling his eyes as he plopped down on the couch next to me. He was in a white tee and grey sweats…casual.  
Nice.  
Conveniently, it was at the part where Renee Zelwegger is allowing Tom to begin feeling her up on the porch…kissing her neck…  
“Well. Yeah, that was…good movie.”  
Casey awkwardly changed the channel as I laughed to myself…he muted it…running his fingers through his hair. “Want wine or something? I think I have….a few beers, too. Um, I’m not really sure-”  
“No, I’ve had plenty,” I bitterly laughed…slipping out of my coat and setting it on the couch behind me. It was a comfortable silence. I swallowed the lump in my throat…standing up and walking towards him. He smirked up at me. “Let’s just not think.”  
I climbed onto his lap…straddling him. He rested his hands on my hips, scanning my body in a polite way before looking into my eyes.  
“Are you reminding yourself, or me?”  
I ignored his comment…lacing my fingers around his neck.  
“You’re really pretty.”  
He kissed me, and I didn’t stop him….though I was frozen.  
So, so pretty…pretty girl…  
I kissed back, but I couldn’t function. I shook off the memory…his voice…kissing back with everything I had. He groaned…seemingly affected by the exchange, hands running over the back of my jeans…  
Rory, when did you get a bum like that?  
I moaned into his mouth…the vibrations a sick attempt at ridding that damn voice…he kept kissing me, kissing me, kissing me…just my mouth. His hands remained firmly planted on my hips…  
I accidentally huffed, the wine getting to me.  
He looked at me with confusion as I sat back, panting wildly. “Um…kiss my neck?”  
“What?”  
“You just…” I stuttered, shaking my head with nervous laughter. “I like…I like it when…just kiss my neck.”  
“Okay,” he chuckled…leaning forward and gently pecking my neck…over and over again…hands firmly planted on my hips. “Like this?”  
“Um…yeah, yeah.”  
He continued to timidly touch and kiss me…and I could feel the tidal wave coming. The emotions. I was staring at a brick in the wall behind the couch…just staring…  
I could feel Harry’s hands all over me still…his lips tracing over the sensitive points of my neck…tongue running over my pulse point, tapping it before suckling on the taut skin…hands aggressively gripping every inch of me, squeezing, pawing, wildly trying to cover his bases as his heart pounded against my chest…  
I could see his eyes…losing every bit of life when I told him I’d hooked up with Casey…  
I furrowed my eyebrows…shutting my eyes…trying to shake him…trying to forget…  
Casey’s hands lingered on the bottom of my top…hesitating as he tugged on it. We broke apart as he looked up at me, raising his eyebrows. I nodded curtly…numbly raising my arms…allowing him to strip me of the fabric.  
For a few seconds…I felt okay. He looked down at the pink lace…a distant smile…  
Oh, doll. Is this new?  
“What?” I asked with a light laugh.  
“Nothing,” he chuckled.  
My smile fell.  
My girls look great…mind if I say hello?  
“Oh.”  
“Well, no, not like…not nothing. It’s…it’s nice, um…” he was fumbling…snapping the strap. “Frilly.”  
“Uh…yeah.”  
My phone started ringing from my purse…we both looked towards the disruptive noise…I felt like I was going to be sick. I didn’t bother asking if he minded…I climbed off of Casey’s lap…walking towards my black bag, reaching in…  
Harry  
I felt sick…really, really sick. Like he knew…he hadn’t called me, hadn’t texted since the next I texted him first…he agreed to give me space, yet, he called on that night…  
“I can’t do this…”  
I gasped out…covering my mouth…my eyes were teary, but I swallowed them back.  
No. I’d come too far. I was a big girl…I knew.  
“I know,” Casey slowly said…laughing lightly…running his hand through his hair. “I knew right away…you weren’t…”  
“I’m sorry.”  
I tugged my shirt on….pulling my coat on in a frenzy. I wanted to get home…I wanted to just be alone. He stood up…following me to the door.  
“Are you okay, Rory?”  
I stopped in my tracks…taking a deep breath and turning around.  
“He had sex with six people while we were broken up.”  
Casey didn’t flinch. He merely leaned in the doorway…studying me.  
“Six. Six people.”  
“So you wanted to have sex with me, to get back at him.”  
“No..no, no, Casey - I’m sorry-”  
“No, really,” he laughed. “I…I’m sorry. I don’t care, either way. There’s just not…that thing.”  
“Yeah.”  
“Yeah. But that’s not you, Rory. You should’ve known better.”  
“I know…” I groaned…flipping my hair over…tugging on it. “I just…Casey, it’s driving me crazy. Thinking of…him, and…them, and…I know what sex means to him, and-”  
“Rory. Coming from a guy…and having met him briefly. The guy didn’t give a shit about them.”  
“How do you know that? He…when we have sex-”  
“Rory, did you see the way he looked at you that night he saw us at the gala? Fuck, I thought he was gonna hit me…his smile…his damn smile was haunting, freaky…I thought he was gonna hit me, I swear. And…frankly, sex with you is way different for him. Like me and Mel…you know how much I love Mel…loved, I mean…” he shook it off, continuing. “I’ve had sex with other women since…if anything, it’s just…sad. I don’t know…numbing. It’s the most intense distraction a guy can find…I get that it sucks, but cheer up. Clearly he’s all about you…so, yeah. Chill.”  
I offered him a smile…somehow finding his explanation of the situation somewhat comforting. I nodded slowly…awkwardly looking at my feet.  
“I’m sorry, again…”  
“No, shut up.”  
“Okay.”  
“I’m glad we didn’t have sex.”  
“Me too.”  
“Goodnight, Rory.”  
I laughed as he shut the door….stunned. I walked down the hallway slowly…still in a weird place. But slightly less weird.  
I pulled my phone out…  
One missed call and a new text.  
Flying home to see mum for a few days.. Trying to decide if I should make a pit stop in your neck of the woods.. I know things aren’t great. No explanation necessary. Just a yes or no.  
Six….  
I sighed…sitting down on the top step. Reading over his text…when another came in.  
A picture.  
I opened it…unable to stop the smile from spreading on my lips.  
His hair was pulled back…an idiotic grin on his face as he held a copy of my Vogue…smiling next to it.  
Did my part.. Interview was lovely.. Thank you for showing me what no one else can.  
And another.  
PS.. Still covered the twins. Side boob never hurt anyone.. Surely not me. Love it. Love it very much.  
I didn’t acknowledge his comments…just simply replied-  
Yes.


	22. Chapter 22

Twenty-One ::: Rory  
I was in…a mood, that was for sure. Considering the circumstances of Harry’s arrival, I wasn’t sure I had reason to be in such a mood…but I was, nonetheless.  
The sounds of Christmas music filled the kitchen as I danced around, a fresh Blue Moon in hand, humming along as I tended to the casserole that I did not burn - and in turn, did not cause the entire building to evacuate - again. I made a toast to my success, sipping the cold liquid and anxiously chewing my lip as I stared at the cheesy pasta mix. Mariah Carey had been orchestrating my evening -  
I don’t want a lot for Christmas…there is just one thing I need…  
Thanksgiving was approaching quickly, but my hatred of turkey depleted any chance of excitement for that. Christmas was - by far - my favorite holiday. Surprisingly enough, the forced happiness and cheer brought me an impossible level of contentment that I just couldn’t find at any other time during the year.  
The sound of the buzzer snapped me from my happy place - reminding me that there were, in fact, things going on that shouldn’t have made me happy.  
My steps were quick as I made my way to the device…hesitating before I pressed the button. My heart was pounding…pulse heavy. I had wanted things to be simple…but really, when had they ever been simple with Harry?  
“Hey.”  
“Hi. It’s cold.”  
“Maybe I’ll let you suffer a little longer, then.”  
“Was cold. I’m quite content now.”  
He shivered loudly. “Cozy, even.”  
I rolled my eyes…smiling down at my feet.  
“Well. Wouldn’t want you to get too comfortable.”  
I hit the button, unlocking the door in the lobby.  
I walked over to the mirror hanging in the entryway…getting a good look at my reflection. The black lace dress was nice…simple. Hung mid thigh. Sweetheart neckline. The tights underneath looked pretty…dainty. I wore ankle boots…hair natural, makeup minimal. I would admit I thought Harry would think I looked nice…but I was dressing for myself. I was living for myself. I was glad I’d stopped with Casey…because even though I was low enough to go there, I was high enough to make the right decision for me in the end.  
I just hoped Harry would understand - regardless of if he deserved an explanation or not. I’d give him one, because I felt it was the right thing to do…for me. I thought he owed me one, too…though I wasn’t sure I was prepared to hear it.  
Knock, knock, knock.  
I took a deep breath, nodding to myself as I walked towards the door…hesitating.  
Man up, Rory.  
I opened the door, unsure of what to expect - but surely, not expecting Harry texting on his phone, oblivious to my presence.  
“Um-”  
“Get your coat. What size shoe are you again - 7 and a half?”  
Or not so oblivious.  
I was speechless, confused, briefly stunned by how effortlessly classic he looked in his knee-length black trench and floral scarf. He didn’t even look up, eyebrows furrowed as he focused on his screen. I quickly found myself irritated by his behavior…picturing his arrival completely differently, considering the terms we’d left on the last time I’d seen him. He was being rude.  
“What-?”  
“Get your coat-”  
His voice tapered out as he looked up…green meeting blue. He was quiet…taking me in. He finally smiled softly, as if remembering that it wasn’t polite to stare.  
His dimple appeared as he smiled a little bigger.  
“Kickin’ myself for sayin’ this, but you’ll have to change.”  
“Can I ask why?”  
“We’re goin’ iceskating,” he simply said, looking down at his phone. I was quiet as he looked back up, trying to stifle his grin. “You didn’t expect me to read that article and not show up here to take you iceskating. Do you know me at all, Thorn?”  
I was speechless…a smile was threatening to spread on my lips, but not even that worked as I tried to swallow the reality of him standing there, in his cute coat, with his cute smile, and his cute long hair, and six.  
Casey was right…I needed to put things into perspective and stop letting my thoughts wander down the dangerous path of what if’s.  
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I stepped to the side to let Harry in. He stared at me with concern written all over his face, walking past me slowly.  
“Do you not want to go? Just thought it-”  
“No, no. I do, sorry. Um…do you want to eat first? I made…I made dinner-”  
“No firemen had to come this time?” he said in awe, mockery thick in his tone and widened eyes. I blushed, shaking my head. “Let’s take it to go, yeah?”  
“Why can’t we just eat here first?”  
“You really enjoy makin’ my life difficult, don’t you?” he chuckled, shaking his head with a playful roll of his eyes. “Go, you. Get your coat. Put on some pants. I’ll put the food in lil’ doggie bags.”  
I laughed at him as he ushered me out with his hands. “You’re wastin’ precious time, go.”  
“You excited?”  
We stood to the side of the rink…my stomach full from the pasta we’d eaten in the car, excited to go skating, and nervous for the conversation we had yet to have. I was shivering…a scarf wrapped around my neck, beanie pulled over my ears, gloves on. I wiggled a little bit, a chill shooting up my spine. Harry leaned against the bar next to me…oblivious to the people staring, the waves directed his way…  
I looked over…his gaze was heavy on me, a distant smile. I smiled, my bottom lip trembling as a puff of cold air emitted from my lips.  
“What?”  
“I asked if you were excited,” he quietly explained, raising his eyebrows. “But you kinda just look cold.”  
“I’m a little cold, not going to lie.”  
I rubbed my hands together, watching the people hold hands and laugh and slide around. I was taken aback as the soft fabric of Harry’s scarf was placed around my neck. I turned towards him as he stuck his tongue out, concentrating as he wrapped it around me and covered my mouth with it slightly.  
“Harry-” I said, but it was muffled. I giggled, inhaling in the process and nearly fainting from the familiarity of his cologne clinging to the warm cloth. “I look like an idiot.”  
“Are you warmer, though?”  
I hesitated before nodding.  
“Good.”  
We went into the rental place, causing a bit of chaos to ensue. Harry smiled as people flipped out, seeing him - and then in turn, seeing me. Loads of pictures were taken, and I was absolutely fine with it…enjoying the warmth of the small booth while it lasted. It was nice to see Harry happy…to see him laughing with fans, talking with them…smiling when they asked for pictures with me, too…he did this cute thing where when they asked for a picture, he pretended they were asking only with me…then when they’d politely explain otherwise, he’d go ’why with me? This is a best selling author, right here. I’m rubbish.’  
“Want me to lace ‘em up for you?”  
“Um…please?”  
“Um…please?”   
I giggled as he mocked me, dropping down to his knees. It was funny how people were watching us, but we somehow felt alright about it…neither of us cared, neither of us acknowledged it. He carefully tied them, wobbling a bit as he stood up, having already put his own skates on.  
“Alright, Thorn, are you ready?”  
I bit my lip, taking a deep breath as I nodded quickly. He reached down, extending his hands to help me stand. I hesitated…before taking his hands and allowing him to guide me to my feet. I was pretty sure I would have been fine walking the few feet to the rink alone, but his hold on my hand remained - though he adjusted, slipping his cold, bare fingers between mine. I stopped him before we got on the ice, detaching our hands and unravelling his scarf from around me. He immediately pouted - preparing to scold me but I couldn’t ignore the minor trembling of his bottom lip. He smiled slightly, kneeling just enough so that I could wrap it back around his neck.  
“There.”  
“Didn’t have to.”  
“Don’t be a whiny child.”  
“'Mm a grown man, Rory,” he huffed, doing an idiotic little macho noise as he lifted his shoulders. I rolled my eyes…taking his hand back in mine, which caused his smile to return. “Ready?”  
“If you ask me that one more time, I’m going to slap that stupid grin off your face.”  
“Be kind, Rory, there’s children 'round.”  
“Are you going to go first or me?”  
“Confident one, you are. Never been and you’re considering going first. I-”  
With a heavy shove, I pushed him onto the ice, successfully shutting him up as his eyes temporarily widened and he righted himself before falling over. He skated back with ease, surprising me considering he was like a baby deer on land.  
“Like a cat, I am.”  
“You are such an idiot,” I laughed as he pursed his lips, trying not to laugh. “Probably the biggest I know.”  
“You’re buyin’ time.”  
“Nope,” I popped my 'p’, stepping back slightly as he neared me with a mischevious grin, hands laced behind his back. “Harry…” I warned.  
“Get on the ice, Rory.”  
“You know I don’t like being told what to do.”  
“You like being a pain in my arse, though,” he grunted, reaching forward and catching my hand before I could pull it away. He smiled encouragingly, stilling his feet. “I’ve got you, come on.”  
“That’s what scares me,” I muttered low enough to go unnoticed, though the slight roll of his eyes hinted that he caught it. “Shit - okay. Okay.”  
I stepped forward with caution…one skate on the slippery surface, the other on solid ground. He gripped my other hand, holding me at arm’s length as he guided me like a baby trying to walk. He began laughing as I glared up at him, quickly returning my eyes to my unsure feet.  
“Slide, Rory - like, skate…quit shufflin’ like that.”  
“I am skating.”  
“No, you’re like…weirdly steppin’. Stop,” he couldn’t stop giggling as I glared, trying to pull out of his grip. “You look very silly.”  
“You look silly, you dick.”  
He was in fits…and slowly, I was joining him as we continued out onto the open ice…him skating backwards, me sort of weirdly shuffling…as he said I was. He didn’t let go…making sure I was stable as more experienced skaters went around us, smiling or laughing at my incredibly slow progress. Per usual, everyone was in awe of Harry - who was fulfilling his role as the most charming man in the world as he helped his uncoordinated friend learn how to iceskate.  
“You can let go.”  
“You sure?”  
“You’re just looking for an excuse to hold my hand,” I smirked knowingly as he pursed his lips, cheeks pinkening as he shook his head in a pathetic attempt to deny my accusation. “Admit it, Styles.”  
“I am doing no such thing,” he smirked, slowly letting go of one of my hands and moving so he was by my side. “Makin’ sure you don’t fall, is all.”  
“Okay,” my other hand was sticking straight out as I watched my feet, making sure I was moving the right way and balanced. He was being incredibly patient - and in all honesty, I was a little afraid of falling. I’d fallen on rollerblades, and it was not pretty. “I think I got it.”  
“S'not that hard.”  
“Be nice.”  
“Says you.”  
“Harry.”  
He smiled innocently as I looked over. We strode along…holding hands and holding up anyone behind us. He continuously made weird faces, every now and then disconnecting us to try and do some sort of 'fancy spin’. I watched him fall three times, to my deep satisfaction as I laughed and laughed and laughed. He’d merely climb to his feet with an embarassed smile, wiping the remnants of snow and ice off of himself as people around us found amusement in his antics.  
“You’re such a ham.”  
“Just tryin’ to show off for the pretty lady.”  
“And a kiss-ass,” I hummed, raising my eyebrows as he took my hand in his again, tugging me along. His legs were too long for his own good. I held his hand tightly, knowing that I found far more comfort in his touch than just knowing I wouldn’t fall. “It’s pretty out here.”  
“Very,” he cooed, staring up at the lights hanging around the rink, the trees, the lights of the city…it was hard to explain. It was magical…cold, but so warm. “I’ve always wanted to do this, too, you know. In Times Square, at least.”  
“Well now you have.”  
“I have.”  
He looked over at me…such a big smile. Casey’s words lingered in my head…I stared back at Harry, even when he looked away to wave back at someone or attempt to do some move…I tried to go back to the way I was thinking a few nights before…to try and remember the sickening jealousy I felt, the idea that six girls had been with him…and I couldn’t find that feeling again. Yes, it hurt knowing that someone as simply amazing as him had been with six girls…but Casey was right. I knew Harry…I knew they didn’t mean anything to him, and I knew they had to be one-time things. One-night stands…it was petty, but part of me found a weird sense of satisfaction in the fact that he’d said my name…hoping those disgusting girls questioned themselves, just like I had found myself questioning myself…  
I watched as he fell, yet again, nearly taking me down with him. I was laughing as I skated back…though I stopped laughing as I watched him sit up, a little girl skating over to him. Her parents were close behind, smiling as she reached her hand down to help him up.  
“For me?” he cooed kindly, very gently taking her tiny fingers. “I’m a big guy, love, you sure you’re strong enough?”  
She made a cute little face, putting all of her strength into tugging on his fingers. From my angle, I could see that he pushed himself up with his other hand behind his back, but she looked so proud as he rose to his feet, jaw dropped as he put his hands on his hips.  
“My goodness, quite the arms you have there. I am very impressed, I reckon I would’ve been sittin’ there all night.”  
She giggled, looking up at me briefly before back at him.  
“What - you think that one would’ve helped me?” he joked, motioning to me with a face of disgust. “There’s no way, she’s not as nice as you anyways.”  
The family spoke with him for a few minutes as I watched on, enamored with how naturally magentizing he was…enamored with how when he posed for a picture with the little girl, he kneeled down and tugged her into his side with the biggest grin on his face…  
When they skated away and he returned, I didn’t think. I made a decision, once again, for me.  
He stilled against my lips, relaxing into it as he realized I hadn’t made a mistake. My hands were gentle on his cheeks as he kissed back, lips curling into a smile as he set his hands over mine. His lips were dry from the cold, but felt so incredible as they molded against mine before I pulled back. Our hands remained where they were as we looked at eachother…his smile seemingly permanent.  
“I don’t have an explanation….”  
“I don’t need one,” he replied with a laugh, shaking his head as he ran his fingers through his hair. He exhaled in exasperation, bottom lip trembling slightly as a cold breeze blew over the rink. He gripped my hand, squeezing it playfully with that same smile. “Le’s go?”  
“Here.”  
I reached around my neck, taking off my woven scarf. He smiled as I reached up and put it on him, allowing me to lace it around his neck…but his smile slowly disappeared. His eyes narrowed slightly, lips falling open as he looked at my neck.  
“What?” I asked, reaching up with my hand.  
He looked as if he’d seen a ghost….tugging me along as we started to skate. I was perturbed as he suddenly stopped, dropping my hand and skating over to the side…I folllowed…watching as he gripped the side rail…eyes lost, set on the ground on the other side. I placed my hand on his back as he tensed…  
“What’s wrong?”  
“There’s a hickey on your neck, Rory…” he quietly said, shutting his eyes.  
I felt my stomach drop…my exchange with Casey had been meaningless, but I hadn’t seen anything on me afterwards…I couldn’t imagine that anything had been left, for everything that happened had been so quick…  
I kept rubbing over the skin…wishing it would go away, wishing that the mood hadn’t shifted like it did.  
I put my hand on his lower back…he opened his eyes, but wouldn’t look at me. He wasn’t mad…his eyes were so hurt, so dull…jaw firm…  
“I was going to talk to you after…”  
“You don’t owe me that,” he muttered, shaking his head as he shut his eyes again…wincing. His knuckles were white as he gripped the railing. “I’m so awful…I’ve only pushed you away, haven’t I?”  
He looked over at me…eyebrows furrowed, like a terrified little boy. So disheartened…I felt my entire mood plummet…  
“No, you haven’t. But I think we should talk about some things…I think we both deserve that.”  
He slowly nodded…tugging on his hair. “Shit…”  
“Hey, it’s okay.”  
I laced my hand around his arm…trying to pull him from whatever it was that was eating away at him.  
“Harry.”  
He looked down at me…chest rising and falling heavily as he breathed through his nose.  
“Don’t, okay? It’s…a long story, but we’ll talk when we get back to my place. Okay?”  
“Can we just go now?”  
My shoulders slumped…though he didn’t seem to notice. He was done iceskating.


	23. Chapter 23

Twenty-Two

Twenty-Two ::: Rory  
The room was quiet…a pin would surely be heard if it hit the wooden floors in my living room, and frankly, any noise would be welcomed with open arms…my explanation of why I went to Casey’s didn’t come out as smoothly as I’d wanted it. Harry sat on the opposite side of my couch, hunched over with his elbows on his knees…staring at the floor. My own knees were tucked up to my chest as I anxiously held them, wondering what was going through his mind.  
Minutes passed, and my patience was wearing thin. The more he didn’t say anything, giving off the impression he was pissed, the more I found my own anger and hurt returning.  
“Are you going to say anything?”  
“What would you like me to say?” he slowly spoke, reaching into his coat pocket which he had yet to take off. I watched silently as he took out a piece of gum, tossing it into his mouth as his jaw tensed while he busied it, chewing harshly. “Nothin’ to say.”  
“Great,” I scoffed. I was used to the mood he was getting in…no matter how mature he was with everything else, his tantrums were so incredibly frustrating. “So I’m the bad guy.”  
“You’re puttin’ words in my mouth.”  
“I wouldn’t have to if you’d just speak your mind.”  
“There’s not anything to say, Rory,” he spoke slowly, finally sitting up and looking at me. He snapped his jaw as he chewed the gum, swallowing hard. I kept staring at him as he huffed, throwing his hands up. “What would you like? Hm?”  
I shut my eyes, rubbing my forehead…knowing he was allowing the new information to settle, to build…it’s how he worked.  
“I’d like to hear how you’re feeling right now.”  
“Oh, wouldn’t you?” he scoffed, choking out a sharp breath…he winced, rubbing his hand over his face before settling it over his mouth as he leaned back down on his knees. “You know damn well how I’m feelin’, I expect more of you, Rory.”  
“Excuse me?”  
“You did it in spite of me.”  
“You asshole.”  
“I know I am!”  
I flinched as he shouted, sitting back up. His eyes were wide, the vein in his neck throbbing against his skin as he groaned loudly, running his hand through his hair.  
“No shit I’m an arsehole, but that doesn’t mean you run off and try and hurt me! Like what the fuck? I’d never intentionally hurt you-”  
“Right, so I kiss another guy and obviously it’s just to spite you. Of course. Revenge. Right.”  
“So what are you saying, you like the guy?” his mouth snapped shut as he swallowed hard…slowly beginning to chew his gum again. “S'that it? You like him, you fucking like him?”  
“Give me a break, Harry, no I don’t like him-”  
“So which is it then, yeah? It’s one or the other, so pick your poison-”  
“Or maybe I needed to feel the same fucking release that you did! You felt it a whole lot more than once, Harry!”  
I was past the point of being mature, and quiet, and passive. My heart was pounding, stomach was absolutely sick over the images of him and all of the other girls that were coming flooding back with his accusations.  
“For fuck’s sake, Harry, six girls!”  
“I know, Rory!” he yelled, cursing under his breath as he glared over at me. “You think I don’t know? But I didn’t do it to hurt you, I’d never have done something to hurt you!”  
“And I didn’t go to Casey’s to hurt you!” my voice was hoarse as I tried to outdo him, to drown his voice out. It was deep and shook the walls it felt like, mine sounding ridiculously pathetic next to it. “I went because I was aching, Harry, thinking about you finding those girls pretty!”  
His face fell as he froze, chewing slowly…watching me speak as my voice got quieter.  
“Casey was a convenient friend. You went out, you found strangers…they had to have something, something you found special, you took them home, you-”  
“Rory…”  
“You took them into our bed, or your hotel bed, you kissed them and held them and touched them and let them touch you, and you fucked them, Harry!” my voice cracked as the tears built up. He said nothing…staring down at his lap, playing with his hands… “You had sex with six other girls. I know you were single, I get that…but understand why it is driving me crazy wondering why you chose them, how you could go through with it all without even thinking of me-”  
“I was, you know I was,” he said softly, shaking his head. His eyes were lost as he looked at me…dodging between the two of my eyes, trying to make me understand but I didn’t. “I told you, Rory, they meant nothing, they really did-”  
“I need more than that.”  
He heavily exhaled…whimpering lowly as he shrugged. “What do you want, then? I…I don’t know what you want out of this…it’s only going to hurt you-”  
“I just need to understand, I need to know why, how many times-”  
“No you don’t,” he slowly said, enunciating each word carefully. “Don’t you get it? I don’t want to hurt you…that will only upset you more, Rory.”  
“Well I deserve to know, and if this is going to go anywhere, I need to know.”  
My words had an effect on him…his hands stilled, freezing on his knees. He looked over at me…stared into my tear-filled eyes. He swallowed hard as I shook my head, feeling the tears fall down my cheeks.  
“I have this amazing image in my head, which is still so bad, but I have this idea that they were all just six one-night stands and you didn’t get their numbers and you didn’t see them again, or want to see them again-”  
The more I was rambling, the harder I was crying…because Harry wasn’t confirming that I was right, nor was he nodding, nor was he trying to cut me off…his eyebrows were drawn, and his lips in a firm line, and he wouldn’t look at me. My lip was shaking as I stopped talking…watching him stay completely blocked off from me.  
“Please.”  
He shut his eyes.  
“Please, just say it. Say it was only six times. Please.”  
He didn’t budge as a loud cry shook my chest.  
“Harry-”  
His eyes met mine and I felt my heart rip in half.  
“I can’t.”  
“Oh…”  
“Rory…”  
I sobbed into my hands, not having the energy to push him away as I suddenly felt him pull me into his chest. I was stiff, but couldn’t move…I was confused, and hurt, and wasn’t sure what to think at all. I could feel him rubbing my back and kissing the top of my head but I wasn’t sure what it meant to him anymore.  
“Were you - were you - like, dating any of them-?”  
“No,” he answered quickly, shaking his head adamently. He pulled my face back, cupping my soaking wet cheeks with his hands. “No, Rory. No, no, no - it was never anything but physical, with any of them.”  
I continued to cry, another round of sobs shaking my chest…I couldn’t stop thinking about them…how he’d had sex with at least one more than once, when I hadn’t had sex a single time…knowing I’d only picture him the entire time…  
“Rory, it was all to get over you…baby, it was just to numb me, that’s all it was…”  
He continued to rock me as I cried…trying to grasp it. I had so many questions…but the more my heart literally burned, the more I knew that I’d be digging my own grave to try and find out more. I clung to his shirt with everything I had, wishing that having him holding me would just erase the thoughts of him doing the same with someone else - or a lot of someone elses.  
“I just can’t….I can’t explain how bad this hurts, the idea of you sharing that with them-”  
“Don’t be ridiculous,” he gripped my chin, forcing me to look into his eyes. I shut them tightly as I cried. “Rory.”  
“No-”  
“Rory.”  
I slowly opened my eyes…his, so close.  
“You have to understand that it was so different to me with them. You have to understand that.”  
“But you chose that over me-”  
“How?” he demanded, jaw dropped open as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “You’re honestly convincin’ yourself these awful things, stop it. Just stop…”  
His thumb ran down my jaw line as he smiled, shaking his head. “Rory…you were everything to me-”  
“Were,” I choked out, looking away from him. I heard him huff but I didn’t bother to look at him, just shaking my head as he tried to grab my arms.  
“Jesus Christ - do I even have to say it anymore? Is it not obvious?”  
I looked at him as he shook his head, shrugging as he looked at me like I had two heads.  
“We weren’t together because we literally couldn’t be, Rory. There was…there still is too much going on. But fuck - have I not been transparent with my intentions? Bloody hell — I want you back, can you not see it?”  
I was frozen…hearing the words out loud, knowing just how damn true they were…for both of us.  
I looked into his eyes…he laughed bitterly.  
“You have this ridiculous hold on me, Rory…it’s not…s'not even worth trying with anyone else, it’s just not. Yes, I slept around, I was a bit of a pig…but do you think a single one of them mattered to me like you do?”  
I was hooked…he was talking so slow…stopping to think about each word. He reached forward, brushing my hair back and behind my ear, his fingers trailing down the strand and twirling the end of it.  
“You’re the only girl that could break me by just kissing another guy. You’re…”  
He took a shaky breath, laughing as he shrugged. “You’re it for me, Rory. I’ve said it before-”  
I began crying heavily, confusing him - but I wasn’t crying out of sadness. It was…a tangle of emotions, all battling for dominance. I was having a hard time…and I think it was finally hitting that my love, the man I’d fallen so hard for that I’d lost…had somehow come back to me.  
“Rory, I’m so pathetically in love with you it’s not even funny. I’d…” I looked up, watching as he fumbled, running his hand through his hair. “I’d take all of that back if I could…I would, and…I just hate seeing you like this, I never…if I’d ever known we’d be sitting here right now, havin’ this conversation, I wouldn’t have done any of it…I just…I thought you were gone, I thought…I thought I’d lost you, and I needed that feeling, I needed someone holdin’ me, you know…you know that’s how I cope, remember that night…that night we first really talked in the alley? I told you that’s why Kendall and I were still together, and I know that’s so bloody awful, but it’s true…it’s hard to go ‘round and have all of these people know me but not really know me, and when I lost the girl that knew me better than anyone, I lost it…I really, really lost it…”  
I stared at him as he shook his head. “I…I really messed up…like, a lot…Rory…but…dunno…the way things happened, I never wanted it all to happen that way. I was glad we ended how we did, but not…I cried and cried and cried like a baby at Cal’s when I left you that letter, honest. You can ask him-”  
“Harry-”  
“I cried the first time I had sex with someone else…”  
I shut up…seeing the embarassment in his eyes.  
“I was hammered, I called you that night…”  
“Oh my God…”  
I remembered it vividly.  
“It was so pitiful, Rory…it always was, the entire time…I just…kick me to the curb, if you want,” he laughed, shrugging as I smiled, wiping at my face. “But not…not over what I did when we weren’t together…don’t think it meant a bloody thing to me, because it didn’t. Can’t say it enough.”  
I slowly nodded….he waited, studying me. Swallowing hard.  
“Did you ever like Casey?”  
I was ashamed of myself.  
“As a friend, yes…romantically, no. I wanted to, I’ll admit that…but I couldn’t shake you.”  
He let out a breath…of relief? I wasn’t sure. His eyes were hesitant…he licked over his lips.  
“What does this mean?”  
“We keep asking that, don’t we?” I laughed without humor…realizing how close to me he was. I cleared my throat. “I don’t know. I just know you’ve lingered, Harry Styles. You’re special to me…you always have been.”  
“Rory,” he whimpered, taking me offguard and tangling his fingers in the back of my hair as he crashed our lips together. I kissed back, but as it started getting heated I pulled away….looking down, rubbing my lips together. He hesitated…pressing his lips to my temple.  
“We can’t be friends, Harry.”  
“Been sayin’ that.”  
“We can’t be together yet, either, though.”  
“I know that.”  
I looked up at him…he smiled gently…caressing my cheek. “'Mm not gonna go back to not speaking, I won’t. It’s out of the question, Rory.”  
“I know,” I nodded.  
He pursed his lips…thinking. “Can I stay over?”  
“Harry…” I shook my head. “I’m not having sex with you, I just can’t-”  
“I don’t…I don’t want that. I just need to go to bed with you next to me again…please, give me that? Let me hold you…please? I’ve missed it so much…just let me lay with you for a bit, at least? I’ll go back to my hotel in a bit or somethin’-”  
“You can stay.”  
He nodded before I finished.  
“On my couch.”  
His eyebrows furrowed as his lips fell into a deep frown. “I don’t-”  
“You can lay with me for a little, but then you have to sleep on the couch. That’s the deal.”  
He didn’t miss a beat.  
“Okay.”


	24. Chapter 24

Twenty-Three ::: Rory  
The room was dark. I wasn’t sure what time it was…but it was the kind of dark where it was evident that it was morning, just very early in the morning. Drifting back off was normally simple…but I found myself unable to shut my eyes. The clock read 5:03 as I craned my neck, glancing over. I settled my head back into the pillow, pinned on my back.  
His eyelashes fluttered as he dreamt…I wondered what he was thinking about. Pink lips were slightly agape with soft snores tickling my neck…his face just a tad puffy, hair a tangled mess…though he was supposed to move himself to the couch, I felt bad. I was snuggly tucked under my comforter in my PJs…he remained sprawled on top, fully clothed, boots on…just as he had been before I’d fallen asleep…I knew he had to have been uncomfortable, though he still managed to fall asleep…somewhere in between, tucking himself into the crook of my neck, his arm draped over my waist, leg bent over mine…trapping me, though I wouldn’t move and disturb him…  
Carefully, I ran my fingers through his hair…pushing it back off of his face. He was completely out.  
Memories from the night before were heavy on my mind…our conversation had been…awful. Awful, but needed…I was still hurting, but slightly less…we didn’t talk much about it when we came to my room. We just lay…facing each other…he’d allowed me to fall asleep on my own, but it was inevitable that we’d end up tangled up in each other by morning…regardless of the fact he was not meant to stay in the bed with me…  
I continued to pet him, to watch him rest peacefully…something in my heart felt right. Having him with me…having him in my arms, holding me even when he wasn’t concious…  
I brushed my lips over his forehead…the skin warm, familiar. I’d hoped the small gesture would go unnoticed…but I wasn’t disappointed when he stirred slightly, sleepy eyes peaking open.  
“Hi,” I cooed, my arm lazily draped over his shoulders. He was dazed and confused…squinting as he sat up a little, looking around. “Doesn’t look like the couch, does it?”  
He inhaled through his nose, tiredly rubbing over his eyes as he slowly returned to the real world.  
“Sorry,” he croaked out, clearing his throat after as he pursed his lips. “Must’ve passed out.”  
“Mmhm,” I hummed, a gentle smile on my face. I went to climb out from under the covers, Harry misinterpreting the reasoning for my actions.  
“I can move out there, s'fine.”  
My feet met the floor as I wiggled my toes, standing up. He watched my every move…sleepy disappointment evident as I shook my head at him.  
“No, you can stay…take off your shoes, you were shaking a little bit…you can get under the covers.”  
“Sure?”  
I nodded…receiving a lazy smile. I watched as he grunted, reaching down and taking off his boots…carelessly tossing them onto the floor beside the bed…he knew I was watching him…hesitating before going to climb under the covers.  
“It’s okay, Harry.”  
“S'okay-”  
“No, take off your jeans…you can be in your briefs, it’s fine…I can’t imagine you slept well like that.”  
He looked at me with hesitant eyes…even in the dull lighting, I could see them crystal clear.  
“It’s fine,” I laughed lightly as he finally eased up, nodding to himself. “I’m going to use the bathroom really quick.”  
“‘kay.”  
He was still half asleep as I forced myself out of the room…giving him privacy to strip from his clothes. When I came back, I could barely see him he was so bundled up…just his head peaked out, though even that was buried into one of my thick pillows. His clothes were neatly folded on the night stand.  
I lifted the comforter, startling him as he gave me a soft smile, eyes fully open.  
“I'ss so comfy.”  
I laughed, climbing under…the warmth from his body immediately overcoming me as I shifted, unsure of what to do…he watched me carefully…knowing we were in a weird limbo, but also knowing that certain things couldn’t be ignored…like the natural pull between the two of us, even when we were upset with each other…  
It had been nearly two years since we’d been in bed together, in any sort of way…the tension was present, incredibly so…  
He hesitated, looking at me as I nodded. There was a moment…like time stood still…he lifted the covers, scooting towards me…goosebumps rose on my entire body the minute his bare legs touched mine…I knew he could feel it, too, a sigh falling from his parted lips…he laced his legs through mine, tugging me closer as I laughed lightly. His feet were cold as they touched my ankles, locking me into him…I gave in, pressing my back to his chest…feeling how warm he was, how familiar, how perfect….I felt him snuggle his cheek into the back of my hair…his lips pressing a soft kiss to my bare shoulder, arms lacing around my middle and resting gently on each other…  
“Missed you,” he muttered, and I had to shut my eyes…memorize how he felt holding me… “Missed this so much.”  
I didn’t have to reply…it was a silent understanding. I swallowed the lump in my throat…easing into his touch…I ran my fingertips over the back of his arms, he shivered…squeezing me tighter…  
“Goodnight, Harry.”  
My eyes fluttered open, and for a moment, I was confused…being wrapped up in another person unfamiliar and frightening, until I blinked a few times and realized just who that other person was.  
Our legs were tangled…skin tingly and warm…my head was tucked into the crevice between his shoulder and neck, curls tickling my forehead…my leg was draped over his waist, a very evident lump pressing into my inner thigh…puffs of breath tickled my cheek, bubble gum lips parted…  
As happy as I was, it was simply too much…too much after what had happened the night before, his confessions still fresh in my mind…having him with me, so close, so completely one….it was too much.  
Carefully I slipped away…immediately, my body feeling cold.  
I climbed out of bed…he didn’t stir. I made my way into the living room. I sat near the bay window that overlooked the city, staring out at the view…trying to act like it was somehow better than the one I was facing a few minutes prior…it had nothing on that.  
I could feel my heart…pounding like a drum…the endless questions surfacing….  
Rory…what are you doing?  
The answer was, I was doing what made me happy. For once in my life, I was simply focusing on that…and the thought was both frightening and exhilarating. The man in my bed was familiar and light and love and meant everything to me…but he’d hurt me…and yet, something within me knew…it just knew that if I let go, I would be making the biggest mistake of my life.  
Somehow through it all, the torturous thoughts of what was still haunted me…  
Could things have changed?  
I wondered if in a matter of nearly two years, maybe…just maybe the separation had happened for a reason. Maybe our end was truly our beginning…I couldn’t help but try and be positive…I wasn’t going to be able to shake the absolute completeness I felt waking up in bed with him…even considering everything the night before…  
“Rory?”  
I glanced over…my smile wasn’t something I could control.  
Sleepy…sleepy eyes. He stood lazily, just in his briefs…running his fingers through his matted hair, still half asleep…it was evident that he hadn’t fully recovered from his flight…  
“Come back, yeah?”  
“I’m awake.”  
“Me too…” he muttered in a quiet voice, eyes trained on me. He cleared his throat…blinking tiredly. “Please? Just want…”  
I swallowed hard…watching him struggle to piece the words together…  
“I want it, too…I know.”  
Immediately, his eyes widened. Any drowsiness disappeared as he narrowed his eyes at me…adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. He rubbed his hand over his stomach, scratching the bare skin…  
“Yeah? Come back.”  
I wasn’t able to fight…for he was there, leaning down, gripping my hand with lazy fingers, lacing his middle and pointer with mine as he tugged like a gentle toddler…  
“Please.”  
“Okay.”  
“Okay?”  
“Yeah.”  
There was a silent understanding…a heaviness in our eye contact. We loosely remained connected as he led the way, tenderly bringing me along…he let go, collapsing into the bed before scooting over and crawling back under the covers…eyes more alert, movements quicker. I followed suit…burying myself into the warmth.  
He bit his bottom lip…grinning slightly as he scooted towards me…eyes alit with mischief and that special something I hadn’t seen in such a long time. He studied me…he looked at every single bit of my face…just looked…  
“What?”  
“Fuck.”  
“What?”  
His lip escaped the confines of the space between his teeth…slightly reddened by the action as he shook his head increduously.  
“'Mm I dreamin’?”  
I hummed in appreciation…giving in…reaching up and pushing his hair off his face. He leaned over me more….putting one arm on the other side of me as he looked down at me.  
“You can only say cute things like that once…are you trying to shmooze me, Styles?”  
I gasped…those heavenly lips pressing against my neck as I turned my head…he was careful, pecking slowly…  
“Rory.”  
I was taken aback by his serious tone as he pulled back…looking at me in that same way again.  
“What?”  
“Let me make everything up to you.”  
“Harry-”  
My breathing halted…lips sealed against mine. He wasn’t taking no for an answer, and frankly, I didn’t have it in me to give him a no.  
His lips slowly pulled away…eyes re-opening. He pursed his lips, nodding his head.  
“Don’t take this away from me again.”  
I furrowed my eyebrows as he held me closer….almost glaring at me.  
“I’m yours, even if you won’t have me.”  
My entire body melted as he spoke…knowing I could put up a fight, but it would be useless. I was devastated with the thought that he’d been with so many…but I wasn’t immune to him, not even close. I was in love with him…and he’d found his way back, somehow.  
“I’m just not ready.”  
“S'okay.”  
I couldn’t reply…another kiss…the tip of his tongue sliding between my lips, caressing mine…I was limp in his arms, he pulled away again.  
“Just give me time…s'all I need.”  
“Awfully confident.”  
“Don’t mess about, 'mm serious.”  
“Harry, I’m not over last night-”  
“Don’t care. You’re my girl, I’m going to prove that to you.”  
“-or what you’ve been doing the past year and a half-”  
“I’m going to prove myself to you. You can’t stop me.”  
For some reason…I shut up. Maybe it was how sure he sounded, maybe it was because I was slightly threatened by his harsh tone…either way, I didn’t fight him when his lips crashed to mine again.


	25. Chapter 25

Twenty-Four ::: Rory  
My eyes were trained on the tops of the buildings, blocked by the occasional puff of white smoke falling from my lips as warm breath met frigid air. My hair blew wildly in the strong gust as I giggled to myself, teeth chattering as I wrapped the white down comforter tighter around my body.  
He was quiet…standing just far enough away to not be in my line of vision, but close enough for me to feel him…to know he was near, close, there…a feeling I’d always felt around him, even when we first met. I didn’t understand it, nor did I try to…over time, it became something I’d grown both fond and afraid of; the fact that he was the only person with such a hold on me.  
It was his idea to journey onto the roof of my building…he was being so careful. The kissing grew heavy in my bed, and I pulled away…he understood, and knew an escape was necessary to cool off…literally and metaphorically speaking. He’d tugged on a beanie, I grabbed my comforter, and we walked in a comfortable silence down the hall and up the stairs, emerging into a winter wonderland five stories up.  
I looked over…he stood, hands shoved deeply in sweatpant pockets, long sleeve shirt, just in his socks…he was staring out into the distance. It was one of those times that I wished I could read his mind, if just for a second…whenever he was deep in thought, even if his sentiment ended up being silly…the passion in his eyes as he pondered different things was breathtaking, something I would almost deem his most endearing quality…the same thing that would shine through when he listened to someone else speak…  
“We’re like…”  
He paused…pulling his bottom lip between his pointer and thumb. He was staring down at the city, I was staring at him.  
“So li'l, yanno?”  
“Hm?”  
“Like…” he smiled softly, pointing down at the chaos we were so far from. “Dunno. Sometimes I feel really big…like, I’m something. And then other times, I look at a skyline - or - dunno…some great view…and I’m just speechless, because we’re so irrelevant. We’re one in…billions upon billions of things, yeah? Like - what am I when I look at that? I’m just some guy…”  
I was quiet…slightly stunned by his words. People pegged him as being such an idiot, but he was truly very, very bright…thoughtful. I wasn’t sure how I felt about the fact that his words were almost an exact replica of ones I’d spoken to Casey the night we celebrated my book…Casey put me off as a rambling drunk, yet Harry and I were sober, and he was voicing exactly what I’d said…  
“Nothing to add?”  
I blinked a few times, realizing Harry was laughing at me. His grin was small…eyes curious. I smiled, shivering as I wrapped the blanket a bit tighter…shaking my head, because I didn’t know what to add…he just understood.  
“No.”  
“No?” He was a mixture of bothered and amused as he furrowed his eyebrows. “Aurora Thorn speechless? ‘Mm I that out there with that one?”  
“No, no…” I looked away…feeling all sorts of feelings. It was him, it was just…him. Harry. My Harry. “You just have a way of doing that.”  
“Doin’ what?”  
“You….ahh.”  
I blushed, laughing at myself under my breath…avoiding his gaze, my nerves returning.  
“You just…you, I can’t explain it…” I was rambling, badly. “I don’t understand how you are so…I don’t know, you always seem to be on the same page as me. Like…shit, I question things, and then you just…you do things like that, or you say things like that, and I’m just…it’s scary, I don’t know, almost like you’re reading my mind sometimes, or like you just…understand, I don’t know…it’s just scary how similar we are…yet different, I don’t know.”  
“What’s so wrong with that?” he asked after a while, stepping closer. He inhaled through his nose, laughing lightly…but he found nothing funny. “Why are we doin’ this to ourselves?”  
“Doing what?”  
“This stupid game, Rory, actin’ like we don’t know what we are, actin’ like nervous kids around each other, actin’ like we’re just getting to know each other-”  
“It’s not a game.”  
“What is it then?”  
“Harry…”  
He stared at me…blankly, jaw tense…waiting for me to say something, but I couldn’t. Because in some ways he was right, but in others…six, six, six. I couldn’t blink and pretend it didn’t happen, but I also couldn’t pretend we hadn’t happened.  
“This can’t be simple-”  
“Isn’t this what screwed us before?” his voice broke as he laughed again, but still, it wasn’t out of amusement. “We can overthink until we can’t think anymore, we can worry if it’ll go bad again, but why? Really, why?”  
“Because I feel like we’ve both grown up…” I trailed off…unable to hold his heavy gaze. I looked down at the scenes so far away…breathing quietly. He was staring at me. “We’ve come so far…I don’t want to ruin all that we’ve built since we’ve been apart.”  
“We won’t.”  
“You don’t know that.”  
He huffed…walking even closer. I could see him in my peripherals, knowing I couldn’t hide…I gave in, looking up at him. His cheeks were red, eyes green, lips pink…I loved him so much.  
“I don’t care,” he exhaled, shrugging. “I don’t, I really don’t. What’ve I got to lose?”  
My face fell, and he knew I misinterpreted what he’d said. He sighed…walking over and forcing me to turn towards him. His eyes drifted downwards as he opened the blanket, pulling himself in so his covered toes were touching mine. His hands were freezing, the cold evident even through my shirt as he grabbed my hips and rubbed them up and down.  
“Too skinny…” he muttered sadly under his breath as I glared, about to bitch at him, but he cut me off. He ran just his pointer gently up my side, playfully over my shoulder as he smirked, going to run it through my cleavage. I slapped his hand as he raised his eyebrows, dimple appearing with boyish delight as he adjusted his path, guiding it to my chin and raising my face. “This…me and you…this is right, Rory.”  
“You weren’t thinking that when you were sticking your dick in six other girls.”  
His face fell and I somehow felt bad…although I shouldn’t have. Well, maybe I should have.  
“I wasn’t allowed to think that…you left me, why do you always seem to lose sight of that?”  
“Oh, so the break up was my fault. Huh?”  
I tried to pull away but he gripped my middle, holding me closer as he shook his head, shutting his eyes.  
“No…no, I’m just…I know we had to do that, I know. I guess I’m happy you did…I don’t think I ever would have, and I’d have ruined it all somehow.”  
“Would you have cheated?”  
He didn’t try and hide his frustration at my question, going to back away, but this time I wouldn’t let him. I gripped his sides, squeezing the firm skin to keep him still. He didn’t fight it.  
“Don’t ask me things like that.”  
“Would you have?”  
“You really don’t know the answer to that?”  
I pursed my lips…having one in the back of my mind, but needing the reassurance. He exhaled, glaring down at me.  
“No. No, I wouldn’t have cheated. Jesus, Rory.”  
His tone was harsh, and I knew I was pushing things I shouldn’t have been…I was doing exactly what messed us up. There were so many things I wanted to ask…I was sickeningly obsessed with little details. What he did when we weren’t together, if he thought about me like I him when he walked around during the day, who he hooked up with…  
“Did you hook up with Ashley, Harry?”  
His features immediately softened…he sighed, cupping my cheek.  
“Why do you care about who it was all with?”  
“Oh my God, you did.”  
I pulled out of his grip…shaking my head.  
“I didn’t!” he exlaimed, shaking his head at me. He was at the point of shouting. “Why are you hung up on this? Why - why can’t you just realize that yes, I had sex with other people, yes, kind of a lot, but it meant absolutely nothing to me. Nothing, Rory, it was all to stop thinking about you.”  
“Because it’s hard not to think about that, Harry! To think about what they had that I didn’t, or what you experienced with someone else instead of me…” my chest hurt and my head hurt and I felt like we were back to square one. He was listening…the hair sticking out from under his beanie blowing back as a strong gust of wind shook us both. It was freezing, but I couldn’t focus on that. “What if I can’t move past that? You’re the last man I had sex with, and I was happy that it was like that…I still…I still remember everything…”  
I swallowed hard, cheeks flushing as I looked down. “It’s still fresh to me…it’s still everything to me, but now your memories of us are blurred by other people. That hurts…it hurts a lot…”  
“They aren’t blurred, Rory…” his voice was slow…hurting, honest. The mood had shifted. “Not even a little bit. Everything…everything is with me, it’s all there…I tried to cover it, I did…wanted to stop hurting…but I couldn’t. They were there, but I was picturing you…thinking of you, hoping and fucking praying you weren’t doing the same thing, selfish, I know…but I can’t shake you. I don’t want to. Give me a solid chance…I need a solid chance, not one where you’re holdin’ yourself at arm’s distance…let me in, I promise I won’t muck it up.”  
I swallowed…focusing on his eyes, on his careful body language…his eyebrows were drawn, lips tightly shut as he waited…  
“Please. I’ll get down on my knees if you’d like.”  
I laughed lightly, but his face was serious. He shrugged…exhasperated as he let out a heavy breath.  
“You’re right, a lot hasn’t changed…but a lot has. Let me in, give me somewhere to start…let me kiss you without freezing up. Let me…dunno, buy you nice things. Let me call you when I want to talk, or when you need someone…let me back in.”  
“I need to stop overthinking things.”  
“Yeah…” he chuckled. “We both do. If at the end of this, you want nothin’ to do with me…fine, but at least you gave me a shot.”  
It was cold, but my heart was warm…starting fresh seemed scary still, but with each of his adorably impulsive rambles…the less scary it seemed. I took a step closer…he was rigid, watching me with eager eyes. I leaned up…pressing the comforter and my palms flat against his chest as I shut my eyes…pressing my cold lips to his. It was soft…but I needed it, again. I gently pulled away, judging his reaction…his body had eased, eyes full of love and lust and yearning and happiness and nerves - and everything I was feeling.  
We were on the same page…somehow, just like we always were.  
When I went to kiss him again, he helped me out…crashing his lips against mine with everything he had, grunting against my lips, slipping his tongue inside my mouth, sliding against mine with ease as his hands held me close. We were desperate…almost as if it was our first real chance, our first time showing any sort of intimacy that wasn’t skewed by some harsh reality.  
Another bitter breeze, unfortunately colder than the others as Harry pulled back, clinging to the comforter for dear life as he tugged it around him, too.  
“Fuckin’ cold,” he laughed, voice cracking as he looked down at me. He was smiling…lost in a daze as he bit his lip, trying to contain his giddy excitement. “Go in, yeah?”  
“This wasn’t my idea,” I retorted, smirking as he smirked even more. “Nipples hard?”  
He laughed…loudly, knowing I was mocking him. It seemed to be the first thing that had always come to his mind when it was cold out, or in, or anywhere.  
“All four.”  
“Gross.”  
“Yours?”  
“My secret.”  
He bit his lip…narrowing his eyes at me, his hold on my middle suddenly more obvious…his hands squeezed as he slowly rubbed up and down my sides, warming his palms…my heart was pounding, his eye content constant…I shivered as cold fingertips slid up and under my top…I couldn’t move…bare skin on skin, he slid his hands over my breasts…exhaling like he was punched in the stomach. His eyes never left mine…lips falling open slightly as he rubbed them, biting his lip.  
“What’s the verdict?”  
He moaned slightly…eyes hard, hands still busy under my shirt. I wasn’t sure why I wasn’t stopping him…slow had been what we agreed on, but something felt right…having him touch me again, only him…  
He didn’t answer my question.  
“We should go inside, yeah?”  
His voice…the way he said it, the way he demanded rather than asked…I knew going inside had a few meanings. I stared at him…he was hesitant, weary.  
“I want clear memories…not blurry…I want you to haunt me, Rory.”  
“Let’s go inside.”  
The road to recovery would be hard…but I was willing to give it a shot. The careful Rory was nervous to make a mistake…to go back, to let him take me away again, to fall hard just to get hurt again…but the new Rory…the older, best-selling novelist Rory…was ready to put up a fight. She was ready to get her man back.


	26. Chapter 26

Twenty-Five ::: Rory  
“Relax, Rory.”  
Fingertips trailed down my arm…layers had been stripped, though I wasn’t cold. Only one final layer of clothing separated us…his briefs brushed over the front of my sheer thong. His minty breath was on my lips…the bedroom was dimly lit, overcast skies and heavy breaths narrating the scene. I felt like I was in heaven, but my heart was pounding…his forehead pressed to mine, pointer and middle tucking my hair behind my ear for me as he lay on top.  
“I am,” I whispered, tucking my fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck…feeling how soft, remembering how much he loved when I did it. “Just nervous.”  
The anticipation had my stomach in knots, and he could tell. His lips met mine in a gentle embrace as he shifted his weight, careful not to press down on me.  
“Why would you be nervous?”  
I didn’t answer…we were talking in such lazy, hushed voices…it was intimate, raw, sensual…he wanted to know why I was nervous, but I didn’t want to tell him I was feeling excited to be with him again, but also afraid, and insecure, and a bit embarassed.  
“Hm?”  
Another kiss…I sucked on his bottom lip, hoping to distract him. His hair was falling, tickling my forehead, but he pulled away. His body was so warm on mine, lines a bit more firm than I was used to…but still the same body I’d grown to love, the addition of a few more inked designs only making me more intrigued, yearning to be his again more…  
“I just…”  
Another kiss…harder, an attempt to shut me up. When I didn’t respond, he quickly ceased his actions, hands sure to be on the bed next to me and not exploring. Always respectful.  
“If this is all me, we’ll stop this. I don’t want to rush you…I don’t…I don’t need this, Rory-”  
“I do.”  
He hesitated…lips opening, then closing…opening, then closing…he didn’t know how to respond and I didn’t blame him. I reached up…wrapping my arms around his neck, pulling him closer…he allowed his hips to rest between my legs, bare chests pressing together…he watched me, waiting for further explanation.  
“I need this. I need you to give this back to me,” I admitted quietly.  
He looked pained…knowing my confession held more than I was letting on. He carefully ran the back of his fingers over my cheek…regret and guilt written clearly on his face.  
“You don’t need me to justify you as a woman, Rory.”  
“I know, but I do…I need…I need to see you think I’m sexy again,” I panted desperately, shaking my head in pain. Trying to shake out the images of him and others, laying in the same position we were in. “I need to stop thinking of you and faceless girls. I was on top of the world, I still…I still am, everything is going so well…but you weren’t there, and knowing that you were with them hurts, especially when I was off reaching all of my dreams…you were off with other girls. I need to see things haven’t changed, at least not here…not in this bed, not with you. Even after everything…”  
He kissed me again…slipping his tongue between my lips, slowly massaging mine. He was holding me so closely…almost cradling me. I couldn’t believe the last time we’d been together, he’d been crying into the valley between my breasts, begging me not to leave…  
“Nothin’s changed,” he mumbled against my lips, his chest heaving slightly with our new position…he was hard, so hard…but restraining himself. I was barely able to do the same, just thinking of what he’d feel like after so long… “It’s me, baby girl. Just me. Forget anything else.”  
“But-”  
He shut me up…forcing his lips onto mine, hands returning…squeezing my middle before trailing up and cupping my face. Even in the dull light, his eyes said so much as he stared down at me.  
“I’m still Harry, Rory…it’s still just me, still the guy that cried when you took the splinter out of my foot.”  
My eyes widened, and I couldn’t stifle the giggle from breaking through. He smiled slightly, but he was still overcome with our prior conversation. I couldn’t stop picturing him sitting on the counter, trying to pull his leg from me as I sat on the ground with tweezers. He was torn between crying and laughing, both of us dying with laughter for different reasons.  
“Oh my God, I forgot about that…”  
“Rory.”  
My laughter slowed, but I was smiling…smiling up at him. I cupped his face…I couldn’t believe he was there, with me, in that position again.   
“Let me show you you’re different.”  
I shut my eyes…his reminder destroying my temporary high. He kissed the tip of my nose.  
“Let me show you nothin’ has changed, not between us, never between us.”  
I slowly nodded…entranced by him. His lips captured mine in a series of lethargic embraces…his hot breath sending shivers down my spine as I arched my back, pressing into him…he began the slow rock of his hips…prepping me, the friction between the small bits of fabric intoxicating…having him so close to me, doing such sensual things…it was somehow so familiar, yet so unfamiliar. He was so hard, quickly…clearly feeling the same things I was.  
His hand ran up the expanse of my side…he whimpered, resting his forehead on mine.  
“Too skinny.”  
“Why do you keep saying that?” I exhaled with a huff, frustrated he was bringing it up again. He looked down at me, vulnerable, almost embarassed. “Really.”  
“Worry about you,” he finally admitted, eyes darting down so they wouldn’t meet mine. He kissed me softly…chewing on his bottom lip. “Perfect just the way you are.”  
“Clearly not, I’m too-”  
He kissed me hard, pulling away as he shook his head. “Still perfect, like I said…just worry, is all.”  
I nodded…going to kiss him. He stopped me…eyeing me wearily. “Think I worry about those girls?”  
Again, like a punch to the gut.  
“Harry-”  
“Really, Rory. Think I gave a shit? Think I’d notice if they lost a little weight, started wearing more thongs than those boyshort ones I like, cut their hair…had a new scar, right here.”  
I blushed…his fingertip tracing over the crescent shaped spot on my arm…it was nearly gone.  
“What happened?”  
“I was standing on a chair in my kitchen to hang something, fell off of it, crushed a glass…had to get stitches.”  
“Shouldn’t be doin’ that alone.”  
“Why are we talking about this right now?” I laughed lightly…I was going to continue, but he halted any words from falling from my mouth. I cried out quietly…his head had dipped down, his soft lips securing my nipple as he sucked and tugged on it. “Oh my God…”  
He didn’t stop…switching to the other one…I bit the knuckle of my pointer, unable to stifle my giggle from emitting from my chest as he licked between my boobs…he sat up slightly, laughing to himself.  
“What?”  
“Nothin’…” he muttered, shaking his head as if he had some inside joke. He kissed me again, holding the bottom of my chin…groaning into it as he dropped his hips again. “You’re gonna finish me off before we get to the good part.”  
“I haven’t even done anything.”  
“You never have to, Rory.”  
I kissed him with everything I had…loving how his chest vibrated under my hands with a moan, the sound echoing in my mouth…I reached down, going to grip him through his boxers but he guided my hand away…I gasped, feeling him slip his hand into my underwear…his fingers sliding between my folds, rubbing me.  
“Oh God….”  
My teeth dug into my lip as he smiled gently, eyes blazing with lust and pride…he watched me, turning his finger over and pressing his knuckle between my legs, rubbing back and forth. It was cold, the metal of his ring sending my body into overdrive.  
“Think I forgot how you like that?”  
“Stop-”  
“No. Gonna show you. Gonna show you it’s still me and you, always was.”  
I wasn’t able to say anything else, for he was suffocating me with his sinful mouth and tongue…he slipped my underwear off with ease, attempting to make them into a hat as I swatted at his hand and cussed him out, earning a handful of giggles. Typical idiot. Maybe he hadn’t changed.  
We slowed our actions…the playfullness disappearing as he watched my reaction, leaning back and slipping off his briefs…I wasn’t ashamed, I looked down at him…for some reason, expecting him to look different…expecting there to be some sign that he’d been with other people…but it was the same, he was still Harry.  
“Condom-” I blurted out, realizing I was staring…he looked like a guilty puppy…carefully judging my reaction as he nodded, reaching down onto the floor to grab his jeans so he could get his wallet.  
“‘Course.”  
I couldn’t help but take him all in…feeling slightly vulnerable being naked in front of him again. I watched as he used his teeth to tear open the packet…Magnum, of course…tugging it over his skin with a quiet sigh. He looked up at me…ruffling his hair as he climbed back…laying above me. He cupped my cheek again, looking down at my lips.  
“Your hand is shaking, Harry,” I said quietly, looking at him with confusion. Again, he looked ashamed…sheepish as he nodded slightly.  
“Nervous.”  
“Why?”  
He exhaled…laughing slightly. “You’re a whole 'nother level, Rory. 'Mm not going to…s'not going to be impressive, I reckon, going to be over really fast.”  
I bit my lip…finding his embarassment endearing, taking his words as a compliment, allowing myself to feel flattered. I reached down…gripping him over the slick rubber. Thick, long, just like I remembered…just Harry.  
“Can’t…please, don’t,” he begged, narrowing his eyes. “I’m telling you, 'mm almost there, as bad as that is.”  
I kissed his lips…I felt him drop his hips, the slippery tip rubbing against me. We both gasped quietly…pausing, enjoying our reunion before it started. I could feel his heart pounding against my chest…his eyelashes tickling my cheek as he looked down, looking back up at me.  
“May I?”  
“So polite…” I ran my thumb along his jaw…curling my toes in anticipation, wondering how I’d be feeling in afew short seconds. “I love you, Harry.”  
My words were his answer…he jumped the gun, wasting no time as he braced my hips with his hand and slid forward…both of us stalling and gasping as he slowed his action. My eyes were wide, his jaw was open as he looked up at me.  
“I-I’m sorry,” he stuttered, only about halfway in as he cringed…I was biting my lip, shocked at how much different he felt. He was the same…but apparently my body wasn’t used to him anymore. “Shit, Rory…are…shit, you okay?”  
I laced my fingers into the back of his hair, pulling him down and kissing him heavily…he kissed back, though his hips were frozen. He shook his head, eyes shut as he leaned against my forehead.  
“Unbelievable,” he muttered under his breath, clearly having a hard time keeping composure as he stayed in me. “Can…you okay? Can I move?”  
Instead of answering, I slid my hands down to his hips…urging him forward. He hissed through his teeth…watching our point of connection until he was all of the way in. He was…heavy, and it hurt slightly, but I was okay. He didn’t move, breaths shaky as he leaned on his elbows and cupped my face, kissing me over and over again, his hips soft against mine.  
“Are you okay?”  
“I’m fine, yes.”  
“Rory…”  
He cocked his head…eyes soft, upset seeming. I furrowed my eyebrows as he kissed my forehead.  
“What?”  
“This, us…” he glanced down again at our hips, looking up at me with an exasperated laugh. “This is it for me. I’m in heaven, love. With you, this…dunno, this is good. This is…I love you.”  
I think I smiled bigger than I ever had in that moment…watching him stumble over his words, smiling down at me…I pecked him…lacing my fingers around his neck.  
“Help me forget what happened.”  
“Don’t want you thinkin’ about that anymore,” he hummed quietly, kissing my neck tenderly. “You’re the only thing that matters.”  
“Show me.”  
He bit his lip…narrowing his eyes in concentration as he slowly began rocking in and out. His eyes stayed on mine…arms firm as he continued to thrust. The tight fit felt good after a few of the rocks of his hips, my jaw falling open…I wasn’t trying to hide my pleasure as I moaned his name quietly, his eyes widening with panic.  
“Rory, just…hold out, yeah? Try…erm, neighbors, yeah? Don’t want 'em to hear-”  
He was rambling, panting heavily as he slowed his pace. He was acting strange, and I had a hunch why. I smirked, gripping his hips and moving them in and out for him as he tried to fight me…tried to still them, with no luck. He let me help him, his chest heaving, eyes still on me.  
“Oh…Oh…” he moaned lowly, jaw dropped, eyes half open. “Rory…fuck-”  
I was shocked as his pattern became irregular, watching as he shut his eyes and pursed his lips as he emptied into the condom. Absolute disappointment was clear on his face as he huffed quietly…sinking to his elbows. I was smiling from ear to ear…even though it had been the first time I didn’t finish with him.  
He buried his face into my neck…occasionally pecking the skin, but hiding from me. He had pulled out, but he was just laying there…a big lump. I rubbed his back, biting my lip to try and stop my massive grin…I was happy. He’d barely made it through a few minutes.  
I could feel him muttering something into my neck as I pet the back of his head, his hair knotted.  
“What?”  
“Goin’ down in the books, that one.”  
I giggled…holding him, laughing as he nuzzled his nose into the crook of my neck and groaned.  
“Go on and call Guiness. World record, shortest, most humiliatin’ shag in history. Harry Styles. Two minutes, done for…oh God, say something.”  
He didn’t realize my silence wasn’t due to a lack of satisfaction…I was happy, so happy.  
He finally sat up…taking in my smile….he blushed, but his grin was big as he laughed, shaking his head and shutting his eyes. I kissed his nose and he let me, leaning down a little as his hair hung down.  
“One way to show my love, yeah? Awful.”  
I giggled…kissing him. He hummed…resting his forehead against mine, nuzzling our noses.  
“'Mm a happy man. Dunno if I should be. Pride is gone. But you’re still here, so…”  
“I love you.”  
He smiled a tight-lipped smile. “Love you so much. Slow was silly anyways, I reckon.”  
“Hopefully.”  
He kissed me slowly…smiling with both his eyes and lips as he looked down at me afterwards.  
“Everythin’ I’ve been dreamin’ of for the past 2 years is right here in front of me. 'Mm so happy.”  
I could only smile…not even caring I had tears in my eyes…he rubbed my cheek.  
“Do I get another go?  
I bit my lip…feeling light, free. Happy.  
"You wish, Styles.”  
He laughed…twirling a strand of my hair around his finger, watching it fall to my chest.  
“I’m an honest man. I do.”  
“Too bad, so sad,” I sang jokingly, watching his reaction. He was unphased, still playing with my hair. “Disappointed?”  
“'Mm…” he pouted his lips, shrugging. “Not really.”  
“Oh, okay.”  
“Yeah.”  
“Good then.”  
“A bit thirsty anyways.”  
“You have feet, two legs. Go get something.”  
His eyes met mine, and I knew…I felt my breathing pause as a wide grin spread on his lips.  
“No need to leave the bed. Just gonna duck under the covers really quick.”  
I laughed without humor…eyes wide, flushed as I watched him crawl down my body, smiling from ear to ear as he watched my face.  
“Still the same Harry…” I muttered as he winked, tugging the comforter back to rest comfortably on his shoulders.  
“Only bein’ courteous. Now if you’ll excuse me…absolutely parched.”


	27. Chapter 27

Twenty-Six ::: Rory  
The front door slammed shut, but I wasn’t phased. I continued to sip my coffee…reading through Jane’s email at the counter in the kitchen. Apparently, my successes so far were just the beginning. One of Harry’s wrinkled button ups was loosely covering my figure, a simple black thong underneath. I was smiling…like an idiot. It wasn’t going away, for more reasons than one.  
Lips on the back of my neck…a gentle peck. Curious eyes, a firm chin resting on my shoulder…I smiled, unable to focus on the words in front of me anymore - no matter how exciting.  
“S'cold out.”  
It took everything in me to remain cool, composed. Back to him. My eyes remained stationary, though my lips were going behind my back…contradicting my facade with the grin of a giddy teenager.  
I brought the rim of the mug to my lips…sipping slowly. His chin stayed in place as I swallowed, casually setting the steaming cup back down onto the counter.  
“Thought you hit it and quit it.”  
“‘Mm,” he hummed, his breath coming out of his nostrils and tickling my neck. “Caught me. Merely comin’ back to grab my wallet. Made a mad dash, forgot the cash.”  
I tried so hard not to laugh…but the idiotic statement that he was surely so proud of made the task impossible. I snorted, giggling as I went to spin around and give into my urges…but stopped as he removed himself, walking around the counter and setting two things down…  
I was distracted by the baby-blue bouquet, but the paperwork caught my attention.  
“What’s that?”  
“Called roses or somethin’. Dunno. Heard you liked 'em, or somethin’.”  
“Shut up, I mean, thank you-”  
He smiled sheepishly, walking over and capturing my lips in a sloppy kiss. I tried to rush through it, needing to know why he’d left and come back with flowers and a stack of random papers - but melted. He held my hips…thumbing the material, groaning against my mouth before pulling back with wild eyes. His coat and reddened cheeks were more than enough to make up for the cold bed I’d woken up to.  
“Where’d you go? I have to admit, I thought you left until I saw your suitcase still here.”  
“Right, 'cause I’d do that.”  
“I’m serious.”  
“I’m right here. Didn’t go anywhere.”  
“But you did-”  
He pecked me again, smiling through it as he held me tightly to him, lacing his fingers on my lower back. The barstool had me lower than I’d normally be, forcing Harry to lean down more than he was used to, almost slouching over me. He wrapped my bare thighs around his middle, biting his lip with a coy raise of his eyebrows.  
“What are those papers?”  
“Do you like the flowers?”  
“I do.”  
“I quite like the blue. My favorite color.”  
“Answer me, Harry.”  
He sighed…messing with his hair as he allowed my legs to drop, walking over…he stared down at the stack, watching me as he picked them up. He returned to his spot between my legs…looking down at me as he spun the papers around, biting his lip.  
“Here.”  
“What-”  
“Just covering my bases.”  
The texture was rough in my hands as my eyes read over the words…things clicking.  
Harry Styles…negative…negative…negative…negative…negative…  
My mouth was dry, my heart was pounding…I wasn’t sure if I should be happy or heartbroken as to why he’d slipped out of bed without me knowing…  
“I care about you. Didn’t like how worried you seemed about the condom last night…so…dunno, maybe…dunno, hope this makes you feel a bit better.”  
I didn’t say anything…his STD results remaining in my hands…all clean. He was clean. Still mine…but I was torn, the fact that he had to get tested eating away at me as bitter thoughts resurfaced. I tried to push them down, focusing on the reality that he was there, with me. No one else.  
“Was hopin’ the flowers would ease the blow…guess not.”  
I looked up…he looked ashamed, upset. He watched me carefully…nervously running the tips of his fingers over his bottom lip.  
“I’m so sorry, baby.”  
I slowly nodded…re-reading the results. Making sure I wasn’t seeing things that I just wanted to see…making sure they were actually there. Three times over and I believed it. He was clean.  
“Knew I was clean, I did. Just…wanted to be sure. For you. I mean - for me, too - obviously, but like, for you…wanted you to see I cared enough to go on and go…I mean-”  
I cut him off…and cut off my negative thoughts. I kissed him with everything I had…I kissed him for the lost time, I kissed him for flying to New York to me, I kissed him for the very quick sex, I kissed him for slipping out of bed and bringing me flowers and a peace of mind…I kissed him to rid the taste of the many that had been on his tongue…  
He moaned as I pulled him closer, his hips between my legs as I wrapped them around him, pressing his lower back to me with the heels of my feet. He gently placed his hands on the sides of my neck, kissing me just as hard as I was giving. Tongues were tickling each other, lips were rubbing each other raw, hands were desperate…I was hurting, but I was also healing…both at the expense of Harry.  
“Rory…” his voice cracked as he pulled away, staring down at me. His lips were glistening, already swollen, eyes heavy. “You’re my girl, yeah?”  
I blinked a few times. The answer was immediate.  
“Yes.”  
“No, like…”  
He trailed off…eyes narrowing. He huffed, frustrated with himself.  
“Dunno, I know you can’t give me much at the moment, but like…like, can you just give me that?”  
“What?”  
The embarrassment evident in his emerald irises answered the question…I sighed.  
“I’m…I’m not ready to commit fully to you, Harry…” the words hurt, but I started speaking out of frustration - knowing that maybe I would be ready to be completely his if he hadn’t done the things he did. “Maybe if you hadn’t fucked around-”  
“I’m yours, Rory, s'all I’m saying. I’m yours. Not going to be goin’ round doing things…you don’t have to worry about me,” he spoke quietly…watching my reaction. “Maybe I’m bein’ selfish, but I want…I want that from you as well. Am I askin’ too much?”  
“You want me to be your girlfriend.”  
“Yeah, but no…I know you can’t do that yet. Fuck, I want it, but…” he hummed, playing with my hair, distracting his eyes. “I’m givin’ you my all. Can I assume you’re going to be giving me yours? No…no Casey, or-”  
“There’s no one else, Harry. Unlike you, I’ve not had someone else…Casey was…brief, and…weird. There’s nothing…there’s no one else.”  
“No one?”  
“No one.”  
He was quiet…still twirling the strand of hair…it was unlike him to be so possessive, so worried…I had a feeling he was beating himself up for his own actions. As much as I wanted to say it wasn’t worthy, it was…though seeing him remorseful helped me see past the things he’d done more than he knew.  
“You good?”  
He finally looked at me…a hint of a smile spreading.  
“Yeah. Yeah, 'mm good.”  
“Good.”  
“Great, even.”  
“Why’s that?”  
“Got my girl back.”  
I bit my lip, trying to stop my grin. I raised my eyebrows in feigned shock.  
“Easy there, tiger, not quite-”  
“Did enough for me to be happy about it.”  
I shut my mouth…pursing my lips, watching him, loving the way his hair hung down around his face, the way he’d smirk…a smile directed only at me.  
“Wearin’ my things again. Yeah…” he nodded to himself, smiling as he tugged on the ends of his white button up that I was wearing. “Yeah, doin’ alright for myself.”  
“I’m keeping this one,” I challenged, smirking as he stepped even closer. I warmed my arms, slipping them around his sides and into his coat. “It’s comfy.”  
“Yeah?”  
“'Mm.”  
“I quite like that one…may have to steal it back.”  
“Good luck, I’m wearing it. Never taking it off.”  
He pouted, giving me puppy eyes. “Who gave you the right?”  
I chewed on my lip…shrugging, playing with the flaps of his coat.  
“Don’t know, maybe considering Forbes just named me #13 on their hottest to watch under 30…think I deserve it.”  
His eyes were wide….jaw dropped…I giggled, feeling my cheeks grow pink. I wasn’t one to boast…but things were really going well for me, and Harry was one of the few people I wanted to share my excitement with…wanted to see how he felt.  
“I’m so fucking proud of you.”  
“Are you?”  
“Rory…” he shook his head incredulously. “Don’t think you know how attractive I find it that you’re so bloody driven, so…smart, dunno. You’re so sexy, Jesus - I’m so proud. So proud.”  
I couldn’t hide it anymore…I was smiling massively, looping my arms around his neck. His smile was dazed, he looked at me like I was everything…it was so strange. So strange to feel so many conflicting emotions…to feel hurt, but so whole at the same time…to see the man I’d cried in front of, gotten the stomach flu in front of, showered in front of, smiled in front of…he held so many memories and he was home, but I needed to take things slowly…maybe not physically, but mentally, in my heart…I needed to go slow. I wanted us to have a chance, and I knew that meant easing back into it.  
“I love you, Rory.”  
I merely smiled…I didn’t have it in me yet to say I knew, but the feeling was returned. Deep down, I knew he loved me…there was no way he didn’t. I saw it in his eyes. But I wasn’t ready to accept it just yet.  
He patiently waited…rubbing his lips together. I slowly nodded.  
“You know I love you.”  
“And you don’t believe me…” he said quietly…like he’d been punched in the stomach. The happiness in his eyes was gone….he was lost, and I somehow wished I could fix it, but I couldn’t. Not yet. I wouldn’t lie to him…I wasn’t fully accepting of his love, and I was afraid to be. “Tell me what to do. I’ll do anything, tell me what to do.”  
“You can’t.”  
His face fell as I shook my head…cupping his stubbly cheeks. “Time. Just…just be here. I want this, I just need time.”  
He rested his forehead against mine…shutting his eyes. “I’m here, I’ll always be here. Can’t get rid of me.”  
“Oh gosh.”  
“Persistent bugger, I am.”  
“Sounds annoying.”  
“A bit, yeah. But I can also be quite nice, I think. Gentlemanly and what not.”  
“Sounds better.”  
“'Mm. I’ll be good for you, doll. I’ll be real good.”  
I rolled my eyes, though I was smiling. He proudly grinned down at me…holding me close. I kissed him…again, the moment was heavy. It seemed as if our reunion was prolonging itself…each second spent together just as sweet as the last.  
I vaguely noticed his hands…unbuttoning his shirt that clung to me. I was more aware of the scorching temperature in the room…the magnetic pull between us. It was something indescribable…one second we were joking around, the next it was almost painful to not be as close as possible…memories of the night before were resurfacing as each button was undone, and I needed to relive every moment…praying it would be longer, but also okay if it wasn’t…  
He was on the last button as I ran my hands over his clothed chest…watching his eyes drop, take me in as he opened the shirt up, revealing nothing underneath. His heart was a steady, heavy thud underneath my fingertips…eyes blazen with lust and adoration.  
“Eyes up here, you perv.”  
I joked with him, laughing lightly…though he was long gone. He traced his fingertips over my breasts, cupping them so tenderly.  
“They’ve grown a little bit.”  
“No.”  
“Thanks a lot, Harry.”  
“No. They’re perfect,” he muttered, eyes back up at me, hands cold and needy. “Just the right size.”  
“What do you define as the right size?” I giggled, finding his heated yet calm state amusing. “Seems like an awfully bold statement.”  
“Fit in my hands just right. Just mine, though.”  
“Hm.”  
“Don’t hm me,” he smirked, rolling his eyes. “'Mm serious. Love that about your body…feels like it’s mine.”  
“It’s actually mine, thanks.”  
“Yeah. And mine.”  
“You’re unbelievable.”  
He bit his lip…narrowing his eyes…I watched as he dropped his hand between my legs…opening them wider, giving him more access. He gently rubbed over the lace…shutting his eyes, lip white where his teeth dug into it. My breath caught in my throat as I leaned back slightly, the cold countertop digging into my back. I could feel my arousal, and I could tell by the tension in his jaw he could, too.  
“I missed you, Rory. I missed all of you, every bit,” he cried out quietly, opening his eyes. “We weren’t meant to fall apart. I really don’t think so…dunno what happened.”  
The combination of his sentimental confessions and the constant rubbing of his fingers was overwhelming…I loved him so much, I had missed him so much…I forgot about the other girls, I did. I pulled him closer…I reached down, I unzipped his jeans, I tugged his briefs down just enough…I reached in, I gripped the hardened skin…he watched me, short spurts of breath falling from his mouth as I pulled him out.  
“Oh, Rory…shit, baby. You have such a strong hold on me, I can’t…” he groaned lowly as I squeezed him, smirking as I referenced his double meaning. “I love you, I…I love you so fucking much.”  
He slapped my hand away, stepping closer…I gripped his shoulders, heart pounding, hands clammy against his coat…he moved my underwear to the side, meeting my gaze as I gasped, nodding. Any doubts were gone…he hissed between his teeth…eyes narrowed as he rubbed his bare skin against mine…sliding up and down easily…  
“Oh, Rory…”  
I grabbed his face, kissing him…we groaned into each other’s mouths as he squeezed in, pressing his hips forward. Our lips still as he inched his way in…breath coming out in short gasps. His fingertips grazed my thigh…so gently gripping it, raising it slightly as he pressed just that last bit forward and completely became one with me. His belt buckle hit the barstool with a clank, though we didn’t care…we sat still…chest rising heavily, foreheads pressed together, eyes shut.  
“S'good?”  
I smiled….laughing in exasperation, tears in my eyes…it was something so simple, but so Harry…I bit my lip.  
“Yeah. Yeah, it’s good.”  
“Yeah?”  
“Shhh…” I hummed…smiling up at him. He noticed the tears in my eyes…cupping my face, pecking me softly. “I missed you.”  
He winced…a quiet whimper falling from his parted lips. “Love you.”  
And I believed him, not that far deep down.  
He held my hips steady…making sure not to topple me over…he kept eye contact…fully clothed except our important bits…just watching me, seeing what I liked, what I didn’t…I felt like I’d never felt something so pure and right. Him against me, no barriers…he was careful, slow…studying me as he worked his hips in and out…I was losing every bit of me as I watched him watch himself, eyes narrowed down at our connection as he moved back and forth. I desperately clung to his shoulders, arching my back as our chests pressed together…I moaned his name right into his ear…he cried out, clearly having held out just for me…timing it just right, sliding himself out and finishing off onto my stomach with a low sigh.  
We were quiet…he held me…I rested my forehead against his shoulder…I felt him kiss my temple, my forehead…his hands were all over me in the most innocent of ways, rubbing my back, making sure I was fully on the stool, keeping me safe…  
He was leaving in a few short hours, but regardless of our conversation…regardless of the things I still had to come to terms with, I knew I was his. Completely, wholly his.


	28. Chapter 28

Twenty-Seven ::: Harry  
“You wanna stop, I reckon.”  
Drip.  
“I do?”  
Drip.  
“You do.”  
Drip.  
“Why is that?”  
Drip.  
“‘Cause I’m about to shove my foot up your arse. Cut it out, Gem.”  
“Drunk, tired, and snippy. Why’d you come home again?”  
“Why do you breathe?”  
“Good one, idiot.”  
Drip.  
“Gemma, fuck off.”  
“Harry Edward Styles!”  
A groan rattled my chest, my eyes peaking open to reveal my snickering, pest of a sister sitting beside me on the couch. Dinner (and maybe a bit of Sangria) had done me in, silently directing my body to a prime spot on the couch where I’d been sprawled out for a short matter of five minutes. The cup of water in my dear sibling’s hand, along with her wet fingertips, made sense of my wet forehead.  
“Harry, language.”  
My full name that had been shouted from a distance was suddenly much more clear as angry green eyes met mine. I smiled my best smile - only earning a slap on the forehead from my disapproving mother, and another string of giggles from said pest. I glared over at my flesh and blood - who looked more than pleased with herself.  
“Mum, her too.”  
Mum was wiping her hands on a dish-rag in the doorway, rolling her eyes at me.  
“Oh, grow a pair.”  
“Gemma Styles, enough.”  
Triumph. Gem rolled her eyes at me as mum made her way out, leaving the two of us to fight our own battle. To my greatest pleasure, the water torture was over as I shut my eyes, smiling to myself and lacing my fingers across my chest.  
“Always used to do that,” she muttered under her breath with a huff, tugging at the toe of my boot. “Whine and get me in trouble. Big baby.”  
“Am not.”  
Sleep wouldn’t be happening. I placed a hand behind my head, sitting up a bit. She raised her eyebrows at me, smirking.  
“What?”  
“Sangria has you all flitzy, you goof. Eyes all shiny, stupid grin. Like a damn girl.”  
“Am not.”  
“Do you have a proper come back? We aren’t children anymore, Harold.”  
“Stop pickin’ on me, I’ve had a long day.”  
“Not my fault you mysteriously decide you’re going to show to my early birthday extravaganza two days late, draggin’ your feet straight from the airport to dinner…” I could see the look in her eyes…I wasn’t immune to it, clearly. “See, you’re smiling. I’m not stupid, neither are mum and Robin. Thinking you’re so sneaky…”  
“No idea what you’re goin’ on about.”  
“Right. So that silly grin you’ve been wearin’ the whole time you’ve been here is from jetlag, yeah? No. Idiot.”  
“No grin here.”  
“You’re doing it now.”  
My cheeks were burning as I tried to frown, making some sort of face that caused her to lose composure. She laughed at me, causing me to join her as I crossed my arms, shutting my eyes…avoiding 20 questions.  
“Sangria. Said it yourself.”  
“No. And that’s not an I-got-my-willy-wet smile, either.”  
“Lovely, Gem. Really. Great.”  
“I’m serious, Harry. That’s a Rory smile. Definitely.”  
I swallowed…giving up. I was smiling, focusing on keeping my eyes closed. “Oh really?”  
She wasn’t buying my act.  
“Yeah. Really, really. You’re blushin’, dimples look painful. You look happy. Yep. Rory,” she hummed matter-of-factly. “You were in New York.”  
“Was I?”  
“Yes. You were.”  
“Oh. I hope I had a nice time then — ow!”  
I darted up, rubbing my shin as she grinned with a devilish smile, nodding her head. I went to slap her arm, but she dodged it, continuing to smile like a creep. I muttered under my breath, moving my legs so my socks hit the floor.  
“Time for me to go to bed, you’re bein’ mean.”  
She was right on my trail, following me through the kitchen as I said goodnight, kissing mum on the cheek. Mum eyed me wearily, running her cold hand over my cheek with narrowed eyes. I awaited her usual fuss with a small smile…the you look so sleepy, baby or my handsome boy…secretly enjoying the attention…though was only left with disappointment.  
“Those Sangrias really get to you, bub.”  
Gemma snorted, and even Robin was laughing as I groaned, glaring at them all.  
“Do not, it was a heavy dinner and I’m tired. Jesus.”  
“Harry, no,” mum scolded my choice of word as I rolled my eyes, shuffling my feet out of the room.  
Footsteps behind me.  
No way in hell.  
“Mum, tell Gem to leave me alone, please.”  
“Very mature, Harry, how old are you, 7?”  
“Shut up, Gemma, if I were 7 I’d still be older than you because you’re about as mature as a 4 year old.”  
The entire house was silent as I groaned, hearing mass laughter break out. I made my way up the stairs, trying to ignore the life-sized, human version of mockery that was following me around.  
“A few issues with that statement, babe, I’m older than you.”  
“I know, Gemma.”  
“Good boy, admitting you’re wrong.”  
I slung my head back, walking down the hall and wishing I could blink her away. I turned around, my back pressing to my old bedroom door. The hallway was dark, but I could see her smile.  
“Would you please leave me be? I really am tired.”  
“I want to have a chat, haven’t seen you in a bit.”  
“You only want to pick on me.”  
“No…”  
She smiled innocently, pulling a bottle of Pink Moscato from behind her back with another wicked grin. I shook my head, eyes wide.  
“Not you. It’s my favorite, mum hid it in the cabinet for her book group. I stole it, want to down as much as I can in peace. Let me in? We can watch Friends…”  
I sighed.  
“Haven’t seen you in months, Harry.”  
Her smile fell, playful tone gone. She raised her eyebrows…I knew she was right. Ever since the boys and I had switched management teams, we had more time off…and selfishly, I’d avoided most time at home…mum and Gem just worried about me, and I didn’t want to hear it…didn’t want the sympathy, didn’t want to talk about anything…maybe a bit of me was ashamed with what I’d been doing, as well. Regardless, I hadn’t seen them for longer than a few hours at a time in months. Deep down, her constant nagging and teasing were welcomed…somehow. I missed it.  
I huffed, and she immediately grinned, clapping her hands together, knowing she’d won. Before I could even tell her my decision, she had pounced on my bed, uncorking the fresh bottle of wine.  
“Want some?” she crossed her legs, adjusting her top and grabbing my favorite pillow — then squishing it down into her lap. I glared at her, but she ignored me. “Hurry up and go brush your teeth! I want to put on the fire episode.”  
“So bossy…”  
I walked into the bathroom, cringing and narrowing my eyes as I flicked on the light. It was fluorescent — the task of replacing it long overdue, but being as I was the only one to stay in the room every few months or so, it would never get done. There were toothpaste stains on the mirror…something I despised more than most things, but I was always too tired when I came home to get them.  
“How are the boys?!”  
I squeezed toothpaste onto my toothbrush, leaning on the counter with my closed fist. “Good!” I shouted, beginning to brush…staring at my reflection.  
Damn, I really was tipsy.  
“Can I text Niall off your phone?!”  
“Knnnnohh yohhhsehhh ouuuh!”  
Most would have no clue that I’d said 'knock yourself out’ but being my sister, she was good for at least something. She was quiet on the other side of the wall as I finished up, taking a quick wee and running water over my face before tugging my shirt off and shutting off the light as I walked back into the room. I didn’t pay much mind to her sullen face as I pulled off my pants, shut off the bedroom light, and walked over to the bed in my briefs…the only light in the room was coming from the TV - the main menu of Friends Season 1 playing the theme song over and over again - and the blinding light of my phone illuminating Gemma’s face.  
I buried myself under the covers, groaning with pleasure as I snuggled even deeper…the smile was impossible to fight…I didn’t try. I missed another warm body, but that was something I’d keep to myself.  
“What’s he up to?”  
Seconds passed…then, far too long. Too long for Gem to not talk. I opened my eyes…seeing her purse her lips and look up at me…a blank expression on her face, very different from her obnoxious mood a few minutes prior.  
“Riiiiight.”  
She shook her head, a look of absolute disgust on her face. I went from not caring, to being genuinely concerned…Gem pissed me off, but that look was one I never wanted to get…it hurt, and it was rare.  
“What?”  
“I should have known.”  
“What happened?”  
She was glaring…just glaring. But it was a sad glare…not angry. I snatched my phone from her hands, she didn’t stop me. I felt my stomach drop…I swallowed…reading the message.  
So that’s that then? You just stop replying or calling me back…lovely guy, Harry. Glad you got what you wanted…you left shit here. I hope you know I’m just going to throw it out.  
“Her? Of all people…her?”  
I didn’t say anything…I stared at the harsh, hurt-fueled words…unsure of what would be best. Trying to somehow maintain a somewhat kind image, or just deleting it and blocking her number…I opted for both, ignoring Gem for the time being.  
Paige. I’m sorry. I really am. But no more of this.. Throw it out, I don’t care. Probably best anyway.  
I hit send…deleting her messages for the fifth time, then calling my provider to have her number blocked…I could feel Gem’s eyes on me the entire time, burning me…my voice was dull as I spoke, finalizing the process before hanging up…wishing I had the stranger still on the other line to escape the look of absolute disappointment I was receiving.  
I swallowed hard…laying my head back into the pillows. “What do you want me to say, Gem?”  
“I knew you were dickin’ around, but if I’d known it was with that wench…Harry…”  
I avoided her eyes…feeling my heart thud heavily in my chest. My stomach felt sick, and I knew it wasn’t due to the Sangria.  
“She was so awful to you, always. Why? Why would you go back to that-”  
“I don’t fucking know, Gem, okay?!”  
Her body stirred slightly with the raise of my voice…her eyes wide with shock. She’d struck a chord…I could feel my mood had plummeted. It wasn’t her fault, but I didn’t need to be reminded of what I’d done.  
She swallowed…watching me carefully as I stared up at the ceiling.  
“Please at least tell me it wasn’t serious.”  
Time passed. I watched the fan spin.  
“It wasn’t.”  
“Please at least tell me it was once or twice, though I think I know the answer…she had some of your things…Harry…”  
I was quiet…the guilt eating away at me. My silence gave her the answer she wasn’t hoping for as she groaned in frustration.  
“Harry, what is it about the ones that suck you dry that draw you in? Huh? Why? Why? And after Rory — of all times- ”  
“That’s why, Gem,” I snapped, sitting up abruptly. My head hurt. “That’s bloody why. You know she’s always there, you know she’ll drop her shit at the drop of a hat for me. I knew that. I knew it and I took advantage.”  
She was quiet…watching me come down, though it wasn’t happening. I laced my fingers in my hair…moaning in frustration as I fell back into the pillows. She said nothing.  
“You done?”  
“Please tell me you were in New York for Rory and not that skag.”  
“I was in New York for Rory and not that skag. Enough. Hit play.”  
“Please tell me you didn’t pursue said skag.”  
I rolled my eyes.  
“Please. I beg of you.”  
“I didn’t…”  
She raised her eyebrows as I threw my hands up. “I didn’t! She was at some event, I was hammered, she grabbed my dick—”  
“Splendid, bravo. Love hearin’ that about my baby brother, lovely.”  
“— and I went home with her, dunno. It just…it kept happening, I let it. It happened with other people, too, but I didn’t have to try with Paige…well, I didn’t have to try with any of 'em, really.”  
“Lovely, as I said.”  
“'Mm not proud, Gem. Just facts. I needed someone to be there, needed someone to hold me and tell me it would be alright…”  
“That’s sad, Harry. You had us, you had the boys, you had —”  
“I didn’t have her, Gem.”  
She pursed her lips…listening to me.  
“I only want Rory. I’m tryin’ to make that happen, yeah? Please…don’t make me feel worse about the stupid shit I did.”  
“Does she know?”  
“Know what?”  
“About the girls, about Paige.”  
“She knows the number, no specifics.”  
“Oi,” she sighed, eyes wide. She passed me the wine bottle. I shook my head. “Drink up, you prick. Bit of tough love comin’.”  
I eyed it for only a few more seconds before taking it…hardly enjoying the dangerous combination of the minty taste on my tongue mixed with the sweet concoction. I felt like I was going to puke as I puffed my cheeks out, swallowing hard.  
“I think you ought to tell her about Paige if it was a long-term thing.”  
I shook my head…wincing at the taste. “I can’t.”  
“Why not? I mean, she’s a bit scary but I know how you are with this one, don’t mess it because of that slutty girl. I can’t bear to see you fall apart again, Harry…it broke our hearts, it really did, please. Be smart.”  
“I am, Gem. I just…we’re doin’ okay, yeah? We’re doin’ well…we’re back on track, I can’t…she’s in such a good place-”  
“Yeah, damn right she is, saw her all over the telly, she looks sexy, bear. Don’t want to imagine the things you do in your alone time.”  
I grinned as she fake gagged…the serious tone returning quickly.  
“I can’t hurt her, Gem. I can’t…not again. Should’ve seen her when I told her how many…” my heart hurt just thinking of her face…I hated myself, even though I’d technically done nothing wrong. I hated myself for putting Rory through it, knowing how I’d feel if roles were reversed. “I just can’t. I know what she’ll think…she’ll think it was serious, she’ll think I had feelings for Paige…wasn’t like that, it really wasn’t.”  
“Not at all? Didn’t want to test it out — even though you’d be a bloody idiot for thinking she’d be the right one-”  
“No. Never. Really…” I picked at a spot on my chin…staring off. “Really, no. She was there, she was…I mean, she was easy. Kind of all happened in a blur, was travellin’ a lot, she’d be in the same city, I’d wake up in her bed. Just happened. No more, though.”  
She stared at me…sighing. She raised her eyebrows…nodding slowly. “Better not. Rory was the upgrade of the century, don’t know how you could’ve gone back.”  
“I’m aware.”  
“Well…you guys are good?”  
I hummed…a distant smile on my face. Images of her…they’d stay with me forever. Every single one…I didn’t tell her how pretty she looked in my white shirt, but she did. Beautiful. Especially with it unbuttoned, hanging off of her as I took her in the kitchen…  
“Yeah, we’re good.”  
“There it is. Sick.”  
“What?”  
“The got-my-willy-wet face. Gross, you pervert. So I was only half right, it was both a Rory smile and a happy-penis smile.”  
“You are so strange.”  
“Mm. Well then. Gimme your phone.”  
“S'right next to you.”  
“Good on you.”  
She grabbed it, her thumbs flying…I watched suspiciously as she smiled.  
“Don’t like that face.”  
“You’ll thank me later.”  
“No. No, probably not. Gimme that.”  
“Sent. Here.”  
She handed me my phone…I read the message outloud, dully.  
“The booty was ace. I’m a stinky idiot. I’m drunk on girly drinks and Gemma is awesome. I’ll see you in two weeks…?”  
My comment in regards to the first half of the stupid message was lost, the last bit confusing me. She grinned.  
“What?”  
“What’s in two weeks…?”  
“You’ll be in Texas playing that surprise gig.”  
“Right, you idiot. She lives in New York.”  
She rolled her eyes. “You’re very slow, but I love you dearly. That smile was a Rory smile…but mum and I knew right away that’s what you were doing when you delayed the trip, so…I did a bit of digging. Rory will be speaking at the University of Texas in two weeks. Conveniently, when you’ll be there.”  
I was speechless…unsure if she was a genius, or just weird.  
“What?” she giggled, shrugging. “Can’t expect me to sit back and do nothing when my baby brother is trying to win the love of his life back. You’re welcome.”  
I swallowed, still stunned.  
“Right. Thanks.”  
“So appreciative. Anyways. I’m pushing play.”


	29. Chapter 29

Twenty-Eight ::: Rory  
My heart…felt whole. I wasn’t sure if I’d reached my peak of maturity, or if I was just at a point of total and complete happiness…but the bad wasn’t seeming so bad, and the good was seeming really, really good. It was a feeling of contentment I’d never felt before…an indescribable bliss that simply could not be taken from me — I wouldn’t let it.  
“What about edible arrangements? Those are fun.”  
“Ew, how lowly. No.”  
“Sorry Cal, not everyone works for a snobby designer like you, I happen to like chocolate in the shape of flowers.”  
“It’s going to look stupid.”  
“Well I don’t care how it looks! You eat it!”  
Wedding plans and endless bickering filled my old bedroom in my mother’s Malibu house, my sister and best friend sprawled out on the carpeted floor with magazines and their laptops. Em decided to join the annual Thanksgiving chaos at the Whitely residence — seeing as her parents scheduled their anniversary trip on the very same week. It was nice to be back home for a few days, though the reminder that things would never change was bittersweet. Cal was as rude as ever, Chase was kissing Val’s ass, and my mother was drunk for the one time of the year she allowed it…I wouldn’t want it any other way, though slipping upstairs to get away from some of it was absolutely necessary.  
The petty fights continued as I enjoyed the soft bed undearneath my back, separating myself from the battle — and from getting any unwanted attention. I was glued to my phone.  
Miss you.  
I was beaming…I replied quickly.  
Prove it.  
I wasn’t sure what he was up to, but I knew he was at home…still visiting his family. We were trying to keep everything under wraps, though it was proving difficult. The fans were onto us…my Twitter feed was buzzing with gossip and rumors, but neither of us were acknowledging them. It was…refreshing to just — for lack of better words — simply not give a fuck. Almost…fun. Exhilirating.  
Can’t.. Modern age, love. If this were a letter, it would be soaked with my tears. Don’t want to ruin my phone.  
I rolled my eyes…making the mistake of giggling out loud. The conversation taking place in the room dwindled…I could feel both Em and Cal staring at me, though I acted oblivious.  
“Not sure how a discrepancy in the color of table runners at my wedding is amusing,” Em said suspciously, though I refused to look at her. I nonchalantly played on my phone…really just aimlessly running my thumbs over it. “Why have you been so cheery?”  
“Are you kidding me?” Cal scoffed. I looked up, seeing her look between the two of us with sheer amusement. “You are slow, Adams. She got laid.”  
My eyes widened as Em gasped, glaring at my sister. Bless her heart.  
“Ew, you’re a girl, don’t say that. And no she didn’t!”  
I bit my lip, looking back down at my phone. Cal was snickering as Em looked between the two of us…I could almost hear things clicking in her brain.  
“You and Harry are just friends, right?”  
“Right.”  
“That’s the biggest load of bull I’ve ever heard,” Cal laughed, looking at Em as if she were the most idiotic species on the planet. I gave in…peaking over my phone. They were so completely opposite…for once, I had to give my sister credit. She had made her fair share of bad decisions, but she wasn’t as naiive as Em. “Is that what she told you?”  
“Rory, you guys just hungout, right?”  
I slowly smiled…her jaw dropped as she groaned. “Rory! You dirty liar! And how did you know?”  
Cal was smiling triumphantly, though she seemed more interested in getting the dirt out of me. She smirked at Em, shrugging, before looking over at me with raised eyebrows and a smug grin.  
“I knew it when I saw the pictures of him walking around near Rory’s place all over the tabloids…and oh, let’s see, iceskating together a few weeks back? Like really? You could at least try to be inconspicuous.”  
“Nothing to hide,” I hummed as they both stared at me, standing up and joining me on the bed. I rolled my eyes, flipping my phone over as it buzzed — both of their gazes darting towards it. “Cut it out. Leave me alone.”  
“Rory, you had sex with him,” Em stated, though I wasn’t sure if it was a question or not. Cal was giggling at my disappointed friend, shaking her head at me. “I knew it. The P has been in the V, now what?”  
“Oh stop being such a prude,” Cal laughed, stretching her legs out on the bed. One touched Em as she flinched away from it, pleasing Cal even more. “Now they have this hot, no-strings-attached sexual relationship. It’s awesome, some of the best sex because you’re doing it with a person where feelings are involved - but - there’s no attachment.”  
I kept my mouth shut, watching the two interact. Em was not happy, but Cal looked over at me.  
“So, tell me - was it super hot makeup sex? How many times did you do it? How did it happen?”  
I stared at my sister…knowing the honest thing to do would be to admit that I hadn’t agreed to some “no-strings-attached sexual relationship”…Harry and I weren’t ever going away, and I should have realized it sooner. My feelings for him hadn’t lessened, and they were never going to, nor could anyone replace him…I knew things about him that no one else did. He carried a small poloroid camera with him nearly everywhere he went, “just in case”…he wrote poetry in his notebook that he’d even hide from me…he had flowers delivered to his mom once a month…he always gave money to homeless people…he hated pears with a passion…he was afraid of spiders, to the point where he’d nearly cry just at the sight of one on TV…  
‘No strings attached’ would never be possible, nor did I want it to be. I wanted strings, and I wanted them to be tied incredibly tight…painfully so. Perks of being the signficant other of a man better looking than most women.  
“No comment.”  
“Oh come on, Rory,” Cal groaned, rubbing her forehead. “We aren’t 12. Who am I going to tell?”  
“And thanks for not telling your best friend,” Em chimed in, leaning up onto her knees. “You owe me that.”  
“Us.”  
“No, me.”  
“I don’t owe either of you anything. This is for me…I’m happy. I’m still trying to cope with everything, so I don’t see why gossiping with you two will help me.”  
Quiet…they both stared at me, and I knew I’d said too much.  
“Cope with everything…”  
“He’s fucked other girls, hasn’t he?” Cal laughed, rolling her eyes at me as I sat up, glaring at her. “Oh, Rory.”  
Cal’s delusional opinions were usually pushed aside, considering everything that had taken place barely two years before…it was still fresh in my mind, the idea that we may not have ever had the chance to fight again. She’d been doing so well…completely sober, full-time job…but sometimes, she was asking for it.  
“Oh, Rory, what?”  
Em was watching with a subtle smirk on her face, just waiting…probably hoping we’d get into it, hoping I’d snub Cal like I usually did. Though I wasn’t in the mood to argue…I wanted to hear what she had to say, maybe I was being ridiculous…overreacting.  
“Did you really think Harry Styles would keep his penis in his pants for 2 years, when you didn’t talk to him?”  
“Don’t talk to me like I’m a child, Cal. No…I mean…” I shook my head, swallowing my pride. “No, but it would have been…I don’t know, easier to deal with if he had…or if he had more…”  
“You asked, didn’t you?”  
Em’s gaze was bouncing between the two of us, hooked on our every word. I bit my lip…shrugging.  
“How could I not?”  
“There’s your first problem,” Cal sighed, raising her eyebrows. “Who cares? You weren’t together.”  
“Of course I care, I didn’t say he did anything wrong…technically,” I was getting defensive, though I appreciated the annoyed scowl that had spread on Em’s face - directed at Cal. “But of course I care. I love him, of course I care.”  
“But you’re just having sex - so what - ”  
“We’re working on getting back together, okay?”  
They both sighed…Em looked more worried, Cal looked annoyed. I merely smiled.  
“I don’t want to hear it.”  
“But you’re living the single girl life, Rory, you’re owning the shit out of yourself right now,” Cal whined, motioning to my body. “You’re a hot commodity, you turned down Playboy yesterday. Don’t you want to have some fun with that?”  
I smiled, nodding. “And I will. But I miss him…and I want him in my life.”  
I glanced over at Em, who was picking at something on the comforter. She was avoiding me.  
“Go on and say it, Em.”  
She looked up, hesitating. She forced a smile. “No. You seem happy.”  
“Say it, Em.”  
“Just….you sure you guys are making the right decision? Have things really changed? I mean, I feel like if anything, you’re way more busy.”  
I nodded…knowing exactly what she was saying…but again, it was this overwhelming sense of comfort…contentment. No matter how much it hurt about the other girls, I was confident in us…completely, for the first time.  
“We’ve changed. Him and I. We’ve changed in the ways that we needed to. They have a new management team that seems to be better for him, but…we’re just better now. I just…I just feel it. I think we just need time…but I’m happy, I really am. I’m not worried about what the fans will say, or if it will draw attention…I’m good, and that…that feels better than anything ever has. That, and having him text me again…I’m truly in a good place, and I don’t think it would feel this good if he wasn’t a part of it.”  
A fake gag ensued, coming from Cal’s mouth…though Em just smiled softly. She stared at me…slowly nodding.  
“I can’t believe I’m saying this…but in that case, Cal’s right. You shouldn’t care about those girls, Rory. He loves you, he’s only ever loved you. You know that.”  
I knew she was right…but I needed to learn to accept that. Time…I knew it would all just take time.  
“I get to see him in two weeks.”  
“You’ve been seeing him more than you guys used to see each other,” she commented blankly, nodding her head. “You know, maybe you’re right. Maybe it’s finally your time to make this work…just be careful.”  
“I am.”  
“Clearly not, you already fuck-”  
“Cal.”  
Em and I scolded her at the same time, the three of us laughing shortly after. It wasn’t long before I was sitting on the floor with the two of them…aimlessly looking through wedding ideas and blogs…I couldn’t believe my best friend was getting married…I couldn’t believe I was 24…and travelling the world to speak about my first novel, and having magazines fight over me, and having people actually care about what I had to say…and that I’d met the man I actually wanted to marry.  
The thought frightened me as I swallowed hard, showing Em a dress that I liked. The evening passed quickly…along with the night. Chase came and got Cal and they left, while Em and I sat chatting on my bedroom floor…she was on the phone with some designer in Germany when my phone rang. I walked over to it…immediately feeling my entire mood lift more than it was. Em noticed, and continued to give her measurements as she winked at me, disappearing with a quiet thud of the door.  
I answered the phone…biting my lip.  
“Hi baby.”  
Hi beh-bee.  
I sat on my bed almost feeling dizzy as memories flooded me…it had been so long. I didn’t realize I had shut my eyes, and hadn’t answered him.  
“Am I allowed to say that? Baby?”  
I let out a breath of amusement…smiling.  
“Tonight you can.”  
“'Mm,” he hummed, and I could almost feel his tight-lipped smile pressed against my own lips. “Take what I can get. Happy Thanksgiving.”  
“Thank you.”  
“Are you a pilgrim or an indian?”  
“Which do you think?”  
I layed back into my pillows…easing into the conversation, allowing my eyes to casually shut. It was strange, again, the butterflies and nerves were there…yet so was the warmth and comfort I always found in him.  
“Hm. I’d quite like to picture you in a 'lil Pocahantas number.”  
“Keep it PG, Styles.”  
“Right. I’d rather you be covered up in…dunno, a nice…dunno, pilgrim outfit. What do they wear? I reckon…what, buckled shoes? Very sexy.”  
“Are you drunk?”  
“A bit. Played poker with Robin and his neighbor friends. Bonded. Smoked cigars, like men…coughed a bit…but, in a manly way.”  
I was grinning….it hurt my cheeks, I was smiling so big. I missed him so badly…I missed his endearing and stupid rambles so badly.  
“Sounds like a nice time.”  
He was quiet…I almost thought he hung up, but I heard his quiet breathing.  
“Are you smiling as big as me right now?”  
I chewed on my lip. “I don’t know, can’t see you.”  
“Well. My mouth has always been bigger than yours, so probably not anyway.”  
“You’re dumb.”  
“I am, and I missed hearing it from you.”  
I could barely talk I was smiling so big. I took a deep breath, collecting myself. I was being ridiculous.  
“Texas, huh?”  
“Texas. By the way — the booty was very much ace, but that was not me. Gemma.”  
“The second half that was praising her awesomeness kind of gave that away.”  
“Maybe I’m just a very kind brother.”  
“Not even a little.”  
He chuckled. “You know me well, Thorn. I miss you very much.”  
“I miss you…feels weird saying it.”  
“Not to me. I’ve felt that way for the past two years.”  
My heart ached…I needed him next to me. “Me too, Harry.”  
He was quiet…he exhaled softly. “I love you, Aurora Marie Thorn.”  
Oh, how it ached.  
“I love you, Harry Edward Styles.”  
“I’m going to let you go to bed because you’re talkin’ in that tired voice…one I think is goofy.”  
“Thanks, Harry.”  
We both laughed quietly…I spoke up before he had the chance. “Do me proud, Styles.”  
I knew he’d be silent for awhile…because the words stayed on my tongue, feeling heavy, feeling so significant.  
“As always, Thorn,” he finally said…and I didn’t have to see him to know he was grinning from ear to ear. “I’ll see you in Texas. Yee-haw.”


	30. Chapter 30

Twenty-Nine ::: Rory  
I was flustered…standing in front of so many eyes, having to pause every handful of seconds to stop speaking — to smile — to laugh to myself.  
I hadn’t been nervous. One-hundred-and-fifty UT freshman journalism students…I hadn’t been nervous. I prepared my speech, I looked decent, they were there to see me…they must have had some sort of positive feelings about me. I was ready, I was fine…  
Damn him. Damn him and his stupid bun. Damn him.  
“Sorry,” I said into the mic, smiling up at all of the eyes. I had lost my place again…I peaked once more.  
Sure enough…a smirk I knew too well. Dark corner in the very back of the auditorium. He had snuck in after I’d started…standing there, leaning coyly against the wall with his arms crossed. I could even see Paul laughing, knowing I was losing it.  
“Right. So yeah, as I was saying…”  
The lecture went really well. Once I’d gotten past my giddy excitement, I eased into it. They laughed at my jokes, they actually listened to what I had to say about my book, my experiences…it was strange how one extra person being in the room could make a complete difference. My skin was crawling with nerves, I was anxious, I was excited…he’d told me his performance was at the same time, though I realized he’d only been trying to surprise me. Sneaky shit.  
“What the hell just happened?”  
I was cracking up…walking out one of the exit doors of the large auditorium with a very firm grip on my hand. I was walking quickly in my heels, trying to keep up with my long-legged lover. The sky was dark, the air was warm, and so was my heart.  
The infamous Harry Styles surprises were back.  
Harry chewed his gum…was smirking, though I could see something else lingering in his eyes.  
“You jealous, Styles?”  
I nudged him with my elbow, biting my lip.  
The swarm of girls noticing him at the end of my speech as the lights came on was expected…but the mass amount of guys that practically mobbed me, asking for pictures was not. I couldn’t help but giggle to myself…watching Harry side eye me from the back of the room as he took pictures and answered questions of his own. My favorite bit was when I was actually given a bouqet of roses…Harry said they were lovely when we stepped out back, right before giving them to a random woman working.  
“Nope.”  
“I think you are.”  
“I think…” he casually chewed, a permanent grin dancing upon his lips as he glanced over at me. “That you did a lovely speech. I think that you looked quite pretty, even from far away.”  
“Yeah?” I raised my eyebrows playfully, pursing my lips as he tugged me along towards the car waiting.  
“Yeah. And —”  
He paused for effect, halting his pace. Paul walked a bit ahead of us, giving us our privacy — though he really wasn’t even needed. The lot of the college campus was completely empty.  
Harry wiggled his finger in my face, grinning massively.  
“I think those boys were awfully cute.”  
His tone was absolutely laced with mockery. His dimples broke through as I nodded slowly.  
“Oh yeah?”  
“Yeah. Cute.”  
“Right. What are you then?”  
“Me?”  
We slowly began walking again…his hold on my hand looser.  
“Yes, you.”  
“I’m a man, Rory.”  
“Mm. I think you’re pretty cute.”  
“Not cute. Rugged.”  
“You can’t grow a beard for the life of you, Harry.”  
“Can, too.”  
“Baby…”  
He stopped again…I thought he was going to correct me, further push the beard issue, but was taken aback as lips crashed to mine. He cupped my face gently, but his lips were aggressive.  
I giggled into the kiss…nearly falling over, but stopped as his hands desperately held me to him by my lower back. He pulled back…smiling, eyes flitting between my lips and my own.  
“Wanna know why I’m not jealous?”  
I nodded…biting my lip to stifle my grin. Paul whistled for us to hurry up, though Harry only offered him a quick glance before looking back at me.  
“‘Cause I get to do this.”  
I was expecting another kiss…not to be thrown over his shoulder.  
“Harry!”  
I screeched, torn between putting my hands in front of me and holding onto his lower back for dear life - or behind me, and holding my dress down. Thankfully, as childish as he was, he was a gentleman…tugging the back of my dress and holding it securely to my legs.  
He then proceeded to frolick towards the car, scuffing his boots and singing some made up song which lyrics consisted of two words sung obnoxiously over and over again;  
She’s mine! She’s mine!  
“Hey guys.”  
Fifa was put on hold, and Liam, Louis and Niall were all smiling at me in awe. I wasn’t sure exactly why…but I had a hunch that maybe Harry had been quiet about things. They all said hello, but continued to stare as I watched Harry’s face drop…his jaw flexing as he continued to chew the old gum.  
“Oi, boys. Out with ya.”  
“No — we’re in da middle of a game!” Niall shouted, motioning towards the TV. The three were squished on the couch in the lounge room of the tour bus, which Harry had promised we’d have to ourselves. “Wait a bit, bro.”  
“No!”  
Harry’s whiny voice was not missed. He pouted like a child.  
“No, you guys said you’d take the hotel rooms tonight, leave us the bus. Come on, lads. Up. Up, up, up.”  
“Isn’t somebody horny,” Louis commented as he stood up, stretching. I blushed, though he offered me a teasing wink and a smile. “Not you, of course, love. Who would want to shag that awful excuse for a man?”  
He patted Harry on the shoulder as he walked out, receiving muttered curses from Harry. Liam and Niall followed shortly after, Niall smiling and whispering in my ear as he walked by.  
“Good to have ya back.”  
I didn’t acknowledge him…my cheeks flushing as I tucked my hair behind my ear and looked down. The boys had their chats – and it was made evident that Harry had been looking forward to our little arrangement. He even woke Zayn up out of his bunk, accepting his sleepy and mumbled verbal attack with open arms. Once the door was shut and locked, I stood with my suitcase…watching Harry turn around with a smile, hands on his hips.  
“Hi.”  
He quietly muttered…a bit flustered himself. I smiled…nodding my head once.  
“Hi.”  
“Your speech really was-”  
“I can’t explain how much it meant that you came. That I…” I chewed on my lip, shrugging. “I looked up and you were there. Didn’t care that people saw us, didn’t care…what they would assume. You were just there. It meant so much, Harry.”  
He was quiet…a bashful grin adorning his cheeks along with a lovely pink hue on his cheeks. He walked over slowly…gently taking my things out of my hands and setting them on the ground. He backed me against the wall carefully….cupping my jaw.  
“Proud of you, Rory. So proud. 'Course I’d turn up. 'Course.”  
He pecked me softly…running his hand down my side before settling his palm on my hip. His thumb rubbed circles through the soft fabric as he rested his forehead on mine.  
“How’d the private performance go?”  
“Good.”  
“Just good?”  
“Just good,” he grinned, chomping his gum. “Don’t want to talk about that.”  
“Okay…” I rubbed my hands up his chest…the material of his shirt gathering under my fingertips. He was so firm, warm. “What do you want to talk about?”  
“Want to talk about how Playboy supposedly wants you to pose for them.”  
I smirked, looking up into his eyes. He was doing the same…raising his eyebrows as if waiting for me to confirm that the rumors were true. I merely shrugged…slipping my pointer under his collar and tugging him closer as I gently pressed my lips against his.  
“Hm?” he pressed, squeezing my hips. “S'true?”  
“Maybe.”  
“Best not be.”  
I raised my eyebrows in challenge, though I knew he was only teasing. He and I both knew I’d never.  
“And why is that? Who’s going to stop me, I’m single?”  
He chewed on his lip…his eyebrows drawing together as he shook his head at me disapprovingly. I could see the pout coming before it did — his bottom lip protruding.  
“Not nice.”  
“What’s not nice?”  
I squeeled as he tugged me into him, slightly tickling my sides as I laughed and wiggled in his arms. He stopped…his laughter dwindling as he tucked my hair behind my ear.  
“Stop teasin’ me.”  
“I’m not posing for Playboy, you idiot.”  
“I know.”  
“Are you happy about that?”  
“A bit, yeah.”  
“That’s a little possessive.”  
“A bit, yeah.”  
I smiled…petting his face with my palm. “You have a little stubble.”  
“Rugged. Told you.”  
I rolled my eyes…he nuzzled his face into my neck as I pet the back of his…things felt right. Steady. My smile fell as I remembered the other girls…though I realized that I was the reason it came up. I’d thought of it conciously…and it wasn’t necessary. He was mine, and I, his.  
“What’s the plan, Styles?”  
I winced, laughing as his nostrils exerted a breath that tickled my neck.  
“The plan is to come up with a plan.”  
“Lovely.”  
“'Mm.”  
“I…have an idea.”  
He stepped back…raising his eyebrows. I bit my lip…already feeling the familiar giddy anxiety.  
“I was sent a few complimentary lingerie pieces from Vogue…a thank you, of sorts.”  
His lips were curling upwards at the sides…he was very interested in what I had to say.  
“Oh?” he laughed in exasperation. “Well now.”  
“I mean, since all of those cute boys wanted to take me out…I figured I could try on the pieces, you know, show them off to you…so you could help me decide which one to wear on my first date.”  
He licked his lips…stepping away briefly and spitting his gum into the trash. He crossed his arms…leaning back against the counter, his grin only bigger.  
“Yeah, guess I could do that.”  
“Yeah? How nice of you.”  
“'Course.”  
“No touching, though.”  
“'Course.”  
I smiled…stepped closer. I had my little plan set in stone before I even left LA…allowing Cal to inspire me a bit. I quickly reached into my purse, pulling out the red ribbon. He eyed it…eyes widened, jaw falling open as I grinned and motioned for him to put his hands behind his back. It was nice to see him speechless, for once.  
“Just in case.”  
I laced his hands together…tugging hard as I knotted it.  
I had to physically restrain myself from pouncing on him as I got a good look, his biceps tense, hands unable to move. He was at my command.  
“Ready?”  
He laughed breathlessly…eyes drunk on me.  
“Jesus Christ, Rory.”


	31. Chapter 31

Thirty ::: Rory  
My heart was pounding….I could feel my pulse on my tongue, my gasps coming out in short spurts of breath. My skin was burning — every inch of it.  
My legs were trembling, my knees digging into the rough carpet on either side of Harry’s bare hips.  
Green eyes were on fire, staring up at me.  
He was showing no mercy. Even with his hands tied behind his back…his legs bent, feet planted firmly on the ground so he could raise his hips up…he’d brought me to the point of ecstasy twice…the lingerie had gone to waste, the first set lying on the floor a few feet away from us.  
“Come on, baby…come on…”  
He was panting heavily as he spoke…driving his hips up in harsh thrusts. My entire body shook with each connection, my hands desperately placed on his slightly damp chest for balance. His bottom lip was harshly bitten between his teeth…his eyes ablaze with determination and adoration as he watched my face, doing his best to contain his own groans.  
I had stripped him from his control, yet he somehow managed to find his way back.  
My vision was blurry…I was seeing spots as I moaned, a gentle whine falling from my lips. He narrowed his eyes in pleasure, picking up his pace. His entire body was flushed, the position proving difficult without the ability to use his hands. He had to keep his lower back lifted so as not to crush his tied hands.  
The pressure between my legs was a lot…so much. He always felt good, but something about his drive…he was slamming his hips upwards, consistently…  
“Harry…”  
“Cum for me. Cum for daddy.”  
With the unfamiliar dirty words and skin slapping, I shamelessly melted into a puddle on top of him, moaning out his name repeatedly as I dug my nails into his chest, rolling my head back.  
I could feel his gaze burning into me, his hips slowing. I was shaking, unsure of what the hell was even going on. I expected him to be finished…though it seemed that he was only more motivated to keep the pattern of sending me over the edge repeatedly…I’d never felt so dazed, never felt so completely in tune with someone else’s body…I was convinced he was made just for me, the key to my lock…  
“Untie me, love.”  
“What?”  
He was desperate as I climbed off of him, settling on my knees on the floor next to him. He rolled onto his side, wiggling his hands.  
“Go on, what is that, three?”  
“What?”  
I was really loopy. He chuckled lightly, grunting as he shook his hands again. His hair was a sweaty, matted, crazy mess, falling out of the bun in chunks.  
“Hurry, baby.”  
I reached forward…untying him and setting the ribbon aside. I was taken aback as I found myself on my back suddenly — a hot body pinning me down.  
“Harry-”  
I gasped as he spread my legs apart, spitting on the tips of his fingers and running them between my legs. He watched my face, a look I wasn’t used to in his eyes as he moaned with his fingers on me, my legs shaking badly.  
“Jesus, Rory…”  
He grunted, dropping down and sloppily kissing my lips. I caught his harsh breaths, his tongue exploring my mouth. I moaned into his as I felt him line himself up, sliding back into my warmth. I was so sensitive…it wasn’t too much, but I was just so overwhelmed. His hips were slow, but each thrust held meaning — rough, hard.  
“Harry…Harry…”  
“One more, baby girl. Let me get you there one more time.”  
I gripped his shoulders, crumbling underneath him. I’d never seen him so aggressive.  
He was huffing, chest rattling, muscles convulsing.  
“Oh baby —” he gasped, jaw falling open, eyes fluttering. “You like that? How does daddy feel?”  
Again, unfamiliar…I somehow went from thinking I was too sensitive to being on the edge again…he held me closer, sucking on my neck…licking my pulse point…gripping my breasts…  
I cried out one last time, his name hissed into his ear as I arched my back up into him. His hands desperately held me to him as he cursed profusely under his breath, a string of unintelligible words spewing from his swollen lips as he pulled himself out of me…warm spurts of liquid hitting my stomach as he panted…breaths short and labored.  
I lay motionless…he laughed, breathlessly…exhaustion and awe evident as he fell onto his side next to me. He tugged his hair out of his hair tie…coming down. He quickly reached over, grabbing his t-shirt and cleaning off my stomach.  
Tossing it to the side, he ran his fingers through his hair…staring over at me with a smile as he caught his breath.  
“Hi.”  
I forced a smile…my chest both full and empty, at the same time. He went to snuggle into my side…though stopped. My face was blank, my lip taken between my teeth as I chewed on it.  
“Wha'ss wrong?”  
“Huh? Nothing.”  
“Rory…”  
He leaned up on his elbows…leaning over me. His eyebrows were furrowed, lips pulled into a frown. His eyes traced over my face…the faintest hint of a smile trying to tug at his lips, but he wouldn’t allow it. He seemed genuinely bothered…worried. I knew exactly what was going through his head.  
“Was…was it not…was I okay?”  
“Yeah, of course.”  
“Oh…okay, well…”  
I chewed on my cheek….looking right at him as I took a deep breath and threw my inhibitions away.  
“Daddy? Was that…?”  
He immediately flushed…his eyes widened slightly as he cleared his throat.  
“Is that…that’s new. Is that…did you do that with…someone…?”  
Immediately, his face went from discomfort to downright pain. He looked down at me sadly…slowly shaking his head.  
“No…no, baby…I…”  
“I just…I’ve never seen you like that, it made me start thinking-”  
“S'new, not…never done that before…”  
I hummed…feeling better. I had been so out of it during that the minute I came down, panic struck…I’d automatically assumed that because I’d never seen that side of him, someone else must have…it was a horrible thought, but I was glad I expelled it, for him to shoot it down.  
I reached up…cupping his cheek. He smiled sheepishly down at me, pursing his lips as I caressed his skin with my thumb.  
“You like to be called daddy?”  
He huffed, assuming I was mocking him as he blushed slightly, glancing down at my chest. His dimple appeared as he grinned, my giggles filling the air between us.  
“Hm?”  
He dropped his head, pecking my collar bone.  
He shrugged, but I could see right through it.  
“Yeah, s'okay.”  
“You love it, don’t you? I can tell.”  
He was super embarrassed…turning redder, smiling bigger as he shook his head, chuckling to himself.  
“You do. That’s your thing, isn’t it? It’s okay, just say it.”  
“‘Mm. No.”  
“Harry…admit it.”  
“Nope,” he chuckled.  
“Yes.”  
“Fine. Yeah…yeah,” he finally said with a quiet sigh, smirking a little as he became very interested in a spot on my skin. He aimlessly ran his fingertip over it…avoiding eye contact. “I quite like it…it’s sexy. Comin’ from you…”  
He exhaled finally, eyes wide.  
“Yeah, it’s…so damn sexy, Rory. You’re…”  
He smiled softly…all of the kinky talk in the past quickly. He cupped my cheek, nibbling on his lower lip as he shrugged.  
“You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.”  
“You have to say that, you just sexed me.”  
He laughed, but it was brief. He shook his head.  
“No. You really….you really are. I’m so crazy about you…you’re just…I dunno, Rory. I dunno, just know that makin’ you come four times is better than any of the awards we’ve ever won.”  
My eyes widened…and the serious mood shifted as he giggled proudly, burying his face in my chest. I tugged on the back of his hair as he sat back up, grinning wildly. I ran my fingertips over his upper back, his shoulders.  
“No offense, but how did you…you have stamina, but not like that.”  
He smirked…shaking his head. “You don’t wanna know.”  
“I do.”  
“No.”  
“Yeah.”  
He groaned…rolling his eyes. “I wanked twice before you got here…knowin’ I had some work to do to make up for the last two times.”  
“You didn’t have to make up anything.”  
“I did…” he smiled gently, eyes tracing over every bit of my face. “All those boys askin’ you out…have to prove my worth.”  
I stared up into his eyes…the green eyes I adored with everything in me. He was there, he wasn’t a figment of my imagination…he was real, he was holding me, he loved me…he bit his lip…cupping my cheek, running his thumb gently over the skin.  
“I don’t know how I went almost two years without you.”  
My confession took him off guard…his eyes were somber, lips pursed in a frustrated frown. He leaned down…kissing the tip of my nose, then my lips.  
When he pulled back…the look hadn’t left. He looked down…mind distant. I leaned forward, kissing the corner of his lips in hopes of pulling him back. He smiled gently…but his eyes were clouded with something else.  
“Do you think about any of those other girls still?”  
I was bewildered…prepared to apologize for saying something I shouldn’t have when he climbed to his feet, but he reached down for my hand. I accepted it…getting pulled up, legs still wobbly in the aftermath of our activities. He smirked briefly, though it didn’t last long as he picked me up bridal style…he carried me back towards the bunks, both of us bare with flushed skin.  
“What are you…?”  
He set me down gently, at the bunk I knew was his…he always liked the bottom right one, for some reason. Certain things would never change.  
He tugged open the curtain, bending down and pointing inside. I furrowed my eyebrows…feeling awfully exposed in the harsh lighting as I covered my parts with my hands, bending down slightly. I smiled to myself as I felt a thin blanket draped over my shoulders…hands tugging it tighter around me.  
My smile only widened…in the back corner of his bunk…was my Vogue cover. It was pinned onto the wall.  
“Did you put that up there right before I came?” I joked, but he wasn’t having it.  
I looked over and he was adamantly shaking his head, eyebrows furrowed in a scowl.  
“No, put it up the day you sent it. And…”  
He reached down for his suitcase…unzipped the front pocket. A stack was pulled out in his hands as he began sifting through, showing me random ones…he had polaroids of me, us…mostly old, but a few new…  
“You keep those with you?”  
He nodded once, in a childlike manner…looking at them.  
He knew the question I was thinking.  
“I’ve had them with me the whole time. Maybe…dunno, maybe that’s weird, but…was hopin’ to do something with them someday. Or…not. I just…some nights when I couldn’t sleep, I’d look at 'em…they’d make me happy and sad, somehow.”  
His random need to snap pictures had always annoyed me…but any negative feelings towards it were long gone. He shoved them back into his suitcase…staring off as he did so.  
“S'only you, Rory.”  
I wasn’t sure what about seeing tangible evidence made me believe him…but I did. Forgetting about the past had just gotten a little easier…but not our past.  
He stood up…backing me into the wall, kissing me hard. I ran my hands over his bare chest, hoping to soothe some of the scratch marks that were sure to appear. He dove forward, kissing me again, slipping his tongue into my mouth expertly.  
“'Mm,” I hummed against his lips, vibrating the soft skin. He pulled back, studying me. “So why did we agree to sleep on the bus when we could have a nice, big hotel bed?”  
He was bashful…smiling like a toddler.  
“What?”  
“Wanted to cuddle you close, like. Proper.”  
“Cute.”  
“And maybe…”  
“Maybe…?”  
“Maybe I was hopin’ to take you on the floor like I did…Niall drops food there and eats it all the time. Payback.”  
“Ew, Harry.”  
He giggled…pumping his arm triumphantly. “Sweet taste of victory.”  
“It’s going to be more like the sweet taste of your back sweat.”  
“Graphic, Rory. I like your style.”  
“Sick.”  
He laughed, kissing me quickly. “Gonna go have a wee. Get in, we can put on a film, yeah?”  
I nodded…smiling. He returned it…shaking his head in awe.  
“So fucking happy…”  
I heard him mutter under his breath as he walked away…just smiling to myself.  
“Hurry back, daddy!”  
His laughter was heard as he shut the bathroom door.  
My cheeks were killing me. I snuggled into the small bunk…secretly pleased that we’d have to be snuggled so close all night long…  
Minutes passed. I began to wonder if he had gotten lost…when the curtain was ripped open. I smiled, going to say something but noticed the deep frown on his face as he climbed in…silent.  
“What took you so long?”  
He didn’t answer…just got himself comfortable under the covers. I started to wonder if I’d done something wrong…though when I carefully lay my head on his chest, he accepted it…placing his arm around my shoulders.  
I peaked up at him…his eyes were hard, staring at the ceiling, one hand laced in his hair.  
“Harry?”  
“Your phone was ringin’.”  
“Oh. Who was it?”  
His throat tensed as he swallowed…hesitating. His jaw was firm, teeth surely clenched together.  
“Sam.”  
“What?”  
I sat up slightly…he didn’t move his neck, but his eyes met mine. I then knew what he was feeling…I knew because of how sore of a subject Sam was, to both him, and I…Harry refused to discuss anything regarding him, most of the time…he’d made it plenty clear that if he ever saw him, he wouldn’t be afraid to deck him in the face.  
“Harry.”  
“Yeah.”  
“Did…that’s so weird. I haven’t talked to him in years…”  
“Yeah.”  
“Are you mad at me?”  
“You?” he scoffed…chest rising in anger. “No. No, no…just…he won’t be calling back.”  
“You answered? You didn’t…you shouldn’t have…you didn’t have to do that…”  
I felt bad…knowing how Sam could be. I was at a loss as to why he’d be calling, but seeing Harry so frazzled…I hated that he had ruined our casual mood.  
“No, felt good…said some things I’ve been wanting to for a long time.”  
I stayed quiet…staring up at my beautiful boy. I lay my cheek on his shoulder…watching him continue to glare at the ceiling before kissing his neck gently.  
“I love you, Harry.”  
He didn’t need to reply, because I knew. Things could be as messy as they wanted…though for the first time, I could make sense of it. I’d lost sight of that when we first got together…but it finally seemed simple, clear. Whether the girls happened or not…he loved me. They didn’t matter…I did. Because I was hanging up in his bunk…pictures of me were traveling with him wherever he went…and an ex-boyfriend who hadn’t been in the picture for years, who hurt me before Harry had ever been there…still gave him anguish.  
“I love you so fucking much, Rory.”  
He didn’t need to reply, but he did.


	32. Chapter 32

Thirty-One ::: Rory  
My pointer finger traced over his soft skin…his chest vibrated, a deep hum of approval. I drew over each carefully inked design…seeing how his body reacted to the careful strokes. I was nuzzled into his neck, the reminder of sleep still evident in our lazy, bare positioning.  
Drowsy green eyes watched my movements…his thumb tickled my back as he raked over my spine continuously, his arm still laced around me, holding me tightly to him. No words had been shared in the dark bunk, only gentle touches and a gradual recovery from deep slumber.  
I playfully ran my nail over one of his nipples. He shivered. I laughed lightly. A warm, tender kiss was placed on my forehead as he tightened his grip around me, pulling me closer.  
With a sigh, I withdrew from the crevice between his shoulder and neck, sitting up a bit.  
“Good morning.”  
My quiet statement lingered between us as I bit my lip between my teeth. Harry watched me carefully…the smallest of smiles dancing on his lips. He had bags under his eyes, his hair matted and flat.  
“Hi, pretty girl.”  
His voice was low and broken, heavy with sleep. He reached up, cupping my cheek and running his thumb soothingly across the skin.  
“Sleep alright?”  
He chuckled lightly, ruffling the back of my hair with his fingers. “Clung to me like a koala, you did. Death grip.”  
My eyes widened, but he merely tugged me forward with a gentle laugh. I landed on his chest, burying my face into the warm skin. He shifted his legs so I could settle between them, comfortingly lacing my arms around his middle.  
“I quite liked it. Felt important.”  
“You slept okay?”  
“‘Mm. Slept well.”  
I shut my eyes…allowing him to pet the back of my head, to hold me…as cramped as the space was, as hard as the mattress felt, and as hot as it got…I realized that there was no place on earth that I’d rather be. No place beat being in his arms again.  
It seemed as if I wasn’t the only one to think about how amazing things truly were…my body was pulled upwards, my face aligning with one I knew too well.  
Morning breath and all…I accepted the sweet kiss with open arms. I melted into him…letting him flip us over, allowing him to hover over me in the tiny space and shield me from everything else. He pecked me twice more — sitting back enough so I could get a look into his eyes, which held a certain sparkle even in the dark.  
“Miss Thorn…”  
“That’s me.”  
“'Mm. How are you?”  
“A little tired. How are you, Mr. Styles?”  
His eyes weren’t playful as they danced between the two of mine…his fingertips were constantly tracing over me innocently…any bit of bare skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake. I was left wondering, yet again, what was going on in that brain of his…though, I wasn’t left for long.  
“Asked you first. You didn’t give me what I was looking for.”  
I narrowed my eyes as he chuckled quietly, running his pointer down the expanse of my jaw.  
“You answered how Miss Thorn is in this exact moment. Like…layin’ here, half asleep, underneath me…you answered how you are just right now…” he trailed off…fascinated with a strand of my hair that was covering my forehead. He moved it off…grazing his fingers down, twirling it around them. “I want to know how Miss Thorn is…in her entirety.”  
“Very deep, Haz,” I hummed, earning a gentle smile with the nickname. I’d heard his family, friends call him that a lot…though I only used it occasionally. He seemed to find comfort in it. “Not exactly following.”  
“'Mm.” he muttered, ducking his head into my palm as I started massaging his scalp. He shut his eyes, allowing me to work my nails under his mop of hair. “Want me to explain?”  
“Need you to.”  
“Right, okay. Erm…” he furrowed his eyebrows…almost as if I could physically watch as he sorted out the tangle of thoughts in his mind. He was so…so beautifully witty and smart, and I hated that so many pegged him as being slow because he spoke slowly. If anything, he was the opposite…just giving careful thought to each individual sentiment that made its way between his lips. He was a different kind of special. “I’d like to know how Aurora Thorn, famous writer, is…24-year-old Aurora Thorn…the Aurora Thorn that broke up with Harry Styles, how is she?”  
My smile fell, though he shook his head quickly.  
“I’m not…not tryin’ to guilt you, no…I mean it, I do. I want to know how you are, Rory…want to know what I’ve missed, yeah? I know 22-year-old Aurora Thorn…s'been a long time…”  
“It has. We’ve talked about some stuff.”  
“We have, but I want to know everything. Want to know if you still hate turkey…if you still scrunch your nose up in that cute way when it’s itchy.”  
I blushed…enamored with him as he spoke. He laughed to himself, shaking his head.  
“Want to know what you’ve been thinkin’ about…what’s been goin’ on in that lovely mind of yours,” he tapped the top of my head, smiling distantly. “Miss hearin’ your opinions on things. If I ask the boys about a line I’ve written, I hear that it’s either good or shit…not that it’s grammatically incorrect and in the wrong tense.”  
I kept a straight face, raising my eyebrows. “Grammar errors and improper use of tense? Did I teach you nothing?”  
He smirked, though it was evident he wasn’t playing. He leaned forward…pecking the corner of my mouth.  
“Tell me everything, Rory.”  
I tried to memorize him again…I wished there were more light, but I also enjoyed the intimacy of the moment. He was so close…the warmth of his body keeping me awfully warm, too warm…I looked up at his shadowed face. I smiled.  
“Maybe I like to be a mystery.”  
I couldn’t see too much…but I saw the curve of his lips, pulling into a smile.  
“I’ll crack you one day, Thorn.”  
“You have,” I cooed quietly…wishing he’d realize just how much more I’d let him in than anyone else.  
He watched me…lips in a firm line.  
“Not enough.”  
I laughed…intrigued by his sudden seriousness.  
“You know me as well as anyone is going to, other than myself. Maybe I’m weird like that…but a person is built to be on their own, I think. Meant to…” I trailed off…shrugging, drawing pointless designs on his stubbled chin with the tip of my finger. “I don’t know. Protect themselves from the hurt. I like knowing myself better than anyone else.”  
He was quiet.  
“I mean, really. If you let someone get to know you as well as you know yourself, who’s to say they can’t take that from you? Up and leave…leave you broken. Take everything you are with them…there’s a reason we have walls.”  
Still…quiet. Jokingly, I knocked my fist onto the top of his head.  
“Anybody in there?”  
His eyes lifted…meeting mine. He smiled, exhaling out his nose…but it was a sad smile. Shameful, even.  
“What?”  
He was breathing softly…looking at me curiously.  
“You did it again.”  
“What are you going on about, Styles?”  
Though I was smiling, feeling light…I could feel the mood had shifted. He leaned on his elbows on either side of me…thumbs lazily brushing my bare sides.  
“You’ve built your walls up again…the ones I did my damnedest to break down. They’re back.”  
I didn’t say anything for awhile…continued to revel in his gentle touches. His slow breathing.  
“Do you expect any less?”  
He lay his forehead into my chest…barely brushing his lips over the skin occasionally. I rubbed his back…tracing my fingernails up and down. My chin rest on the top of his head, his curls tickling my skin.  
“Don’t expect anythin’…” he admitted, almost as if to himself. He lifted his head…face inching closer. “Can I ask for somethin’?”  
“Depends.”  
“Yeah. In a gentlemanly…polite…” he kissed my cheek, allowing his lips to linger. I pulled away, giggling. “Very kind…like, way.”  
“How could a girl say no?”  
Gentle smile…kind, kind eyes.  
“May I earn it?”  
“Earn…exactly what?” I was smirking, trying to downplay how I was feeling. I knew he was right…he was always right. I tried not to show it…to show that maybe, no matter how far I’d come, I was hurting. I was still hurting from the loss of him…even before I’d known about the girls, moving on from Harry had taken a toll on me I didn’t know existed. I hadn’t moved on, but the scars remained…deep, sore…there. “Kiss me, you fool.”  
“No…no,” he sadly sighed…shaking his head. He cupped my cheek, my eyes darting downwards…doing anything to avoid his steady ones. “I want to be back in, love. Let me back in.”  
“Technically, you already have been.”  
“Rory.”  
I looked up…his eyes were pained…his chest shaking with a sigh. I bit my lip, looking away again.  
“Maybe gimme a bit of time?”  
I forced a smile. “Time has never been our friend, has it?”  
“'Mm not gonna hurt you, Rory.”  
“But you have.”  
“And you know what?” he laughed lightly…pressing his lips to my own before pulling away. Resting his forehead on mine. “You’ve hurt me, too. Believe it or not…got kind of, like… a spell…on this fella, Thorn.”  
I laughed…nuzzling my skin against his as he squeezed my sides, tickling me a little. I had nothing to say…I wasn’t ready to say anything, really. I was content being silent…and he was content with my silence.  
“S'fine…I’ll get there.”  
I knew he didn’t mean it in an arrogant way…though, Harry wasn’t one to shy from my confrontations. I swallowed…looking him straight in the eye.  
“You can’t make those kinds of statements…you don’t know how long we have, you don’t know what will get in the way again.”  
“I know that I’ll put in the time…I’ll pay my dues. I want this, and I want it completely…no sad memories, none of that rubbish,” he threw his hand to the side as I cracked, laughing lightly. “S'you and me. I’m here to stay, baby doll. Hate to break it to you.”  
“You said that last time, too…” I smiled…sadness overcoming me. His own smile fell a bit…I wasn’t trying to crush the mood, but I couldn’t help but wonder if we had another ticking bomb waiting just around the corner…waiting to blow. “Enough of this serious talk. I was hoping to get another glimpse of Daddy this morning.”  
Harry’s eyes widened as he snorted…burying his face into my chest. I laughed and laughed as he hid his face…I was glad that we’d stopped talking about things that didn’t matter. Things I wasn’t really sure I wanted to think about yet.  
He peaked up…a bashful smile on his face as he rested his chin between my boobs.  
“Not going to live that one down, am I?”  
“Seems awfully passive for Daddy to say.”  
“Rory.”  
“Is Daddy going to punish me for sassing him?”  
“Stop teasin’.”  
“Yes, Daddy.”  
He groaned…nuzzling his head into the crook of my neck as I continued to poke fun. Secretly, I was very curious…maybe a bit awakened by his brief little stint exploring the dark side of things. Regardless, it would have to wait for another time.  
“So. What’s the plan for today?”  
Harry glanced up…his embarrassment gone. He smiled softly.  
“You’re stayin’?”  
The surprise in his voice hurt…but was understood. Our relationship had its healthy aspects, one of them being his constant need to come visit…I regretted every minute I spent away from him when deep down, I knew I could have been by his side. Part of me wondered if that would have fixed things…but most of me knew that it wouldn’t have. Would have just delayed the crash a bit longer.  
I knew that Jane wanted me to be helping her…helping answer phone calls, helping decide which magazine was worth the time, which interviews would be pursued…  
I knew Em needed help planning the wedding, trying on dresses, picking out a cake…  
I knew I needed to pay my bills…I was surely late on rent, per usual…  
“Yeah. I’m staying.”  
Three words that held more meaning than they should have. His smile almost broke my heart…but only almost. I was too busy focusing on my own smile…focusing on the butterflies in my stomach.  
His grin was awfully huge…painful, even.  
“Is Daddy about to make an appearance?”  
I was joking, but only partially…I could feel that his excitement was not only showing on his face. He was heavy between my legs…shifting a bit, causing me to gasp and blush.  
“No. Just Harry.”  
“Nothing just about him.”  
“That was a kind thing to say, Rory.”  
“Thank you. I’m here all week.”  
“Promise?”  
“Nerd.”  
“No. Harry.”  
I rolled my eyes…again, a shift of his hips. My muscles tensed as I gripped his shoulders. He continued to rub back and forth over me…my heart increasing, though our faces were only playful.  
“Pinky, too, actually. I lied. Sneaky bugger. Don’t know when he came in.”  
“He tends to do that.”  
“He does. What a guy.”  
“Let’s stop this.”  
“A guy’s guy.”  
“Harry.”  
“Good friend of mine, he is.”  
“Harry.”  
“Always pulls through. Well, not always. Let’s not forget the time he let me down…two minutes, 120 seconds. A shame, really. I trusted him.”  
“I’m going to leave.”  
“I’ll stop. Now. Sorry.”  
“Yeah.”  
“Can I let Pinky show his girl how much he loves her?”  
“Who’s his girl?”  
Another gasp. Harry grinned proudly.  
“Aw, look. They’re kissing.”  
“You are seriously disgusting.”  
He laughed wildly as I tried to shake off his childish and perverted behavior…falling for him again slowly, second by second.  
“Rory? Want another?”  
“Ohhhh boy.”  
I looked up…watching as Niall raised his eyebrows, golden brown liquid sloshing back and forth in the glass bottle. The bus was dim…the sounds of the road under us the only reminder that we were actually moving. Night time had settled upon us, and the city we were in became an old friend…spending the evening with all of the boys felt strange at first, seeing as I’d missed so much…but passing around a bottle of Maker’s Mark had quickly soothed any tension.  
Niall’s arm started to shake as he winced, forcing me to save him from his misery. His proud grin after proved he had only been trying to guilt me - succeeding as I cursed under my breath, pressing the round opening to my mouth and taking a large swig. Louis and Liam payed no mind, their inebriated selves more interested in the game of Fifa they were deeply invested in…Zayn actually cheered for me, eyes narrow from his nightly herbal therapy, and Harry…well, Harry was tipsy.  
Tipsy Harry usually entailed silly conversation and handsy touches, but sometimes…one of those times being right then…he became quiet. Thoughtful. He sat on the leather seat across from Niall and I, sock-clad feet crossed and resting next to me…slouched, texting on his phone. A distant smile was on his lips as he swiped over the glass screen.  
“Bollocks!”  
I glanced over, laughing as Louis whacked Liam upside the head, earning a string of curse words and whiny complaints.  
“Will you give it a rest, yeah? Tryin’ to sleep, wankers…”  
I glanced over at Lou who lingered in the kitchen area, half asleep, glaring at the boys. She was staying in the bunk next to Harry’s, though she’d disappeared right away to doze off.  
“Hello, keep it down, yeah?”  
“Yeah, yeah, stop cryin’!” Louis shouted, eyes focused on the TV screen as his thumbs flew over the controller.  
I smiled back over at Lou…taken aback as her eyes were on me. She smiled gently…winking before returning back to bed, shutting the automatic door behind her.  
I felt good…strangely good. I knew the whiskey probably had something to do with it, but things seemed so different…the boys had always been kind to me, but they suddenly felt like family, almost. I didn’t feel strange or out of place, or like the elephant in the room…Harry wasn’t by my side, making sure I was happy…he knew I was. He was doing his thing, I was doing mine, and it felt good.  
“Another go, Harry? Don’t say you don’t want to.”  
I laughed as Niall teased the bottle in front of Harry’s face…earning no response. Still texting.  
“Hey!”  
He glanced up upon my loud demand, dazed, though he smiled gently.  
“Who are you texting? Your secret girlfriend?” I was joking, though I was curious who had him so intrigued. I cocked my head, though he merely shrugged.  
“No way-” Niall belched as Harry scolded him, causing me to laugh. Niall didn’t acknowledge him, slurring slightly, but in an endearing way. His blue eyes were glassy…actions lazy. “You can only have one girlfriend, all you lot. If I don’t have one, you don’t get two.”  
“No lady friends, Niall?” I asked with a smirk, earning an attempt at a glare, though it dissipated quickly. I liked all of the boys and I knew they liked me, but Niall liked me the most…I found his laughter contagious, and he loved when I talked condescendingly to Harry.  
“No way. Done with 'em,” he huffed, shaking his head. He pointed towards Harry, raising his eyebrows at me. “He tell you?”  
“Tell me what?”  
Harry merely smirked, finally looking up. He nodded his head towards Niall, as if telling me to listen, before going back to his phone.  
“Witch, she was. Back 'n forth, back 'n forth…she came and went, don’t even know what happened. Never doin’ that again.”  
“Doing what?”  
“Dippin’ his pen in company ink,” Harry finally spoke up, grinning proudly at Niall as Niall flicked him off. “Young Niall, here, had a go at Ashley for a bit. Crazy one, she is. Ain’t she, Niall?”  
As Niall continued to ramble about the trials and tribulations of his failed relationship, Harry and I held eye contact…he had a sheepish smile, knowing exactly how the news would impact me…knowing that merely hearing that Ashley and Niall had been a thing would ease just a bit of my anguish…  
“Why are you smilin’?” Niall tiredly huffed, eyes wide at me. “Told you an awful story, Rory, need a better poker face.”  
I hadn’t realized I was smiling…but I was. I grinned over at Harry before looking back at Niall.  
“I’m glad you didn’t stick with her. You deserve better. She’s a bitch and a dirty skank.”  
Harry snorted loudly, the other boys chuckling…Niall was at a loss, though he began laughing slowly…grabbing the bottle from between the couch next to us and handing it to me.  
“Glad to have you back, Rory.”  
I accepted his gesture, knowing that you couldn’t get much closer to Niall than if he offered you his liquor. I winced, swallowing the liquid.  
“Oh-” he added, pointing his finger at me. “And if you have any single friends, give 'em my number. If they look anything like you especially.”  
“Niall.”  
That grabbed Harry’s attention…and by the secret wink directed by Niall my way, I knew that was his only intention. I was happy…I was home.  
The boys had dispersed to their rightful bunks, leaving me with a passed out toddler on the couch. Harry’s sweater was a bit big on him…pulled down over his palms. He was cold, eyes shut, lips open as he quietly snored. He had drifted off long before the boys and I had wound down, giving me the opportunity to simply talk…to enjoy their company.  
While Zayn, Louis and Liam were still happy and with their respectful girlfriends…I found comfort in listening to Niall, hearing him drunkenly express how he was getting a bit lonely…they’d been busy for so long that he hadn’t had time to meet the right kinds of girls, so much so that when they finally had switched management teams to Harry’s friend Jeff’s company…he didn’t know what to do with himself. I assured him I’d help introduce him to nice girls in any way I could…and he assured me that I was the only nice girl for Harry.  
When the boys slipped away, I just watched my sleepy boy…he seemed at peace. So many times I’d watched him fall asleep with deep bags under his eyes, frown lies distorting the area around his pretty lips…he finally seemed okay.  
I smiled to myself as I walked over and grabbed my phone off of the charger, delaying waking him just a few minutes longer.  
Two new messages.  
The first caused me to smile.  
Baby brother is happy. I blame you. I think a catch up is in order? I vote LA…our respectable homes are too cold right now. Sunshine and sexy tanned boys sounds good to me.  
I smiled…making sense of what Harry had been busy doing on his phone…my heart was warm, texting Gemma back and agreeing that LA sounded good. I then read the second message…though I didn’t feel as low as I should have. I didn’t feel as sick to my stomach as I usually would have.  
A simple -  
Hey.  
Sam. I wasn’t sure what he was getting at…but I didn’t want to find out, nor care to. It was as simple as deleting the message…he didn’t matter. He never would again. The only thing that mattered was currently clinging to a throw pillow, lost in dreamworld…and I could only hope that maybe, just maybe…I was drifting around in that head of his, resurfacing even in his unconscious state.


	33. Chapter 33

Thirty-Two ::: Harry  
She was gone, and I was okay. I didn’t feel worried. I was a bit disappointed, yeah. But not…not the aching pain I used to feel. No, this was….this was a good kind of missing her. The kind where I’d tug myself off to her later…the kind where I’d smile when I heard her voice on the phone…the kind where the excitement leading up to seeing her next would nearly explode inside of me…  
I needed to make a phone call. I needed to make a phone call, and I was nervous as hell.  
Light suddenly blinded me as I stirred, nearly smacking my head on the ceiling of my bunk.  
“Jesus Christ, Lou.”  
“Hiya there!” she laughed, whacking me on the head as I swatted her off. No damn privacy. “You mopin’ in here? Mournin’ the loss of your lover girl?”  
“Hidin’ from you actually, you’re quite loud.”  
I went to pull the curtain shut, though she stopped me.  
“Come out and play. I’m missin’ Luxy and I want froyo.”  
I gave her a pout…she knew the strength of the Lux excuse. It had been nearly a year since she’d been consistently travelling with us, but the boys and I felt it…and I wasn’t even her mum.  
“It’s late.”  
“It’s 8:30, grandpa, come on. Up with ya.”  
“Yes, ma'am.”  
Grunting, I climbed out of the bunk…stretching my limbs. She ushered me out by my waist, stalling and having a chat with the rest of the boys and some of the team as I dug around the kitchen drawers for my wallet. Once I’d gotten it and the bus had stopped off near a small town, Lou and I made our way off into the chilled air.  
The sky was stormy…fluffy dark clouds hiding the moon from view as we walked. I shivered, shoving my hands into my pockets. She was smiling at the scenery…I chuckled, looking down at my boots. A comfortable silence settled, leaving me alone with my thoughts once again…  
Briefly.  
“She looked good, Hazza bear.”  
Lacing her arm with mine, I hummed in response. We walked in sync…I wasn’t really focusing on what she was saying. Ramblin’ on about Rory’s outfit choices…  
“Hello? Where are you?”  
Fingers snapping in my face. I tugged away from her, cursing under my breath.  
“Do you not agree?”  
“Agree with what?”  
“She’s a sex-kitten! Used to be a hot ‘lil thing, but now she’s got that, like…business woman slash porn star look, I like it. Don’t you?”  
“No, Lou, I find it highly unattractive.”  
“Don’t be a wanker, tryin’ to have a chat. Really though, she looked quite pretty. You aren’t sayin’ much.”  
“I spent the majority of my time shaggin’ her in my bunk, Lou, why do I need to confirm that I think she looked pretty? Really.”  
“Snappy one, are we? You were most definitely mopin’. Maybe some frozen yogurt will cheer you up. It better.”  
I wasn’t moping…not even a little. I was eating myself up inside with so many different thoughts…the strangest combination of emotions tangling themselves together and finding home in the pit of my stomach…  
I wanted to take her…again and again and again…on every surface of the bus…I wasn’t sure what it was about being with her again, but it’s like I was wired just to please her…wanting to do it every second…it was both maddening and also incredibly comforting to know I still had it in me…  
But — I also just wanted to hold her. I wanted to talk to her…to get her to open up again. I wanted her to trust me again….I wanted to snap my fingers and make it so Paige never happened. I wanted to snap my fingers and take back every single one of the girls, but mainly Paige…the guilt was deep. It was slowly easing…I knew I was doing what was best, keeping it from her. But I couldn’t help but feel like I was sort of lying…in a way. I’d never blatantly lie, if she asked, I’d be a goner because I’d be completely at her mercy, spewing out every awful detail…but if she didn’t? I had a hard time finding any harm in keeping her safe from anymore pain…  
Sam. Bloody bastard. Filthy fucking wanker. I wanted to beat his arse…rip his dick off while I was at it.  
“Oh, right…forgot about you.”  
He’d laughed in my ear, the second he heard my voice. Wasted off his arse…there were no words to describe the deep-rooted hatred I had for the guy…the thought of him alone made me see red. The fact that he’d hurt her mentally was enough, but the fact that he’d hurt her physically…I could fucking kill him. Plain and simple, really. Fucking kill him.  
“Yeah. Yeah, better have a damn good reason to be callin’ this number.”  
“Not looking to talk to you, bud. How about you put Aurora on the phone?”  
“How about you go fuck yourself, yeah? I promise you…I promise you, mate, if we ever cross paths…if I ever so much as see you out and about, yeah, we’re going to have a nice little chat.”  
“Is that a threat, Mr. Harry Styles? You think you’re a bad boy? In your fucking boyband with your fucking stylists trying to make you look hard. Give me a fucking break. I’d love to see you-”  
“Nice talk, bro, good talk. Don’t fucking call this number.”  
I was seeing red, absolutely…the mere reminder of the phone call making my fists tighten. The walk to the shop seemed to be awfully long…my mind was racing, and I wasn’t even sure that Sam was the reason for it…he was part of the reason I knew that things with Rory were escalating too quickly for me to even try and slow them down…but there was so much more to her that helped solidify that…  
Shit, I was nervous…so bloody nervous, and I hadn’t even made a single step towards it, yet.  
“Hi, yes, I brought my friend the rock to get froyo with me.”  
“What?”  
“A fuckin’ rock would be better company than you’re bein’ right now, ya dickhead. You going to tell me what you’re over there brooding about? Got that frown again.”  
“Dunno.”  
“Great answer, Harry…really good.”  
I merely chuckled sadly…knowing I was a right mess. A good mess, though.  
The shop wasn’t crowded, but it wasn’t empty. Pictures were taken…I chatted for a bit, Lou waiting patiently as she always would…we filled our cups to the brim with absolute rubbish, though it was just what I needed…  
When we walked out of the shop, I’d lightened up a bit…being forced to chat with people pulled me from the depths of my own mind, thankfully. I reached over with my spoon, trying to snag a bite of Lou’s concoction as we walked…though she slapped my hand, causing me to drop my spoon into the street. I had to jog back and get another, and by the time I got back, she’d eaten half of mine, too.  
“You lard! How is that…Louuuuu.”  
“Don’t be a pussy, Haz. Still plenty, I only took a few bites,” she laughed as we continued to walk. I was annoyed. “Oh, stop it. Did you ask her yet?”  
My breath caught for a second, though I realized what she was asking…not what I thought.  
“'Mm,” I muttered, taking a bit. I talked through it. “No.”  
“So. Still not your girlfriend.”  
“I mean…” I cringed, wincing over at her. I didn’t like that terminology…didn’t like the idea that she maybe wasn’t completely mine. “She is, really. Haven’t asked properly. I will.”  
“Good on you. Did you ask her the other thing?”  
“Erm…what? What…other thing?”  
She looked at me strangely…as if I was an idiot.  
“The AMAs? You wanted her to be your date, yeah?”  
“Oh, right…” I looked forward. “Yeah, yeah. Dunno, haven’t asked yet…dunno if she’ll want to.”  
She didn’t reply. I kept eating…kept walking.  
“Harry Styles. What did you think I was asking about?”  
I looked over at her…she was staring me down. I merely shrugged.  
“Harry…”  
“Lou…”  
“Are you thinkin’ of proposing?”  
“What are you going on about….?”  
“Harry, holy fuck.”  
“What?!”  
She gripped my arm, making me stop. I stared right back at her.  
“Are you?”  
“I never said that.”  
“You didn’t have to…holy shit, Harry. Are you going to ask her to marry you?”  
My heart was pounding.  
“Don’t be daft, Lou. We barely just got back together.”  
“Would you tell me if you were thinking about it?”  
I swallowed. Nodding. “Yeah. 'Course.”  
“Okay.”  
She slowly nodded…we began walking again. I was thankful when she started talking about her and Tom…started talking about Lux, about her friends back home. Kept my mind busy.  
When we reached the bus, the boys were all deeply fascinated with some movie…Lou decided to join them. I wasn’t interested…scratching the back of my head as I watched for a second, standing awkwardly.  
“Sit down, Harry. I can make room.”  
Niall shifted on the couch, pulling the throw pillows towards him and making me a spot. I shook my head…holding my hand up.  
“Thanks, erm…you’ll be finishin’ this then, yeah?”  
“Will you shut up?” Louis asked, glaring up at me. He looked back at the screen as I sighed, rolling my eyes.  
“Right. I’ll be…in the back.”  
I shuffled my feet…putting off the moment. My palms were sweaty…I went into the back lounge, shutting the door behind me.  
My hands were literally shaking as I took a seat…rubbing them over the thighs of my jeans. I exhaled…talking myself down. I pulled my phone out…staring at it…stalling. Stalling. Stalling.  
Fuck. Shit.  
I was going to just do it.  
It rang and rang…I almost hoped she wouldn’t answer…almost.  
“Hi, puppet! Hadn’t heard from you today.”  
“Hi mum.”  
“How are you, love? You good? Rory still with you?”  
“Erm…no, no. She left….earlier on. Today.”  
“You alright? You sound a bit frazzled, everything good?”  
I laughed…without humor. Rubbing my damp hand over my face as I chewed on my bottom lip.  
“Yeah, I’m good. Erm…you still have nanny’s ring?”  
“Her ring? Her…her wedding ring? Of course, I…”  
She trailed off. I could feel my pulse in my fingertips. I heard her sob quietly after awhile…feeling the tightness in my chest return as I gnawed on my lip, waiting.  
“Oh, Harry…are you-?”  
“Yeah. Yeah…not yet, mum. Not yet, don’t cry…but soon, I think.”  
She cried more, though I knew she wasn’t sad…I wasn’t sure how to feel. In the moment, I was scared shitless. Numb, almost.  
Again, I laughed…smiling distantly to myself.  
“Yeah…yeah, I think I’m about there. About ready.”


	34. Chapter 34

Thirty-Three ::: Rory  
I wasn’t sure when my life up and turned into the most cliche of Lifetime movies, but it most certainly had. I flipped through some silly bridal magazine, enjoying the warmth of the tiny dress shop a few blocks down from Em’s apartment. We’d stupidly walked…though, I blamed our idiotic decision for opening my eyes to just how cheesy reality had become. Giggling best friends, walking in the snow, throwing snowballs at each other, talking about weddings, holiday cheer evident on every street corner…gag me.  
I wouldn’t lie and say I wasn’t enjoying every bit of it, though.  
“Rory! I need a zip!”  
The store was quaint, cute. The floors were a dark wood, Christmas music playing quietly from a small radio in the back…the dresses were beautiful. I’d settled on the dark green velvet couch at the front of the shop to give my aching, frozen muscles a rest, but I had been battling with the urge to look through all of the vintage frill and lace. I chose the former, though was focused on the latter as my attention was called upwards…I’d spaced out for a bit too long, apparently.  
“Rory!”  
“Yes, master…” I muttered under my breath, tossing the magazine to the side and standing up. I tugged the sleeves of the worn, oversized grey sweater down over my palms, grasping the soft fabric with my fingertips. I was still chilly as I stood outside of the thick curtain, smirking to myself as I knocked on it. I couldn’t help but blush, the childish action reminding me of a certain someone… “Knock, knock.”  
Soon, the dull black barrier was pushed to the side…and my stupid grin was wiped right off my face.  
I was left speechless.  
“Em…”  
“It’s horrible. I look like a lard. Can you zip it?” she huffed, oblivious to my stunned state. “Oh wait, you probably can’t, ‘cause I’m a fat ass. Like what the hell? I’ve always been a four…this is a four, and I’m bustin’ out of it, like…sick. Cows aren’t meant to get married. They’re going to have to cut this off of me.”  
She prodded at her hips and boobs as she turned, looking in the mirror. I couldn’t find…I couldn’t find any words to match how I was feeling. Though, when she turned…she knew.  
I wiped a tear from under my eyes, laughing at myself…  
“You look…you look perfect.”  
She was smiling, though didn’t know what to say. She went to talk, but stopped herself…clearly taken aback by my reaction. She turned, stepping closer.  
“Will you zip it?”  
“Nope.”  
“Shut up.”  
I clutched the cold metal between my thumb and pointer, sliding it along the expanse of her back…somehow, when it was snug, it looked ever prettier.  
“Em…that’s the one.”  
“Are you sure?”  
“Never been more sure about anything.”  
Every curve…it fell over every curve perfectly. Almost as if she was poured into it…it was simple, and vintage, and beautiful, and her. It was my best friend in dress form. Warm, sweet, innocent…it was her.  
The thought of Bryce seeing her in it got me excited…a warmth that I wasn’t used to spreading from the tip of my head to my toes.  
“Em, it’s yours. It’s just…”  
She spun around, pursing her lips to try and stifle her smile. Clearly, she’d only been badgering herself for the sake of it.  
“It’s just yours.”  
“Really?”  
“Really.”  
“Am I saying yes to the dress, Rory?!” she squealed, grabbing my arms. I forced a smile.  
“I’m going to throw up, not TLC, Em. No. Nope.”  
“Fine. But yes?!”  
“But yes. Absolutely.”  
“Eeeeeeeh!”  
Another screech as I was pulled into a tight hug, nearly suffocating. Then a series of tiny jumps…too much, even for me in a good mood.  
“Okay, yep, that’s enough.”  
“Oh come on—” she giggled, swatting my arm as I walked out of the dressing room. “Look for a nice bridesmaid dress!”  
I simply chose to pretend that I didn’t hear…for I really wasn’t in the mood. Shopping was…okay, sometimes. But most of the time, I’d much rather shove pencils into my eye sockets. I plopped back down on the couch, checking my phone for the fiftieth time that day…  
And finally. Any bit of doubt dissipated.  
Hiii you.  
I smiled…not even bothering to hide it, not even bothering to play hard to get. Every bit of him was still with me…it had only been two days, but I ached for him. It was a different kind of missing, though…an ache that was out of simply missing his company, not worrying that he was going to start questioning things.  
I had, however, begun to wonder if he wasn’t feeling that same ache…we’d spoken, but not much. He seemed busy…distant. I gave him his space, though I was dying to just talk…to hear what he was up to. To listen to his random thoughts. He’d seeped back under my skin, and I was welcoming every bit of it…the few days I’d spent with him had really been the therapy I needed to forget about six…at least for the time being.  
There you are…was beginning to worry you’d forgotten about me.  
His instantaneous reply made me grin…knowing he had some down time. Knowing we could have a normal conversation that wasn’t extended for hours, making no sense with time.  
Wait.. Who is this again?  
I snorted.  
Only teasing.. I can’t stop thinking about you, Ror. Really.. It’s a dilemma.  
Sounds like it…should I file for a restraining order?  
At this point.. I’m questioning that myself. I miss you. Loads.  
I frowned…but not for long.  
A good miss, though. Real good. Hope you’re feeling it too.  
Em began talking and I heard shuffling, knowing she was coming out of the dressing room. I typed back quickly…purposefully.  
A great miss.  
I shoved my phone into my purse, taking in Em’s saddened gaze. I cocked my head, standing up and pulling my jeans up by the back loops where they’d slid. She hesitated, staring down at the dress.  
“What’s wrong?”  
“I guess looking at the price tag before trying it on wouldn’t have hurt…”  
“I’m sure Bryce would cover it.”  
She gave me a somber look…smiling sadly.  
“It’s not just expensive, Rory, it’s like…grossly priced.”  
“Let me see.”  
“No-”  
I grabbed the small, dangling tag and took a glance at it…eyes widening. But, it didn’t take long for the image of her in her dress to reappear in my mind…the decision made for me. I would have come to the same conclusion no matter what, but that specific dress made it where it wasn’t even a question.  
“My treat.”  
“No way—” she hissed, trying to pull it out of my grip. I grabbed the entire dress, our temporary fight looking ridiculous as the ladies behind the counter took notice. “Rory.”  
I held it with pride, smirking at her. “Really. No big deal. You only get married once…well. That’s the goal.”  
She sighed…shaking her head slowly at me. “You can’t do that, it’s too much.”  
“Consider it done.”  
“Rory-”  
“Em!”  
“Ughhhh,” she groaned, crossing her arms. “Fine. But I’m sabotaging the bouquet so you catch it. That way, when Bryce is a super rich doctor soon, I can pay for your wedding dress.”  
The entire scenario sounded strange…I was quiet, taking in her words.  
Your wedding dress…  
My heart thud, stomach felt a bit queasy…and I wasn’t sure why. I was standing there…images flashing in my head…a dress, a tux…tea lights, picnic benches…family, friends…a large green field, trees…the moonlight, Sinatra…rings, kisses…a forever promise…Harry…  
“Rory?”  
“What?”  
I snapped out of it…looking back up at her. She gave me a strange look.  
“Is that a deal? I think that’s absolutely fair.”  
It was apparent she was playing around, but I wasn’t in a joking mood.  
“You can keep your bouquet, yeah? Like I said, my treat. No big deal.”  
She rolled her eyes, smirking at me as I made my way to the register.  
“It’s going to happen one day, you know.”  
“Enough.”  
She was taken aback as I snapped at her…immediately feeling guilty, awkward. She shut her mouth, allowing me to upfront enough money for a 16-year-old’s first car…the dress was covered in plastic, and I passed it to her. She thanked me quietly as we exited the shop in a thick silence.  
The air was cold…I shoved my hands into my pockets, lips chattering.  
“So…”  
“So.”  
“We’re back to this?”  
“Back to what?”  
I could feel her knowing gaze as I focused on the path ahead of me.  
“Back to you not wanting to get married?”  
I scoffed…running my tongue along my bottom lip. “When did I say that?”  
“Oh, I don’t know…the bitch face, the attitude, the sudden brooding…yeah. Maybe that.”  
I was quiet…confused by how I was feeling, confused by the sweater on my body, confused by the butterflies in my stomach in anticipation of checking my phone…  
“Of course I still want to marry him…”  
The statement was muttered…barely audible. Though, somehow, Em caught it.  
“Him?”  
“Don’t be stupid.”  
“I’m not trying to mock you, Rory, really…you guys are in a good place, though?”  
I swallowed…I hadn’t really had time to catch her up on my trip. The problem was, I didn’t know how to answer her…I didn’t know how to deal with the warmth in my heart and the fluttering in my stomach…I didn’t know. I didn’t know how it had been two years, and yet it felt like it had barely been two days without him…things felt right. Things felt good. No stress. No pressure. No worries…  
Green eyes haunted me 24 hours of every day. The memories of a firm, inked body, lingering on mine…constantly with me. His sweet, sweet words…his hard, persistent thrusts…the way he whispered into my ear -  
I’m yours.  
I felt like I was skidding on a road…desperately digging my heels in, trying to slow down. But, I couldn’t. We were two people, clearly supposed to be together…there was no else explaining it, no matter how hard I tried to deny it…he was it for me, just as he’d said so many times of me.  
I couldn’t admit that I would stupidly be ready to say fuck it — to say YES to him, with no doubt — if he asked…I couldn’t admit it because it was impulsive, and rash, and stupid. So, so stupid…we hadn’t had time to heal, we hadn’t had time to fall back into things…but I knew. I wasn’t sure why, and I didn’t understand how, but I knew…if he were to ever ask, my answer was already made.  
Yes, you idiot.  
The saddest part was, I was actually giddy…feeling an unfamiliar rush…an excitement, that was fake. It was too soon…too soon, and completely hypothetical…  
But, hypothetically speaking…  
Of course I’d marry Harry Styles.  
“We’re getting there.”  
I settled with simple…true. I settled with safe, and honest…I settled with pure.  
Em smiled over at me…nodding once. Happy with my answer.  
“I’m happy for you.”  
I laughed…inhaling sharply. Exhaling a shaky breath. Afraid to say it, afraid to jinx it.  
“I’m happy, too.”  
“Quite pretty, yeah?”  
I bit my lip…the same oversized, grey sweater warming my skin as I cupped a mug of steaming hot chocolate in my hands…standing in nothing but the much-too-big piece of fabric, some undies and knee-highs…my phone was pressed between my shoulder and ear, my eyes set on red poinsettias in a beautiful gold vase.  
“Lovely. Very Christmas-y.”  
The snow was falling down consistently…the lights on, fireplace lit. I couldn’t help but wish the wonderfully sweet man on the other line was sitting right there with me…admiring his gift with me…holding me, just being with me…  
“'twas the goal…” I waited…smiling with a thoughtful roll of my eyes. Harry had paused, and I could picture his proud grin. “See what I did there. Festive.”  
“Adding a ’t’ doesn’t automatically make it festive, silly.”  
“So many cute little words you’re usin’. Rory is in a good mood.”  
I was grinning…embarrassed by my uncharacteristically flirty and giddy mood, but also content. Content with him, content with life.  
“I have no reason not to be.”  
“Have a nice time with Em today?”  
“She found her dress.”  
I sipped the hot liquid, wincing as I immediately set the mug down…burning my upper lip.  
I didn’t even need to say anything…my nearly silent cry somehow meeting his ever-observant ears.  
“You alright?”  
“Yeah…shit, burned my lip.”  
“Ooh, love. Ice? Babe, be careful.”  
Again…butterflies. I was really getting ridiculous.  
“I’m okay, being a baby.”  
“S'okay. That hurts.”  
“'Mm.”  
“So she said yes to the dress?”  
“You and Em should jump off a cliff together. Honestly, that is so horrid…”  
“Downtime, Rory. I'ss a good show.”  
“You’re a guy, Harry.”  
“With an appreciation for pretty gowns and happy women, give a man a break.”  
“So many things wrong with that sentence,” I laughed, looking down…my smile faltering. “I’m in your big comfy sweater.”  
He hesitated…gasping a bit.  
“The grey one?”  
“Yeah.”  
“You still have it?”  
I shut my eyes…remembering the day, long before…remembering that it was raining, and we were in the living room of our house…I was cold…he took the sweater off, let me wear it…the power went off, we lit candles, I stood on the tops of his feet in his sweater as he taught me how to dance…  
“Yeah. Still have it.”  
I heard him swallow…an unspoken moment shared between the two of us…  
“'Member that day?”  
I smiled…keeping my eyes shut. Nodding to myself before answering.  
“Of course.”  
“One of my favorite days.”  
“Mine, too.”  
“I miss you.”  
“God, I miss you more, Harry.”  
He exhaled…a pained breath. As if, waiting for me to hear the words…waiting for our playful jokes to die down, for the truth to be unleashed…I felt him, everywhere. His hands on my hips, his eyelashes fluttering on my neck as he pressed his cheek into my shoulder, his arms wrapping around me, his legs tangling with mine…  
“I was thinking…”  
“Wow. Rare.”  
He snorted, not appreciating my joke.  
“I was thinking Christmas in New York sounds lovely.”  
My eyes opened…my heart thud. I waited…waited…if there was a punchline, he surely would have said it by then.  
“What about….your family?”  
He hummed.  
“You’re a big girl now, spending it where you’ve made your home, without your family…I think it’s time I see what that’s like.”  
“I don’t…I don’t want you to do that for me—”  
“I want to, Rory. Have me?”  
I swallowed…my hands were trembling. I was happy, oh, I was happy.  
“You really want to spend Christmas in New York?”  
“No.”  
My stomach plummeted.  
“I want to spend it with you…that okay?”  
I swear…my smile couldn’t have been bigger. I shut my eyes…taking a big breath, playing off how I was feeling.  
“Yeah, I guess.”  
I did my best to sound uninterested.  
“Still a pain in my arse.”  
I let out the giggle threatening to escape…hearing him chuckle softly on the other line. I could hear his smile through it.  
“When will you be here?”  
“Erm…need to book my flight. I’d say Friday…at the latest. That good?”  
Friday…six days.  
I gave up trying to keep my facade…knowing I was safe. Knowing he’d take care of me, even at my most vulnerable.  
“Any way you can come sooner?”  
I could feel the wave of happiness hit him over the line…he laughed, though without any humor.  
“No, but I’ll make a way. Wednesday, maybe? Yeah, I can….yeah,” he laughed again, taken aback by my eagerness. “Yeah. Yeah. Wednesday. Dunno how, but I’ll…I can make it happen.”  
“Wednesday it is.”  
He sighed….my lip was bleeding, I was biting it so hard, trying to contain my smile.  
“I’ll see you then, Miss Thorn.”  
“I love you, Harry.”  
Again…a moment of hesitation. As if, he had to revel in my words…we were both so happy…so happy to be back…so happy that maybe, just maybe…timing was on our side, for once.  
“I love you so bloody much, Rory. Wednesday.”


	35. Chapter 35

Thirty-Four ::: Rory  
Wednesday had come, and for that, I couldn’t be more thankful.  
The fireplace was going…it somehow had gotten colder outside, the kind of cold where it was miserable. The snow was steadily falling, people all over the city avoiding going outside…I’d made a cozy dinner…homemade chicken noodle soup…I had red wine in glasses…I got prettied up, was wearing a nice dress with tights…when the doorbell rang, it was unecessary…for the minute he’d texted to say he was on his way from the airport, I was pacing in the foyer…awaiting his highly anticipated arrival, checking the small glass peephole every five seconds…  
He stood there when I opened the door. He said, hi. Brown leather duffel weighing down his shoulder. A grey beanie snugly fitted over his long, dark tendrils. Rosy cheeks. Chattering lips. Snowflakes clinging to his peacoat, hands shoved deeply into his pockets.  
He smiled slowly. An unspoken understanding between the two of us.  
No words were shared.  
I took a step forward…hesitating. Playing with my hands. Bottom lip tugged between teeth. He reached out…easing my anxiety…pulling me by my hips to his…sliding our lips together in a chilling embrace. I shook, chills shooting up my spine…he wrapped his arms around my lower back tighter, pulling me even closer…bliss.  
Dinner was nice…quiet. His black sweater too big on him…it hung down over his palms, he was still shaking slightly, warming up…we sat next to eachother in bar stools…sharing flirty glances, subtle touches…  
The embers cracked. My body was on fire.  
We were both sweating…but I was the only one moving.  
Harry sat under me on the plush couch…the only light flickering as the fire popped and hummed, dying down…we were bare, skin to skin. Night had settled. It was dark, though the warm light of the fading heat behind me reflected onto his features…my body creating shadows to appear temporarily…  
I moved steadily…up and down, up and down…circling my hips…crying out quietly. He was so thick…filling me up to the brim, making me feel whole, hot, warm, perfect…his fingertips were digging into the soft skin of my hips…gently guiding me how he liked…  
“Oooh,” he whimpered, watching me in awe…his forehead was creased with lines of concentration, pink lips slightly agape…he leaned forward, pressing his forehead against my chest, wrapping his arms tightly around my back as I continued riding him. “Mmmm, Rory…”  
My legs were shaking…it was slow, and languid, and meaningful, and raw…I was in complete control…he was at my mercy, but the moment was sweeter than that…the mood was soft, not hard…it wasn’t the time to play around, it was a time to appreciate that we’d somehow found each other again.  
“How do I feel…?” I timidly asked…afraid to ruin the innocence of the moment. “Baby, look at me…”  
“Rory…”  
I moaned gently as he looked up, eyes meeting mine with polite hunger…he bit his bottom lip, little spurts of breath falling from his rosy pout as I slammed down with force each time. His eyes rolled back as he arched his head back, allowing it to fall…I caught it in my hands, tugging on his curls slightly…the vein in his neck was bulging, his thighs tense, stomach taut…I knew he was close…  
I was temporarily stunned as he scooted forward, suddenly standing…he wrapped my legs around him, staying one with me as he carefully turned around…leaning down and laying me down onto the soft cushions where he’d previously been sitting.  
My hair spread out underneath me…he leaned down, his own falling over his face.  
He smiled down at me…lips tight…shaking his head.  
“What?”  
“So pretty…”  
“Come here.”  
His smile broadened as he pursed his lips in a chidlike way…shaking his head more adamently. I watched as he leaned down…kissing the swell of my breasts before making a trail down my stomach…pecking, licking…he settled towards the other end of the couch, hooking his arms under my legs and bringing my hips towards his face.  
I watched in awe…biting the loose skin of my knuckle…  
He kissed the insides of my thighs…taking his time.  
I was so in love with him.  
Green eyes met mine…a knowing smirk. He silently asked for permission as I blushed, giving him a curt nod. He let out a sigh of relief…leaning forward, keeping his eyes on mine. I jolted as he wasted no time, sticking his tongue out and graciously licking the expanse of my slit.  
“Harry…” I gasped, reaching down to grab his hair…but stopping. I wanted the moment to be sweet, not lust-driven…my hands rested oddly on my lower stomach.  
He pecked my clit in a gentle kiss, looking up at me.  
“It’s okay.”  
I went to shake my head but he grabbed my wrist, directing it to the back of his head. I gently tangled my fingers in his hair…he rubbed his lips together.  
“Hold me down, baby.”  
And I did…because like every other bit of him, his mouth and tongue were beautiful and amazing…he kissed, and sucked, and shoved his tongue deep…he alternated between heavy licking, and quick pecking…when I started to cry out his name, he hummed deeply in his throat, his lips and tongue shaking against me…I was sent rapidly over the edge as he worked his mouth, catching every bit of my pleasure and swallowing it for himself…  
“Hi…”  
He panted heavily, his lips and chin glistening with me as he settled himself between my legs, having crawled back up to me…he rested over me, careful not to put too much of his weight. I reached up with my hand to clean him off, but he dodged the gesture…kissing me sloppily, sliding his tongue into my mouth to catch mine. I was flushed…tasting myself everywhere.  
His breaths were shaky as he tried to keep his composure, resting his forehead against mine as he pulled his delicious mouth away.  
“Taste that, baby? S'you, only you…only girl I want on my tongue…”  
“Harry…oh, Harry.”  
I kissed him fervently, wrapping my arms around his neck, pulling him impossibly closer…I felt him drop his hips…and suddenly, he slid right back in with a slow thrust…disconnecting our lips, his hot breaths hitting my lips in gasps.  
“So wet…”  
“For you…for you, Harry, always for you…”  
“Ughhhh…”  
He groaned against my lips, letting me pet the back of his head and neck as he drove his hips in and out…harsh, slow thrusts…he ran his fingertips along the expanse of the outside of my thigh, bringing it up and wrapping it around his hip. He narrowed his eyes.  
I watched in a daze as he grabbed my flat palm, putting his over mine and pressing it on my lower stomach. I gasped…feeling a pressure consistently hitting against it.  
“Feel that?” he grunted, trying to keep himself restrained. “S'me, baby…”  
I could feel my heart excelerating…something about knowing he was so deep, so one with me sending me dangerously close to my brink…it seemed to be having the same impact on him.  
“Oh, fuck, Rory…fuck…you’re clenching, oh god, do that…do it—”  
I did as he asked, squeezing him…knowing how intense it felt for me, and knowing it drove him crazy…  
“Oh god, I’m done…I’m….”  
He gritted his teeth, hissing between them as he slammed his hips forward a few last times…and that was it. My high hit me like a wave of euphoric bliss…crashing over us at the same time…instinctively, we clung to each other with everything we had…his nose pressed against the side of mine, lips still as a hushed moan of my name tickled my lips…I felt him, warm spurts shooting up into me…my heart was pounding, legs shaking horribly…  
He kissed me…he kissed me over and over again, between troubled breaths…we came down together…sweating awfully…my heart continued to pound, for a different reason. He knew.  
“Harry—”  
“I know,” he admitted…smiling softly, but guilt clear in his eyes as they met mine…the fire had died down, though I could still see him. He cupped my cheek…laughing breathlessly, though no humor was present in the moment. “I’ll get you Plan B or somethin’ tomorrow…I just-”  
“I know.”  
“Yeah.”  
It felt special…it felt real when we didn’t worry about technicalities…when we let it happen naturally. He slowly slid out of me…causing me to feel empty, in every way.  
“Hi baby,” he let out a breathy laugh…kissing my nose as he inhaled heavily, letting out the breath slowly. “This view is my favorite.”  
I looked up at him…his dazed smile…sleepy eyes…cuddly, just cuddly…he was…oh, he was everything…in that moment especially, but always…  
And suddenly…I was sobbing. Not small, cute, subtle cries…heavy, gut-wrenching, body-shaking cries…  
“Hey…hey, hey, hey.”  
He plead with me, cupping my cheeks, trying to get me to drop my hands. I cried into my hands…hiding my face. He tugged on my wrists, successfully getting a glimpse of my mess of a face…he looked so upset, concerned…worried…  
“Baby girl, what did I do? Did I do somethin’? Did I…did I hurt you?”  
“No…” I scoffed, the tears pouring out as I sniffled loudly, wiping at my face. “You…you’re—”  
“Wha'ss wrong?”  
“You’re…you’re here.”  
He was quiet…watching me…he finally began to laugh…first only a bit, then full on laughing.  
“Too much wine for you, yeah?”  
He grabbed my wrists harder…pulling them down, holding them by my sides.  
“Do you want me to go? S'that why you’re cryin’?”  
I knew he was teasing, but…everything hit me so hard.  
“No, you’re…you’re here. You’re actually here.”  
Realization settled…his smile faltered…though stayed…the ghost of one remaining as he nodded slowly…drilling the point.  
“Yeah…yeah, I’m here, Rory. Right here.”  
He wrapped his arm under my head…holding me close, kissing my wet cheek.  
“I’m right here, Rory…” he hummed into my ear…pressing a kiss through my hair onto my earlobe. Whispering. “Not goin’ anywhere.”  
The promise held more than he knew as I shook, crying harder…he was patient…petting my hair, pressing soft kisses to every bit of me.  
“You promise?” I choked out…he winced. I knew I was hurting him, crying like that, desperately clinging to his shoulders…I knew my nails were leaving marks, but two years…he wasn’t mine for so long… “Promise you won’t leave me?”  
He didn’t realize that leaving me that letter…not giving me my last chance at goodbye…it shook me more than he knew. I’d ended it, but he’d solidified it…leaving me a piece of paper in the wake of a person, a person that had become my other half…the letter was sweet, but didn’t do him justice…didn’t do us justice…  
“Oh, Rory…” he cooed…struggling to watch me as he pecked my lips. “I promise. I promise…I’m here to stay, okay? Promise you.”  
I was literally trembling underneath him…so worked up…I kept running my hands over his cheeks, making sure he was real…he was there, he was really there.  
“I want to show you something.”  
“Yeah? You good?”  
“Yeah…” I sniffled, nodding. He hesitated…making sure before nodding to himself. He climbed off of me…giving me room to stand. I quickly grabbed the white, cashmere throw blanket…wrapping it around my figure. I was shivering, though I had a feeling it was from my meltdown, not the temperature. “Come here.”  
He stood up. I waited as he tugged on his black briefs…adjusting them low on his hips. He followed me silently, our bare feet shuffling in the dark. I knew exactly where to go…I kneeled down beside my bed, opening the top drawer of my nighstand…I grabbed the leatherbound notebook…holding it to my chest.  
I could only make out the outlines of him as I hesitated…I could see that he was looking down at what was in my hands.  
“I want you to read this.”  
He said nothing…knowing about my habits. He’d been with me long enough to know that I wrote in a journal…I wrote things I didn’t show anyone, not even him…he respected it.  
When he was gone…when I was left alone with my thoughts, wondering if he was laying in bed with someone else…I wrote. Poems, stories…I just wrote.  
“Rory, you don’t have to-”  
“I want you to read it. You wanted me to open back up…this is the way. This is the only way I know to give myself to you completely.”  
“You sure?”  
I took a deep breath…nodding.  
He was hesitant as he took it from my hands….holding it as if he’d never seen a notebook before, afraid of it, even.  
“Can you go in the other room? I’d…I’d like to lie down. I don’t want to be around when you read it.”  
He nodded…slowly agreeing. Before he left, he lay a soft kiss to my cheek…nudging my chin up with his knuckle before disappearing out of the room with a quiet thud of the door.  
I was awake the entire time…I lay there for what felt like hours, but it was probably only one…the light from the living room creeped under the door. I stared at the wall…wondering. Thinking about what might be going through his head…if he thought I was pathetic. If he thought I had been clingy. If he was weirded out that I’d written my vulnerabilities onto a page…I had been broken, and I found solace in expelling it through my fingertips…maybe he’d slept around…and maybe I couldn’t judge him for that…because writing was my escape…intimacy was his.  
I heard the light switch off….my heart was pounding. I remained with my back facing the door…hearing it creak open. Hearing it shut.  
Footsteps.  
The bed shifted…I squeezed my eyes shut…pretending to be asleep.  
I felt him mold behind me…warmth spreading. I tensed, though he didn’t notice.  
He nuzzled his head into my neck…his lips pressing against the back of my shoulder. I could feel his breaths, falling from his nostrils, brushing over my skin…  
“You silly girl…” he quietly cooed…referencing what I’d clearly show through pages and pages…I’d thought he’d forgotten about me. “How could I ever forget?”  
He didn’t let go of me…he held me, and soon, I didn’t have to pretend I was sleeping…for I was, knowing that all of my woes, my anguish…it had all just been in my head.  
He hadn’t forgotten…and I wanted to make sure he wouldn’t.


	36. Chapter 36

Thirty-Five ::: Rory  
No.  
Green eyes were glassy, filled with mischief and too much eggnog. They focused on my lips…most definitely understanding the single-syllabled word I’d mouthed. He ran his tongue over his own, rubbing them together. Still, a smirk. He wasn’t going to listen.  
He raised his eyebrows…hand freezing as it reached out, nearing the object of his desire. He was testing his boundaries.  
I shook my head slowly…Em’s continuous rambles a distant thing. She was oblivious to the silent exchange going on just next to her in the kitchen.  
Don’t.  
Again. Eyes fixed on the motion of my lips. His own spread in an even wider grin, his actions quick — I exhaled out of my nose, watching as he successfully shoved yet another sugar cookie into his mouth. I dove forward as he dodged me, laughing through puffed out cheeks with crumbs tumbling to the floor.  
“You shithead.”  
“What?”  
Em finally turned, eyeing me and my rebellious brat of a manchild as he whimpered and pouted, standing above me. I cleaned his mess up off of the floor, standing back up. I pointed at him, looking over at Em as I walked over to the trashcan.  
“We’re going to have to share about two cookies among the three of us because chipmunk cheeks over there won’t keep his paws off.”  
“Heyyyyyyy.”  
He protested as I tattled on him, more crumbs falling out of his mouth and onto the floor. His eyes were playful, staying on mine heavily as he chewed. I couldn’t help but laugh…rolling my eyes.  
“Harry.”  
Again, picking up his mess off the floor. Child. He watched me from above, enjoying the view a bit too much. I gave him a dirty look as he crossed his arms, exaggerating his posture as he stared at my ass.  
“Harry, take Bryce a few cookies,” Em gently interrupted, snapping him from his playful observation.  
I immediately righted myself, again, making my way to the trashcan. My countertops were covered in cookie dough, Michael Buble emitting from the speakers. Em and I had been hard at work making dinner and snacks for our Christmas Eve festivities — Harry and Bryce had been hardly working, downing every last drop of the eggnog we’d made. I figured Bryce had excused himself for a work call or to use the restroom, for Harry would only be bugging us if he was bored.  
I shot him a threatening look, though didn’t hold it for long…allowing him another cookie as he smiled bashfully, taking a bite that a normal person would take - instead of deepthroating it like before. He knew he was currently on good terms with me…great, even. He was taking advantage of it, and I was allowing it.  
My heart was full as I leaned my hips against the counter top, crossing my arms as I tried not to smile at him. He neared…fedora perched on his head, simple black t-shirt on, black jeans and black socks…I was in yoga pants and one of his t-shirts, finding no need to try and impress on such a beautifully casual night.  
Harry held about half of the cookie beteween his fingers as he swallowed his last bite. His free hand trailed over my hip as I opened my legs, allowing him to squeeze between…a place he’d been frequenting for the majority of his stay in New York. Three days had been spent mostly in bed…tangled with each other…needing to feel that high only the other could bring…the rest of the time was spent trying to be productive, and failing, usually ending up tangled up with each other - yet again - but on any surface we could find.  
Allowing him to read my journal…it had brought us closer. I felt like we were right back on track, but on a better…more sturdy track than we’d ever been on before.  
Em’s back was to us as she continued rolling out dough, humming along to Jingle Bells.  
He raised the half cookie to my lips, giving me permission to share his treat. I kept my eyes on his as I took a bite…careful to keep my movements slow, deliberate. He watched my lips…biting down on his bottom one, tracing his eyes back up to mine. I chewed, shutting my eyes with a sharp inhale as he pressed his stomach against my own…subtly rubbing his crotch against mine, leaving a slow kiss to my neck…  
“Behave…” I muttered into his ear as he continued his gentle assault…his fingertips on my hip squeezing slightly. I felt him laugh lightly against my neck…licking a slow, steady stripe up towards my jaw. His other hand found my other hip, bringing me against his crotch again…he pecked my lips.  
“Honestly, you guys.”  
We both jolted, glancing up at Em who looked absolutely disgusted. Harry smiled bashfully as I gently pushed his chest away, Em rolling her eyes and carrying the dirty pans to the sink.  
“I told you to be good.”  
I pointed my finger in his face, only fueling his giddiness. He bit it gently, leaving me with a wink and a fluttery heart as he exited the room…once again, alone with my disapproving friend.  
I expected a glare with some more motherly scolds, but was taken aback as I was handed a glass of eggnog…a knowing smile on her lips as she held her glass up.  
I hit mine against hers, cocking my head and hesitating as she took a sip.  
“What? I don’t like that face very much.”  
She swallowed the massive sip, giggling to herself. Her blonde hair tumbled over her oversized red sweater in massive curls. I couldn’t help but think that she looked like a bride-to-be…happy for her. “Cheers to a new year, huh?”  
“You’re about a week early, though yes. To a new year.”  
I sipped my drink, smirking…taking in the look she was still giving me.  
“What?”  
“You and Harry. Don’t act like it isn’t a big deal.”  
“It’s not.”  
My massive smile contradicted my words as I shut myself up, chugging the alcohollic drink. She watched me with a constant smirk, shaking her head.  
“I kind of want to squeal and I kind of want to slap you at the same time, because now I have to deal with the constant rapey-ness again—”  
“Not rape if I’m willing.”  
“Regardless, I’m really giddy and I think I’m a bit drunk because I want to cry and I’m super happy for you, and can I just hug you?”  
I rolled my eyes, smiling as my best friend held me tightly and rocked me back and forth before pulling away.  
“For the record, I wanted to slap you way more before.”  
“Before what?”  
“Before seeing him here…with you…like, seeing you guys together. It all makes sense now.”  
She had a glazed look in her eyes, nodding her head. “Timing is everything. You guys were happy before, but not like this…when you look at him, there isn’t a constant storm brewing in your eyes…he doesn’t look nervous when he touches you, as if one wrong touch and he’ll shatter what you have…no…this is good. I can feel it.”  
“You are tipsy.”  
I tried to pretend her words were silly, but they were good to hear…things finally seemed to be falling into place.  
We cleaned up the kitchen, taking breaks to sip our drinks…we had a nice dinner, filled with laughter and mainly, Bryce and Harry screwing around…it was evident that they’d been talking while Harry and I weren’t together, for they seemed much closer than before. Bryce was still as infatuated, but frankly, I was a bit put off by how Harry was returning the love…it was a mutual worship. Healthier than before, but really, I didn’t enjoy it much more.  
When we were done, Bryce and Harry offered to clean up the kitchen…well, really, Harry offered for them to clean with a sweet kiss on my cheek as Bryce glared at him, scoffing and having a tantrum. Em grabbed my arm, dragging me out of the room…we were both feeling a little buzzed, spinning with holiday cheer and happiness. We danced around the living room like idiots for what felt like forever, out of breath and laughing uncontrollably.  
Em was panting as she switched songs, swaying her hips back and forth.  
“Go get the boys!”  
“Okay.”  
I jogged through the apartment, sliding in my socks as I hesitated in the hallway. I heard hushed conversation…my smile falling as I caught the end of it.  
“No, man, that’s great…really, really great. But yeah, too soon…I think. I mean, I’m not you guys…I don’t know, but…seems rushed, maybe? You know Rory, she’s still kind of…you know, healing from everything.”  
“Yeah, I know, mate…I know. I thought it was a bit fast, too, just needed to tell someone…I’m going mad.”  
“Fuck yeah, it’s scary as shit.”  
“You’re tellin’ me…can’t sleep half the time when I’m next to her…thinking about when-”  
“Whoooo wants to come have an awesome dance party and drink disgustingly sweet cocktails?” I popped my head around the corner, feeling guilty. Bryce’s eyes were wide, but he smiled quickly…hiding it. Harry’s posture was tense, back to me as he leaned his closed fists on the counter. “Em and I put Bailey’s in our hot chocolate…it’s pretty good?”  
My voice was gentle…nervous. I hestitated, staring at Harry’s back…wondering what I’d just stepped in on, why he was acting strange. He slowly lifted his head, looking over at me with an easy smile. Bryce raised his eyebrows, walking out of the room and patting Harry on the shoulder as he passed.  
“Um…sorry.”  
I walked closer to him…chewing on my lip. I ran my nails along the top of his back…easing the tension in his muscles. His shoulders slumped as he looked over at me, his gentle eyes tracing over my features.  
“Did I interrupt something?”  
A breath left his chest…an exasperated chuckle. I wasn’t sure why.  
He reached over…tucking my hair over my shoulder, squeezing my pressure point as I flinched and swatted him off. He laughed, another sigh leaving his lips as he kissed the corner of my mouth quickly.  
“No, you’re good. Nothin’ important.”  
I smiled…nodding. I wasn’t sure I believed him, but he didn’t seem bothered. I laced my arms around his neck…playing with the hair that was peaking out from under his hat.  
“Did you like your gift?”  
He grinned, nodding like a toddler as he lifted his wrist…looking at what I’d gotten him. A vintage Rolex…he’d had his eyes on it for awhile…I knew that glimmer and glitz didn’t win his heart, but I also knew that giving him my journal meant more to him than any Christmas present would. It was simple…something I knew he wanted. I could tell the minute he opened it, he was pleased…latching it onto his wrist. Throughout dinner, I caught him glancing down at it occasionally…I’d done okay.  
I was squeezed closer…his nose slotting between my cheek and my own nose, sliding up and down tenderly…his lips pressed to mine. They were damp, loving, slow…he tangled his fingers in the back of my hair, deepening the kiss as his tongue parted my lips…licking against mine. It was careful, and passionate, and not at all rushed…when he pulled away, he pecked me once more.  
“Did you like mine?”  
I nodded…biting my lip to hide my smile. He’d gotten me a purse I’d been wanting…it cost a small fortune, though he didn’t mind. He’d filled it with random odds and ends…bits of me. He bought me a book I had mentioned wanting to read…he bought me the shampoo and conditioner I used to use at our house…the ones he said that haunted him while we were apart…he bought me perfume that he had picked out, telling me it was the loveliest thing he’d ever smelled…and that he wanted to relate it to the loveliest person he’d ever known…  
The package was simple, but so Harry. The icing on the cake was the handful of notecards…careful writing on each. A “coupon book”. He’d read about it in a magazine, bored on one of his long flights…the different items were a mixture of silly and sweet, sexy and blush-worthy.  
Again, so Harry.  
“Wanna make me one of your disgustingly sweet cocktails?”  
He hummed, twirling a piece of my hair around his finger…his eyes heavy, on the strand, then back up to my own gaze. I gnawed on my bottom lip…entranced with him. I nodded.  
“Le'ss go.”  
He slid his fingers into my own…leaving one last kiss upon my jawline before lazily tugging me along towards the living room. The evening was light…fun. We continued dancing, talking, laughing like idiots…we ate the rest of the cookies, watched Elf, and sent Em and Bryce on their way.  
The tree was glowing…I smiled, turning it off. Harry had already slipped off to bed…he didn’t seem tired, so it surprised me…until I walked into the bedroom.  
He was snuggled under the covers in his briefs…head propped on one hand as he leaned on his elbow. He had a suggestive smirk, raising his eyes up towards the headboard…I followed his gaze…snorting.  
Of course. Of course, my idiot, had hung misteltoe from the headboard.  
“What am I going to do with you?” I hummed, reaching down and slipping off my yoga pants.  
His eyes trailed down as he spoke.  
“You’re going to come kiss me. It’s holiday tradition.”  
“You goof.”  
I climbed into bed…easily falling next to him with his t-shirt on and a black lace thong. He hummed, guiding me to turn onto my side…I did as he said. I felt his hands, cheekily squeezing my backside before trailing up the back of my shirt…unhooking my bra for me. He knew it was my favorite part of the day, helping me slide the straps out of the sleeves…he pulled it out for me, tying the bra around his head like a headwrap. The cups fluffed his hair as I rolled my eyes, yanking it off of him as he giggled proudly. I threw it on the ground as it was his turn to roll his eyes at my cluttered habbits.  
“You going to kiss me or what?”  
Harry smirked, raising his eyebrows at my challenge as he muttered under his breath, leaning down…his lips met mine softly…once, twice, three times…they were still, just an innocent embrace. When he pulled up…his teeth dug into his bottom lip, his palm laying flat where his shirt had risen. He rubbed his hand over my stomach…tickling the skin. Giving me goosebumps.  
“Have to ask you somethin’.”  
“Nope.”  
“‘Mm.”  
“No.”  
He wasn’t bothered by my teasing…my heart beat a bit faster as he kept eye contact. He was unphased, not showing any emotion as he kept his eyes on mine, his finger tugging my underwear to the side in an easy sweep.  
“Harry…”  
“Hm?”  
Gentle rubbing…he traced his finger up and down, up and down…gathering the moisture that was progressively building. I shut my eyes, biting my lip.  
“Two questions, actually.”  
His gentle assault was driving me crazy and he knew it…he knew exactly what he was doing. He always did.  
“Okay.”  
“Now you’re willing to listen…” he smirked, dragging his lips over my cheek in a quick peck. “Strange. Wonder what changed.”  
“Stop…”  
“Okay.”  
His hand disappeared and I groaned, grabbing it. His rings were cold in my hand as I forced his hand back down…earning a restrained moan from him as he returned his digits between my legs…caressing the entire area.  
“First question…”  
“'Mm.”  
“Aurora Thorn…”  
“That’s me…” I whimpered as he stuck just the tip of his finger in, feigning confusion…puckering his lips, furrowing his eyebrows as he twirled it around…keeping just up to his first knuckle in. “Harry.”  
“Oh, right,” he cleared his throat, chuckling briefly…pleased with himself. “Right, where was I?”  
He slid the entire length of it all of the way in, causing my back to stiffen. I held tightly to his shoulders, right up against his neck…he slid it in and out, slowly…  
“Oh, right,” he pretended to remember. “Will you officially be my girlfriend again?”  
“What a wonderful time to ask me that,” I panted, glaring at him as I barely hit his chest with absolutely no conviction. He started to pump harder as I moaned quietly, shutting my eyes…gripping his bicep. “You cheated…”  
“Never. I’m loyal.”  
I opened my eyes, laughing at his stupidity…he was the only man who’s finger could be inside of me, and yet we could still play around and joke with each other.  
“Will you?” he pressed…his smile falling.  
I stared into his sweet, sweet green eyes…nodding once.  
“Sorry, didn’t hear you.”  
“Yes, Harry.”  
“What was that?”  
He started really working his hand…adding another, pumping hard….my lower stomach was light, a burn I was addicted to spreading…my heart was pounding as my chest rose and fell…  
“Rory, I didn’t hear you.”  
“Yes,” I choked out quietly, losing myself. “Oh God…”  
“Rory. I said I didn’t hear you.”  
He curled them up, petting his spot…I moaned his name loudly as he grinned with his eyes wide, covering my mouth with his free hand…chuckling softly into my neck, pecking the skin as I came down.  
“Yes, Harry,” I said in a daze…panting. “I’ll be your girlfriend.”  
He smiled…kissing my temple. “Knew you’d say yes.”  
“Yeah, you brat,” I huffed, laughing breathlessly. I shut my eyes, lacing my hands into my hair. “What are you—?”  
He had crawled down…layed himself between my legs, hooked his arms under my thighs. My body was going wild.  
“One more question and I need the answer to be yes.”  
“Harry, I’m too sensitive—ohhhh.”  
He licked a heavy strip up the length of me, eyes dark as he looked up at me. “I determine that, baby doll. You’re fine.”  
He was in a mood…one I was slowly growing very, very fond of. I swallowed hard…his jaw tense as he stared up at me through dark lashes.  
“What was the question?” I whispered…he ran his tongue over his bottom lip, rubbing them together.  
“I need a date to the AMAs. Heard you were going…”  
There he was…gentle again. I raised my eyebrows.  
“Oh?”  
“'Mm. Go with me?”  
My heart was pounding…stepping out in public meant a lot…a lot, a lot. He knew he had to have me vulnerable to say yes….to make such a jump.  
My hesitance gave him the answer he needed as he suddenly began licking rapidly…I cried out, arching my back…tugging on his hair. He groaned against me, nibbling, sucking, driving me crazy…  
“Yes - yes! I’ll go with you, yes.”  
“No,” he gravelly said, groaning with lust as he looked up at me. He shook his head, a devilish smirk tugging at the corner of one side of his lip. “Might be fun. Going separate…pretendin’ I haven’t been lickin’ you clean every night…”  
“Harry…”  
“We agreed then? It’s not a date,” another long lick. I moaned as he looked back up. “Yeah?”  
“I’ll go with you.”  
“No, too late, love,” he winked, blowing warm air over me. “Enough talk. Santa is coming soon…but not as soon as you.”  
I didn’t have time to make fun of him for his cheesy pun, because he was right. I shook and trembled, a sweaty mess at his mercy…we brought in Christmas in a wonderful way, and unlike the year before…I was his again. And he was mine.


	37. Chapter 37

Thirty-Six ::: Rory  
Along with everything wonderfully beautiful about Harry and the person he was…his games were actually quite endearing. Maybe even a bit fun.  
New Year’s was over…and again, he was pulled from my grasp. Off to record a song for some movie, to be interviewed, to perform on TV shows…to give himself so graciously to the world. Although we had stayed hidden away during his visit…word had spread, and pictures had been taken of him departing for the airport, leaving my apartment. The photos were the icing on the cake…the iceskating fiasco had caused some stir, along with the aquarium, but continued hang-outs over the holidays had solidified that the gossip did have some merit.  
The fans were going crazy, the press was having a field day…but Harry and I were just sitting back, propping our feet up, and laughing at the mess we’d caused. For the first time ever, we weren’t afraid…we were too strong to let the opinions of others to get to us…  
It was stolen kisses and secret meetings…it was subtle glances and electrifying touches…it was romantic text messages and hushed phone calls…it was wearing his grey sweater, and being the only person to know it was his…it was knowing that the bruises littering his chest and hips under his shirt were from me…  
As far as the public went…they didn’t matter. I only saw him. That being said, for the time being…I was having fun participating in his usual trickery.  
I’d giggle to myself…rubbing over the fading hickies on my neck as I’d watch him smirk on live television…  
“And Harry, you were spotted in New York recently, near Aurora Thorn’s apartment…”  
The audience would always ooh and ahh. The boys would always laugh, staring over at him. Harry’s grin would always be deep, his cheeks flushed as he rubbed his lips together.  
“Was I?”  
“Yes, yes you were.”  
“Oh. I hope I had a nice time.”  
I’d begun to pick up on his habits of dodging the subject…my tweets were progressively more mysterious, his the same as they’d always been. Off topic, random, and incredibly vague. It was almost hot…exciting. That nobody really knew what was going on except the two of us…we were happy, and nobody had to know. Just us.  
What I loved even more about it was that we had no reason to hide it, really…we weren’t scared. It was a silly choice, an inside joke. No reasoning for it…I’d be perfectly happy telling the world he was mine, and I knew he felt the same.  
Powder was being plastered all over my face. I scrunched my nose up…it was itchy, and the dressing room lights were blinding. The silk robe was comfortable, though I felt a bit strange…still having to get used to being pampered before every appearance.  
I was to be on Good Morning America, talking about my book…and surely Harry.  
Jane paced around me casually, reading through e-mails in her phone…she ate her granola bar with a frown on her face as I laughed, watching her as another layer of concealer was applied to my face by the silent makeup designer prodding at every inch of my skin.  
“You really need to loosen up.”  
I was merely shrugged off as Jane found something else much more important than my light teasing. Her stilettos collided harshly with the ground, lips set in a permanent frown…I couldn’t help but feel like that was what I used to look like. Sure, being a novelist was more glamorous than working in an office 9-5 every day, but I couldn’t help but see how far I’d come…I loved my job. Things really, truly were good.  
I sighed…causing the stylist to gently scold me for “moving my pout” as she applied lip liner. Apologizing under my breath, I did my best not to move as I grabbed my phone…really, really trying not to smile as I read the message that had just come in.  
Tried that protein powder you told me about.. Never again taking your advice, Thorn. Quite worried my heart up and left my body.. Is that possible?  
I smirked…doing what I’d usually do. Some people probably would find it weird…how I’d read his texts aloud in my head, in his voice…I’d shut my eyes, and picture what he was doing, what he was wearing, where he was, who was around him…in that moment, I painted a fond picture…shirtless, hair tied back into a bun, black Nike shorts with trainers on…probably sweaty, coming back from his gym time with Mark…it may have been weird, but it somehow made him feel closer.  
I re-read the message…humming quietly to myself. There was something romantic in the subtle reminders that he was thinking of me, that even when he was away, I was on his mind. Telling me he’d taken my advice that I’d given him once, in casual conversation…randomly letting me know, that was better than any “I miss you” text.  
Instead of making some silly comment in reply…I lay my hand flat on my bare knee. I carefully used my free hand…snapping a picture, apologizing and blushing as the camera made a very loud and obvious noise. Thankfully, I was paid no mind.  
I didn’t write anything else…just sent the simple picture. I figured it would speak for itself…  
And it did. Because when he replied, he said -  
Thank you.. Confirmed my heart is still right here.. It’s pounding. You’re everything, Rory.  
I smiled…knowing exactly the feeling he was describing…because when I was getting dressed bright and early, dragging my feet around the bedroom with the sun barely peaking through the blinds…I stopped at my jewelry box, I put in my earrings, and I hestitated…  
And I slipped on the promise ring he’d given me so long ago, grinning from ear to ear.  
The studio was different than I expected. A small live audience watched on quietly as I was casually drilled with questions about my book, about life in the spotlight, about my dad…I answered easily. My hands had been trembling at first, seeing as bright lights were all focused on me with cameras at every angle, but they quickly stopped…I thought of my family supporting me, I thought of my friends who were so proud of me, but most importantly I thought of Harry…he had come back to me, and that was more than enough to restore any bit of self-doubt I’d usually have.  
“So the American Music Awards are coming up in two weeks, and you’re going to be in attendance, are you presenting?”  
I stared at Gale, one of the anchors, and nodded with clenched teeth. Once I’d gotten past the complete unnaturalness of the setting, it seemed to just feel like a normal conversation.  
“Yeah, I’m actually a bit nervous…I really have no idea how I have any business at a music show, but they asked me, so I’ll be there,” I wasn’t trying to be funny, but I scratched my head and laughed lightly as I heard the audience start laughing. “It’s strange, one family member has musical ability and suddenly the whole family is entitled to things like that. It’s weird, I don’t know.”  
“Well, surely you have some reason to be there, you wrote music reviews,” Gale laughed, adjusting the cards in her lap, and speaking with her hands. “And, you know, in your personal life, I think it’s safe to say you’ve surrounded yourself with some well-known musicians…”  
I merely nodded, laughing with a blush as the audience started to clap. I wasn’t sure how Harry had gotten used to it…not just with me, but anytime they referenced his love life…it was a private matter that was forcibly broadcasted time and time again. I wasn’t ashamed, but it also didn’t make me squirm any less.  
“I’m sure many of us are wanting to know, does Miss Aurora Thorn have a date to the AMAs?”  
I chewed on my lip, containing my smile as I shook my head slowly. “She actually does not.”  
“No?”  
“Nope.”  
I was receiving a knowing grin and I knew Jane was off somewhere backstage rolling her eyes. Though she agreed that Harry talk was good for the press, she and I saw eye-to-eye on one matter; It was sad that my relationship with him somehow trumped my own accomplishments. My avoidance of the subject also had a lot to do with that — the fact that I wanted to celebrate my success on my own watch. For the most part, One Direction were able to reap their rewards without the gossip taking away from any of it…I wasn’t quite there yet.  
“So, anything to say about a certain boyband member being seen in New York frequently…?”  
I shook my head, keeping my smirk. “Nothing to say, no.”  
“A certain Mr. Harry Styles…”  
“‘Mm,” I rubbed my lips together, feigning shallow thought before answering quickly. “No. Can’t say I know anything about that.”  
She raised her eyebrows. “It’s been a hot topic, I think, for both of you recently…being drilled about each other, seeing as you shared a very high profile relationship back — how long ago?”  
“Two years,” I replied easily, feeling my chest flush. “And I wouldn’t say it was high profile, that makes it sound like a business or like it was a purposeful thing, to get the kind of attention we did. We just…yeah. He’s who he is.”  
She nodded understandingly.  
“Right. Some…” she paused dramatically, looking at me cautiously. “Have been speculating for quite a bit that you two have been secretly seeing each other…for well over a year now…”  
I raised my eyebrows, pretending to be casually surprised…though deep down, I was. I wasn’t sure where the hell people were thinking that, or why.  
“News to me.”  
“Seeing as he was spotted in New York consistently for that time…”  
I wasn’t sure what she was talking about, but I didn’t show it. I shrugged…smiling gently.  
“New York is a wonderful city, I don’t…I don’t think someone needs the excuse of someone else to visit. He’s a well-rounded guy, enjoys himself…likes to travel, I’m sure he was just exploring the city.”  
The look I was receiving made it clear that nobody was believing me, and I didn’t really blame them…I simply laughed, shrugging and easily brushing off the irrelevant questioning.  
“Like I said, wouldn’t know. This is all news to me.”  
“I’m sorry they badger you like that….” Harry’s voice sounded dejected, ashamed on the other line as I stirred the ravioli in the pot. I pressed the speaker between my shoulder and ear, trying to multitask…and smiling, even though I knew he was frowning in a bed somewhere, because he had set aside time to watch my interview. “Don’t like that at all. It’s rubbish that they take away from everything you’ve done…”  
“It’s okay, really, not your fault…” I grunted, annoyed as I tried to pull one of the bits of pasta off the side of the pan where it had begun to stick. I was getting better…but cooking would never be pleasant. “I think I answered okay, right? Like…I didn’t give too much away…”  
“It was horrendous, really. Sounded stupid, I’m absolutely humiliated to be associated with you…” he spoke monotonously, though I was immune to his dry humor. He laughed shortly after. “Only jokin’.”  
“No way, I had no idea.”  
“Really. But like - yeah, good on you, baby. Sounded quite cute. I liked when you’d make a joke that clearly wasn’t meant to be a joke…got all red. Cute, real cute.”  
I was doing just what he described as he complimented me, squealing under my breath as the water began to boil over. Huffing, I turned off the stove…stepping away and fanning my face, immersing myself back into the casual conversation.  
“The amount of times you used the word cute in that sentence just caused me to throw up in my mouth a little.”  
“Quite the charmer you are, Thorn. Great visual.”  
“'Mm. Gag me.”  
“Don’t tease me, you naughty thing.”  
I laughed…chewing on my bottom lip as I hopped up onto the counter, swinging my slipper-clad feet. “Harry Styles, you’ve been into some dirty things recently.”  
“Not really.”  
“First it was the daddy thing—”  
“Which I know now will only bring me weeks of mockery and humiliation,” he sighed dramatically. “That one’s getting locked back up in the chest. Throwing away the key, no more, promise.”  
“'Mm, who said I didn’t like it? Maybe I want daddy to gag me…”  
He was quiet as I held my breath, knowing he took me seriously…he then huffed as I began giggling loudly, embarassment thick in his tone.  
“Oh my God, you were so excited.”  
“Was not,” he grumbled like a toddler.  
“Maybe for your birthday, Christian Grey.”  
“Please, the last thing I want is for you to be relating our sex life to mummy porn, Rory.”  
“You can start calling me mommy.”  
“You’re bein’ cruel,” he moped, having had enough of my mockery. I hummed, my laughter dying down. “I’ll be a big boy in a few weeks.”  
“The big 23.”  
“Seems a bit boring.”  
“There has to be something you can do that’ll make it more monumental…”  
“Seeing as we’ll be at an award show, hardly…unless you allow me to fuck you underneath one of the reception tables.”  
“Cool your jets, you horn dog.”  
“I really, really am. It’s becoming a problem, really.”  
“What’s with you?”  
“You,” he practically growled, groaning to himself as if he was partially distracted. “Here we go again. Steady flow of my blood downwards.”  
“How are you getting hard? You barely mentioned having sex under a table—”  
“Annnnnd the man of the hour has arrived,” he muttered in thick disappointment, an annoyed hum emitting from his throat. “How are you doin’, big guy? Deprived? Yeah, I understand.”  
I was quiet…he’d surpassed even his level of idiocy.  
“You’re having a hypothetical conversation with your dick, Harry.”  
“It’s happened and I’m not sure I can come back from this one.”  
“You absolutely can’t,” I laughed without humor, shutting my eyes and shaking my head. “Anyways. Moving on.”  
“You’ve no idea how bloody awful this is, I swear. A gust of wind and I’m standing tall, what have you done to me?”  
I snorted…feeling absolutely nothing but satisfaction with his dirty confession.  
“Give Pinky a kiss for me.”  
“Cruel woman, you are,” he muttered. “I would if I could.”  
“That is literally disgusting.”  
“Oh,” he scoffed, clearly offended with my insult. “Like you wouldn’t give yourself a 'lil lick if you could.”  
“Raunchy, Harry, seriously.”  
“Sorry….” he groaned, though made it apparent he wasn’t anything of the sort. “Let’s get all of these wonderful images out of my head before I finish off right in my trousers, yeah?”  
“As much pleasure as I’d find in you wetting yourself, fine.”  
I was quiet…knowing I had to bring it up, and wondering if he already knew…I chewed on my cheek.  
“So, um…about the AMAs…”  
“Sinful Youth is performing.”  
I laughed bitterly…nodding to myself, and knowing he knew that was what I was going to say.  
He grumbled…muttering something that was far from nice under his breath. I could tell his playful mood was long gone, his words clipped and neutral.  
“We’ll be rehearsin’ next week. Heard they’ll be there around the same time.”  
“Harry…”  
“Has he been talkin’ to you?”  
I shut my eyes…letting my chin fall to my chest.  
“Don’t put me off, answer me.”  
“He’s texted. Called a bunch.”  
“And?”  
“What do you mean and?”  
“And have you answered?”  
“Jesus, Harry. Do you really have to ask that-”  
“Are you bloody serious? Christ, Rory, I think I fucking deserve to know-”  
“Of course I haven’t answered him,” I sighed, unable to hide my aggitation. “Geez, pull your head out of your ass.”  
He didn’t reply, and I knew it was because he was annoyed.  
“And if I did, it would only be to tell him to leave me alone.”  
“I told him once, Rory, bloke doesn’t get another warning.”  
I was growing more and more irritated…it wasn’t that he was being protective, it was the fact that he seemed genuinely perturbed, jealous.  
“What are you going to do, Harry, hm? Go beat him up?”  
I could nearly see him glaring at me through the phone, jaw tense.  
“You have nothing to worry about, he’s in the past-”  
“Well he bloody hit you, and I’m not alright with that. Sorry,” he laughed harshly, the gravel in the noise sending chills up my spine. “Not okay with that at all. And yeah, they’re performin’ the same night we are…and I’ve been thinking…”  
I sighed, knowing exactly what he was going to say. He hesitated, knowing exactly how I’d take it, too.  
“You want me to be your date now.”  
His silence only answered my suspicions.  
“I’m not an object, Harry. You aren’t going to keep me glued on your hip all night to mark your dominance, I’m my own person.”  
“And I don’t want him near you, like, at fucking all.”  
“You’re being very immature.”  
“Christ…”  
I was disappointed the call had taken a turn for the worst. The argument was necessary…it was healthy, it was okay. I understood where he was coming from, but I was also holding my ground. I was a woman, a strong woman. I didn’t need to be protected, especially from something that didn’t have the power of hurting me anymore.  
“Look…I’d like to go on my own. We agreed to that, and I’d like to keep the privacy thing up for now….do you not agree?”  
He grunted after realizing I wasn’t going to say anything else until he gave me some sort of response.  
“It’s fun, but it’s also good on us…I don’t mind if people know we’re together at all, that’s not what I’m saying. It’s more, when we start going to events together…it becomes expected. Aurora and Harry, Harry and Aurora…the boys need you there, completely. They don’t need the attention to be focused on you and your relationship. We can still find each other after, we can still do everything else-”  
“Yeah, yeah. I’m tired.”  
I pursed my lips…sighing inaudibly. Harry was disconnecting…he’d heard enough. I knew him, and I knew that meant he agreed, but that he also didn’t want to fight anymore. As much as I still wanted to talk to him, I didn’t want to talk to him if he was going to be sour.  
“Heading to bed?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Don’t be a grump, we don’t talk enough for you to be like this right now.”  
It took a minute, but I heard the slow exhale out of his nose…the tension leaving his muscles, the fire leaving the pit of his stomach. He was still angry…but the edge was gone.  
“You okay?”  
“Fine, Rory.”  
“Okay…I’m still wearing your ring, Harry…I won’t be taking it off.”  
“Better not…” he stubbornly muttered as I smiled to myself.  
“I love you very much, daddy.”  
“Rory,” he threatened, though I could have sworn I heard a light laugh. He sighed. “Love you.”  
“What are you going to do right now?”  
He was quiet, briefly.  
“Gonna go have a wank thinking of you…” he pouted as I felt a familiar fire brewing inside of me…I shut my eyes. “Miss you, baby.”  
“I’ll see you in less than two weeks, birthday boy. Behave at rehearsals, yes? You’ll be graciously rewarded.”  
“'Mm holdin’ you to that.”  
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”  
With one last shaky huff, he quietly requested something I had been missing. “Say it…please, baby.”  
“Do me proud, Styles?” I realized the implication, snorting. “Am I telling you to do a good job jerking off to me?”  
He hummed, not directly answering. “As always, princess…though won’t do the real thing nearly any justice.”


	38. Chapter 38

Thirty-Seven ::: Harry  
Time was passing by faster than it had in a long, long time, and I wasn’t sure if I should be incredibly pleased with that reality or absolutely bothered. The entire span of twenty months that Rory was absent from my life seemed to have been in slow-motion, barely dragging me along by the hand, forcing me through the motions that had come so easy before. The more I thought on it, the more I realized I should have been warmly accepting of the abrupt change — the fact that things were smoothly accelerating at a steady pace…though, I wasn’t…I really, really wasn’t.  
My week started strangely as it was. I was still recovering from the strange funk that leaving New York had left me in…initially, it was just a bit of jet-lag, though as that wore off…I knew it had more to do with the familiar emotion strictly attributed to being separated from Rory. I hadn’t felt it in a long time, and it hit hard…a weak, dazed state that left me completely and utterly worthless to the outside world. I showed up where I was told, I held decent conversation, but I wasn’t really there…it was a bit whiny and borderline embarrassing, yes, but I didn’t have too much control over it. Frankly, I was glad to be feeling it…glad to be hungover from something other than whiskey and a meaningless body bouncing on top of me.  
Long, brunette hair and the sweetest blue eyes haunted me, but a constant state of anxiety was also sitting in the pit of my stomach…one that involved psychotic ex-hookups, my impending engagement that I’d yet to grow a pair and figure out when would happen, and a persistent and rage-fueling ex-boyfriend who couldn’t seem to take a fucking hint.  
My head was spinning with both anguish and excitement, too much going on for me to keep up with…so I was just trying to make it through day by day, doing my best to focus on Rory and our slowly healing relationship.  
Sunday night had involved trivia night at a bar downtown with Jeff and a few friends, a series of very persuasive and heart-racing texts, an endless amount of mockery as I excused myself at a child’s bedtime due to “exhaustion” (earning a handful of vulgar gestures and sarcastic eye-rolls), and a FaceTime call that made my knees weak just to look back on, lasting until the wee hours of the morning.  
Needless to say, I wasn’t exactly thrilled to be woken up by an unknown number calling my phone early Monday morning.  
With puffy eyes and lazy limbs, I blindly reached onto my nightstand…squinting at the incoming call.  
“Bloody hell,” my throat was scratchy as I adjusted myself, leaning onto my elbows, climbing out of the warm cocoon I’d been bundled in. I blinked rapidly and tried to wake up enough to decide whether or not to answer. With an agitated sigh, I went ahead and assumed the usual - a fan had gotten hold of my number - and answered with a bit of rare bitterness. I was tired, and hadn’t planned on spending any part of my day at AT&T for the thousandth time.  
“Hello?”  
Groggily, I ran my hand over my face…sighing in defeat when there was only subtle breathing on the other line.  
“Yeah? Go on, what?”  
Another pause. I was about to hang up, taken aback as a man spoke to me.  
“Who is this?”  
I snorted, finding very little amusement being woken up in such a way. “Good question, mate, why don’t you answer that one for me first?”  
“Is this Harry?”  
I sighed…shutting my eyes. “Yeah.”  
“Styles?”  
“No, Potter.”  
Silence.  
“Yes, it’s Harry Styles,” I said slowly, running my fingers back through my hair. “Can you tell me who this is? Wakin’ me up on a day off?”  
It took me a second to realize whoever it was had hung up…the dull dial tone filling my ear as I groaned, throwing my phone aside and collapsing back into the sheets. Just as I was about to drift back off, my phone rang again - startling me and enticing a much worse reaction than the first time.  
I cursed heavily, answering without looking at who was calling.  
“What?”  
“Mornin’ to you, too.”  
Niall.  
“Harry, where the hell are you?”  
“I’m in bed, Niall…”  
“Jesus, Haz. Rehearsals. AMAs rehearsals. Staples Center. We’re already here.”  
“What?”  
Slowly, everything came back to me….I jerked, nearly falling out of bed as I tripped over the tangled sheets. “Oh, fuck.”  
Clumsy bare feet, a killer headache, and Niall’s laughter and lighthearted scolding carried me to the bathroom as I tried to adjust to the sudden motion, leaning my bare figure up against the wall. I drug my palm over my face, groaning.  
“Fuck, yeah. Erm…tell everyone I’m really sorry, I’ll be there…shit, yeah, gimme like…dunno, gimme like an hour.”  
“An hour?! Has to be faster than that, Haz…” he sighed, commotion heard in the background. “No problems today, yeah? You know the boys and I have your back, but…yeah, no problems today?”  
Subtlety wasn’t one of Niall’s specialties. The reminder of our tipsy conversation on the bus left a bitter taste in my mouth…a frown falling on my lips as I stepped around the glass enclosure, turning the shower on.  
“‘Mm not gonna cause a scene, if that’s what you’re sayin’…” I trailed off, rethinking my words. I pinched my lip between my thumb and pointer, squeezing. “Don’t really plan on runnin’ into the prick, if I’m honest.”  
He laughed, though the lack of enthusiasm behind it made it fairly evident my day wasn’t going to go how I thought it would. I was trying to be good for Rory…trying to show her I wouldn’t let things get to me. The entire AMAs situation was a bit more complicated, though…I had to be cordial. I couldn’t mess about when the boys were relying on me partially to keep our image, to not look like a dickhead. I knew I could keep my cool for the most part, but I wouldn’t be too far from losing it…no matter what Rory thought, my biggest concern and issue was not out of jealousy…I wanted to show the coward how to treat a woman, and frankly, I wanted to do so by beating the living pulp out of him.  
“Niall, let me go so I can-”  
More commotion…I could hear him talking to someone before he got back on the phone.  
“Just your luck, I guess they’re switching our slot with Sinful Youth…I guess they’re just getting here.”  
Of course.  
“Great, yeah.”  
“Harry, don’t sweat it. Just focus on the performance, right?”  
“Bye.”  
I gave a quick wave, kissing my fingertips. Hundreds of eyes were staring back at me from behind a fence…somehow having figured out that it was rehearsal day. The LA sunshine was warm on my back as I slid my sunglasses back into my hair, stepping through the heavy black door with people fussing over me all around. I smiled, giving nods, trying to navigate my way through the chaos and find the room I was supposed to be in.  
“Harry!”  
“Hey, mate, you good?”  
A face I recognized muttered words of praise as I ducked my head, pressing my hands together in thanks as I kept my pace. I wanted to stop and have a chat with random artists I was passing, but I didn’t have time…traffic was worse than I’d expected, and I was already an hour and a half late.  
“There you are!”  
My arm was gripped and I was tugged under a doorway as I furrowed my eyebrows, realizing the platinum head of hair with the uncomfortable hold on my wrist was Lou. I stumbled a bit, catching myself as we emerged onto one of the smaller side stages. All eyes landed on me as I sheepishly cringed, giving a wave.  
“Sorry, I’m so sorry.”  
The boys rolled their eyes at me, and though I knew they were annoyed, they didn’t have much room to talk. Zayn and Louis were constantly late…timeliness was something I was usually ace at, so nobody seemed too perturbed. Quickly, I was brought up to speed with what was going on…we’d be doing a slowed down, updated version of 'What Makes You Beautiful’, to celebrate the five year anniversary. It was wicked, and for the first time in a really long time, I was looking forward to performing the song.  
When it was over, the boys and I made our way off of the stage, mingling with some of the crew and helping clean up equipment. I tried to apologize to anyone that had been waiting around…ending up carrying a bit of a longer conversation with one of the sound techs, who liked my tattoo.  
“Harry - here you go.”  
I glanced up away from the friendly man with the sleeves in front of me, looking over at a woman with a headset who had a cup extended towards me. I put my hand up, shaking my head.  
“Oh - no thank you.”  
“It’s for you.”  
“Erm, that’s - thank you, though, I just, I didn’t order a coffee.”  
She kept her hand out, raising her eyebrows as I hid my annoyance, smiling and nodding in thanks as I took it.  
“Right, thanks.”  
“Sam Higgins had it sent over, thought you may need a refresher since you were running late this morning.”  
One sentence. One simple sentence. I politely excused myself from the woman and the guy, the hot cup trembling in my hands as I carried it through the masses of people. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Niall glance at me before quickly following, calling my name as we made our way out into the main hall.  
“Harry! Harry - where are you going? Don’t like that face.”  
“Goin’ to have a nice 'lil chat.”  
He was panting as I strode, my entire body feeling like it was on fire. My heart was thudding with a heavy pressure, muscles tense, ears ringing. I clenched my teeth, ignoring Niall as I turned a sharp corner and found one of the organizers with a clipboard and a headset.  
“Hey Harry,” he politely said as I forced a tight-lipped smile. “Need help with-?”  
“Sinful Youth, still here?”  
“Yeah, I think right around-” he pointed and was going to continue explaining but I cut him off with a short 'thank you’ and followed his guidance.  
“Harry - this is dumb, come here, bro.”  
“Niall, leave me be.”  
He went to protest but the first door I glanced in, I’d found what I was looking for. I felt a firm grip on my bicep, nails digging in but I pulled it off before taking one step inside the smoky dressing room.  
Two dudes I didn’t really recognize glanced up at me, but my eyes were set on the scrawny excuse for a man with a cigarette hanging from his lips sitting on the black couch. His hair was greasy, black, and he somehow looked even worse than I originally pictured him. Narrowed eyes, a crooked smile, and a caved in chest like he’d seen and done more than one of the Rolling Stones. He offered me a filthy smirk as I slammed the coffee cop down on the coffee table sitting in front of him, watching as the hot liquid spurted up and under the lid, spilling down the sides.  
“Here you go, mate.”  
He was amused. The two others seemed to find the scene entertaining as well, but chose best to leave us to it as they exited the room. I could feel Niall awkwardly standing behind me, making sure I didn’t do anything too stupid.  
“Was for you, mate,” he easily replied, taking a drag as his cheeks sucked in. He took his time, raising his eyebrows at me as he exhaled. “Bit of a diva, aren’t you? Holding up everyone because you couldn’t manage to get out of bed on time.”  
“'Mm flattered you felt the need to try and to help me out, man, really am, but I don’t think this is funny,” I pointed at the table, then between the two of us, trying to maintain a steady voice. A neutral appearance that I was really, really having to focus on. “Don’t appreciate bein’ mocked, so thanks, but no thanks. Enjoy your coffee.”  
He exhaled another cloud of thick smoke, laughing with a rasp as he leaned forward and ashed into a small dish.  
“I’m not one for left-overs, yanno,” he scrunched up his face and I felt Niall grip my arm, squeezing painfully so as I clenched my jaw. “I had some before I even sent it over, since I know you quite enjoy places my mouth have been.”  
“Nice talk you two,” Niall quickly cut in, giving me no time to react.  
I was dragged, forcing my feet to move, to walk away as Niall pulled me harshly. My breathing was ragged, red, bloody red, blinding red was all I was seeing as I overheard the conversation drifting into the hallway.  
“Would’ve been interesting.”  
“No, pussy boy wouldn’t have done shit. Pretty face, all he is.”  
“Harry. Harry - Jesus, get a grip, man.”  
I didn’t snap out of it until my back was slammed into the cement wall, as if my entire world was shaken and I could see clearly again. The back of my head bounced off the hard surface as I hissed, rubbing the spot and gently shoving Niall off of me.  
“I’m good.”  
I brushed by him, shoving my shoulder into his as he caught up, grabbing my shoulder again.  
“Harry, calm down. He’s a twat, just trying to get to you.”  
“Filthy fucking prick, I fucking hate that bastard. I’m the pussy, right, 'cause I won’t fucking give 'im what he wants, but he’s a fucking man - great man 'cause he hits fucking women. Right. Fuck.”  
“Harry.”  
I’d gone to turn around, though was stopped quickly, two pairs of arms holding me back. I took a minute…shutting my eyes, focusing all of my efforts on stabilizing my balance, stabilizing my state of mind. It took a good minute before I could open my eyes, my breaths shaky as I shook off the grasps, turning around. Paul raised his eyebrows at me, giving me a look of disappointment as I let out a long breath.  
“Hey. None of that, yeah?”  
I knew he had no idea the severity of what I was feeling, but Niall did. Niall was the only one who knew…who knew the disgusting piece of shit had touched her, and in much more than a romantic way. He’d scarred her mentally, and probably could have physically, too. If I could ever secure a get-out-of-jail-free card, I’d murder him. I’d fucking kill him.  
“Yeah.”  
“You alright?”  
Niall’s eyes were wide as he shook me slightly, fingers digging into the skin next to my neck. I bit my tongue…relishing in the pain, focusing on that. I nodded at him.  
“Yeah. Yeah, fine.”  
I wasn’t fine. I wasn’t fine even in the slightest bit, but there was nothing I could do to change that. My emotions were absolutely tangled, combatting to reel me back in and cause me to march back down the hallway and do what I’d been wanting to do for years, but I listened to Paul and Niall…I followed them back to where the boys were, I pretended I was okay.  
When I got on the phone with Rory later…I couldn’t pretend I was okay any longer. I was safe in my bedroom, talking to the one person who I knew I was completely and utterly alright with telling…letting her hear my vulnerabilities, letting her know just how badly the brief interaction had made me feel. Just reliving it…realizing how close I’d been to his face, without the ability of driving my fists into it repeatedly…she listened as I panted, laying back on my bed with tightly shut eyes and explaining how the smell of the coffee had made me sick, knowing he’d sent it to me…how I’d wanted to take his cigarette and shove it down his throat…how even Niall looked at me like I was a stranger as he pulled me out of the room, trying to calm me down…  
She knew…she knew exactly what I wanted.  
With a quiet voice…careful, she gave me an out.  
“I’ll be your date to the AMAs, okay? I’ll be by your side the entire time. I don’t like that you felt that way, Harry. I’m really sorry he stooped to that…I’m really sorry he upset you.”  
She was so, so understanding…so easily swayed to help ease my pain, to help ease my worries. I knew she was wearing my ring…laying in her big bed that I’d been in about a week before…probably looking incredibly sad…  
I knew I needed to swallow my anger…to be better than that. I needed to show her things were different, I wouldn’t lose my cool and act impulsively like I had with Chase. We were stronger than that.  
“No. No, you want to focus on your career…I don’t want to distract from that. You’re right…” I swallowed the lump in my throat, wishing I could just agree to having her with me…agree to keeping her fucking away from him. “I’ll be with the boys. We’ll just…just don’t talk to him, yeah?”  
She laughed lightly. “I’ll be with you beforehand, silly. Stop acting like this is the last supper.”  
“Sorry.”  
She sighed. I smiled…picturing her chewing on her plump bottom lip rather than my hands colliding with Sam’s already fucked up teeth. “It’s your birthday. I can be your date, Harry.”  
I wanted to show her we didn’t need that…we could function without each other.  
I groaned….my cheek raw where my teeth were working it.  
“No. No, it’s fine, baby. Just…just wear your ring, yeah?”  
“Of course,” she said gently. “I’m glad you didn’t hit him, Harry. You’re so, so much more of a man than him. So much. I love you.”  
At the end of the day, I knew I won…no matter if he got in more verbal insults or made fun of me to his bandmates or talked shit on me in interviews or texted her non-stop…I was the one with the most amazing woman in the world on my arm. He’d ruined it…and in a way, I was thankful. Because maybe if he hadn’t messed up, I wouldn’t have ever had her…  
The thought alone made the hairs on my arms raise.  
“I love you so much, Rory. See you in a few days.”


	39. Chapter 39

Thirty-Eight ::: Rory  
Jane did a very nice job keeping my schedule constantly updated and refreshed, the dates and times kept track of in only the neatest of ways, collaborating between both of our phones, iPads and computers. It was hardly possible for me to miss an event, and it was made very clear that on the evening of February 1st, I was to be attending and presenting at the American Music Awards in downtown Los Angeles.  
Ironically, the most important part of February 1st did not happen to be on any of my calendars…though it was my first priority, above any professional responsibilities.  
My flight landed a half an hour late…my luggage took forever to get to baggage claim, my chauffeur got stuck in traffic…Jane called me, badgering me, telling me I needed to hurry up and get downtown…get dressed, get my makeup done, hair done…  
With a steady voice, I told her that I’d be dressing and styling myself, hanging up before most likely going deaf from a series of shouted curses.  
Pulling up to the house had elicited a familiar string of nostalgia that almost felt like a punch to my stomach…but I ignored it — I ignored the way that my heart was hammering in my chest, I ignored the way my hands were trembling, and I ignored the stinging in my eyes begging to be extinguished with fresh tears. I paid no mind to how strange it felt to knock on the tall iron door, rather than just put my key in the lock.  
The minute my handsome boy emerged from behind the door, nothing else mattered…he looked so classic, already ready…a black YSL suit fit over his body snugly…a low-cut, patterned shirt…cheetah print boots, a black fedora perched over his damp curls…green eyes ignited something in the pit of my stomach, a warm and happy smile directed at me and only me.  
“Baby,” he cooed fondly, under his breath, as if afraid if he spoke too loud I’d disappear. He licked his lips…rubbing them together, eyes scanning over my casually dressed figure. Somehow, any of my insecurities disappeared each time he’d look at me like that…the smallest of smiles tugging at his lips with adoration. “Let me get that for you.”  
Reaching by my side, he gently tapped the top of my hand so I’d let go of my suitcase, grabbing it for me and carrying it inside. I followed…speechless, heart still hammering, hands still trembling, eyes still stinging…even more so as I was hit with the familiar scent of a place I used to live…the furniture the same, the feeling the same…I looked around, allowing the familiarity of everything hit me like a tidal wave…  
The dent in the wall from when Harry and I had gotten into a fight…he hadn’t punched it, no, tripped as he was walking away from me…the watercolor painting I’d gotten him when I went thrifting one Saturday while he was away…the stain from red wine on the couch, the result of a bit too much alcohol and two people who couldn’t keep their hands off each other for the life of them…  
Harry nervously walked out of the bedroom as I shut the front door behind me, looking around once more before meeting his gaze. He smiled sheepishly…hands shoved into his pockets as he returned to the foyer, bouncing slightly on his heels. He knew how strange it felt, I could tell by the subtle sadness peaking through his narrowed eyes.  
I nearly completely forgot about the aching in my chest when he gave me the most childlike smile, his dimple digging into his cheek as he popped his lips, pointing at his chest.  
“I'ss my birthday.”  
The simple action was all that I needed to be reminded why nothing else mattered…why I shouldn’t focus on when he wasn’t mine, because there he was…looking at me like I was his world.  
“I know it is,” I said gently…walking towards him. He bit his lip, stifling his smile as I carefully, barely ran my palms over his chest before securing my fingers around the sides of his jacket. I looked up at him…blinking slowly. I could feel his minty breath on my face as he kept his hands laced behind his back, his subtle Tom Ford cologne nearly suffocating me. “You look very, very handsome.”  
“Thanks,” he said kindly, smiling down at me, eyelashes fluttering as he looked between my eyes and my lips. “Do I get a birthday kiss?”  
I was quiet…giving him a heavy look that portrayed everything I was feeling, everything he deserved…a lazy smile spread on his lips right before I caught them in between mine…teasing him, running my tongue slowly along his bottom one before sliding it into his mouth and dragging it across his.  
“Mm,” he mumbled against my lips, hands coming to life and squeezing my hips where my shirt had ridden up. He inhaled sharply as I nibbled on his bottom lip, tugging it between my teeth before letting it slide through. “What’re you up to, Thorn…”  
I smirked…staring straight into his eyes as I ran my fingertips up under the bottom of his shirt, undoing his belt…his smile fell, his eyes dropping and watching as I unbuttoned his pants and slid the zipper down…I could see his chest beginning to rise and fall just a bit faster.  
“What’re you doing?” he asked again, a bit breathlessly as a broken laugh fell from parted lips. I didn’t answer…making eye contact as I fell to my knees, gripping onto his hips as I tugged his pants down to his own knees. “Rory…”  
I looked up one last time, making sure to keep eye contact as I pulled his briefs down…his pink lips were open, eyes narrowed in shock and awe…he took off his hat, sliding his fingers through his hair before putting it back on.  
Green eyes attempted to remain neutral as I leaned forward…placing a single kiss to the partially hardened tip of him. He slowly shut his eyes…biting his lower lip.  
“What do you want, Harry?”  
He looked drunk…his eyes were dazed as I continued to tease, running my tongue just up his slit. That action alone finished off any of his composure. He was completely firm as I repeated the slow torture again before pulling away. He hissed with constricted pleasure as I took just the tip of him into my mouth, sucking the soft skin before popping it back out.  
He groaned…a devilish smirk on his lips as he raised his eyebrows at me.  
“Havin’ fun?”  
I giggled lightly…nodding as I pecked him just on the head once more.  
“Tell me what you want.”  
“You know what I want,” he muttered, barely able to put together a proper sentence without slurring. His pupils were glassy, eyes dilated, lips glistening where he was continuously licking over them in anticipation. He nudged my chin gently with his knuckle. “Know what I want, baby.”  
I gently ran just the tips of my fingernails over his bare thighs…tickling the skin as he practically panted, the hair dancing upon the sensitive skin rising as I stroked back and forth.  
“Tell me what you want, birthday boy.”  
“Suck me…” he spoke quietly, almost under his breath…flushing at his own words. I raised my eyebrows. “Please, doll.”  
“So polite…” I hummed, kissing his happy trail. He whimpered as I smiled gently up at him. “Is that what you want?”  
He nodded curtly, eyes narrowed as he watched me get a bit closer to where he wanted me.  
“How bad do you want it?”  
“Rory…” he whimpered, his palm tangled in the hair at the back of my head and pushing forward a bit. He wasn’t aggressive, but he showed me what he wanted. “Please, baby. Your mouth is so good to me.”  
“And you’re so good to me.”  
I made sure that any semblance of playfulness disappeared for those short few seconds that I spoke the truest words I could imagine. He blinked slowly…nodding with a small smile.  
“Happy Birthday, Harry.”  
I heard the screams before my Escalade had even pulled up, and I knew exactly what it meant. Time and time again, a certain boyband seemed to steal the show at every event…I had a feeling they must have showed up right before I did. I smiled to myself…so, so proud, yet unable to show it. The minute the doors opened and I stepped out, I put on my usual act.  
The flashes were insane…it was strange, so strange to show up to something like that by myself…and to have people shouting to get my picture and to interview me. It was weird…but also really exciting.  
My hair was pulled back in a low pony tail, my makeup dark and edgy. My dress was long, black, and incredibly simple, but so, so sexy. The front had a slit that showed my entire leg left leg, the sides had cut outs where sheer mesh covered them, and the entire middle from my neck to my waist was cut out. Harry hadn’t gotten to see me before he rushed out, but I knew whatever I was wearing he’d probably be looking at me so proudly…not only from his little treat, but because that’s how he was.  
The first time I caught a glimpse of him, and he, I, I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. It was towards the end of the red carpet…I’d been stopped multiple times, questioned about my dress, questioned about him…I merely smiled, and answered neutrally…saying I knew he was there, that we were cordial…meanwhile, spinning the ring currently sitting on my right hand…I looked over, and I lost the ability to speak.  
Emerald with brown and golden specks…the sun was going down, shining in his eyes…he was squinting slightly, standing with the boys, hands neatly tucked behind his back. The smallest of smiles danced on his lips…but he looked at me so intensely…like there wasn’t chaos going on all around us. It was as if time stood still, except between the two of us. I had to swallow the urge to slip off my heels and run over into his arms.  
Oblivious to the brief exchange, the reporter caught my attention again.  
“Have you run into your very famous ex yet? I know everyone is dying to see a bit of that action on their TVs at home.”  
I smiled…looking down at my heels before looking back at her.  
“Oh geez, well. I don’t know, I saw him from afar. He looks very handsome, but he always does.”  
“Oh, as do you,” she cooed, thrilled with what she was getting out of me. Little did she know…“And it’s his birthday, we’ve heard? Any celebratory plans after? Will you be attending?”  
I smiled again…shrugging, still lost in his eyes…still lost in his breathy moans of my name, his legs trembling, his stomach muscles tensing…only a few hours before. “Is it? I didn’t even know.”  
I winked before walking away, done with playing games. Harry wasn’t too far ahead of me as I stepped through the doors. Louis made eye contact, shooting me a knowing grin before continuing his path with the rest of the boys. I could still see the top of Harry’s hat, and though he was making conversation with people he passed, it seemed he was antsy…I hoped it was because of me, and not because of Sam. I knew it was still bothering him…I had hoped my distraction beforehand would ease his stress, but I wasn’t sure that his relaxed state had lasted.  
I said hello to the different people in the halls. Some people would be starstruck, and although I had respect for a decent number of them, I knew they were just people…I was kind of immune to it. My disinterest didn’t last, though, only up until I spotted a familiar leggy blonde…  
She was tall, taller than I anticipated. Golden blonde hair, thick eyeliner, red lips…I knew it was so irrational, but even the mention of America’s Sweetheart would always give me a sick feeling in my stomach…especially knowing he had passed her seconds before.  
We made eye contact…I wasn’t sure what to expect, but she simply smiled a little…an unspoken understanding, and somehow, I respected her for that. I smiled and nodded…my heart racing, but still…before I had a chance to surpass her, I turned around.  
“Hey — good luck tonight.”  
She smiled again and accepted it, thanking me as I continued to walk…I wasn’t sure why, but it still ached…just knowing that at some point in time, Harry had thought he loved her…I liked to believe he had always been mine, though I knew that was silly. I knew he loved me and only me, and the time he dedicated to me proved that.  
I wasn’t able to keep overthinking things, for suddenly, a familiar face was in front of me. It didn’t bring back feelings of warmth or a reminder of a secretive meeting before I’d arrived…no, this was a rock in my stomach. Anger, disgust, frustration…maybe still some sadness, but not much.  
“Surprised to see you alone.”  
He looked the same, like a train before the wreck. Right before, though. He smiled at me fondly…clearly not realizing that his constant mockery of Harry wouldn’t sit well with me. He looked at me as if it was the first week we were together…as if things hadn’t played out how they did. A dear old friend. He wore the same leather jacket, smelled of the same faded cigarettes…I hadn’t seen him in person in years.  
Somehow, deep within me…I knew. I knew why he was seeking me out, I knew how he reacted to things, and I knew that deep down…Sam was acting out because he was hurting, and it really had nothing to do with me. I was what he knew…for that, I couldn’t blame him, though I didn’t owe him anything.  
“Sam.”  
“You look great, Rory, you really do.”  
“I’m sorry about the engagement.”  
He pursed his lips, his smile faltering. For a brief moment, I saw the frightened little boy I once knew…the one that would cry and sob, naked and curled into a ball in my bed…crying over the loss of his father, crying over his own mistakes, crying over how much of a disappointment he was. I knew he was aching…I knew that the girl he’d supposedly fallen in love with had left him, I knew that the papers had fun with it…and I knew that he was looking for some sort of comfort.  
It didn’t last long - for a smug smile replaced the sadness, and hard eyes that were nothing but fake took place of the lost ones.  
“Yeah, no big deal. You know me…wasn’t always good with commitment, ay?”  
I stared at him…really stared at him. He had bags under his eyes, his lips were chapped…he didn’t look well. I didn’t acknowledge his rude comment, I merely sighed.  
“I hope you’re well, Sam, I really do. I don’t appreciate how you’ve been acting with Harry. Leave him alone.”  
This really amused him, and I knew that he was too far gone to come back…I couldn’t be cordial, because for years, he taught himself to put on this tough guy act…to act like he didn’t care, to act like he was hard…when really, he was shaking underneath, crumbling. He was hurt over his broken-off engagement, but I knew he loathed Harry, too…for being everything he couldn’t have been. Maybe he didn’t love me, but he didn’t like someone else on his territory.  
“You’re really with that British wanker? That what they say?”  
“Nice seeing you, Sam.”  
I pushed by him though he gripped my arm, stopping me. He looked into my eyes…and the vulnerability was back.  
“I, um…look, Rory, I just wanted to talk to you, yes? Please, just…there’s so much I didn’t ever get to say, and…I just-”  
“I’m sorry, no. I’ve moved on, and so have you,” I spoke slowly, deliberately, watching his jaw tense and lips shut. “I’m happy now. I want you to be happy, too, but that shouldn’t have anything to do with me or my life. I hope you have a good performance.”  
With that, I walked away…I didn’t turn back, because there would always be a soft spot in my heart for the bad boy I tried to make good…I didn’t love him anymore, no. I didn’t have any sort of romantic feelings for him whatsoever. But, I did sympathize with him, because I knew how broken he was…I knew what it was like to put on an act, because I had done so for such a long time. But his treatment of Harry was not acceptable, and at the end of the day, Harry would come before anything and anyone else.  
Harry was seated where I could see him, but he hadn’t seen me. I watched him with a small smile…seeing him glance around every now and then to try and find me. He seemed nervous…weirdly so. Phones weren’t supposed to be used during taping, but I slid my own out quickly in the beginning…typing a brief message.  
I see you.  
I watched for him to pull his phone out, but sadly, he did not.  
The first bit of the show went incredibly well. There were a handful of performances…and absolutely no drama. I was pleased that things went smoothly. First, I presented an award for up-an-coming artist…Harry’s eyes met mine in the crowd, and any bit of nerves disappeared…I watched his eyes trace my figure before landing on my face, nodding and keeping a straight face though our eye contact was electric…we couldn’t make any faces or do anything out of the ordinary, knowing how easily the camera men liked to pick up on that stuff.  
The boys performed, and it was breathtaking…I got chills they did so well, and watching Harry do what he loved with his best friends would always give me such a sense of pride that I couldn’t even put to words…I wished that I could show how proud I was instead of just clapping like everyone else, but I figured that would be saved for later.  
When Youthful Sin performed, I waited…I kept my eyes on Harry. The performance itself was good, I had to admit…they always were. Sam had a stage presence that not many had, and he knew how to really turn it on in front of the cameras…it was something I had always loved and loathed about him. I found Harry even more special than he was because I found him to be the same lovable person on stage as he was off.  
Harry was tense, though he kept his eyes on his boots. Even in his frustration…I saw him nodding along subtly. He was polite and kind, always. I waited for him to react, to show anything, and he didn’t. I was so proud…so, so proud.  
The announcement for group of the year was coming up, and I knew the boys were really hoping to win it….and I didn’t have a doubt they would. The night had been going so well…everything was calm, peaceful. I could see the light at the end of the tunnel…I could see Harry and I later on, drinking into the wee hours of the morning, celebrating his 23rd with his best friends until he got that look in his eyes…the one that put my skin on fire, the one that meant I’d be sore in the morning…then we’d excuse ourselves and have a second party back at his house…everything would be amazing.  
Unfortunately, I didn’t see the text he’d sent me until he was standing on stage…the boys accepting their award.  
I stared at my phone…re-reading it over and over, trying to understand what he’d meant…  
Please don’t be upset with me.  
The minute I read it for the fourth time, my heart sank…because I knew something was about to happen, and maybe the night wouldn’t be as good as I had hoped.  
As Liam finished talking…thanking the endless names that helped them throughout the year, at the shows, at photoshoots, recording, friends, family…Harry stepped up to the mic.  
The crowd continued cheering…a chorus of “happy birthday"s erupting as he smiled and nodded politely, pressing his hands together and bowing slightly…  
My stomach felt sick, because Harry didn’t get nervous for these things. He didn’t get nervous…yet he’d been tapping his leg constantly in his seat…  
"Hi, erm, thank you so much…erm, just wanted to say a massive, massive thank you to all the fans who have supported us from…the very beginning,” he licked his lips and nodded. “Erm, thank you for the birthday wishes, ‘course, can’t really think of a better present, if I’m honest….but, erm-”  
I felt the blood drain from my face…and my heart swell at the same time.  
My pulse was heavy in my fingertips as Harry rolled up the sleeve of his jacket slightly, revealing a purple rubber bracelet.  
“I just wanted to give a shout-out to an incredible charity…erm, it’s called Refuge, I encourage you all to check it out…it supports domestic abuse, and erm, yeah, s'really an amazin’…I’ve just recently donated, you all should, as well. Great, great cause that not many people know about, so, yeah. Thank you.”  
I felt numb…but I was buzzing. I watched as the boys walked off stage, Niall patting Harry’s back….I wanted to be happy, I really did, because that was Harry…that was Harry’s way of winning. He didn’t have to get in a physical fight with Sam, he didn’t have to make an obvious scene…no, he easily did the trick in the kindest of ways.  
The boys were ushered back to their seats during a commercial break…I glanced over my shoulder, though I wasn’t sure where Youthful Sin was sitting…when I looked back, Harry had found me. He made eye contact…unwavering, heavy eye contact. He didn’t mouth anything, but I knew he was talking to me.  
Was that okay?  
I smiled…my eyes tearing up. He knew. Very subtly, before he sat down…I watched as he kissed the tips of his pointer and middle finger…placing the same fingertips on his arm, right where his rose tattoo was. It was all I needed to take a deep breath and try and calm down…to realize just how lucky I was to have him doing something so brave for me…  
My heart was so, so full…but no matter what I tried to do, no matter how many deep breaths I took, my stomach felt sick. I had suddenly become the one with my foot tapping…because I knew Sam, and I knew what Harry had done wouldn’t sit well…it just wouldn’t.  
The rest of the night felt like a blur…all I could think about was the after party that Harry had said he wanted to go to for awhile. I was excited that I could be with him, but also nervous…nervous for a lot of reasons.  
“Happy Birthday to youuuuuuuu! Woooooo!”  
Shot glasses all around, rainbow colored lights, pumping music, people everywhere…a massive group of people were crowded around the boys and I in the back of the club that was shut down specifically for the AMA guests, singing loudly to Harry as he threw back yet another shot….  
I hadn’t seen him so wasted in a long time, and even though I was trying to keep my wits about me…it was impossible not to smile with how affectionate he was being. The boys were all drunk, and somehow, I didn’t care that I knew his exes were in the room…because he was looking at me, every chance he got…trying to keep his distance. The more he drank, though, the more the idea of secrecy went out the window.  
“Rory!”  
I giggled, nearly falling over as he slung his arms around my shoulders, placing a stumbling, sloppy kiss against my temple. His shirt was nearly completely unbuttoned as I tried to reach down and fix him up, though he was too unsteady for me to get a good grasp.  
“I'ssss my birthday, behh-bee,” he said into my ear, his breath hot and heavy. I laughed, slapping at his chest to push him off. He only got closer, laughing into my neck. “Are you mad at me?”  
I looked up into his glassy, blood shot eyes…trying to maintain a straight face. His hair was falling all over his face, his hat and smile lopsided.  
I shook my head…giving him a small smile as I reached forward, squeezing his hip under his shirt.  
“No…no, I’m so proud of you.”  
“You’re prrrroud?” he slurred, his eyes brightening and smile growing just a bit. “Thought you’d be really upset with me.”  
“No, I’m very proud.”  
“Gooooood,” he hummed, giggling like a child. I could see his friends wanted him back, they were watching him fondly…watching us fondly. “Baby, I want to kiss you.”  
I playfully scoffed. “I think we’re safe, it’s dark…what do you think?”  
As inebriated as he was, he didn’t realize I was only playing…frankly, I wouldn’t have cared if everyone saw, at that point. He leaned closer…whispering into my ear.  
“'Mm gonna do a quick one, okay?”  
I laughed…trying to stifle it as I bit my lip. “Yeah, okay, I think so.”  
“Ready?”  
“Ready.”  
He leaned back…eyes so intensely studying my lips, then my eyes, then my lips, then my eyes…he so carefully traced his fingers down my jaw, cupping my cheek.  
“Prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.”  
“Harry…” I cooed, but his wet lips were on mine before I could finish….he kissed slowly, graciously…no tongue, but just as passionate and meaningful as if he’d put his entire body into it…when he pulled back, he just smiled.  
“Have a good birthday?”  
He leaned his forehead against mine…nodding heavily.  
The next few events happened really quickly….I saw over Harry’s shoulder…I saw Niall and Louis’s faces drop, I saw them reach for Harry’s shoulder to pull him away, but it was too late….  
I didn’t have time to react, it was all too fast.  
Shouting…so much shouting, screaming, a finger in Harry’s face…Sam was wasted, spit flying out as he screamed…  
“You fucking piece of shit, you fuckin’ prick! You had no right - no fucking right!”  
My happiness shattered like a smashed bottle as I watched Sam’s fist suddenly collide with Harry’s face…repeatedly until Harry fell, the boys diving forward, Sam’s bandmates finding him and pulling him away. I felt like I was going to pass out, the two shots in my system dissipating as I stepped forward.  
“Get the fuck away! Get him the fuck away!” I screamed so loudly I felt like my chest was collapsing…Sam was taken out the back without a word, a security guard heaving him out by the back of his shirt…it happened so quickly that only the people directly around where we’d been standing had taken notice.  
I fell to my knees where the boys were pulling Harry up, who didn’t seem to have any clue what had just happened. His lip was busted, eye swollen…I grabbed onto his shirt as they lifted him and asked if he was okay, tried to get him to say anything…he was so, so drunk, it had been so unfair…he looked like he was shocked, feeling over his lip and just staring off blankly…  
“Niall - Niall, no!”  
I reached around Harry, gripping the back of Niall’s shirt as he went to follow where Sam was taken. I could see that all of the boys were fuming, but none like him…they kept checking up on Harry, but…but Harry wasn’t physically hurt, it was deeper than that.  
I carefully cupped his cheeks…forcing him to look down at me.  
“Hey….hey.”  
His eyes didn’t focus, but he was looking at me…it broke my heart to see him so bloody, but I was also so proud that he wasn’t storming out the back with Niall…he was trembling, his jaw was tense, but he wasn’t pursuing anything.  
“Hey, are you okay?”  
He nodded curtly, but I knew he wasn’t. I knew when I asked him if he wanted to go home, he’d say yes…and he did. But I could see something in his eyes…something had happened, and I hated that any bit of pride he’d been feeling for what he’d done on stage was diminished.


	40. Chapter 40

Thirty-Nine ::: Rory  
Dried blood stained the damp white cloth a vibrant shade of red. I tried not to focus on the churning in my stomach…on the glazed look in green eyes that had been glowing a short time before. I gently used the side of my pointer to nudge his chin up, carefully running the small towel over his busted lip as he watched me from his spot on the bathroom counter, completely catatonic. His hair was flat where his hat had been, posture limp…his knuckles were white as he gripped the edge of the counter on the outsides of his thighs…his hands were shaking…  
I made the mistake of glancing up, meeting his eyes…his left was swollen, puffy, a yellowish shade that signified heavy bruising was to come…I felt so, so bad…even more so as I took in his dull gaze.  
I cleared my throat, the small lump forming temporarily disappearing as I put on my best smile.  
“Look at you…all tatted up, battered face…the whole badass look is pretty sexy, I have to admit.”  
Nothing. Eyelashes fluttered…I received a few blinks, but if anything, the biggest response was his shoulders slumping even more.  
I avoided looking into his eyes again…gently running the wet cloth over the crevice in his cut lip. There was such an awful tension in the bright bathroom…this blanket of misery that I wanted so badly to lift - to just scream at him, you’ve done nothing wrong! but I knew he wouldn’t have it. He had somehow convinced himself, that in some way, he was the loser…that he had come out on the bottom, when that was so far from the truth.  
“Louis texted my phone to make sure you were okay…said Niall was like a bull dog, went out and was shouting and trying to start something with Sam…” I laughed lightly, hoping to initiate something within him. “I guess Sam was too far gone and belligerent to even notice him, so Niall assumed that, naturally, it meant he was afraid of him. Louis said he won’t shut up about it, thinks he’s hard now.”  
I giggled, but Harry merely shook his head…shutting his eyes as if he was disappointed. “Harry, stop.”  
I removed my hand, examing my work…his lip was fat, but his pretty pink pout was no longer discolored. He didn’t respond to my gentle scold, merely turned and looked at himself in the mirror…poking at his lip, which caused him to quietly whimper before dropping his hand. I knew he still had to be wasted…though for all emotional purposes, the punch had sobered him up.  
I stood still…smirking as he continued to pout, swinging his feet back and forth clumsily as they dangled down…he accidentally kicked me in the shin, reaching out to grab my shoulder apologetically, nearly falling off the counter. I laughed loudly, grabbing his arm and steadying him as he huffed and cursed under his breath, scooting back.  
“Will you stop this?”  
My voice was meak as I hesitantly stepped forward…placing my fingertips on the rough texture of his jeans, spreading his knees apart so I could squeeze in between. He said nothing…I ran the pads of my fingers over the furrow between his eyebrows, trying to ease the bothered skin.  
“Why are you beating yourself up like this?”  
And there it was…I tried to balance the broken crack in my voice with a smile, but he took note to my saddened tone immediately…his thumb and pointer - out of habit - reaching up to pinch his bottom lip between them, but stopping as he remembered his injuries. He looked at me sadly, pursing his lips and letting a frustrated breath out of his nose.  
“Harry, please.”  
“Should’ve been me…”  
“What?”  
I did my best not to touch any of the sensitive, swollen bits of his face…cupping his cheeks and making him look at me. I knew I heard correctly, but I needed him to look me in the eyes…I prayed he’d realize how stupid and irrational he was being.  
“It should’ve been me, I should’ve hit him…he shouldn’t have…shouldn’t be gettin’ in a fight over you…”  
“Stop…stop this? Please? What are you talking about?”  
I was beginning to realize that maybe Harry wasn’t even drunk anymore…which made me feel sick. The glaze in his eyes, the distance, the tension in his jaw…he was lost in his mind, not suffering from too many shots…at least not anymore.  
I shut my eyes…melting into his touch as he reached up and cupped my jaw. His palm was warm, soft…he pulled me closer…pressing our foreheads together.  
“I’m sorry.”  
Immediately, my eyes bolted open. I began shaking my head, doing whatever I could to get closer…I grabbed his thighs, shuffled closer, pecked his jaw.  
“Stop that, I’m getting pissed. You have nothing to apologize for.”  
“I do.”  
“You don’t! You absolutely don’t, what did you do wrong, Harry? Please, tell me.”  
I knew I was getting worked up, I knew I was shouting, but I couldn’t not be angry with him. I crossed my arms, pulling out of his grip. He was flustered, running his hand through his hair as he opened and shut his mouth multiple times before piecing words together.  
“I just - I’m your boyfriend, he’s…” he trailed off, though I couldn’t help but smile at the word…boyfriend…he was mine…I wouldn’t get used to hearing that again, at least not anytime in the near future. “Maybe I was out of line, with the bracelet…donatin’ ‘n stuff…”  
“No…no, no,no.”  
He swallowed hard as I cupped his face. “Did you do that to rub it in Sam’s face, or did you do that for me?”  
He blinked twice, his voice steady. “I did it for you, Rory. 'Mm not going to lie and say he wasn’t part of it, 'course I wanted to show that prick up…but it was for you, baby.”  
His thumb traced the outline of my jaw as I nodded, my eyes tearing up. He nodded in return…reinforcing his words.  
“No woman ever should go through that, but you…I swear, Rory, I think that’s what bothers me the most…that fucker hit me, and I didn’t even get a good punch in…I swear, Rory, I’d kill him if I could for hurting you…I’d kill him…what kind of a man does that make me that I was too shitfaced to defend you? I was too shitfaced to hit him back-”  
“Shhh,” I cooed, tears slipping down my cheeks. I kissed the side of his face that wasn’t turning black and blue, pecking the skin repeatedly. He tried to pull away at first, slowly allowing the affection…wrapping his arms around my waist. “You know what kind of man it makes you?”  
He stared into my eyes…blankly. I could see the storm still brewing in his irises, though it seemed to be calming the more I pet his face, neck, thighs…he blinked a few times, waiting.  
“Mine. You’re my man.”  
Slowly…very slowly, the corner of his lip quirked up…just slightly. But it wasn’t enough…he needed to know how much what he’d done meant to me.  
“It’s your birthday, and you…you did something so brave like that, and you put yourself out there…you did that all for me. And then when he hit you, you didn’t hit him back…maybe for the wrong reason, but that shows me so much. Of course I’m not mad, or upset, or disappointed in you, you idiot. If anything, I love you even more.”  
It seemed as if my further explanation helped sway any doubt in his mind…slowly, he began smiling…not huge, but it was genuine…it reached his eyes, even though one was slightly more narrow than the other due to the swelling.  
I tugged on his jacket slightly, tucking into him so he had to angle his face to see mine.  
“What is that smile? It’s very mischevious, I don’t know that I like it.”  
“You said I was a man.”  
Feigning shock, I gasped, covering my mouth…though quickly, my playful mood dissipated…I smiled at him…finding no need to mock or tease.  
“I did.”  
“You mean it?”  
There was an innocence in his tone, the way the pitch went up at the end of his sentence that proved he still hadn’t realized I was being completely serious. He was still fooling around - I wasn’t.  
I stared at him…his smile faltering, though not in a bad way.  
“You’re the most amazing man I’ve ever met for what you did tonight. For a lot of other reasons as well, but you have earned your man title.”  
I knew what I was saying meant a lot, but he was still a childish little brat…a coy grin spreading across his lips. He winced a bit from the stretch of his cut, but that didn’t stop him.  
“No longer a boy, wow.”  
“Harry, I’m serious.”  
“I think some celebrating is in order.”  
“I do, too.”  
Though he was being silly and talking about receiving his man-card, I had other things in mind…it was his birthday, we were good, and he had singlehandedly eased any of my doubts with his behavior with Sam…he’d shown me that maybe, just maybe, he was telling the truth…that six didn’t matter…because he put himself out there to protect me. He took a fist to the face for me. He came home with me.  
“What do ya have in mind?”  
Electric, that’s the only word to describe what it was like when our eyes connected. Like a magnetic pull joined us…the attraction so thick it was nearly taking every last breath out of my chest…his mouth was slightly parted as I stepped away from him, keeping my eyes on his as I reached to my side and undid the zipper. I easily stepped out of the dress…standing in just a simple, red lace thong, everything else gone.  
The mood had been so heavy but really, there was so, so much to be happy for…it was Harry’s 23rd birthday, and I was with him, and we were happy…we were truly happy, and stable, regardless of the mess at the show.  
“Those are new.”  
His gaze was down, on the small bit of fabric covering me…he knew, he always knew.  
“They are. Figured I needed something for the occasion.”  
Eyes flitted up to mine, purposefully skipping over my bare chest. It was my game, but it was also his…I knew he was dying to pull his bottom lip between his teeth, but he couldn’t. His hands were tense as they gripped the edge of the counter, similar to how he had been before our talk.  
“You going to just stand there?” he chuckled breathlessly, almost in desperation. “I’m a gimp. I can’t walk.”  
His last bit made me roll my eyes as he grinned proudly, pleased with himself. Again, he winced, crying out under his breath as he pet over his bottom lip. Still, no movement.  
“What I want requires you to stand up, so if you’re a gimp, so be it….no celebration.”  
“It’s a miracle.”  
He jumped down, dramatically wiggling his legs as he made show that he was on his feet. I giggled, completely unphased that he was fully clothed and I was nearly completely bare.  
When he was done being a ham…slightly wobbling, but not too badly…he neared me. He smirked devilishly, allowing his breath to wash down over my face, a mixture of whiskey and mint…his hands hung limply by his sides, fingertips twitching, though he didn’t touch.  
“Now what?”  
“Well…” I reached back…untying my hair, letting it fall over my shoulders how he liked. I was quite proud of myself for making sure to shower with his favorite shampoo, the scent heavy as I ran my fingers through my part. I wasn’t fooling around, I wanted him to finish off his birthday in a way I knew he’d enjoy. "Now, you’re going to take me over the bathroom counter and watch in the mirror.“  
His reaction was priceless…I barely blinked before his expensive, designer jacket was in a crumpled pile on the floor…hands feverishly coating every inch of my skin, clothes dropped…he couldn’t kiss me, but he was damn well making up for it with his hands…  
I gasped, my hands darting out in front of me as they caught on the top of the counter. My hips were pressed flat against the edge, and I felt my heart hammering as a wider set of hips pressed firmly against the back of mine.  
I dared to glance up…nearly melting into a puddle on the floor as his heavy eyes met mine from over my shoulder in the mirror, his chest heaving with pent up lust, his fingertips contradicting the fire in his eyes as they oh-so-gently lined my hips up to his…I could feel every inch of him, ready for me as he rested thickly against my lower back…  
Innocently, he rested his chin into the crook of my neck…watching my face in the mirror, running his thumb over the dimple in my back.  
"You’re so beautiful, Aurora.”  
A deep flush coated my chest, causing me to scrunch my face and laugh in embarassment. His words were so raw, paired with my full name sent me over the edge.  
“Don’t be bashful, baby, look.”  
Against my will…I slowly opened my eyes, meeting his in the mirror as he moved my hair so it was falling over one of my shoulders. I looked at my reflection, though I didn’t agree…I wasn’t beautiful. I wasn’t not pretty, but I thought the true beauty was what I was merely one half of.  
His limbs were tangled around mine as he watched me silently, squeezing me a bit tighter. We weren’t doing anything, just simply holding one another.  
“I think we make quite the team,” he hummed so quietly, the sweet sentiment tickling my neck and sending chills down my spine.  
Without another word, I trailed my hand back…catching him where he deserved to feel loved, where he deserved to be taken care of…I held a tight grip, running my hand up and down, up and down, until he couldn’t bear it any longer, throwing my hand aside…  
The bathroom was large, high-ceilings, cold floors…our sounds echoed, making each movement shake me to my core more than just literally, green eyes staying on mine in the mirror the entire time he worked himself raw, bringing me the most intense pleasure I’d ever felt…  
“Shit…shit, shit, shit.”  
“Yeah.”  
Harry’s chest was heaving as he pulled me into his side, tucking me into his neck. After our activities in the bathroom, we had been ready again, barely making it into the bed before becoming a messy tangle of sheets and limbs and moans and desperate whispers…  
Heavy breaths and fluttering eyelashes were all that was left of us, both an exhausted mess…I was left to soothe him as he came down from his high, gently running my finger nails over his chest, tracing his tattoos, feeling his heartbreat pounding under my touch…  
“Christ almighty, I think I saw the light…I think…” I giggled, burying my face into Harry’s chest as he spoke in exasperation, motioning lazily with his hands. “I think I may have died…I shook hands with God, I think Jesus was there, too…was like, hey, mate, you good? I was like yeah, yeah, a bit busy, mind if I go back? And then they sent me on my way.”  
I was hysterically laughing at this point, causing him to slowly begin chuckling himself as he rubbed my shoulder, pulling me even closer to him as I tangled one of my legs with his. He still seemed to be in a daze, drunk from our multiple go’s…the sheets were battered, nearly off of the matress.  
I raised my head, glancing around us.  
“We made kind of a mess.”  
“We did, I reckon, high five.”  
I glanced up at him to see that he was serious, holding his hand up. Again, I began giggling, smacking his hand before he ruffled my hair and pulled me so I was nearly on top of him.  
I rested my chin on his chest…blinking, taking in how gorgeous he looked when he was flushed from me, tired from me, smiling from me, hair a mess from me…  
I didn’t expect his smile to fall so quickly…his features were still soft, though thoughtful.  
“Rory…you’re home.”  
I hummed…knowing we’d have to talk about it at some point. Acknowledge the elephant in the room…the fact that I was in what used to be our safe place, our haven…our home.  
“I am, aren’t I?”  
“Take that, you abusive wanker.”  
I was surprised as Harry’s tone got deep, cruel as he brought Sam back into conversation…I furrowed my eyebrows, causing him to slightly cower, his guilt clear as he sighed.  
“Sorry.”  
“You know, I was thinking about things…”  
“You’re leavin’ me for him?”  
I could tell he was joking, but I didn’t even like to joke about it. I squeezed his bicep…making sure he was paying attention. He raised his eyebrows, silently telling me he was.  
“I just thought you should know that I saw in the papers his fiancee left him…he’s going through a lot right now, he’s not pining after me, Harry…he’s going to what he knows, and I just happened to be a pillar…or at least, was. There’s probably a bit of comfort there…so you have nothing to worry about, it’s not his feelings for me…it’s just grabbing onto whatever he can find.”  
“I don’t care, he has no right-”  
“I know. I know,” I reached up, barely ghosting my thumb over his bottom lip to try and make him stop frowning. The cut seemed worse, though it was his doing…he was so caught up in the moment he insisted on kissing me, going with it…in turn, making his lip swell up more. His eye was bruising up fairly quickly, the lid fatter than before. “I just want you to know that I’m proud that the real reason you are so upset is because of the fact that he hit me, not because you’re trying to prove you’re better…not like it’s some competition. I hope you know it’s not.”  
He was hesitant, taking a minute before he answered.  
“I know it’s not.”  
“Good. But I’d understand if you felt that way…I…I can’t even begin to describe how I’d feel if one of your exes was talking to you again, reaching out…”  
He seemed to tense up a bit, eyes darting away from me, though I knew he was still sensitive on the Sam subject.  
“It’s just…I don’t know, knowing something was there before us…I think it would be natural for you to think that if we were talking again, it would mean something more, you know? I just want you to know I haven’t been replying, really…we spoke backstage, but that was it.”  
His adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed…finally looking up at me. His arms were limp, no longer rubbing my back.  
“I wouldn’t think that.”  
I laughed bitterly under my breath…ashamed with the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. He gently nudged my chin, making me look at him.  
“Wha'ss in the past is in the past, yeah? I don’t…I mean, if he didn’t hit you, I mean, I wouldn’t…I don’t think I’d assume something was there, if you were like, talking, or…if you maybe were with him again, or somethin’, when we weren’t together…”  
“What?”  
“Like…” he seemed flustered, though a lot of it had to do with the fact that we’d been having aggressively passionate sex for over an hour. His eyes met mine again, making sure to stay on them. “You know I don’t have any feelings whatsoever for anyone else, like you, yeah?”  
I nodded slowly, cocking my head and opening my mouth to speak but he cut me off.  
“I just don’t want you to think that in that scenario, the only reasonable explanation would be that there’s still feelings there…I didn’t assume that of you and Sam, because I know better…I know that some things are in the past, and they stay there, because there wasn’t a future for them.”  
I hummed…nodding, knowing what he was saying, but also unsure as to why he seemed so bent out of shape…so bothered, trying to drill the point.  
“Yeah, I know…I’m just saying, I’d get it…if…like I said, if one of those girls you had something with…if they were talking to you, wanting to see you and stuff now…I would want to know, it’s just something I’d need to know. It just…it’ll always hurt, and I know it’s irrational because you’ve been with me, but…it’s like…”  
I trailed off, running my hands over his chest. “I guess it’s from Sam….but I think with you, it would be so much worse, and sometimes I feel my insecurities returning, but I fight them off because you’re so good to me…I always doubted my own worth with Sam because he’d keep things from me and look at other girls, and Harry…he was just so awful to me, and I know you’re not. You’re so good to me, Harry, and I hope you know that. I really - I really, trully do.”  
He was quiet. I could hear his mouth as he swallowed, though the darkness seemed to hide his face from me.  
“Harry-”  
“I’m worn out, baby…” he snuggled deeper into the comforter, pulling me closer as he kissed my temple as best he could. “So sleepy. I just…”  
I tucked myself into him, pulling up the covers so we were both snuggled and warm. He adjusted himself, lacing both of his legs with mine, wrapping both of his arms around my shoulders and kissing the top of my head a few times.  
“Just need you to know for me, it’s only you. It really…it really is. When we were apart, it was always you.”  
His words settled into my chest, sealing any last bit of the cracks that were left on my poor, worn-out heart. It was beating, it was alive, and it was warm…it was his again.  
“Not even those other girls?”  
I was partially kidding, though Harry was quick to tighten his grip on me…shaking his head profusely, his chin pressing into the top of my head.  
“Especially not them. Only you, okay? I just…please remember that.”  
“I will.”


	41. Chapter 41

Forty ::: Harry  
Warmth…scorching heat…hands trailing down my body…I was tired, so tired, but there was a body on top of mine…it was too early to move, but it seemed I was the only one who felt that way…  
“What are you doing?”  
My throat was dry as I spoke, voice cracking with left-over slumber.  
No answer.  
I felt a cool rush of air spread across my lower half, the comforter raising…  
“Oh…”  
Wet…lips…a tongue…my entire body tensed with pleasure as a strong suction pulled me under, my hands bunching the sheets into my fists, my chest rising and falling…oh, she was so good…her mouth was incredible…  
“Oh, fuck. That’s it, baby….ohhh, that’s it, Rory.”  
Blindly, I reached down…tangling my fingers in the back of her hair, gently thrusting my hips upwards to increase the pace. She worked with me, helping me out as I continued to let my moans shake and rattle my throat, my entire body trembling with satisfaction as she worked me and worked me and worked me until I couldn’t bear it anymore - spilling into her mouth as she took it all, kept on me until I was completely spent…  
“Shit…shit, baby,” I panted, laughing lightly as I ran my hand back through my slightly damp hair. I felt her shuffling, climbing up towards the top of the covers. “Jesus, Rory, that was good.”  
And then - like a bucket of ice water had been dumped over my face, eyes open and all - the covers lifted, and I was met with brown eyes.  
Brown eyes and blonde hair.  
“You said her name again.”  
Jolting, I gasped, my muscles tensing as my eyes darted open. My chest was heaving - feeling a weight on my shoulder, I nearly threw it off of me out of sheer dread and panic - though ended up cursing in relief as I looked down and saw a head of long, brown hair.  
Out of habit, I reached my hand up…petting over the back of her head, silently apologizing for nearly waking her…she didn’t budge, typical Rory…I always teased that she could sleep through an apocolypse…  
I knew I was being mental, but I lay there…continuing to to run my fingertips soothingly on any bit of her skin that I could reach…choosing her lower back out of convenience, seeing as she was molded completely against my side…I needed to feel her, to know she was actually there…  
I was covered in a cold sweat, my heart beating abnormally fast. The dream…I felt nauseus…because really, it wasn’t a dream…it was something that I willingly allowed to happen for over twelve months…something I wanted to just forget, but I kept being reminded…  
The speed of my hand picked up, unable to touch Rory enough…I needed to feel her there, make sure she was real…I pulled her even closer, pressing my cheek against her forehead before kissing her soft skin and wincing…I’d completely forgotten about my busted lip.  
The reminder of the night before left me feeling both elated but also ill…I was still livid about Sam, but there was so much more that had happened…it snowballed into my wildest fantasy, and then my worst nightmare fairly quickly…I wasn’t quite sure how to feel about our conversation we’d had right before bed. We’d had sex….amazing, fucking brilliant sex…and somehow, in the immediate minutes after, she’d gone from the sexiest woman I’d ever seen to the cutest girl to ever grace my precense…and then it was like she just unloaded the heaviest amount of guilt onto my shoulders, completely oblivious to it…  
“Fuck.”  
Again, guilt washed over me…exemplified with the damn dream, which was a bitter version of reality…everything was about Rory, yet Paige kept popping up in the back of my mind…I wanted to forget, but I was so torn between what was best for Rory that I couldn’t…  
I suddenly felt suffocated as Rory hummed in her sleep, squeezing my torso before nuzzling her face further into my skin…it was too much of a good thing…  
I felt like shit as I squeezed out from under her, shuffling the covers as inconspicuously as possible before my bare feet hit the ground. It was nearly pitch black in the room, but I needed to get up…I couldn’t sleep, I needed to think…  
“Harry?”  
I halted my blind journey to the bathroom, stopping in my tracks. I knew she couldn’t see me, but I was still nervous…running my hand through my hair.  
“Go to bed, baby.”  
The covers ruffled…I could barely make out her naked silhouette, which wasn’t helping the natural rush of my blood downwards…I watched as she cuddled into the pillows towards the middle of the bed, faintly seeing that her eyes were open and looking over at me in confusion.  
“Harry, it’s still dark, what are you doing?”  
I couldn’t help but let out a quiet laugh…she was so dazed, half asleep…like it was unheard of to need to wee in the middle of the night. The more I felt her waiting on me, the more I just wanted to climb back in…  
“A bit hungover, I think. Not feelin’ right.”  
Both were true, though unrelated.  
My confession woke her up more…she sat up, allowing the covers to fall down into her waist…revealing her chest, which was much more visible than her eyes in the dark…shit. My heart started beating faster for a different reason…I silently scolded myself for allowing it at such a bad time.   
“Do you need water or something?” She was fully awake now, completely devoting herself to me…as she did. The knots in my stomach only intensified as she went to step out of bed. “I can go grab an Advil or two out of the kitchen if you have a headache.”  
“Rory, get back in bed. Now, really,” I gently scolded, watching her freeze and hesitate as she slumped over slightly. “‘Mm good, I swear it. Just…gonna run some water over my face, have a wee. I’ll be back.”  
“You’re sure you’re okay?”  
I smiled…letting out a small sigh. “I’m good, love. Back to bed you go, yeah?”  
She huffed, muttering something under her breath as I chuckled…making sure she crawled back in before I shut the bathroom door and flicked the light on.  
I could barely open my eyes, blinking profusely as I stepped over towards the mirror, leaning down on my closed fists…I was naked still, my body sore…Rory’s yoga had been paying off in bed…her newfound flexibility opened doors that I never would have dreamed of, the thought alone getting me hard again…I shut my eyes, focusing on stretching as I felt a comfortable pull tugging at my muscles…  
I did as I told her. I had a wee, walked over and rinsed my face…the cold liquid woke me up a bit, my eye sore…I glanced up, realizing it wasn’t as bad as I expected it to be…a little swollen, a faint shade of purple, but nothing horrendous…  
As I looked into my eyes…really looked into my eyes…I made a promise to myself…I made a promise to the gorgeous sleeping girl in my bed, too.  
I’d tell her about Paige by the end of the day, or I wouldn’t tell her at all. It was wrong to keep thinking about it…that was wrong…if I was knowingly not telling her and constantly thinking about it, I’d drive myself mad with guilt and worry…I needed to determine what was best by the end of the day, and either tell her, or forget about it for good.  
“My eyelid is itchy.”  
“That’s pretty unfortunate, seeing as I’m not letting you move that scarf.”  
“Rory,” I whined like a child, having not a single clue as to where my car was taking us. I was fidgety - sitting in the passenger seat with my eyes covered by one of my head scarves. I wanted to know where we were going, and I also knew Rory was having a bit too much fun knowing I absolutely loathed the idea of her driving my classic Mercedes. “Jesus, slow down. You’re going too fast.”  
“You can’t even see.”  
“I don’t have to see to know you’re driving awful.”  
The extended silence caused me to crack - smiling like an idiot, knowing she was most definitely giving me a glare. Female stereotypes weren’t exactly her favorite. The thing was, it wasn’t a stereotype…she truly drove like she was the one blindfolded. It almost made me love her more, if I didn’t have to constantly worry about it everytime I knew she was behind the wheel.  
“Can I have a go now?”  
“No, stop asking.”  
“I probably won’t guess it.”  
“You said that last time and you guessed it on the first try.”  
“Maybe you’re just shit at planning surprises.”  
“Maybe you don’t deserve to have surprises planned for you.”  
“You’re right. I quite like being the one doing the surprising, feels wrong this way.”  
“Please shut it, Styles.”  
“Only 'cause your manners are impeccable.”  
When the car pulled to a stop some time later, I was beyond ready to burst. She rarely planned things ahead of time for me…I was more of a fan of spontaneous activities, so whenever we did things, we kind of just planned as we went…a long, blind car ride was enough to do me in. When she opened the door for me, I was bouncing on my heels with excitement as the warm breeze caressed my arms.  
“Can I take this bloody thing off?”  
“Almost,” she giggled, her soft fingertips wrapping around my arm. I was a bit unsteady on my feet as she led me down what felt like a dirt path, dragging me along. “Want to guess now?”  
“Gladly,” I inhaled heavily, doing my best not to smirk. “Hm. Smells fresh. We are, in fact, outdoors, yeah?”  
“Nothing gets by you.”  
“May I have my arm, please?”  
I knew she was rolling her eyes at me as she let go, allowing me to dramatically stretch my arms forward and crack my knuckles.  
“A bit breezy, I can hear people talking in the distance.”  
I scuffed my feet against the ground. “Dirt. Are we at a park?”  
“Nope.”  
“A baseball field.”  
“Because I brought you to play baseball as your birthday surprise, yep.”  
“I’d like to have a go at baseball at some point in my life.”  
“Won’t be today, I can assure you.”  
“Right. Erm…you’ve brought me to murder me in a field, then are going to bury my body.”  
“Nailed it.”  
“I’m frightened, Rory, I’d like to go home.”  
This enticed a genuine laugh from her, which in turn, had me smiling hugely. I didn’t fight it as I felt her untie the wrap, dropping it from my eyes as I squinted into the bright light. After I blinked a few times, an even bigger grin spread upon my lips.  
“We’re at a vineyard.”  
I looked over at my sweet girl, smirking as I took in her proud smile. She nodded, raising her eyebrows.  
“Are we in Napa?”  
My hand was taken hostage as I was pulled down the path, receiving an amused scoff.  
“Harry, we were in the car for 40 minutes, tops. How would that be possible?”  
“You do drive quite fast.”  
“Ha ha.”  
Tugged to a stop, I reached forward and placed my hands on Rory’s hips…she didn’t fuss, allowing me to pull her closer. The warmth of her body was something that nothing else compared to…she was home, and soft, and everything good. She looked up at me…the sun reflecting in her eyes, my sunglasses that she’d borrowed snugly tucked into her hair, pushing it off of her face. She laced her fingers around my waist, settling at my lower back.  
“We’re wine tasting, remember you said you wanted to do that sometime?”  
I did. I said it once…just once. Back before we’d ever broken up…back on one of the many nights we lay in bed. I didn’t understand how she could remember something so seemingly small.  
“'Mm, a long time ago.”  
“Yes,” she hummed, blue eyes sparkling with contentment. I was drunk on her. “But recently, I’ve noticed you’ve been switching out the whiskey for more wine.”  
“Only 'cause you complain about the way I taste with whiskey.”  
“I only tease.”  
“Hm. Well, I do quite like the wine.”  
“And I do quite like the way the whiskey lingers on your tongue.”  
“Back to whiskey I’ll go then.”  
For a moment…just a moment, time stood still…I felt her, I saw her, I could smell her…she was smiling so sweetly…the sun blinding her as she squinted, her teeth a pearly white as they gleamed up at me, my flannel hanging off her arms…I didn’t just see a pretty girl I’d grown to love, I saw my girl…the girl who stuck with me through everything…the one who accepted me, every single bit of me, including the me that I had to share with the rest of the world…the one who lay with me at night and laughed when it was just me, the one who would still smile at me from somewhere in the crowd…she loved all parts of me, and I felt only the same way about her. I thought about the ring that had sat on my grandmother’s hand for over 50 years, on her left finger, symbolizing something much bigger than a small piece of jewelry…I thought about how it was currently hidden away under one of my t-shirts in my drawer, waiting to be put to use…I thought about Rory, I thought about our ups and downs, I thought about how we met, and the day we broke up, and I thought about the girls I’d shagged when we were apart…I thought about Paige, and I thought about how pretty Rory’s eyes looked in that moment. The words were on my tongue…waiting.  
“You ready?”  
My heart thud quietly, quiet enough so that Rory couldn’t hear it, but it felt loud as each thump slammed against the walls of my chest…telling me to go ahead and make a decision. She stared up at me with nothing but love and happiness in her eyes…we’d come so far, but I knew that my actions the night before with the purple bracelet had done us over…she was putting the past behind her, I knew it all morning…I knew it when she made me breakfast, I knew it when she lay me down after and rode me until I was desperately crying out her name, I knew it when she blindfolded me and told me she had a late birthday present…I knew it right then in that moment as she waited for my answer, assuming my silence was shock due to her unique and adorable surprise.  
I swallowed the lump in my throat…knowing that the moment would change everything.  
I made a choice that I wouldn’t go back on…because she was there, she was holding me, and her eyes told me that all of the bullshit we had been through was no longer going to get to us…I saw the promise in her eyes, I saw our future together, and I pictured her walking down the aisle towards me…I pictured her in the front row in the crowd for years to come, someday holding our children on her hip and pointing up at me as I sang my heart out…I wanted it all, it scared the shit out of me, but I wanted it all…  
And I kept my mouth shut, shutting away Paige and the rest of my demons for good.  
I nodded, unable to find any words, for my stomach was light and airy…I felt a weight lift from my shoulders as she pulled me down the path, and I put my full focus on enjoying our day…not worrying about pointless things that would only destroy us. They didn’t matter anymore.


	42. Chapter 42

Forty-One ::: Rory  
As the saying goes, all good things must come to an end…though, the act of being prepared for said “end” gives life a run for its money, sometimes…there’s a bittersweet comfort in sitting back and having a glass of wine as the world burns around you.  
I sat in baggy sweats in a lounge chair that Harry explained he had impulsively purchased in a small antique shop one weekend after we’d split our ways…it was this awful purply color, one that would make anyone cringe…though on that particular day, I wanted nothing else than to sit back in it and scribble my thoughts into my journal, while simultaneously trying to ignore the flirty glances I was receiving from the very average colored couch across the room.  
I was four lines into a poem about irony when green eyes sent me over the edge.  
“Come here, you.”  
“I feel honored.”  
Harry was only the most respectful he could be when he knew I was writing…he was well aware I enjoyed my creative space, but he was also well aware I had absolutely no strength when it came to him. Attempting to be productive in his company was near next to impossible.  
I set my notebook to the side, squeeling slightly as his clumsy self collapsed on top of me…careful not to cause any pain, but enough so that I wasn’t exactly comfortable. We snuggled together in a way we’d grown accustomed to; his gangly legs tangled with mine, his arms wrapped around my middle, mine around his shoulders, fingers laced in his hair.  
He shut his eyes and pressed his cheek against my stomach, a content smile gracing his pink lips.  
“You let me in your bubble,” he lazily mumbled, blindly pressing his lips against the fabric of my thin shirt in a quick kiss. “Didn’t want to interrupt, but you looked awfully pretty.”  
“Not writing anything important,” I hummed, petting his head as he nuzzled even further into me. I massaged his scalp…loving the feel of his soft hair between my fingers…and loving that for just once in our relationship, simple had been achieved. We were doing okay, regardless of what was going on outside. “You okay?”  
“Brilliant.”  
There was no sarcasm in his tone, nor could I find anything negative about the cat-like smile upon his lips…his follow-up question was expected.  
“Are you okay, Thorn?”  
My answer was not immediate, but it was on the tip of my tongue…I wanted to shout it at the top of my lungs, though our past had taught me otherwise…to be careful, to think before speaking or acting, for it would all probably backfire…but rather than finding unease or fear brewing in my chest, I was realizing that the happy facade I was putting on was more than a facade; it was how I was truly feeling.  
It hadn’t even been 24 hours since our day at the vineyard. Not even 24 hours before word had spread about our very public outing, which became even more prominent with the unusual amount of PDA we had displayed…the sweet wine and the warm sun had been nice, but nothing felt as nice as holding his hand and kissing him without any worries…we knew pictures were being taken, yet, he only held me closer…I only kissed him more.  
The return of “Rarry” was making headlines everywhere that morning, and Twitter was borderline shutting down…but Harry and I were snuggled away in his home, calm. Okay.  
“I’m fucking brilliant.”  
His boisterous laugh was contagious as I laughed along with him, allowing him to pull me under his spell. I didn’t fuss when I heard my journal and pen hit the floor, my only worry getting my fingertips on every bit of his warm skin as his lips molded against mine and his body slid between my legs.  
For awhile, innocent kisses and grabby-hands was enough…but soon enough, the inevitable took place.  
The bed was hot…unbearably hot…sheets tangled, most of the pillows on the floor, the room seemingly muggy…for what felt like the thousandth time, my mind was racing with how the hell we got to that point, yet again…naked, sweaty, and shaking…  
Our breaths were heavy, though our hearts weren’t.  
“Well, Styles, no complaints on this end,” I panted with a raspy breath, my thighs trembling as I came down. He lie on his back next to me, his chest rising and falling as he hummed under his breath. I smiled - knowing he was dying to wrap himself around me and cuddle, but trying to respect our bodies’ needs to settle down first. “I don’t understand your stamina…you’ve been like a rabbit recently.”  
He chuckled breathlessly, turning his head and smirking over at me. His cheeks were flushed…hair matted, eyes glistening with exhaustion and satisfaction, lips parted as his warm breath fell from in between. My chest throbbed with endearment as I watched the way his emerald eyes traced over the features of my slightly damp face, his lips pulling into a grin.  
“A furry rodent? Really? That’s the first thing you can think to compare me to after that?”  
“It’s a compliment, really.”  
“I hardly think so.”  
“Have I offended you?”  
He pursed his lips, trying to disguise his playful nature with feigned disappointment. He pouted, pulling away from me as I went to rest my chin on his chest.  
“Don’t think so,” he lightly scolded, shaking his head back and forth like a child. “Not until I receive a proper thank you.”  
My jaw fell open, an unintentional girlish giggle filling the air - causing Harry to temporarily crack. His eyes pulled at the corners as he grinned wickedly, having too much fun with our adoloscent games.  
“A thank you? For what?”  
“You know very well, Rory,” he pressed, giving in and tugging my bare, clammy skin against his. I settled into the crook of his neck…exhaling out of my nostrils and causing him to stir as the tiny breeze tickled his skin. He ran his fingers along my lower back, his rings cold. “I believe I just gave you the best shag of your life, yeah?”  
“Of my entire life?” I hummed, shutting my eyes…enjoying the way he felt under me, just as much as I enjoyed how he felt on top of me. I humored him. “I feel like that’s an awfully large statement. A bit presumptuous, don’t you think?”  
“I’m waiting. Patiently.”  
Sliding further up him, I tossed my leg around his middle and giggled as I rested my chin atop my linked fingers on his chest. He looked down at me, smiling sweetly.  
“Thank you so, so, so much, Harry Edward Styles, for the very, very best shag, of my entire life.”  
A wild grin spread as he nodded slowly.  
“Sounds about right.”  
He squealed like a girl as I slapped him on top of his head, both of us in fits of content laughter, holding each other tightly.  
“You arrogant prick.”  
“Only jokin’, doll. Don’t lose too much respect for me.”  
“Who said I had any?”  
He offered a look of deep displeasure as I laughed…feeling like nothing else existed except the familiar, unkempt bed, and the precious boy in front of me. I could feel his heart beating against mine as I tucked my face back into the space between his ear and neck…settling into the warm skin as I balanced between conciousness and a lazy slumber.  
I could feel his hands…tracing patterns along my bare back.  
“What are your thoughts on long term living arrangements?”  
I was quiet…doing my best not to snort at his random question. I took a small deep breath…thinking over my response.  
“Love them.”  
“You’re funny.”  
“And you’re not making sense,” I chided. “Not really sure what you mean.”  
I flinched slightly as his fingertip hit a sensitive spot, causing me to attempt to pull away. He apologized lightly in my ear, conciously avoiding the ticklish spot from that point on as his hands continued their gentle assault.  
“I mean…” he slowly began, taking a long breath of his own. “Like, where do you plan on living…long term? Like, in the future…”  
“I want to live on the moon.”  
“You’re quite funny. Really, love…” he sighed. He gently tugged on the back of my hair, urging me to pay attention and be serious. “Where does the famous novelist Aurora Thorn want to settle down?”  
I hummed…sitting back so I could look at my talkative boy. His eyebrows were slightly furrowed, bottom lip squished between his free pointer finger and thumb. He studied me as I pushed some of his stray hairs off of his forehead.  
“Guess?”  
He silently accepted my challenge…his tongue wetting his lips as he rubbed them together. He guided me back to my prior position, allowing me to shut my eyes again and relish in the comfortable warmth.  
“Once upon a time, I believe France may have been mentioned…” he commented, waiting for me to respond. I allowed him to continue, enjoying how analytical he was being. I loved how he would pick apart the different things I’d say over time…just like I would of him. We had always been so in tune with each other’s thoughts and dreams. “Dunno, could be way off, but I’m picturing a little cottage…maybe like, off the south of France.”  
“Like Johnny Depp has?”  
“I’m bothered you’ve been to Mr. Depp’s cottage.”  
“I haven’t,” I giggled, squeezing his pudgy hip between my fingers. “Continue.”  
“Good. As I was saying…maybe a tiny little place, right. Private. Off in the fields somewhere…”  
“Sounds pretty.”  
“Oh, it is,” he continued. I snuck a glance up…seeing his eyelashes flutter as he shut them, enjoying the relaxing moment. The bedroom was dark, even though it was early afternoon. “Maybe, like, a little office off the back….floor-to-ceiling windows lining the whole of it…a nice desk, comfy chair…writing place, I reckon.”  
“Hm.”  
“Sounds like you, I think. Erm…” he laughed lightly, his chest shaking me. “I think you’d have goats.”  
“Goats?!”  
“Yeah. Maybe one or two.”  
“I’m completely intrigued,” I laughed. “Goats? Why?”  
“‘Member that petting zoo I took you to once?”  
“I do.”  
“You loved the goats.”  
“Doesn’t mean I want one or two of them.”  
“I picture goats when I think of France.”  
“Harry, you are so weird.”  
“Alright, scratch the goats.”  
“Idiot.”  
He was quiet for a moment, and I knew he was smiling. He took a deep breath…allowing the image to settle in my head.  
“Yeah. Little cottage in France, countryside somewhere…nice writing room. Possibly with goats. What do you think?”  
“I think…I think that sounds nice, but more like a vacation home.”  
“Oh, well that’s what I meant, of course.”  
“Sure it is.”  
“Right. So if that’s your vacation home…you’re living in a penthouse in New York, maybe? Fireplace, since you love those so much…maybe overlooking Central Park, you love the trees.”  
“You do listen when I talk,” I teased, pinching his nipple. He hissed lowly between his teeth. “New York is nice.”  
“Yeah? You like it?”  
“'Mm. I do.”  
“Enough to stay?”  
“For now, yes…” I trailed off…adjusting my head and watching my hand as I ran my fingernail over the tattoos scattering his chest and shoulders. “Why do you ask?”  
He didn’t answer…instead, he flipped us over…burying me under him in the covers. I shivered with need as he settled between my legs, his bare entirety lining up with me as I let out a breath of relief…though his eyes were crystal clear, not hooded with desire. He chewed on his bottom lip, staring down at me as his hair hung down over his face.  
“Harry and Rory are back together…” he said lowly, almost to himself. I smiled and nodded as he nodded curtly, pursing his lips. “I reckon that’s how it should be.”  
I poked his nose as he dove forward, capturing my lips in a chaste kiss.  
“I guess the past few months are irrelevant…since it just officially made headlines this morning, this is the start of our return. Are you ready?”  
I may have been joking, but he wasn’t…he had a dazed smile as he nodded.  
“Yeah. Yeah, I am.”  
“Cue the skeptics, the critics, the haters, and the non-believers. We’re really doing this again?”  
He laughed, playfully shrugging as he winced.  
“Dunno, is it worth the hassle?”  
I shoved at his shoulders in a half attempt to get him off of me, but he didn’t budge.  
“Nah, you can leave now.”  
“This is my house.”  
“Yep, out you go.”  
“Absolutely dreadful one, you are,” he laughed, burying his head into my neck. I felt him sucking gently as I pushed him away, not really wanting any obnoxious bruises to enforce all of the hype. “I, erm…wanted to run something by you.”  
I waited, though he was doing the same…raising his eyebrows. I laughed.  
“Go ahead…”  
He seemed flustered…looking down at my chest as he sat up and adjusted himself.  
“Was thinkin’ a bit, thought maybe I’d start lookin’ for a place in the city?”  
His careful observation of my reaction answered my question as I looked at him nervously…feeling my heart beat with each pump.  
“You’re going to move to New York for me?”  
It all seemed a bit fast…but also, not fast. My heart had been with him the entire time…though, I knew his hadn’t been. We’d barely been back into things for a few months…although the idea of him living close again sounded like what we needed. The only thing better would just to have him move in with me, though I knew that was surely moving too fast…I couldn’t bear for it to go wrong again and have to watch him move his boxes out, similar to what I did to him.  
“It’s an idea…obviously I’d keep this,” he referenced his head up, towards the house we were currently in. One that had become a home to me, literally. “But…dunno, I wouldn’t be opposed to a place in New York. Love the city. Only seems natural.”  
“'Mm. Won’t your little escapades out here miss you?”  
I was completely joking, though the way his face fell told me he didn’t find it funny. He swallowed hard, his eyes heavy on mine.  
“Don’t have those anymore, Rory. That’s cruel, you…why would you say-?”  
“I was kidding, just kidding, Harry.”  
I pet his cheek…unsure as to why he got so defensive and snippy. He chewed on his cheek…looking down like a guilty child before looking back up at me.  
“I won’t stop you from shopping for another place,” I said carefully, watching his reaction. He didn’t show much of anything. “You’re your own man. If you want a place in New York, no one is stopping you.”  
“Not what I’m wanting to hear, Rory.”  
“Then what would you like to hear, Harry?”  
He groaned in frustration…shutting his eyes. I held my tongue, not wanting to aggitate him further…but I needed him to be clear with me.  
“Do you want me to move to New York to be with you more?”  
The days were passing by in a blur…I felt like it had only been a day or so since he surprised me in the stockroom of the bookstore, asking for me to sign his copy of my book…I was choosy about events I attended, I was carefully planning my future, brainstorming ideas for my next book, balancing my best friend’s wedding with my rising career and the return of a very dear, old friend into my life…and I felt like things were moving awfully fast.  
At the same time, I was 24…and looking the man that I truly loved with all of my heart in the eyes…the man who had never done me wrong, would never lie to me, had only had a long relationship with me…the man that made me laugh like no other, and scream his name like no other…he was everything.  
I swallowed hard…the words weren’t difficult, but the meaning behind them was.  
I simply nodded.  
He nodded…and a small smile spread. Before I could think any longer…I decided to stop thinking.  
The world knew about us again…it was only a matter of time before we had to emerge into the spotlight and deal with the hassles, but I knew things were good. Things were good because I wasn’t thinking about six meaningless girls, I wasn’t thinking about the heartache I’d been through losing him, and I wasn’t thinking about the complications that were coming with being Harry Styles’s girlfriend again.  
All I could think about was him moving to New York, and his return into my life as my other half…I was letting him back in, and I couldn’t help but wonder if it was for good.  
“I fly back to New York tomorrow.”  
He nodded…chewing on his bottom lip.  
“You could….you could come, and I could help you apartment shop. I haven’t been there that long, but I know a bit, I think…” I played with my fingers nervously. “There’s this really great building about 15 minutes from me…it’s so you, Harry. My friend has a place there, it’s artistically gorgeous…the walls are brick, kind of like the cliche New York lofts you see in movies, but really, really nice…”  
He was grinning, listening to me ramble.  
“I can’t.”  
“Oh…”  
“I have to be in London, meeting with a producer about our next album…but that sounds lovely, Rory. We’ll plan sometime soon, yeah? Maybe next month?”  
“Sounds good.”  
Our eyes met…we both smiled sheepishly. I didn’t fight it as his damp lips slowly caressed mine before he pulled away, resting his forehead against mine.  
“We’re good, baby,” he hummed, running his thumb down my jawline. “We’re so good this time. I promise you, I’ll keep you safe…keep you mine.”  
My heart was nervous, but I was done being a scared little girl…I was jumping with both feet in.  
“I just…everything else is going to be complicated, I know that. But you and me…can we keep that simple? Please? Nothing hidden, everything out on the table…we need that. We messed that up before, let’s not do that to ourselves again, okay?” I cupped his cheeks…his eyes were shut. “I need to know that we’re both completely in this, honest with ourselves, and each other. I don’t want to be hurt again…not now, not down the line. Okay?”  
“'Course.”  
I took a deep breath.  
“My mom is having a pool party thing today…I’m going…a lot of my family will be there, she normally throws it in the summer but she’s going to be travelling a lot this year. I was wondering if you wanted to come…you know, officially be re-introduced to my nuts-o family.”  
He slowly smiled.  
“You want me to?”  
“I do.”  
“May I hold your hand?”  
“If you’re lucky, you can even kiss me on the cheek in front of everyone.”  
“Lucky guy, I am. How could I say no?”


	43. Chapter 43

Forty-Two ::: Rory  
The smell of hot dogs and burgers was intoxicatingly heavy…the breeze was warm, sun was beating down on the vast, green lawn. There was laughter, shouting, whispering, hugging, running, sitting, everything — the usual chaos of one of my family’s get-togethers. Though it was an entertaining scene to observe, I found solace in a quiet corner…sitting indian-style on the ground, the grass cold on my bare thighs, my fingers wrapped around a ballpoint pen.  
The words flowed onto the page in front of me, my head gently bobbing to the acoustic guitar emitting from the speakers spread around the backyard…I was beyond content, feeling almost as if I was asleep I was so comfortable…so at ease with how life was treating me.  
I wasn’t sure how long I hadn’t been alone, but the forceful clearing of a throat snapped me from my daze. I glanced up, seeing my 16-year-old cousin Tatiana and her friend staring down at me with big eyes and fake smiles. The majority of my interactions with the moody teen had been brief and dull, so I had a hunch as to why she would be approaching me.  
“Hi, Rory.”  
“Hello.”  
“What are you writing?”  
The nosy twosome angled their necks to try and see what was in my journal, but I shut it slowly.  
“The cure to world hunger in 500 words.”  
“Awesome, you’re so smart.”  
Right.  
“Yep.”  
“I heard you were going to be in Playboy.”  
“Turned it down, bunny ears don’t really suit me.”  
“That is so cool.”  
I chose not to respond…the air between us was awkward, tense. Some choose to make polite conversation…I wasn’t one to force something that I knew I wouldn’t enjoy or gain anything from. Still, they stood…I decided to humor them, knowing what they were desperately hoping to find.  
“Have you guys seen Harry?”  
“Yes! He was inside with your mom — or — he was, like, 10 minutes ago,” Tatiana quickly corrected herself, trying to sound nonchalant. The deep crimson color on her cheeks told the real story. “So are you guys, like, back together?”  
“Yes, Tatiana, we are, like, back together.”  
“That is so cool.”  
“Rad, definitely.”  
I stood up, brushing off my shorts as they watched my every move. I grabbed my things, holding them in my hands as I forced a smile.  
“Right, nice catching up.”  
I distanced myself…unsure how I felt about the way in which I was treated for being associated with Harry. It wasn’t anything new…I was used to it, but it would always be strange. The minute we’d walked in, all eyes were on us…those closest to me knew it was no big deal….but the extended family reacted like the general public…wide eyes, knowing smirks, raised eyebrows…I found myself thankful Harry was the way he was. He squeezed my hand…put on a natural smile, and then let go…immersing himself into an uncomfortable atmosphere in hopes of getting to know each and every bit of my family. I hadn’t seen him in what felt like hours, but I somehow knew he was fine…if anything, probably shmoozing the hell out of an uncle somewhere.  
“Brooding little sister, there you are.”  
I halted my pace, glancing over as Cal smiled at me. Her blonde hair was down, gently blowing back in the wind…I wasn’t surprised to see she was head-to-toe decked in designer pieces, her perfectly manicured fingertips grabbing my arm and pulling me from the tangle of people…my feet blindly followed, though my eyes froze as they fell onto a scene situated away from the general mess, in the soft green grass located just off of the deck…one large, long-legged, boot-clad body lay on the ground…numerous smaller ones wrapped around limbs, climbing on top, tugging on hair…it seemed as if Harry had become the jungle gym to every toddler born into the family…and yet, he was laughing wildly…the biggest smile tugging at his lips, his eyes creased with adoration and contentment.  
Cal realized where my attention was, allowing me to stop walking.  
“Should I-?”  
“Are you kidding?” she scoffed with a light laugh, shaking her head. “He’s a natural, babe. He’s been over there for at least 30 minutes, he’s good.”  
“They shouldn’t expect him to babysit, Cal, he’s a guest, I don’t think—”  
“Oh hush, Rory.”  
I wasn’t able to finish explaining my worries as we continued our journey off to the side, her pulling me down forcibly onto a wooden bench hanging from one of the oaks my mom had planted in the side yard. Our bench. We’d always disappeared there for family gatherings, even when we weren’t on the best of terms…we’d sit, we’d watch…sometimes we’d fight, but most of the time we’d just gossip about stupid family drama…laugh.  
We sat in silence…barely moving in the breeze, my eyes still set on Harry…it didn’t take long for me to not only realize that Cal was right…but to also become completely mesmorized. He was so gentle, playful…careful not to shift too much, in case he’d knock one of them over…the three toddlers were giggling, smiling from ear-to-ear, completely enthralled as he made silly faces and lifted them up into the air. I laughed loudly as I watched Tyson, my four-year-old step-cousin, accidentally jump onto Harry’s sensitive bits, causing his eyes to go wide and his mouth to fall open in dread as he hunched into a crescent shape, eyes screwing shut.  
“You like New York?”  
“I do. It’s cold.”  
“Like your heart.”  
“True. Like things tend to stick together.”  
We laughed to ourselves…I stared out at everything going on around us…wondering if we had finally grown up. I could remember so many occasions sitting in that same exact position…yet, it felt different. Things were different. We’d built our own lives…grown as people. We didn’t sneak alcohol from the wine cellar into our to-go cups…we weren’t arguing over silly things. We were on the same page, no matter how different our lives were.  
I looked over at my sister…smiling.  
“Chase seems to really get along with Val.”  
“Yeah…” she laughed, shrugging. “They’re both smooth-talkers. I think Val is going to offer him a management position…I don’t know, last time I walked by that was what they were talking about.”  
“Interesting. How does mom feel about that? Speaking of…how do we feel about the fact that she’s in a serious relationship with a guy closer to our age?”  
Cal laughed loudly…chewing on her bottom lip, the skin white.  
“I guess it was kind of weird, but I’d do the same in her position. He’s hot, right?”  
“Gross.”  
“So what if he’s fucking our mom, I can still say he’s hot. No harm done.”  
“You’re ridiculous.”  
“I’m having a baby.”  
Suddenly, time froze…I felt my heart beating, and all of the noise became a dull buzz…slowly returning as I turned my head, taking in the nervous smile next to me. She stared off…eyes settling on Harry…but more so, on the tiny bodies covering him.  
“You’re not.”  
“I am.”  
“Cal…”  
“Chase knows. He’s the only one. We’re happy.”  
“I’m…I’m speechless.”  
I didn’t know how to feel…I wanted to hug her, to tell her how happy I was for them, but I didn’t know how…the idea seemed so foreign. So scary…my older sister, the one who’d gone through so much, the one who I’d tattled on thousands of times for sneaking boys into her room, for skipping class, for smoking cigarettes in the bathroom…she was going to be a mom. We surely couldn’t be that old….but the fact of the matter was, we were.  
As unconventional as a pre-marriage baby was…it was so Cal. And somehow…somehow, it worked.  
The more the idea lingered…the more the excited nerves rose…the more my smile grew.  
“Cal…”  
“Don’t make a fucking fuss over it, Rory,” she laughed lightly, a small smile spreading. She shook her head…still lost in some other world, eyes distant. “I’m scared shitless. A baby? Me? I’m going to be awful.”  
“No you’re not. The old Cal, maybe….” we both chuckled bitterly, remembering all of the bad times as if some distant idea. “But now? You’re practically a grandmother…a wine cooler puts you to sleep. Who would’ve thought that would ever be the case…”  
“Right? Pathetic, really…” she hummed, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Don’t say anything…I’m waiting to tell everyone.”  
“You’ve always been one for dramatics.”  
“Yeah, I guess.”  
“So you and Chase are good?”  
She hesitated…though the smile that came soon after was genuine.  
“Yeah. Yeah, we’re good. Weird to think you fucked him.”  
“Let’s not ever discuss that, ever again. Ew. He’s going to be my brother in law…”  
“Ew, gross, who said anything about marriage?”  
“Naturally, you have to want that…right? I mean, you’re pregnant, Cal?”  
“Yeah, but a husband? You don’t know me at all, do you?”  
I was quiet…still having a hard time grasping the situation at hand, but knowing I didn’t have much of a choice. I would be an aunt…and yet, Cal was still holding her ground…still loathed the idea of being tied to someone for the rest of her life. It was amusing, to say the least.  
“Okay. Single mom, then?”  
“Never said I’d be single. Who’s going to watch the kid if I need a night out?”  
“Oh, Cal.”  
“Speaking of single life…you and the pop prince? Back at it?”  
“He’s currently buried under multiple family members and I rode here on the back of his bike, what do you think?”  
She smiled wickedly…raising her eyebrows as she looked over at him.  
“Remember when I had a crush on him?”  
“You have no filter.”  
“Good times, good times…can’t say I’m surprised you two are back together.”  
“And why is that? I am.”  
She sighed…rolling her eyes at me.  
“Please…you know I’m the last person to believe in the true love bullshit, but I don’t think anything has ever made me as nauseous as the way you guys act around each other…I don’t know what is more sickening to watch, the way he stares at you with those big, puppy dog eyes whenever you so much as blink an eye, or the way you practically eye-fuck him every time he walks into the room.”  
“How romantic, really.”  
“Seriously, though. For awhile, I thought it was just a really, really pro-longed honeymoon phase…but you guys were broken up for way too long for that to be probable. Nope, it’s real…I have to admit, his obsession with you is pretty swoon-worthy.”  
“You just used the word swoon,” I fake gagged, wanting to lighten the mood. “It’s possible to divorce a sibling, isn’t it?”  
“You’re hilarious, Rory. But anyways…I’m knocked up, your best friend is getting married…what’s going on with you and Harry? You can’t possibly tell me you’re just seeing where it goes this time around…”  
I furrowed my eyebrows, pulling my gaze from the green one that had suddenly met mine. I looked over at my sister…ignoring the warmth spreading to my cheeks and the uneasy feeling in my stomach.  
“What do you mean?”  
“You were always way smarter than me, don’t give me that naiive shit…” she nudged my shoulder. “Private jets with expensive bottles of champagne with your husband…standing in the front row of the crowd while he sings to his wife, probably both of you wearing bullet proof vests so the little girls don’t crazy murder you…sounds like the dream, Rory. Don’t tell me you guys haven’t talked about it.”  
My heart was thumping, and I wouldn’t lie…the imagery appearing in my mind…it was nice, but terrifying…and also everything I’d ever dreamed of. But I wasn’t the kind of girl to think about her wedding, I wasn’t….until Harry had happened. I’d tried to cover all of that girly bullshit when we’d broken up, tried to pretend I hadn’t been pitiful and hadn’t spent night after night staring at the ceiling and picturing what it would be like to have Harry on one knee in front of me…but it didn’t seem real… I didn’t think he’d be back. Part of me wondered if his return was, in fact, a bigger deal than I’d tried to make it out to be…was it really for good? Could it be? Could I really have a disgustingly sweet happy ending like the movies, and could it be with my best friend? I liked to think I didn’t want that, that I was a more mature woman that didn’t need a frilly wedding and flowers and a beautiful dress and a handsome man looking at me like I was his everything…but I did. I absolutely did want that.  
“We haven’t.”  
Our conversation was put on hold…green eyes. A lopsided, clumsy walk. I smirked to myself, looking down at my lap as Harry approached us…his nipples protruding through his thin white-tee, hair pulled back into a bun, sunglasses on…his jaw was firm as he chewed his gum.  
I had to look away because I was picturing what he’d look like in a black tux…watching me as I approached down the aisle.  
“‘Mm I ineterruptin’?”  
I gave in…looking up. Though he was addressing us both, playful eyes met mine…a smirk directed only at me. I couldn’t fight my smile, blushing profusely as I looked away.  
“I was just asking my dear bitch of a sister,” Cal’s hand gripped my shoulder, squeezing. “When you were going to man up and propose. I can only imagine how trendy of a wedding it would be.”  
I was fidgeting…completely uncomfortable. Leave it to Cal to directly address one of the few things to make me squirm…I was nervous to meet his eyes, though when I did…all of my nerves were at ease. He was smirking even more…raising his eyebrows once at me.  
“Oh, right. And what did you say?”  
Carefully, I chose my words…too soon, Rory.  
“I told her that I’d marry you when you cut your hair…better known as, probably never.”  
An easy laugh fell from his lips, and I had to physically fight the urge to kiss them.  
“Sounds about right,” he hummed…though our eyes were heavy. Both of us smiling. “Want a hot dog?”  
He knew very well I hated them…and he knew I knew that. Still…an unspoken agreement was shared, and my sister sat there oblivously…my sister and her baby sat there obliviously.  
“Sure.”  
I stood up…allowing my hand to gently be taken, cold, familiar rings chilling my fingers…our arms brushed, the prior conversation was put in the back of our minds, probably having gone in one of his ears and out the other…but it lingered, for me. I thought about leaving him in less than 24 hours…I thought about going back to New York, and helping Em prepare for her wedding…I thought about Harry visiting, and helping him shop for an apartment…and I thought about what the future could bring…the possibilities were truly endless, but I couldn’t help but maybe hope…hope that for once, a fairytale ending may happen for the real life Aurora…in the form of a real life prince, with much too long, greasy hair.


	44. Chapter 44

Forty-Three ::: Harry  
The big room was full…the thick mixture of every cologne and perfume known to man was a bit dizzying, but nothing I wasn’t used to. I was well aware of the pictures being taken, but careful not to make eye contact with most of the press…few days had passed since the news about Rory and I had made headlines, and I wasn’t exactly in the mood to be harassed about it. Jet-lag was hitting with full force, and it was taking every last bit of energy to socialize properly…let alone, be questioned about my relationship.  
I noticed a familiar face…a guy from The Mirror. I nodded my head, walking over.  
“Hey mate, you good?”  
“Harry Styles, looking sharp,” the older man patted my shoulder, giving me a once over. He was balding with tiny glasses…nice guy. We’d crossed paths a time or two, had dinner. I had many similar acquaintances, but found it important to maintain contact…it was easy to find yourself surrounded by a lot of enemies if not. “Heard you’d turned up, but didn’t believe it. Didn’t know you were in London.”  
“Yeah, just landed a bit ago actually,” I ran my fingers back through my hair, hoping the gentle tug would wake me up. “You been okay? What was it, last summer we saw each other last?”  
“Great memory on ya, better than mine. Sounds about right.”  
We laughed comfortably, making small talk about the charity event we were both at. I’d donated a heavy sum…though it was worth every penny. A new children’s cancer ward was going to be put in downtown, the boys and I signing on to be sponsors. We chatted for a bit about my role in the new building, settling into a nice silence…I felt the usual stares, but chose to keep my eyes distant…wasn’t exactly in the mood, other things on my mind.  
“Keeping a good head on your shoulders?”  
“Try to, yeah.”  
“Still seeing the cute blonde?”  
My stomach twisted…that’s right. My memory apparently wasn’t so great…last time I’d seen him, Paige and I were arguing in a back hallway…he’d stumbled upon us, apologizing awkwardly.  
“Oh, erm, no. No — I’m with Rory. Erm, Aurora Thorn, yeah? Writer—”  
“Oh, the ex.”  
I coughed into my hand, nodding uncomfortably. I wasn’t sure I’d ever get used to practical strangers knowing the details of my life…things that I didn’t always want broadcasted, surely.  
“Going well?”  
“Very, yeah, thanks. Daughter good?”  
“As good as a 16-year-old can be, pain in the arse, if you ask me. Wife is better with that stuff.”  
“Yeah, makes sense,” I laughed lightly, putting my hands into my pockets. I jumped slightly as his hand met my shoulder harshly, yet again.  
“Ay, isn’t that your girl’s dad? She’s Steff’s daughter, yeah?”  
“Oh shit - yeah.”  
Clearly needed to wake the hell up…how I hadn’t noticed Rory’s father was standing barely 20 feet in front of me, for who the hell knows how long, was beyond me. I excused myself from my pal…making my way towards Mr. Thorn.  
I was a bit nervous…having not seen him in a bit, rubbing my hands together. It was unbelievable how much I saw Rory in him…but at the same time, not at all. He was comfortable in crowds, drawing attention…it frightened me how much his actions reminded me of me, really. Nice, big smile…sunglasses on, even inside…over-the-top suit, snakeskin boots…he talked like everyone was his best friend.  
“Thought that was you.”  
I chuckled, grabbing his shoulder as he glanced over it, grin growing as he threw his arms up.  
“Styles - my man! What’s up, you little shit?”  
Good ol’ Steff.  
He hugged me, patting my back as I pulled back, grinning from ear-to-ear. All else aside, he was wicked. I may have been in the same business, but I’d always be starstruck by him…he was massive.  
We stepped to the side…ignoring the attention we were drawing, clearly causing gossip to spread with our casual conversation.  
“Sorry ‘mm a bit out of it, would’ve said hi sooner. Didn’t even know you were here,” I apologized, taking in the aged man in front of me. “You been good?”  
“Great, fucking great, yeah. Over here for a few days, making my rounds…sick charity, right? Saw your name on the list, fucking great what you guys do.”  
“Yeah, thanks, thanks,” I smiled, rubbing my neck. “Right, here for a few days?”  
“Yeah, Sunday…or so I’m told, not really sure. I think I fly to Dubai around then.”  
“Meet me downtown for lunch tomorrow? My treat.”  
“You askin’ me on a date, Styles?”  
I laughed with him as he slapped my arm, cracking himself up.  
“Don’t swing that way, but fuck yeah…yeah, love European food. Just not too early, I like my sleep.”  
“How about half-one at The Met? Good burgers.”  
“English, please, fuck, kid.”  
Right.  
“Erm, 1:30, yeah?”  
He laughed wildly, nodding and patting my shoulder.  
“Sure thing, I can swing that. I’ll see you later, yeah? Get some rest, man, you look tired.”  
“Thanks, yeah, I need it.”  
The small booth in the back corner of the diner was secluded enough to be comfortable, but not completely hidden. I smiled when I saw a few girls staring…offering them a wave, and earning their approach. We chatted for a bit….they wanted to know about the new album, though even I couldn’t answer that. The boys and I were still writing…taking our time. It was a nice change from what it used to be…the constant go-go-go…we were getting our much needed rest, worrying about other things, taking time to ourselves…it was nice.  
When the girls left, I was left alone with my mind…yet again. Still drowsy, still bothered…my conversation the night before lingered, the reminder of Paige heavy on my mind…among so many other things.  
The more I sat there, waiting…the more I realized the type of person I was. It was something that would never change…I wasn’t a man who needed closure, per say, especially with a girl I truly held no deep-rooted feelings for…but I was a man with feelings, who cared about other people’s feelings. The way things were left with Paige left a bitter taste in my mouth…I left her hanging to dry, with nothing probably but ill feelings towards me.  
I didn’t care to fix things with her, but I did care about what she thought of me…I wasn’t cruel. If I found my happiness, she deserved that, too.  
I chewed on my lip…opening a blank text.  
Hey…hate to be this guy, but don’t have much of a choice. Please take this for what it’s worth.. I’m sorry things happened the way they did. Wasn’t exactly right of me. I wish you nothing but the best, Paige. Sorry for being a right prick. I hope this message finds you well.. H  
I hit send easily. There wasn’t any guilt…I was shutting a book that should never have been re-read. Before I slid the device back into my pocket, I typed out another message…one that held just as much merit, but meant much more to me.  
Hiii pretty girl. Thinking of you. Quite chilly here.. All four friends are out to play, craving your mouth. I’m awful. xxx H  
I felt my phone buzz right as I saw Steff walk in the door. Quickly, I read the message, snorting to myself when I saw Rory’s response…feeling my cheeks flush, knowing her father was steadily approaching me.  
You filthy boy. Be good. Miss you.  
“Hey, kid.”  
“Hellooo.”  
I shoved my phone away, along with any of the images of Rory fighting to make their way into my head. Wasn’t exactly appropriate while shaking her dad’s hand. He had a firm grip, sliding into the booth across from me. He took his sunglasses off, wincing and grabbing the menu.  
He read the menu with narrowed eyes, glancing up at me.  
“Doing well, Mick?”  
I laughed, going along with the overused reference.  
“Yeah, good.”  
“Look tired as hell, late night?”  
“Incredibly,” I hummed dramatically, scratching my arm and lacing my fingers on the table after. “Wild, really. Watched a film, fell asleep not even halfway through.”  
“What we all say, huh?” he smirked, raising his eyebrows and looking up at me. I cocked my head. “Don’t play around, I know how it is…being young, just coming out on the scene. You’ve been around a bit, but I know what it’s like.”  
“I’m pretty transparent, honest…over that phase, yanno?”  
“Sure thing. Like I said, what we all say.”  
I ignored what he was insinuating…instead, busying myself with dumping a few sugars into my tea…I stirred the liquid…finding myself caught up in what he was saying…did he not know I was back with Rory…?  
“Burgers are good, you said?”  
“Yeah, real good.”  
“Good. I’m getting fish.”  
He chuckled, causing me to laugh as well as he tossed his menu to the side. The waitress returned, taking our respectful orders, and leaving us to it. I slid my sleeves up, chewing on my cheek, watching as Steff focused on me.  
He leaned forward.  
“So…I was hoping to talk to you about something kind of serious.”  
“Yeah, 'course.”  
“I wanted to know your intentions with my daughter…I heard you guys are seeing each other again, and I need to be sure only the best is being offered to my daughter…”  
Any chance of complete composure went out the window…my posture stiffened as I nodded quickly, feeling my cheeks get warmer.  
“Right, yeah, of course. I mean this with the most respect, sir, but Rory is everything to me, really—”  
I stopped rambling the minute I took in his amused smile, his laughter filling the air soon after. He shook his head, shooing me off.  
“Oh cut the bullshit, I was totally kidding. Not that kind of dad, figured you knew that, probably. Rory is a big girl, she’s smart. Wouldn’t be with you if you were a complete idiot, I wouldn’t think.”  
“I’m going to say thank you, though I’m not sure that’s a compliment?” I chuckled lowly…ripping apart the empty sugar packet, keeping my hands busy. “In all seriousness, though, I wanted to apologize for the…dunno, the shit a few years back. I know it was tough on Rory, I really did do everything I possibly could-”  
“Hey, hey. Relax, man,” he sighed, brushing his hand carelessly in the air. “Whatever it is you two are up to, not my business. Like I said…us, you and me, anybody in the business…I get it. You kind of go day by day, you’re with who you’re with for that time and so on, and you just kind of live. It’s a hard lifestyle, and like I said…Rory is a big girl. You guys are young, having fun…I don’t blame you for anything you do.”  
I was quiet…no longer entertained with the shreds of paper on the table, but the casual nature of a not so casual conversation with someone I found very important…still, I said nothing…letting his words sit.  
You kind of go day by day, you’re with who you’re with for that time and so on, and you just kind of live…it’s a hard lifestyle…  
“I’m…I’m not quite sure what you mean.”  
I chose my words carefully…swallowing hard. He smiled gently, shrugging his shoulders.  
“You’re Harry Styles, kid. That’s big shoes to fill. It’s a fun time, you know? I remember that…all of the attention, all of the girls…it’s alright to have fun, that’s what you’re supposed to do.”  
“I get that bit, yeah, and I mean…I had my fun, sure, but…I hope you don’t think…”  
“Don’t think anything, really. You’re overthinking this, just saying…when I was your age…man, shit was hard, yanno? Fun, but hard…I was only a bit older when Deni had Cal…then Rory soon after. It was a lot to handle, a lot to balance…I didn’t do it well. I think your'e doing it right, exploring, having your fun…no need to get tied down too early, don’t want to make mistakes and mess it all up.”  
I was keeping calm…I knew how Steff was, Rory had explained on many occasions, I’d seen it the few times I’d spent time with him…though I was really, really bothered by his accusations…he didn’t have to say it, but I knew…he thought I was dickin’ around, and I wasn’t. I didn’t want to let that slide.  
“I mean this, I truly…really, truly do, Steff…I’m not that guy, not…” I waved my hand in the air, shaking my head. “'Mm not what they make me out to be, not so much anymore…used to be worse, but still. Rory is it for me, I want you to know. I’m a one-girl kinda guy, I am. Had my chance to…dunno, have all that. Know what you’re saying, but she’s my girl…only girl I want.”  
He was quiet…staring off at the table. Minutes passed…I wondered if he’d even been listening…if he even cared. I wanted him to care…needed him to care, because I cared…I cared about his daughter more than anything…and for her sake, I wanted him to care, too.  
Finally, he spoke…though I wasn’t sure how to take it.  
“Sure thing, yeah. Yeah, sure. Eh, anyways…tell me about that past album. I listened, sick beats…sick man, really. I like that one, pretty sure you wrote it, I heard? The one….”  
I was listening, but I wasn’t listening…was that really how he viewed me? Did he think me and Rory were just…something in passing? Was that what her entire family thought of me? I continued to talk to him…she wasn’t a topic anymore, but I couldn’t shake his words…couldn’t shake the lifestyle he was talking about.  
I didn’t want any of that…I had my fun, surely, I did…Zayn and I weren’t exactly respectful gentleman in the beginning…not bad, but not good. One girl had seemed like a waste of possibilities to me…but Rory…no, she was it. The idea of not having her was something I couldn’t grasp, never wanted to have to face…I wanted to start my future with her. I wanted her by my side, wanted her in the studio when I recorded, wanted her holding my hand at events…wanted nanny’s ring gleaming off her finger in the moonlight while we slept.  
I’d be flying back to New York in a little over a week’s time…Rory mentioned an event she was invited to, wanted me to be her date…we’d be shopping for apartments…she thought it was for me, little did she know, I was to have her pick her dream apartment…I’d buy it for us…Valentine’s Day was the day after the event…and as cliche as it was, fuck it. I didn’t want to be Steff Thorn…no, I wanted to be Harry Styles, and I didn’t want to wait any longer. I wanted Aurora Styles…and I’d be proposing on Valentine’s Day, as awfully cheesy as that was…I needed it to happen. I couldn’t wait any longer.


	45. Chapter 45

Forty-Four ::: Rory  
I felt like I was in a dream…dazed, asleep with my eyes open…the apartment was lovely. Everything I’d explained to Harry and more…brick walls, chestnut floors, high ceilings, floor-to-ceiling windows…I watched him from afar, suspicious…he spoke to the real-estate agent with narrowed eyes, a firm jaw, nodding with purpose…he was in it…just as energized, just as passionate as he had been the minute he showed up at me doorstep…  
“You’re early — your hair!”  
I didn’t have time to let anything settle - the sexy green trench coat, the enticing eyes that matched, or the sleek, short hair - for I was pushed backwards, the large black duffel was dropped on the ground, the door was slammed, and suddenly…my jeans were tugged to my ankles, along with my frilly pink thong…  
Right there, in the entryway, he fell to his knees…giving me no time to question a single thing…except maybe, how I’d gotten so lucky. Once he was satisfied with his actions, my thighs shaking and trembling, he then carried me to my room…throwing me onto the bed before stripping down to nothing and joining me, ripping my button-up open as the buttons bounced onto the ground…  
He was persistent, determined, panting, groaning…I wasn’t sure what had gotten into him, but there was a fire in his eyes…a different emotion in his movements, keeping him going, going, going…by the time he was finished, I was an absolute puddle…desperately holding onto his neck, holding onto the only thing I’d ever known…and somehow, like he always would, he transformed from a sturdy, strong, powerful man…to a sweet, gentle boy, cradling me in his arms, whispering how much he loved me into my ear…all I wanted to do was sleep, but he wouldn’t have it.  
He had started a shower for us both, the biggest grin on his face.  
“No time to nap yet, Rory. We have a few places to go look at.”  
“Today? Can’t that wait? I’m…Jesus, Harry, I’m tired…I don’t know if I can—”  
Again, I picked up on this sparkle in his eyes…this very, very subtle trembling in his fingertips as he gently took my hand within his…  
“We can sleep later, baby doll. Come on, please? For me.”  
How could I say no?  
“Do you like it?”  
I was snapped from my wicked daydream, shaking my head subtly as Harry approached me…he asked quietly, purposefully…he bowed his head slightly, as if careful to keep the conversation just between us. I was still too mesmerized by how clean-cut he looked to acknowledge anything else…gently sliding my hands into the sides of his coat, squeezing his middle through his thin sweater. He smelled like home…he smiled down at me, carefully observing my every move.  
“Hm?” he pushed, warm lips pressing to my forehead. “This the one?”  
I smirked up at him…enthralled by how beautiful, how content he seemed…I didn’t understand where his energy had come from…he should have been jet-lagged, exhausted…but he looked like he slept for years. Soft cheeks, rosy glow, a smile that met not only his mouth, but his eyes…he looked amazing, though still…I could feel his hands on my hips. He was jittery…like he’d had too much coffee.  
“It’s your place, not mine. Shouldn’t you be asking yourself that?”  
He shrugged, licking his bottom lip…eyes never leaving mine.  
“You’ll be over a lot, I reckon. Need my lady happy.”  
“I love it,” I honestly replied, glancing around. “I really, really love it.”  
“Like, how much?” his smile faltered slightly as he narrowed his eyes, really, really watching me. “Just…you love it a lot, yeah?”  
“You’re acting so weird…”  
“I’m about to buy it, Rory, kind of want to make the right decision.”  
I sighed…holding him…pretending we were the only people in the room, looking around…I knew it was the right choice because when I looked at the empty room we were standing in, I could see him…I could see his couches being moved in, I could see his paintings on the walls, I could see his books scattered all over the coffee table covered in records that we’d made…it all screamed Harry.  
I hummed…flushed, feeling his eyes still heavy on me.  
“Yeah…yeah, this is the one, Harry. No doubt about it. This is it.”  
It was strange…the first one we’d seen, yet, I just knew.  
He grinned…a tightlipped smile, but so deep that his dimples looked painful. He nodded once before walking off towards the patient woman who had a smile on her face. She knew she was about to make great commission, but I knew he was happy…that was all that mattered.  
A quiet dinner had been shared with soft conversation and gentle eyes. The nearby rooftop lounge was just what I needed to end an already wonderful day…I spent the majority of the meal lost in the way his eyes were sparkling with the bright lights of the city skyline…he spent most of his time silent, staring off…staring at me.  
When we got back to the apartment, I was taken aback. I was told to sit on the end of the bed and strip down to my underwear…assuming it was his way of politely getting between my legs again, I decided that he could handle a little fight from me…I was sleepy. I crawled up the bed, laying my head on the pillows in just my bralette and matching black lace underwear. I shut my eyes…startled when I felt a gentle nudge of my shoulder.  
Peaking open my eyes, I took in the scene in front of me…a sheepish smile, those same happy eyes…he stood in a pair of sleek black briefs, running his hand through his much-shorter frock. He nudged his head towards the bathroom.  
“Come.”  
I couldn’t think of a worthy reply, so I simply allowed him to take my fingertips…gently tugging me behind him. When we reached the cold room, I felt my heart warm…I held his hand a little tighter.  
I wasn’t sure what exactly had gotten into him, but I was so…so thankful. The bathtub was full, bubbles everywhere…it smelled of roses. The lights were dimmed, his laptop was perched on the counter, the music low but audible…a few candles were lit, scattered around the tub and on the vanity…  
“Harry…”  
“Go on.”  
“What’s this for?”  
“I have to have a reason?” he laughed lightly, chills shooting up my spine as his thumb caressed my lower back. “Go on, get in. It’s warm, not too hot.”  
Just how I liked it. I swallowed…keeping my gratitude to myself, unsure of why he had felt the need to be so…so…well, Harry, for the day. He was always sweet, but I felt like even he was overdoing himself.  
I felt his gaze nearly burning through my back as I stripped from my minimal remaining clothing, subtly taking just a bit longer to pull my thong from around my ankles…I stepped into the water, immediately feeling any tension in my muscles ease as I slid down, pressing my back and neck against the side…letting the warmth completely capture every inch of me as I sank down further, the bottom half of my hair submerging and spreading around my back.  
I shut my eyes…a low gasp falling from my lips as I felt two strong hands grip my shoulders, massaging the skin, the muscles…  
“Oh, Harry…”  
He said nothing…merely continued his gentle assault. I allowed my eyes to fall shut again, and though my cheeks flushed with the proposal, I couldn’t stay silent.  
“Will you get in?”  
He hummed quietly to himself, and I gave in…slightly glancing over my shoulder. He had a small smile as he pulled his briefs down, letting them pool around his ankles before stepping out of them. He gently tapped my shoulder, asking for me to scoot forward….the water rose with the addition of one more body. He carefully sat behind me, his knees on either side of me…I felt my heart beating incredibly fast as he grabbed my biceps with just the tips of his fingers, easing me back…my back pressing against his chest, my head falling back onto his shoulder.  
“You good?” he whispered, rubbing up and down my arms. I closed my eyes, melting into him. He chuckled softly. “Take that as a yes.”  
I let him continue his gentle assault…complete puddy in his hands…he was so touchy, consistently rubbing my skin, easing any bit of stress out…the water was only lukewarm around us, but I was scorching.  
He rest his chin on my shoulder, his breath tickling my earlobe as goosebumps spread across my dry skin.  
“Hear that?”  
I listened carefully, smiling to myself. He took the small gesture as an answer.  
“Remember?” he muttered, kissing the base of my neck slowly. “Remember this?”  
‘Piano Man’ was playing…it didn’t match the mood at all, but of course I remembered…still, I wanted to hear Harry…needed to hear him explain.  
“Mm. Refresh my memory.”  
He chuckled…pressing a few kisses against my shoulder as his hands submerged underneath the water, wrapping around my middle, his arms overlapping.  
“Dingy bar, I may have stalked you a bit. Ring a bell?”  
I giggled…allowing my eyes to open, looking down at our toes resting on the side of the tub, barely peaking out from under the water.  
“You thought you were really smooth.”  
“Quite the opposite, actually,” he easily admitted, his chest shaking with an amused scoff. “I knew very well I’d be pegged as a creep. Niall told me to leave, I wouldn’t.”  
“Why not?”  
“Hot girl inside, how could I?”  
“Pig.”  
“Noo,” he gently protested, another kiss to my shoulder. “I fancied you quite a lot, even then.”  
“How cute,” I joked, earning a sharp squeeze that caused me to laugh. “I’m just kidding, chill.”  
“It was cute, I reckon. You didn’t think so.”  
I hummed…remembering the evening like it was yesterday. I was hesitant…though, thought there would be no better time to admit something I’d never told him.  
“I thought you looked very handsome that night.”  
“Really?” he asked, and I could hear the massive grin. “The truth comes out.”  
“I wasn’t mean to you, Harry.”  
“Weren’t exactly nice.”  
I huffed, but he only nuzzled his face further into my neck, sponging kisses everywhere as I squirmed. His hot breath tickled my ear again.  
“I liked that you were a bitch to me. Liked it a lot, actually.”  
“Strange boy, you are.”  
“No. No, it was nice…a nice change.”  
“I know…I think we’ve settled on the fact that you were a ladies man, no need to talk about it.”  
We both laughed, knowing I was completely joking, but also not…when the song changed, I began to pick up on a pattern…the Stones were playing…could have been a coincidence, but it was that particular song…  
“Did you make a playlist for tonight?”  
Harry’s silence answered my question as I giggled…though, all I wanted to do was spin around and hug him with everything I had.  
“What’s tonight?” I pressed quietly…watching his hands wander, my smile faltering. He gently cupped my breasts…squeezing tenderly, but knowingly as my head dropped back onto his shoulder. My heart was racing, though his actions were slow, languid.  
“Have to have an occasion?” he mumbled, and I knew he was watching the way his hands were working me up. A kiss to my shoulder. “Trip down memory lane…”  
“What for?”  
I was surprised by the weakness of my own voice…he continued rubbing, picking up his pace, increasing the pressure…  
He didn’t answer my question…I felt the rate of his own heart picking up, thudding against my back, his thighs squeezing my hips…he was hard against my lower back, though we were in no rush…  
“I remember when I realized I loved you…” he admitted softly, barely speaking over the music. “Was a bit before I told you.”  
“Yeah?”  
I was pretty much gasping for air, hanging on the edge of the cliff, ready for him to just push…I couldn’t take his fingers on me, I couldn’t handle his heavy breathing shaking me…I couldn’t stifle the desperate moan from leaving my lips as his hand slowly slid down, down, down under the water…between my legs. I whimpered as he began rubbing, slow circles….  
“Yeah…”  
His answer was firm, but gravelly…still, he was insistent on telling me the rest of his story…I wasn’t sure why he was so adament, making sure everything was under his control since he’d arrived…  
“’'Mm…Halloween. I was Miley.”  
I didn’t want to talk about it…I wanted to flip around and straddle him, but I was also intrigued…never having heard what he was saying. He continued rubbing, though slowed his actions, his other hand holding my hip.  
“Yeah?”  
He chuckled, knowing I was repeating myself over and over because I couldn’t find any other words.  
“'Mm. You didn’t show at the party…I was confused, didn’t understand why you didn’t want to come out and drink on one of the biggest nights of the year…then I left and showed up at your place, and you made some stupid joke in the hallway, and your…”  
He laughed, quieting himself…as if embarassed. The more he spoke, the more my focus was not on his skilled hands…but his heart, his sweet and random confession.  
“You had on sweats, your hair was…dunno, messy, in a bun…no makeup…came in, saw you were watching a movie and eatin’ junk food…and you just…I dunno. Things clicked…'cause if it were anyone else, I probably would have thought about how lame it was to be in on Halloween…and seeing you…seeing you there, dunno. At the time I didn’t know what it was, but I think that’s when I realized…this girl is something. Because seeing you in your sweats, laughin’ at me…I knew you needed to meet mum and Gem the next day. Just knew.”  
I couldn’t stop myself from turning around and climbing onto him…I wrapped my arms around his neck, and he didn’t fight me as I pressed our lips together. It was heavy, heated, passionate…his tongue was slow, sliding against mine, his hands lazy as they grabbed my hips…I knew I was being grabby, desperate, rushed, but I needed him…the water was nearly sloshing over the sides.  
“Baby — baby, wait,” he gasped out quietly, stalling my actions as he gripped my hips to stop them from rubbing back and forth against his. His voice was raspy, broken, clearly as worked up as I was. “Wait. Wait, wait, wait.”  
“For what?” I cried, causing him to smirk, cheeks flushed. He slid out from under me, climbing out of the tub as my jaw dropped. “You’re joking, Styles!”  
I shouted after him as he laughed to himself, wiping off his feet and disappearing out of the room.  
“You can’t say that stuff and then leave!”  
Yet, he had. I was left in the dim, romantic lighting…Coldplay playing…'Yellow’, to be exact. I brought my knees to my chest before pulling the plug…watching the water drain…  
Look at the stars…look how they shine for you…  
Another song that meant more to he and I than most. I remembered the day dancing in our living room while the power was out…it was raining, heavily…I couldn’t help but wonder what he was up to…why he was being just a step above his usual sweetness…it was then that I began piecing things together.  
The hair. The happy-go-lucky mood. The tub, the playlist, the random confessions…  
Before I could stop myself from assuming things, I was smiling…grinning from ear-to-ear.  
Don’t even go there, Rory.  
The chances were slim…it was too soon…wasn’t it? He couldn’t be…  
Before I had anymore time to explore my crazed suspicions, Harry returned…smiling, holding two fluffy white robes and two glasses of red wine, somehow, without spilling either of them.  
“M'lady.”  
I stepped out of the tub…unable to stop smiling. He was doing the same, and I knew we probably looked like two idiots.  
I laughed, taking the robe…realizing he had warmed them in the dryer.  
“You goob.”  
“I’m a romantic, baby, what can I say?” he playfully growled, pecking my lips quickly as he slid on his own robe, handing me a glass as I finished putting mine on. “Cheers.”  
“To what?”  
“Dunno, Valentine’s Day is in two days.”  
“And you know I despise that holiday.”  
He grinned even more, if that were possible, clinking our glasses together.  
“You are a very unconventional woman, Aurora. Leave it to you to hate the day of romance.”  
“It’s fake and phony.”  
“Right, well. Did you enjoy tonight?”  
I raised my eyebrows, completely done with his games…his robe was loose. I threw back the entire glass of wine, watching his eyes widen. I grabbed his glass, setting it on the counter before blowing out the candles and grabbing his hand, pulling him into the bedroom.  
I spun around, cupping his cheeks and kissing him slowly, moaning into the kiss, knowing what it did to him…he groaned, tongue sliding against mine, catching every one of my noises as I tugged his robe off before doing the same with mine. I grabbed his hips, backing us up so I could fall onto the bed but he stopped me.  
“Rory…”  
His thumbs rubbed over my cheeks, and for the thousandth time since he’d been back…he was looking at me so heavily I thought I was going to faint. The moonlight danced in his eyes…his eyebrows furrowed, jaw firm as he licked his lips and rubbed them together, carefully piecing his words together before speaking them.  
“I love you so much, baby.”  
My heart was pounding…my eyes were teary, though he didn’t say a word. I just smiled…nodding slowly.  
“Love you so, so much, Rory…you’re my everything, yeah?”  
“And you’re mine,” I hummed quietly, pecking his lips…again, his hands… “Harry, you’re shaking a little…are you alright?”  
My heart was pounding…he didn’t reply…could he be about to…?  
Though I wasn’t exactly disappointed, I was left wondering…wondering if maybe, just maybe, Cal was right…were we ready to take the plunge?  
I wouldn’t know that night…he gently pushed me back onto the bed, crawling between my legs…kissing my neck, my chest, my collar bones, my breasts, my chin, my cheeks my nose, my forehead, and finally, my lips…I watched, drunk on him as he licked the entirety of his palm, reaching down with slitted eyes as he wrapped his hand around himself, rubbing up and down a few times…  
“Ready?” he asked gently, kissing my lips as he positioned himself. “Beautiful, Rory.”  
I couldn’t find words, or even a single breath, as he slid himself into me…pushing further and further until I was sure the possibility of obtaining air wasn’t possible. He watched me carefully as he slid out, then back in…out, then back in…I didn’t realize how badly my nails were digging into his shoulders until I saw him wince, shutting his eyes and increasing the force of his hips with each thrust.  
“Oh…oh, Harry.”  
“Baby…baby,” he gasped, pressing his forehead against mine, keeping stationary as he held me to him, only moving his hips rapidly. “'Mm, you feel so good, Rory, so damn good, always, fuck.”  
I wrapped my legs around him…holding him to me by the back of his neck, keeping my eyes locked on his as he worked us both with every ounce of him in every single movement. I couldn’t describe how it felt, how he felt…I’d never get used to how loved I’d always feel when it came to intimacy with him…  
“My girl,” he groaned, moaning awfully loud, sucking on my collar bone…I held him, cradled him, never wanted to let go…he looked at me like nobody I’d ever seen before do. “I love you, I love you.”  
Our moment didn’t last very long…ten to fifteen minutes at most, but there was something in the air…there was something in the way he was looking at me, something in the way he didn’t give either of us time to come down, the way he immediately pulled me into his chest and wrapped his arms around my shoulders and kissed the top of my head over and over again…the way he whispered through my hair another 'I love you’ through his struggled breaths, as if he needed to tell me in that moment, even though he’d told me so many times throughout the day…  
We were stepping out in public the next morning, and Valentine’s Day was the day following…still, I had a hunch…something was telling me he was up to something, but I pushed it to the back of my mind…partially not wanting to get my hopes up, and partially not wanting to ruin whatever it was he had planned…I couldn’t think of anything that could top the day we’d just spent together, though…  
All I knew for sure, was that I’d never felt so fucking happy.


	46. Chapter 46

Forty-Five ::: Rory  
I had been excited for the start of New York Fashion Week…thrilled I had been invited to some of my favorite designers’ shows, yet, by the time Harry and I were on our way to the launch party, I wanted nothing more than to turn around and continue being selfish, keeping my man to myself.  
We sat in the backseat of the chaffeur car…comfortably quiet. I played with his fingers, which were placed in my lap…spun his rings around them, ran my nails up and down his knuckles…he watched with silent awe as I gave him my full attention, turning and pressing my lips to the pulse point in his neck…causing him to hum ever so gently under his breath. He smelled nice, but looked even nicer. So handsome.  
“Can we just go back?” I whispered softly, only partially teasing. He smiled a small smile…eyes focused on our interlaced hands. “Crawl back into bed, snuggle…maybe do a little more than that…”  
He snorted, the warm air tickling my cheek as he turned his head down to face me.  
“Been a dirty girl lately, Thorn…” he hummed, pecking my cheek. “I’m struggling to keep up.”  
I merely winked at him, though we both knew it was all in good humor. He and I both knew very well that our time spent at home not partaking in sinful activities was just as good…all morning, he’d been humming Sinatra, smiling like a little boy, dancing around. He brought me breakfast in bed. We’d gotten ready with flirty eyes, he’d taken pictures of me in my dress telling me how pretty I looked…I was living a fairytale. He continued to act a bit off, but I brushed it off, enjoying him.  
I looked up at him once more…his eyes curious as I smiled gently, carefully, slowly piecing my words together.  
“Why did you cut your hair?”  
He pursed his lips, unwavering. Casual smile.  
“You’ve been tellin’ me to for months…years, really. Always said you like it shorter.”  
I ignored the last bit, keeping my eyes focused on his.  
“And for months, or years, you’ve laughed me off…I know you liked it long.”  
He simply nodded once. I swallowed the lump in my throat.  
“Why now?”  
He didn’t miss a beat.  
“Now is as good a time as any, in'nit?”  
The subtlest of smirks…just the briefest of movements, the raise of the corner of his lip…and then it was gone, his eyes pulled from mine.  
Somehow, that was all I was getting…and somehow, that was just enough to get my heart racing.  
We arrived at the venue. The red carpet was bustling with activity, I could already see through the windows. Harry was calm…his thumb rubbing the back of my hand. I would have felt calm, except our previous conversation had me slightly flustered.  
A purposeful squeeze of my hand pulled me from my daze, along with a warm smile.  
He raised his eyebrows playfully.  
“Ready to do this again?”  
I easily leaned forward, pressing my lips to his. I knew we were like meat, and we were about to throw ourselves out to the lions…being secretive and mysterious could only last so long. We weren’t doing it anymore. I was proud to call him mine, and I knew better than anyone he was happy to call me his…things were going to get crazy, but I didn’t care anymore. If it meant having Harry…I liked crazy. I loved it.  
He pecked me once more, grinning wildly.  
“You’re pretty great, aren’t you?”  
“Damn right. Now let’s go, so we can hurry up and go home.”  
He chuckled, pressing one last kiss to the top of my knuckles before opening the door. Immediately…shouting, so much shouting…but Harry and I were flushed, smiling…our hands were clammy, again, his were trembling….but only slightly.  
As I stepped out, I looked over at him…a smile was sent my way…he squeezed my hand once, then ushered us forward. The flashes were incessant, but for the first time, both of our names were being called…and it felt good.  
We stopped…posing for pictures. I felt his arm wrap around my lower back as he smiled at them, and I smiled up at him…I was taken aback when he turned, kissing me very quickly, but causing hysteria as he became beet-red, laughing to himself as he grabbed my hand and pulled me away.  
I was in shock, blushing myself, eyes wide…but happy, so happy.  
“What was that about?” I asked him into his ear as he smirked over at me, eyes glistening with pride.  
“Felt like it.”  
I leaned up again…the words flowing from my lips without a second thought.  
“I’m the luckiest girl in the world, Harry.”  
I was in a dream, surely. His eyes twinkled. He smiled down at me, though that was a constant. The reporters were mad…badgering us with questions, looking at us with hungry eyes…we handled it well, or, at least I thought we did…I was too enamored with him to notice.  
Throughout it all…all of the press, all of the attention, all of the chaos…he never let me go. His grip on my hand was comfortably loose, but also pridefully tight. I couldn’t help but think that idea applied to our relationship as a whole…we’d been through so, so much. No couple should have undergone all of the horrible things we dealt with, yet there we were…somehow. We’d held on for a reason…there was no doubt in my mind that just one more slip would have ended us for good, yet, we’d fought long and hard…we’d made it, and I was so glad.  
It was in that moment - standing there, by his side - that I solidified my decision.  
Cal was right. I was ready to marry Harry. I was ready, and I wanted to.  
I spontaneously leaned up, pressing my lips to his jawline. The action took him off guard…his eyes were so, so happy. Pink lips moved, though no sound came out.  
Always my girl.  
We continued to make our way towards the main set of doors, holding onto each other. We didn’t have to speak, we were content…ready to make our entrance. Once inside, we went about the same activities as outside. People still wanted their pictures, wanted their quotes, wanted their gossip. We did it all with pleasure, focusing on how great it felt to finally be stress-free and out in the open.  
“Do you want a drink?”  
I tugged on Harry’s arm as he parted ways with a guy he somehow knew. He glanced over at me, again, his lips meeting mine. I felt the heat rush to my cheeks and chest, unable to get enough of him as his eyes crinkled at the corners when he pulled away. Clearly, he was feeling the same high.  
“I do, can I get you something?”  
“I’ll just come with you.”  
He playfully rolled his eyes, huffing.  
“Clingy one, you are.”  
We walked towards the drink table, only being stopped momentarily…Harry was a hot commodity, but it was nice to be spoken to like my voice mattered, too. My career was still new, but I could already feel the change that I’d been craving. We finally got to the table as I scanned the assortment of drinks, trying to decide what I wanted.  
I’m not sure what I noticed first — the cold air meeting my palm, or the gasps from all around us. All I knew was that in a matter of what felt like milliseconds, Harry was stumbling backwards from the impact of a fist to his nose, ripped from my grasp.  
My immediate reaction was shock, and then anger. The guy who had attacked him was pretty big, tan, dark hair. I’d never seen him before, nor did I really care who he was. I gripped Harry’s shoulders, pushing him backwards as he covered his nose with his hand. He stared right past me…his eyes were no longer full of love and happiness. They were stone cold, and I didn’t understand why he wasn’t diving forward, trying to defend himself.  
“Piece of shit,” the guy laughed, though security was quickly grabbing him by the arms, pulling him away. “Fucking asshole, fucking my girl for a god damn year! Piece of shit!”  
My hands remained on Harry’s shoulders, though they stopped gently rubbing them. Slowly, I turned around…watching them usher the guy out.  
…fucking my girl for a god damn year…  
“Hey, you guys need to leave.”  
I looked over, staring at the tall man with an earpiece as he motioned to Harry and I. I was stunned…I didn’t move, didn’t reply.  
…fucking my girl for a god damn year…  
I could feel Harry’s gentle pestering, his fingertips taking my bicep…his quiet, let’s go, Rory, we need to go. His eyes were sad. Everything around me was a buzz, but I turned around once more. I looked back at where the guy had been, my eyes meeting two familiar ones.  
Blonde hair. Brown eyes. Black dress.  
Green.  
No…  
The puzzle fit together. Green. Olive green. Around her neck.  
No.  
Paige. Paige was wearing the scarf I’d given Harry our first Christmas together.  
She didn’t look pleased…nor spiteful. I wasn’t sure what hurt worse…the fact that she looked at me with pity, or the fact that she really, truly…had no idea that the accessory she was wearing held my entire heart.  
The feeling that settled over me was something I couldn’t describe in words, or anything, really. I felt his hand grab mine, but my heart wasn’t pitter-pattering with adoration…it was steady.  
Thump, thump, thump.  
People were staring. Flashes were going off. Security was surrounding us, taking us down a backhallway.  
I could hear him, but I didn’t hear him. I let my hand fall from his grasp, pulling it from his reach when he went to grab it again. I wouldn’t look at him.  
“Rory…please, Rory, let me explain—”  
“We need to leave, we just need to leave.”  
I’m pretty sure he was still talking, I wasn’t sure. All I could see was green…the images were constant. I remembered taking my favorite dress out of the closet…smiling when I thought of what he’d said to me the first time I’d worn it. You always look pretty, Rory, but…that, you in…you’re perfect. I’d taken scissors to it. Cut off just the right size, already picturing it wrapped around his head on stage. I wanted him to think of me when he was away…remembered the way he smiled when he opened it, remembered how he’d worn it when he said goodbye…worn it so many times while he performed, with me in mind…  
“Rory…”  
I gave in. I was weak, I gave in. Maybe his eyes would have meant something…maybe. The first thing I noticed was blood — harsh, dark, disgusting blood — staining his pale, spotless skin. I looked away.  
“We need to just leave, please.”  
Security ushered us out. I felt his arm around my back, pulling me through the mess. So many flashes, I was seeing spots. The minute we climbed into the car, I scooted to the other side of the seat, staring straight ahead.  
Shouting, yelling, questioning — to silence.  
I could literally feel him looking at me, feel his emotions leaving his body with each pained breath that fell from his dishonest lips. I wouldn’t look.  
“Rory.”  
“Where to?”  
The driver glanced back at us in the rearview, eyes uncomfortable as he immediately looked away. Harry cleared his throat.  
“Erm—”  
“My apartment, thanks.”  
I spoke briefly, monotonously.  
The ride wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle. I was numb. I was only hearing snippets of what Harry was rambling about, but nothing was settling.  
“Please…don’t know how…must have…just grabbed the scarf…”  
I didn’t care to hear, I didn’t want to hear.  
“…meant nothing…please…zero…absolutely nothing…didn’t know…only you…swear it…”  
Each explanation was just an addition of details that I didn’t want to know about…care to know about.  
“…sorry, so sorry…please…please…”  
I felt warmth…he’d scooted closer. My teeth were clenched down so hard that the muscles in my jaw ached. He reached for me.  
“No.”  
“Rory.”  
My eyes dropped. His hand was frozen, stopped right above my wrist. Waiting for me to give in.  
His fingers were trembling. I could hear him swallowing. He inhaled a shaky breath, taking my silence as permission. He went to grip my arm.  
“Don’t fucking touch me.”  
And his hand was gone. He didn’t scoot away. I could see in my peripherals…he was hunched over. Buried his face into his hands. I stared out the window…focused on the geometrics, the sharp lines of buildings, the unyielding angles. He may have been crying, I wasn’t sure. I didn’t look over.  
I recognized the building as we pulled up. I didn’t budge. The driver didn’t look back, didn’t smile and offer his help like usual. No, his head was down.  
Harry had lifted his head, I assumed. Again, I felt his gaze. I knew he was waiting, wondering, hoping I’d make a move…get out of the car.  
“Rory—”  
“There’s a spare key under the mat. Get your things and go, please.”  
“No…no—”  
His voice was pathetic, breaking. I wouldn’t look at him. I didn’t want to look into eyes that I thought would never betray me…only to realize they had been, for so long. Just like so many others had.  
“Lock up, you can just put the key back where it was.”  
“Don’t go, don’t…please…”  
I didn’t reply. I leaned my forehead against the cold window…shutting my eyes.  
Soon enough, I felt the seat shift…heard the door open, heard the door shut.  
Soft eyes met mine in the small mirror, hesitating.  
“Where to, Miss Thorn?”  
The lump in my throat was painful.  
“Just drive, please.”


	47. Chapter 47

Forty-Six ::: Harry  
The room was spinning. I stood in the living room, walking back and forth. The only sound I could hear was my heartbeat, throbbing violently against my chest. It was painful.  
Over and over, I tugged on the roots of my hair. It felt foreign…so short…  
“No…”  
I barely made it onto the edge of the couch, catching my elbows on my knees as I buried my face into my sweaty palms.  
“Fuck…fuck.”  
I didn’t even wince when my fingers caught my nose, a sharp pain shooting upwards.  
I was going to be sick.  
My legs trembled as I made my way to the bathroom…buckling, stopping in the doorway…the candles were still everywhere…I was so dizzy, but I couldn’t even bring myself to just throw up, get it out of my system…  
What the hell had just happened?  
I turned around, looking at the familiar bedroom…everything…everything was her, smelled of her, looked like her…it was all…it was all her…  
My bag. It sat in the corner, nearly empty…my shirts were hanging in her closet, pants neatly folded in one of her drawers…I walked towards the entryway of the closet, glancing in…  
She wanted me to pack. She wanted me to pack and leave.  
Before I knew it, I was pacing back into the bathroom. I didn’t look in the mirror. I didn’t want to look into my eyes, didn’t want to face myself…it was all of my fault…every bit of it.  
I turned on the faucet, cupping the ice cold water and splashing it over my face, wiping…the water was a pinkish color, tainted by my blood…  
Ringing. My phone was ringing.  
I nearly tripped over myself, going towards the sound. My phone was lighting up, vibrating on the couch.  
It had to be her. It had to.  
I grabbed it, answering without saying a word, waiting.  
“Harry?”  
My shoulders fell. I shut my eyes.  
“Yeah…yeah, me.”  
Jeff.  
“Had the sunflowers sent to the restaurant, everything looks good. Glenne says exactly what you described. You getting nervous? You sound a wreck.”  
I slid down…my back resting against the wall until I was on the floor. I pulled my knees up to my chest, resting my elbows on them, shutting my eyes.  
“You there, man?”  
“Thanks, Jeff.”  
“Sure thing, you alright? Don’t really sound like a guy who should be proposing in less than 24 hours.”  
His laugh was like a punch to the gut, but his words may have well been a bullet to my chest.  
“Call you later. Thanks.”  
I hung up, dropping my phone with a loud crash onto the floor.  
My mind was everywhere. I raked my fingers through my hair. I looked at my watch.  
She’d been gone for nearly three hours somehow. Surely she’d be coming back…I wasn’t leaving without explaining. No. I’d fix it. I could fix it.  
I stood back up, again, nearly falling. I nodded to myself…pacing back and forth, rubbing my fingertips over my bottom lip.  
I could explain…if she’d just listen, I could just explain…  
Checked my watch again. Three hours and four minutes since she’d left. No call, no text…she was coming back, she had to. She’d come around. She’d listen. She had to.  
How did I not notice Paige had taken THAT scarf? How the fuck didn’t I notice?  
I could tell Rory…I could just tell her I would never have given Paige that scarf, never would have let her take it…tell her how I was drunk so much of the time, just tell her…she’d listen, I knew she would. She loved me, she’d listen. She had to. She would.  
Three hours and nine minutes.  
I fought the urge to text her, to call her…she was fine, definitely. She was just angry, probably cooling off. I didn’t like the idea of her out and about so late…it was coming on midnight. She’d be back soon.  
Kept walking…just around. Thinking. I could save us. I could do it. I fucked up, bad…I really fucked up, but I’d fix it. She’d listen to me.  
After four hours and twenty-seven minutes of walking in circles, I began to worry. She wasn’t back. She’d come back…she’d come back.  
I gave in, dialing her number.  
Voicemail.  
Shit.  
I sat on the couch…rested my elbows on my knees…I stood back up, walking around.  
I called again.  
Voicemail.  
My throat was so dry…I swallowed, felt like I couldn’t breathe.  
I called again…just one more time, maybe she’d answer. Maybe she was on the other line, trying to call me.  
Voicemail.  
It was late…it was so late, where could she be?  
I rang the first person I could think of.  
“Harry — my man! What’s up?”  
“Bryce. Hey, mate, yeah, just…have you talked to Rory, by, erm, any chance? She there…with like…with Em, maybe?”  
Please.  
“Uh, nope, no. Not here. Everything good?”  
“You…you’d tell me, yeah? If she…if she were there? I just…I need to know, she really…she’s not there?”  
“No, Em is sitting next to me…have you heard from Rory? Nope. Is…is everything okay? You sound a bit weird, not going to lie.”  
His laugh…stop fucking laughing…  
I shut my eyes, tugging on my hair.  
“Yeah, great, yeah, okay. Call me if she turns up, yeah?”  
“Should…should we be worried? Is she—?”  
“No, good. We’re good, great, yeah. Thanks…thanks, Bryce.”  
They clearly hadn’t seen the news, and they didn’t need to…I just needed time…I needed Rory to come home. I just needed to see her, to tell her I was sorry.  
There’s a spare key under the mat. Get your things and go, please.  
She didn’t mean it. No matter how angry she was, no matter how hurt…if she’d just hear me out, I could fix it…I could explain. It was Rory…my Rory. She’d hear me out, I knew she would. I’d just put off the proposal for awhile…prove to her how much I loved her, how much I regretted not telling her…  
The night dragged on. On and on and on. I couldn’t sleep, there was no way…she wasn’t back. I called. I called and called and called, nothing. Voicemail, over and over again.  
The sun was just coming up…I was staring at a crack in the wood floors…sitting on the couch, just staring. I looked at my watch. It was 5:43. She’d been gone all night. It was Valentine’s Day.  
The click of the door.  
I stumbled to my feet, walking towards the door. It slowly opened.  
“Rory.”  
She was still in her dress. She looked tired. Her face…stoic.  
I swallowed hard. She hesitated, stepping inside…brushing right past me.  
“Rory, we…please, let me talk. We need to…we need to talk. Where have you - I just, please listen, please listen to me.”  
I stopped talking, watching her. Her actions were purposeful. She walked around, tidying up things in the kitchen. She wouldn’t even look at me.  
“Rory…”  
She walked towards the bedroom. I followed her, not knowing what to say or do to fix it. If I could just get her to sit down…to just look at me…  
“Rory, you have to hear me out, please…please, baby-”  
“Don’t.”  
“Okay, I - sorry, I won’t. I…can we sit? Can we…can we just sit down for a minute?”  
Her back was to me. She stood at the dresser. Head down.  
I swallowed…standing where I was, not wanting to push her further by walking towards her.  
“Aurora Thorn, I would never…I never meant to hurt you. I…I didn’t want to tell you because I knew you’d think it was more than it was. The scarf…I didn’t….I didn’t know, Rory—”  
“I asked you to pack and leave.”  
I felt goosebumps raise on my arms. Her voice…she’d never spoken to me in that way. No emotion, just nothing. Not even when we first met did she speak to me like that.  
She was putting on a cover…she was hurting. I just had to…I needed to explain.  
“I know, I just…I need you to listen. Please…please just…”  
I stepped closer…she turned around, eyes boring into mine. I stopped moving. I felt my bottom lip trembling.  
Those eyes…those beautiful eyes, so full of spunk and life…love…they were empty. Achingly, painfully, tragically empty.  
She took a minute, staring at me coldly.  
“I asked you to leave for a reason. I…” she shook her head…never looking away. “I’m done. I’m so done. I don’t want to hear a word, I don’t…I’m beyond that. This is too much. You aren’t who I thought you were.”  
“Rory, no—”  
“Leave, Harry. Leave. I don’t want to hear a word of it, just go. I need you out, I need you…I need you out.”  
Everything shattered to pieces. I don’t know how I remained standing. I stood, speechless. I felt the sob threaten to leave my throat, but I held it in…hoping she’d change her mind in those few seconds. She didn’t show anything. I nodded.  
“Yeah. Yeah, I…yeah, okay, yeah.”  
I was a mess, trying to keep it all inside. My hands…I grabbed anything in sight that I recognized as mine, just carelessly shoving things into my bag…I turned around, heading for the closet, nearly bumping right into her. She moved out of my way, sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at the floor.  
“Sorry, sorry, I just – sorry.”  
I stumbled over towards the closet, grabbing my things, knocking hangers onto the floor.  
“Shit…”  
I bent down, grabbing them, making a bigger mess as my shaking hands dropped a few. They cluttered against one another as I hung them back up, carrying my shirts over to my bag, shoving them in…grabbing my charger, shoving it in…when I turned around, Rory was gone from the bed.  
She walked out of the closet…hands full.  
“Don’t forget these.”  
She threw the pile of fabric on top of my bag…and my composure crumbled.  
The tears stung my cheeks as they silently slid down…the shirts I’d left her when we’d broken up…the shirts she’d always slept in…she didn’t want them.  
“Rory…” I choked out, looking over at her. Nothing. “Please…please…”  
She looked away…crossing her arms.  
“Driver is still outside. If you hurry, you can catch him.”  
I deserved every bit of how she was treating me, but it was hitting me like bricks. I nodded once…crying like a baby, quietly. I shoved them into my bag, grabbing it and throwing it over my shoulder in a hurry.  
She looked at me and I froze.  
She hesitated before talking…looking away.  
“You should change. Press are outside. It’ll look bad if you’re in the clothes from last night. Hurry up.”  
I nodded…shaking the entire time, stepping into the bathroom and feeling it hit me a second time…our night had been so…so good. I ruined it. I ruined everything.  
When I walked out, she was laying in bed…facing away from me, still in her dress. I made no noise, but she knew.  
“Go.”  
It felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest, the pressure, the pain…I wanted to say something, anything…but I knew. I didn’t have that right. I didn’t deserve it. She didn’t want to hear it.  
Without a word, I left…I kept my eyes forward, slid my sunglasses on as I made it outside. Told the driver to take me to the airport. I’d fly home…I’d fly to London, or something. I needed…I needed something, I wasn’t sure…wasn’t sure what…  
We were at the airport. I wasn’t sure how or when we got there, but we did.  
The door opened, and shouts…so many screams, shouting, flashing, it was too much…I was tugged by my arm, nearly dropping my things as I shoved by the people.  
I was directed down a back hallway. I wasn’t spoken to.  
I hadn’t realized I’d just stopped…stopped in the middle of the hallway.  
The guy stared at me, raising his eyebrows.  
“I…may I…is there - can I, erm, restroom?”  
He nodded…ushering me down another hallway, waiting outside.  
I walked in, shutting the door…one room stall.  
I locked it.  
I slid down the wall…my hands were shaking so bad I could barely grip the zipper. I opened my bag, digging…digging…  
Small. Blue. Velvet.  
I opened the box.  
Glistening, pure, beautiful.  
I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t breathe at all…I gripped my chest, shutting my eyes….I heard the box hit the ground, but I did nothing about it…I clawed at my hair, ripping my sunglasses off and tossing them aside…I was gasping, sobbing, my body was aching so badly as it shook with each cry.  
She was done with me…I lost her…I lost it all, I lost everything, I lost her….  
All my fucking fault…piece of shit….all my fault….  
She was gone. She hated me…my everything, my world…I wanted her to have my kids…needed her to…she was done with me…  
“Harry….Harry…?”  
My phone was in my hand, somehow. I didn’t remember dialing…  
“Mum….oh god, mum…”  
“Harry - are you - what’s happened? Are you okay? Sweetheart…sweetheart, talk to me?”


	48. Chapter 48

Forty-Seven ::: Rory  
Familiar blue eyes met mine as I walked quickly towards the back corner of the diner, smiling as I did my best to catch my breath. My bag clattered onto the table as I lifted it, dropping it with a thud as I slid into the empty side of the torn black leather booth.  
“Surprised you found me so easily.”  
“Creepy guy sitting by himself in the corner smiling? Stood out like a sore thumb, really.”  
Casey laughed easily, running his hand over his face. I could feel the stares all around us, but I truly couldn’t care less…they could stare all they wanted. They had been, for weeks.  
I leaned onto my elbows, motioning to Casey’s newfound facial hair with a cringe.  
“Can’t say I approve of the roadkill currently covering half of your face. You should have that checked out? Pretty sure animal control could take care of it.”  
“You’re funny,” Casey raised his eyebrows, playfully shoving my purse towards me in a lazy attempt to move it. I grabbed it, setting it on the seat next to me. “There is an incredibly witty response waiting on the tip of my tongue, but insults to women are highly frowned upon.”  
I grinned, rolling my eyes as I grabbed one of the menus, scanning it.  
“Such a gentleman.”  
The atmosphere between us was light…easy. We hadn’t spoken in awhile, and I blamed myself for that. I peaked over my menu, taking him in as he also studied the laminated sheet of paper in front of him. He looked good…happy. Rested. Better than before.  
“How have you been, stranger?”  
My tone had changed, and he took note. He smiled gently…nodding very slowly.  
“I could ask you the same.”  
“I asked first.”  
“Fair enough.”  
Our waitress interrupted, going through the usual routine of introduction and overly-friendly conversation. Casey ordered a burger and fries with a milkshake, while I just got a coffee. When ‘Melanie’ walked away, I received a strange look.  
“Coffee? Really? You said we were meeting for lunch, now you’re making me feel self-concious.”  
I laughed, shrugging.  
“I’m a writer, it’s only natural.”  
“Right,” he scoffed. “Better take it black then.”  
“Naturally.”  
A comfortable silence settled, his eyes still warm, casual. He blew out a long breath…tossing his crumpled up straw wrapper at my face.  
“You’re still as fiesty as ever, so I can’t imagine too much has changed,” he chuckled. “What have you been up to?”  
“Plotting your death…”  
“Again, so funny.”  
“That takes up most of my time. Other than that…” I sighed, drawing random invisible artwork with my fingertip on the table. The surface was cold. “Just…the usual.”  
“I’m hanging on your every word, really.”  
I shot him a threatening glare. He smiled innocently, though I knew he expected more than I offered…I wasn’t opposed to letting him into my current world, though he would be the first.  
Chewing on my cheek, I continued.  
“I may be working on a new novel.”  
This took him offguard…I nervously glanced up, before looking back down at the table…writing my name over and over again as my nail scraped against the tabletop.  
He didn’t push, just waited.  
“Yeah, I think it’s…it’s something, definitely.”  
“Good for you, really. More than I can say I’ve accomplished since last I saw you. Shit job, going nowhere…what’s this book about?”  
I avoided his eyes…shutting my own. I could see the words on the page…could feel every bit of it.  
I looked up at him, humming with a smile.  
“Um, okay. Basically, there’s this girl…I can’t give away too much, because it’s in the beginning stages. She’s kind of…I don’t know, she’s tough. She’s this really awesome, brutal lawyer…has a broken relationship with her father, who ends up needing her help. I’m going to introduce this love interest…this guy, he’s the stark opposite of her…sweet, just…I don’t know. Different, unsuspecting. I haven’t gotten that far, but it’s like…a dramatic portrayal of how important certain bonds in life are, and how they can interfere with a person’s sense of worth and themselves…I don’t know. It’s coming pretty quick, I’ve already met with my editor and he loves it.”  
Casey was quiet….staring down at his hands, nodding. I waited…swallowing.  
“But yeah, that’s about it. If I look tired, that’s why…kind of all I’ve been doing with my time.”  
I was interrupted…hearing my phone buzzing from my bag. I didn’t even look…didn’t have to, or want to. It was surely someone I’d been avoiding…there were multiple possible suspects.  
“Sounds good, Rory,” Casey finally said, smiling at me, though it seemed forced. “Yeah, really good.”  
“Thank you. So, what about you?”  
He sighed…that same smile. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. The waitress returned with our orders, setting his meal and my drink in front of me. As promised, I sipped it as it was…black, bitter. Casey tossed a fry in his mouth…hesitating to speak, but not for long.  
“Before we move onto my boring life, are we going to acknowledge the massive elephant in the room?”  
“Problem number two that animal control could fix. Should I just call them up real quick?”  
He chuckled, but the sound didn’t comfort me…I watched as he took a bite from his burger, buying time as he chewed. I glanced away, finding it easier to look at strangers than into his eyes. I sipped my coffee, enjoying the burn as it slid down my throat.  
“Come on, Rory,” he licked his bottom lip, focusing on my eyes. I looked at him…giving him my best obnoxious smile. “Cute, but I’m not buying it. Are you doing okay?”  
“Great.”  
“I’m pretty stupid, but not that stupid.”  
“Debatable.”  
I was no longer even receiving fake smiles…he just stared at me, concern deeply etched into his features.  
“Really, are you okay? That…well, that sucked pretty fucking bad…I can only imagine how it probably feels, but to have it broadcasted? Assholes keep replaying the video, talking about it…”  
I winced, laughing lightly as I sipped from my mug.  
“Sorry, I…” he sighed, tapping his fingers on the table. He stopped eating. “I just wanted to make sure you’re alright.”  
“I’m fine.”  
“Rory…”  
“Really…” I laughed, and the sound echoed in my chest…shaking, rattling…it ached just a little, but I blamed the much-too-hot coffee. “Shit happens, as the cliche goes. True colors come out at some point. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me…must I continue?”  
“You don’t honestly believe the shit they’re saying, though?”  
“They aren’t rumors, Casey, they got the gist of it on tape. It’s factual. Forever documented.”  
“But you at least heard him out?”  
“I forgot that you’re really good friends with Harry, and clearly are trying to help him out here.”  
“No, I’m….as a friend, knowing a decent amount about your relationship with him…” he chose his words carefully, as he should have. “Just don’t like seeing you become bitter over it. It’s shitty, I’m not standing up for whatever happened, though I’m not sure I even know—”  
“He betrayed me, wasn’t who I thought he was. End of story. Done, moving forward.”  
“Right.”  
If I wasn’t mistaken, Casey seemed bothered. He stared at me. I merely shrugged, nodding curtly.  
“But hey, now we can be single buddies again. I can come tease you about how feminine you are for owning a hair dryer, you can force me to watch football with you. It’s a win-win, really.”  
He was scratching the back of his neck. He offered me a smile…though it was surely a fake one, yet again.  
“About that….”  
“You don’t like football anymore? Thank God. Meatheads in skin-tight spandex aren’t really my thing.”  
“I met someone.”  
The news wasn’t surprising. Casey was a good looking guy…down-to-earth, smart, funny…it wasn’t a feeling of jealousy that spread, not at all. It wasn’t pleasant, though.  
I smiled…nodding my head to re-enforce the confession to settle.  
“Oh. Cool, yeah. Who is she?”  
“Her name is Gwen…met her through Bryce, actually,” he flushed, looking at me with hesitant eyes. “She’s…yeah, I really like her. It’s been a few months now, I hope you can meet her sometime.”  
“Yeah, I’d love to.”  
I wanted to be convincing. Of course I wanted to meet his girlfriend…but, that probably meant he’d be bringing her over to Em and Bryce’s. So it would be me, Em and Bryce, Casey and Gwen…  
“Yeah. I’d…sometime soon, I hope.”  
My hands were shaking. Idiot. I’d turned into my apartment complex and nearly gotten t-boned by some guy driving like a Nascar driver. Asshole. I knew I was a little sleepy, but surely, it hadn’t been my fault.  
As I cilmbed the stairs, I calmed down a little. My mind drifted back to lunch…well, to coffee, for me at least. Casey looked good, so happy…he found someone. I was happy for him. I was.  
Reaching my floor, I stopped at the top of the stairs…preparing myself. I stared at the wall ahead of me…knowing very well the chances of a bouqet or something being at my doorstep was likely. Whatever it was would be thrown out without a second glance…it always was.  
I huffed, turning the corner…walking, walking, walking. There was a slight dip in the wall where the delivery people usually felt the need to set whatever it was I’d been sent…thinking they were cute, thinking the surprise would be welcomed. Neither was true.  
To my surprise, the spot on the ground was empty. Cold. Lifeless.  
Good.  
I shook it off…beginning to dig through my bag…search for my keys. It was a mess. A cluttered disarray of junk. There would always come a time when I’d curse myself for being such a slob, but never would I fix it. It wasn’t in the cards for me. A lot of things weren’t in the cards for me.  
“Hey. Rory?”  
It wasn’t the direct address that caused me to drop my bag. My neighbors were friendly enough, it wouldn’t be surprising for them to acknowledge me if we happened to cross paths at the right time…  
But it was that voice.  
I didn’t allow eye contact to be held, for I felt my stomach plummet. Blonde hair, brown eyes….green.  
I dropped down, grabbing my purse and slinging it over my shoulder, my hand more determined as I blindly searched. I returned to my full height…giving in, looking up.  
She was pretty. She was. I had no idea why she was fucking standing there, with that fucking scarf in her hands, looking at me like that.  
Actually, I had a pretty good idea.  
“I can’t believe he put you up to this.”  
I turned…hating how her face was engraved in my mind.  
How did she look under him as he put his dick inside her? Better than me? How good did it feel for him? Did he tell her how tight she was, that she felt so fucking good? Or maybe she was on top? Did he like her on top, did he like to watch her blonde hair fall back as he made her arch her back, telling her to come just one more time? Did he smile up at her as she bounced on top of him? Did he laugh that laugh where his eyes crinkled at the corners when he whispered old song lyrics into her ear? Did he tell her she was pretty as he came, holding her hips, desperately driving his hips into her, over and over and over and over and over…?  
“He didn’t…Harry didn’t ask me to come here.”  
“So you’re just an idiot then.”  
Where the fuck were my keys?  
Nearly dropping my bag again, I realized my attempt to blatantly get away from her wasn’t happening. My purse was serving as a black hole, and I had a hunch that with my luck, the keys would not be found in time to avoid the terribly uncomfortable interaction with quite possibly the last person on earth that I’d ever want to speak directly to.  
She was quiet…watching me. I wished more than anything that my hands weren’t trembling so badly.  
I gave in, looking at her, shutting off any emotional ties.  
“Look, Paige, I don’t know why you’re here, but—”  
“I waited until things died down. I know the media has been horrible to you…I…he hasn’t been seen, you’ve been taking the brunt of it-”  
“-but I don’t care,” I ignored her train of thought, trying to finish what I was saying with a steady voice. “I don’t care why you’re here, alright? You owe me nothing.”  
“I know that, I did nothing wrong, technically.”  
I was taken aback…she licked her bottom lip. I pictured his tongue, on hers.  
“Right. Nice talking to you.”  
I was on the verge of just leaving, going out to my car, going somewhere. Anywhere else.  
She extended her hand…the olive green accessory mocking me, yet again.  
“I don’t want that.”  
“I saw…I…Rory, I may not have done anything wrong with Harry, but what happened at the launch party…that was awful. It was my fault, it was-”  
“I don’t want to do this, you aren’t listening to me. I don’t care-”  
“And honestly?” she huffed, losing her patience with me. “I’m here for Harry. Okay? I saw the way you looked at my neck like it was some awful thing that night…I know this must have some meaning to you. I’m…I’m a horrible person for cheating on my boyfriend for that long, but the truth is I care about Harry.”  
“Good for fucking you.”  
I began to walk away, but she gripped my arm. I retracted, feeling a burning sensation where she touched. Wanting to escape, feeling cornered.  
“And all he ever cared about was you.”  
“Why are you telling me this?” I laughed, my voice cracking. I hated it. I cleared my throat. She was still holding the scarf out to me…it was getting annoying. I snatched it, carelessly shoving it into my bag. “Okay, there, I took it. Happy? You can leave, I don’t want to hear another word.”  
She watched me. I watched the tips of my shoes. The air was heavy. My chest felt like I was being suffocated, only room for one of us in the hallway. I would gladly leave, even though she should have been the one doing so.  
“He said your name so many times, Rory…I knew. I knew he was with me to forget you, I knew that the entire time. I think you should know that.”  
“Yeah, awesome, okay. You can go.”  
“He cried…”  
Did he, though? You sure he wasn’t just crying out your name as he shot into you? Time and time again…over a year’s worth of time…  
“He cried for you on multiple occasions. I know that sounds so stupid, but it was pitiful, it really was…I’ve known him for a long time, and for him to just disappear…he cares about you so much, he never stopped. Maybe it’s weird of me to feel the need to do this, to explain what happened, but I just…he’s a good guy, he deserves the best. He didn’t do anything wrong. He tried to get over you, and he failed…miserably. I’m sorry I had to ruin that night…I’m sorry I caused anything bad. I really am. And I’m not the kind of girl to do this, I’m not. For Harry…for him, I will. Okay? Take that for what it’s worth.”  
“I don’t care.”  
“Well, you should. You really…” she sighed, a sad noise falling from her lips. I looked away. I kept picturing him kissing her. “You really should care. I’m sorry about the scarf…or, at least I think I am. Like I said…the way you looked at it. I knew I did something wrong by taking it…I just took it one night, drunk. I was stupidly drunk, he wasn’t even paying attention to me. I put it on and was bitching about how he was ignoring me,” she scoffed, but I didn’t face her. “Forgot I even had it until recently…”  
“I really don’t care-” I interrupted, blurting out the words. I was clutching my bag tightly to my chest. “Just…go, okay? Please, you didn’t have to do this.”  
“I know that. We aren’t friends, I’m not trying to be your friend. I just know what’s right. So there, I said it.”  
My door was still shut. My keys were still not found, yet I stood at my door, holding the handle. Holding onto something tangible. I didn’t want to look at her again.  
“Maybe you have other reasons to be mad at Harry, but I’m not one of them. I was his slut…his outlet. I wish that were different, but that’s the truth. He’s a good person, with a good heart…and I’m telling you from a girl that wishes it had been different. I wanted to be his girl…but it was always you. Do whatever you want with that.”  
I shut my eyes….listening to her black boots clicking as she walked away…down the hallway…down the stairs. I felt like I could even hear them as she made her way to the car, in the parking lot.  
I reached in my bag…the soft fabric of the scarf tickling my hand. I jerked away from it, my hands landing on my keys right away. It took me multiple tries to steady my hand…to unlock the door. I slammed it behind me.  
I set my things on the counter, but I made sure to grab the one thing out of my bag that I didn’t want there. I gripped it tightly…my knuckles were white. I set it on the countertop…I looked at it. The coloring was slightly faded, from being worn so many times.  
I sat in one of the barstools. Each time my eyes would look at green, they’d dart away. Green.  
Green.  
My elbows began to hurt from leaning on the marble. I glanced over my shoulder. I wasn’t sure how much time had passed…a lot, apparently. The sun was going down. My stomach was rumbling.  
My heels met the floor sharply as I jumped down…I reached the few feet ahead of me, grabbing the scarf. I paced to the trashcan, opening it. Throwing it in.  
It’s just a scarf, Rory. That’s all. Just…just a scarf.  
I wasn’t hungry anymore. I heard my phone buzzing. I was tired, whoever it was…they could wait. I walked to my bedroom, quietly shutting the door. I fell asleep on top of the covers…curled up into a ball.


	49. Chapter 49

Forty-Eight ::: Rory  
I could hear the happy laughter, the squeels, the excited pleasantries…apparently, a bridal shower trumped the noise-controlling strength of iron front doors. The noises were consistent…warm, even. I felt like a stranger to my own body, standing there, staring at the toes of my ballet flats…at my floral dress, at the wrapped gift in my hands, at the overly-welcoming ‘welcome’ mat decorated with cute little kittens.  
I knew the reality of the situation was awful. I should have been genuinely smiling, happy. Should have been early, helping Em get ready for the party, mingling with her family…  
The Xanax took the edge off, but didn’t make my smile more convincing.  
I took a deep breath…my knuckles meeting the cold, hard surface three times. Footsteps. The door opened and I was hit with a nauseating wave of sickeningly sweet smells. I grinned.  
“Rory!”  
“Hi Mrs. Adams.”  
I was pulled into a suffocatingly tight hug by the second nicest person I’d known in my entire life; Em’s mother. Em took first place, but really, it was more of a tie. The cutesy middle-aged housewife smelled of champagne and her signature scent; Hilfiger Woman, Cheerfully Pink. Her body was petite, as it always had been, and her voice was loud, as it always had been. She wobbled slightly, leading me to believe they’d been celebrating already.  
“Oh my gosh, dear, you look magnificent! Just like your father, oh my gosh, it’s been too long!”  
“I know, way too long.”  
“Come in! Come in, we were just doing a toast!”  
Of course making my way inside was the plan, but the death grip on my arm stripped me of any other option. I was ushered forward, the door slamming shut behind me. Any bit of temporary pleasure to see the quiet, calm, empty living room was absolutely obliterated as I was directed into the kitchen.  
So many girls…women…smiling faces, raised glasses, way too many pastels. I was beginning to wonder if it was Easter and I didn’t get the memo. I felt so incredibly out of place, as if they could somehow sense the tension in my shoulders, the weight on my chest.  
Introductions were made, and it seemed as if my suspicions had been off. They all seemed completely obvlivious…probably having already thrown back a few too many mimosas. The women of Bryce’s family were spot on….dark hair, excited eyes…out of his two sisters, it didn’t take me long to peg which one was which. The constant stare and nervous laughter every time I spoke gave way that Hayden must have been the boyband fan. Well, one particular boyband…one particular member. I was uncomfortable, but I tried not to focus on it.  
“Hey.”  
“Hey.”  
It was easier to avoid Em’s gaze in a room full of people. I hugged her…felt the additional squeeze, but pulled away fast enough to escape. We hadn’t spoken in weeks…by my choice. She kept sideglancing me as I set her gift on the table with the other gifts, grabbing a glass and raising it along with the rest of them.  
If it hadn’t been made clear before, it was in that moment; Mrs. Adams was respectfully trashed…her toast continued for the better of five minutes, and wasn’t short of tears and blubbered promises. Em rolled her eyes, and the rest of us listened politely and did our best not to laugh. We all sipped the sweet but strong substance before making our way to the living room to take our seats on the couch, a few of us helping carry the gifts on the way.  
I was the last to make my way out of the kitchen, thankfully. I hesitated at the table…grabbing the remaining gifts and taking a deep breath before turning around, startled to nearly run into someone.  
“Oh, sorry,” I smiled, rubbing Em’s grandmother’s back. She was frail and a bit hard of hearing. “How are you, Nanna A?”  
By the small smile on her perfectly pink pout, I could tell she didn’t hear me. She squinted at me through narrowed eyes, her glasses resting on the bridge of her nose.  
“Rory, is that you, dear?”  
“Yes, how are you?”  
Again, I wasn’t quite sure she heard me as I laced our arms, directing her towards the living room. I slowed my pace, making sure to help her balance as we walked. She still hadn’t answered me, but I didn’t expect her to. She was adorable, bringing a true smile to my face as I glanced at her jeans, purple sweater, and floral-print Keds. Always so fashionable, no matter how old.  
“Rory, where is that handsome young man I saw in pictures with you?”  
“Hm?”  
I heard her perfectly fine. She was forgetful, a bit delusional. I shouldn’t have let her words hit me like they did. Somehow, as if by some miracle, she heard my short response.  
“I said, where is that handsome young man-?”  
“Nanna, let’s get you in the living room, okay?”  
Em’s entrance was perfectly timed, but also purposeful. I saw the unsure look she gave me before she quickly looked away, taking the other side of her grandmother and helping her walk. I kept my hold until we’d gotten into the other room, helping her find an empty seat. Again, Hayden was staring…I looked at her, she looked away.  
I remained quiet as gifts were opened, choosing to fall into the background. I found as much joy as I could in just watching the excitement on Em’s face…seeing her open the personalized lingerie, the matching mugs, the gift cards…I could only imagine what she felt like. Preparing to spend her life with her best friend…I was sure it probably felt like everything. I felt nothing.  
“Pictures! Rory, get over here!”  
I stood up, just to please Em’s mom…sitting next to Em, posing. I smiled. I smiled, and I smiled, and I smiled…the first picture was blurry. Hayden watched me. Someone took a selfie on accident. Hayden looked away. The flash didn’t go off. Hayden was staring again. Picture after picture after picture…I put on this act that I simply could not hold. My mood was worsening, and I hated myself for it. It was Em’s day. Not mine.  
“You’re doing so well, sweetheart, I can’t imagine what you’re going through.”  
Bryce’s mother meant well, but the soft whisper in my ear felt like a thousand bullets had been launched at my heart. I smiled…Hayden was staring at me. Her older sister, Larissa, nudged her subtly, but not so subtly. I mouthed an it’s alright, even though I didn’t mean it.  
The afternoon had come, and the last of the guests were leaving. I said my goodbyes, hugged my hugs. I wanted to join them. I wanted to go home, to be alone. No matter how I felt, I knew what was right. Em’s mom and grandma needed to catch a cab to the hotel…Nanna was sleepy, needed her nap. Em would be alone to clean up the mess, and frankly, I would never forgive myself if I bailed on her, even if she would. I’d been checked out long enough…I owed my best friend more than that.  
The minute the door shut, an easy smile was directed my way. I offered one back, but it didn’t feel right, nor last long.  
“Well, that was fun,” she sighed as we made our way into the kitchen. I began to carry all of the empty glasses towards the sink, setting them in the bottom before turning on the hot water and squirting soap over them. “My mom is so hammered.”  
I snorted, my back to her as I began scrubbing the dainty glasses.  
“She’s so funny, hasn’t changed a bit.”  
“Never. She’s annoying as hell, though.”  
I didn’t say anything…didn’t need to. I continued to do the dishes, hearing her walk out of the room. Thankful that she did. The tension in the air was truly suffocating. I knew I was being a bit dramatic, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t help it.  
When she came back in, I could tell just in the hesitance of her steps that she wanted to say something.  
“Hm?”  
“Um, your phone was ringing.”  
My heart skipped a beat, but it wasn’t an enjoyable feeling. I scrubbed a bit harder, my knuckles turning white. She couldn’t see my face.  
“Oh. Who was it?”  
I prayed she didn’t say what I thought she was going to say.  
“Richard?”  
Somehow, I felt my stomach drop and my spirits lift at the same time. Not what I thought.  
“Oh, yeah, my editor.”  
“You’re writing again?”  
“Uh, yeah.”  
I looked down as she rounded the counter, facing me from the other side. She leaned on it casually, and I could feel her eyes boring into my forehead. I focused on the glasses and loading them into the dishwasher.  
“A book? Or just—?”  
“A book. Fiction. Just getting started.”  
“Interesting. Can I please say what I want to say and stop beating around the bush?”  
“You were going to anyway, weren’t you?” I looked up, offering her a brief smile to ease the bite. I wasn’t intending to be mean. I didn’t have a right, I’d been a shitty friend recently. Completely having fallen off the face of the earth. “Listening.”  
“I know what happened sucked big time. I know it’s disgusting how much the media has focused on it, and I think Harry’s a complete coward for going into hiding and leaving you to cope alone. That being said…”  
I didn’t want to hear anymore, but again…I didn’t have the right to snap. I truly didn’t. I’d ignored her for nearly three weeks, and all she wanted to do was help. I was trying to get that through my head, to at least try not to shut her out. To turn on the off switch.  
“I need to make sure you’re okay. Are you?”  
“Yeah, I’m good.”  
The silence that followed was expected, and I knew what was going through her head. I hated it.  
“Okay…”  
“Yeah, I’m alright. Really.”  
“Has he tried to talk to you?”  
“Um…yeah. Yeah, it’s been dwindling.”  
“Have you replied?”  
“No.”  
“Not once?”  
“No, Em.”  
I stopped myself…realizing I’d finished the dishes, realizing I’d slammed the dishwasher shut. I shut my eyes, taking a deep breath. I looked over at her.  
“I’m okay, though. Honest.”  
I escaped her pitiful stare, walking into the living room…opening up a trash bag, beginning to gather the wrapping paper. I noticed Em walk in the room…saw out of the corner of my eye she was slowly mirroring my actions.  
I nearly threw away a card, grabbing it quickly. My eyes scanned over the words.  
….so happy for you and my loudmouth of a son. I’m so happy he found his best friend, the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with…  
I set it aside carefully, shutting it.  
So much wrapping paper. I crumpled it…over and over again, shoving it into the trash. She was moving slow…watching me.  
“Have you heard him out, Rory? Just wondering.”  
“No.”  
“Um…are you going to? I trust your call…you’re the smartest person I know, and like I said, he’s a coward for letting you deal with the brunt of the attention…but do you think maybe you should-?”  
“I heard enough, Paige, like, stopped by the other day, told me some stuff. Don’t really believe it, but she explained.”  
Silence.  
Silence.  
Silence.  
“What?”  
I paused my movements, taking a deep breath and looking up at her. She was stunned. Looking at me as if I had two heads.  
“Yeah.”  
“She came to you? Paige?”  
“Yes.”  
“The Paige?”  
“No, the other fucking one.”  
I clenched my jaw, sighing. I dropped my eyes to my shoes.  
“I’m sorry. Yes, the Paige.”  
“Rory, my god….you should have called me? I don’t…what did she say? Are you alright?”  
“Some bullshit about how he was hung up on me the entire time, that she took the scarf, I don’t know-”  
“What scarf?”  
“It doesn’t matter, alright? Just…I’m fine. I’m fine. We need to focus on the mental preparation of getting you ready for the wedding, which - if I may remind you - is in less than two months.”  
She said nothing. She was frowning, my prior confession processing.  
“A May wedding. You’ve been dreaming of this your entire life, I’m waiting for the meltdown. Should I have a tranquilizer on hand?”  
“Rory.”  
“That’s my name.”  
“Rory…”  
I turned my back. No more.  
“Drop it, Em.”  
“Rory, it’s okay to not be okay. Just…tell me what is going on in your head. Please? Please. I know you’re probably really, really hurt…anyone would be, but you really should-”  
“Move forward.”  
She was quiet…eyebrows furrowed, lips pursed. She went to speak, but I smiled and shook my head.  
“I’m okay. Focus on your wedding. Okay? This isn’t about me….definitely not right now. I’m alright, we need to just spend the next 50-some odd days pampering you so you can get your disgustingly cheesy dream wedding. Sound good?”  
She huffed. Her eyes were heavy…so heavy. They looked between the two of my eyes, but she looked away.  
“Right. Yeah, okay. If that’s what you think is best.”  
“It is.”  
“Rory, please talk if you need to. Okay? You know I’m here. Bryce is here. Casey is here, your family-”  
“I’m fine, Em.”  
I sat in the dark, the receiver pressed to my ear. My bedroom was cold. My knees were to my chest. I was still in the dress from the shower, staring at the wall as I anxiously waited.  
“Okay.”  
I let out a quiet breath of relief as the aged critic spoke on the other line. Richard and I had known each other for a brief few weeks…Jane assured me he was the best editor out there. I’d primarily done all of the editing for Bittersweet which delayed the release by nearly a year…we didn’t want to do that again. It was a new book, a new chance…I’d done well with sales before, but I wanted to do even better.  
Still, it took a lot of trust on my part to allow someone else to nitpick my work. We were two strong personalities, yet to clash, but I knew it would happen at some point.  
“Okay, this outline is stronger. How much do you have written?”  
“Um…”  
I ran my finger over my comforter. It sunk down.  
“A few chapters.”  
“Good progress. I like the father figure, he’s…a bit of a mess.”  
“You have no idea…”  
He chuckled, coughing heavily after. A smoker. Tough. Harsh.  
“Girl is likable. When are you introducing the male figure? And name?”  
“I haven’t thought of one quite yet.”  
“Right, get on that. And the ending…I know it’s just an outline, but the ending is…well, frankly, it’s empty. Any progress there?”  
Fuck no.  
“A little but not much. I’m…I don’t know, I think the ending is going to be the punch in the gut kind. A cynical perspective. We’ll see.”  
“Okay. You know I’m only saying this because you pay me to…”  
“Go ahead.”  
“Get on it. Keep writing. Get the nitty-gritty bits out…drink if you have to, delve deeper into the story, into your characters. The ending should tell itself. You should be summarizing what the readers see throughout in the ending. Won’t be hard once you’ve written a little more, gotten a better feel for your characters.”  
Nothing I didn’t know.  
“Okay. Thank you, I’ll check back in later in the week.”  
“Great. Let’s say two weeks out, you get me a draft of what you have written. That’s when you’re flying home, right?”  
“Yeah, I’ll be in LA at the end of the month.”  
I wasn’t sure how I’d make it that far, but I would.  
“Sounds good. Talk soon.”  
When the phone was tossed aside, the numbing silence returned. I thought of lighting a fire..but I didn’t. I thought of calling Em…but I didn’t. I thought that maybe I should eat some more…but I didn’t. I changed into sweats…I went over to my desk, turned on the light, pulled out my journal…and I did the one thing I could invest every bit of myself into that wouldn’t hurt me on impact.  
I fell asleep on my desk for the sixth night in a row. My phone didn’t buzz or ring again. I didn’t care.


	50. Chapter 50

Forty-Nine ::: Harry  
My eyes were fighting to stay open. The film was shit, but had somehow kept my attention for nearly an hour. Boy fell in love with girl. Girl was perfect. Boy fucked it all up. Sounded about right.  
Without much of a second thought, I returned to my safe place…under the covers of my childhood bed. It was warm, dark. Mum liked having me home. I liked being away from reality. I knew it couldn’t last forever, but sleep…lots and lots of sleep was all I wanted. I remained in a constant state of exhaustion…only worsening the cycle by laying around all of the time. I didn’t care.  
I peaked my head out from under the sheets as the door opened swiftly, immediately regretting my curiosity. Mum would knock first…mum wouldn’t leave the blinding hallway light on.  
I watched as Gem paced across the room, turning the telly off. Shoving my head back down, I used one of my pillows to shield my sore eyes.  
“Was watchin’ that.”  
“Sure you were.”  
I heard her open the blinds, but the pain was delayed a few seconds. The pillow was ripped from my grasp violently as I groaned, turning onto my stomach, hiding my face into the mattress. She’d left for a few days…clearly had come back with a stick up her arse.  
The bed swayed slightly as she sat down by my feet. I took a deep breath…melting into the bed, but not making it far. A sharp punch to my shin stunted any progress.  
“Well that fuckin’ hurt. Geez, Gem.”  
I grumbled curse words under my breath, narrowing my eyes as I reached out from under the covers and down, rubbing my aching leg. I met her eyes for the first time, receiving a harsh scowl. She was dressed up, but I didn’t have the energy to ask where she’d been…nor did I truly care.  
I layed back down, facing away from her.  
“You’re a filthy pig, Harry, it smells like ball sweat in here.”  
“Then get out.”  
“You’re absolutely ridiculous.”  
Footsteps. I tugged the covers up more, wrapping them around my bare shoulders. I shut my eyes…trying to shut my inconsiderate sibling out.  
“Sweet pea, you should get up.”  
“Right mum, because that tactic is going to get his lazy arse out of bed. This is pathetic, really. Why have you let him do this?”  
“Gemma, leave him alone. He’s hurtin’ right now, give him a break.”  
“He smells like shit.”  
“Honey, your sister is right. Have a shower, yeah?”  
“You have to make him, mum. He’s not going to listen.”  
“I’m right here, yeah? I can hear you?” I looked over at the two arguing, causing them to stop. Mum’s eyes fell, so I looked at Gem. “Leave me alonnnnneeeee.”  
“See? See!”  
I collapsed again, attempting to tune them out, failing awfully.  
“Harry, pet, go spend some time with your friends maybe. You’ll feel better if you get out some.”  
“I’m good here, mum.”  
“You’re unbelievable,” Gemma snapped, pulling the covers from me. The cold air was miserable as I curled up, glaring down at her. “You’re a mess, Harry. Look at you, in your damn skivvies. When’s the last time you washed up? Ate a proper meal?”  
“I bring him food, Gemma. He’s eating fine.”  
“You are fucking joking me.”  
“Language.”  
“Will you both kindly leave me be? ‘Mm not botherin’ anybody.”  
“You should really eat. What would you like? I’ll make you something.”  
“Mum, don’t. Do not encourage this behaviour, he has things he should be doing.”  
I rolled my eyes, shifting onto my back. I rubbed my hands over my face as they continued to go back and forth. I had a headache. My entire body was sore. The huff, followed by thick silence, was much welcomed when mum left the room to fetch me lunch.  
“You know what, Harry? I’m going to take a picture of you just like that.”  
“Go for it.”  
“Just like that. Legs open, dirty underwear, greasy hair. Bags under your eyes. I’m going to get a really good one, and send it right on over to Rory, yeah?”  
That snapped me from my daze. I sat forward, grabbing for her phone…which wasn’t even in her hands. She smirked at me, but I just groaned, successfully grabbing the comforter back and wrapping it around myself.  
She was quiet…but not for long.  
“Give me one good reason not to do exactly as I said.”  
“Because that’s fuckin’ mental, Gem. Leave me be. Please.”  
“It’s more than you can say you’ve done. Hm? Where’s my persistent, annoying brother? Where is the boy that won’t shut up about his girl, where is he? All I see is a coward.”  
“I tried, Gem. She doesn’t want anythin’ to do with me. Go away.”  
“You tried? You tried? How, Harry? How have you tried? All I see is you poutin’–”  
She really needed to stop.  
“Yes, I’ve tried. I sent her presents, she doesn’t want them. Called, texted, won’t answer. I deserve this, Gemma, alright? I deserve this. I fucked it up. Now will you please…please let me sleep.”  
“You’re a coward, Harry. Presents isn’t trying, sitting here isn’t trying.”  
I didn’t bother replying, knowing it would be worthless. There wasn’t a single person who understood how I felt…not one. I could only imagine how Rory felt…but I surely felt worse…  
“What kind of a man sits back and does nothing? You’ve literally been here for weeks, Harry, wallowing in your pain. It’s not alright, not even a little bit.”  
“Okay.”  
“You should have said something about the ring…you should have…I don’t know, you should have told her—”  
“That I was going to propose?” I scoffed..unable to sit back and listen to her tear me apart any longer. I was doing enough of that by myself. “Right. Guilt her into forgiving me. Right. Brilliant, absolutely…bloody brilliant.”  
“I didn’t say guilt her, I just meant you should have…I don’t know, explained yourself? Does she realize that you never liked that stupid twat?”  
“Told her, Gem.”  
“I just feel like you should have done more—”  
“Yeah? More? Right, okay, yeah. You know everythin’ Gem, yes. Right. When you lose the love of your life and it’s all your bloody fault, you can call me, 'kay? 'Til then, I’d really appreciate it if you’d bugger off.”  
Her eyes widened slightly, and my throat hurt. It was the most I’d talked in weeks…I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t know how I was supposed to feel…I just knew I felt horrible. I hated every bit of what happened, from the initial decision to go back to Paige, to keeping it from Rory, to the way she found out. Every bit of it was shit, and I was to blame for it all.  
Yeah. I deserved to be where I was.  
“Harry…”  
“No, Gem. No.”  
I layed back down…tugged the comforter to my chin. Laced my hands under my head. Stared at the ceiling fan.  
“Harry, I’m sorry…”  
The fan ticked as it spun. She finally…finally stopped talking. I thought her silence would calm me down…if anything, I felt worse.  
“I fucked it all up, Gemma.”  
“Harry, stop this.”  
“I did. I was supposed to be different. Wasn’t supposed to be this guy.”  
“What guy?”  
“The guy to hurt her like this…I’m just as bad as Sam, Gem. I ruined her…I…” the pain in my chest was excruciating as I repeated what I’d be thinking in my head for nearly a month. “You should have seen her that night…to think that I did that to her. She was….fuck, Gem, her eyes. They were so dull. They just….I’m such shit. I’m such…such shit.”  
“No you’re not.”  
“I really am. I did it knowingly, thought I’d save her from being hurt. It ended up so much fucking worse. I’m just like the rest of the men in her life, treatin’ her like shit, draggin’ her through the dirt. She deserves the best, Gem, she deserves to be on a pedestal…a trophy. She’s fuckin’ amazing, and I fucked it all. I’m shit. I really am.”  
“Then do something about it. Get up, go to New York. Talk to her.”  
“Did you not hear what I just said?!”  
She flinched, but it was too late. Too much…too much pestering.  
“I deserve this, Gemma!”  
“Hey…hey.”  
Mum walked in with a tray of food, but I ignored her, staring at my sister who just didn’t get it. She looked so upset, but I couldn’t stop it. The words were flying out naturally, my chest was heaving, everything was spinning.  
“I fucking deserve this, this is what I get! I don’t deserve to be happy, I don’t deserve to get the girl, because the bloody media is right! I’m a dick! A filthy manwhore, some arsehole with a blatant disregard for the feelings of others, clearly, because I can’t keep the one thing that makes me happy for more than a few months at a time! And this time, it’s really over!”  
“Harry…”  
My bottom lip was shaking. Mum was tearing up, she stepped closer, but I pulled away.  
“She hates me, she doesn’t want me. She was done, told me to leave. I saw nothing in her eyes, Gem. Nothing. Won’t let me explain, doesn’t want to hear it. She’s gone…she’s really gone. I’m absolute…I’m absolute shit…”  
“Oh, sweetheart…..”  
I was sobbing…absolutely wrecked. I curled up into myself, letting the cries rock my entire body. I felt mum petting my head, felt Gem rubbing my knee. I really was a pathetic mess…bloody awful excuse for a man. Somehow let the one girl who meant anything to me slip through my fingers. I deserved to feel like I did…I really, truly did.  
Mum’s nails on my back pulled me from the depths, though I was still dangling lifelessly…hanging by a thread, it felt like.  
“You’re okay, pet. You’re alright. Don’t say those things…I raised you better than all of that. That’s not you. You made a mistake, but that’s not you, Harry.”  
I forced myself to look up…looked right at mum. I wished her smile would help like it usually did…it didn’t.  
“Mum, how can she forgive me…how can she forgive me, if I can’t forgive myself for lettin’ her down?”  
She smiled sadly…running her palm down my cheek…wiping my tears with her thumb.  
“You’re a good boy, Harry. Things will work themselves out. They always do.”  
“They won’t this time, I’m sure of it.”  
“Then you pick up the pieces and learn from it.”  
The minute my biggest supporter admitted that things may not end well, I felt all composure go out the window. My shoulders slumped, but everything inside me seemed to just…drop to the pit of my stomach.  
Gem knew what was going through my head, glaring up at mum. She sighed…leaning down and kissing my forehead.  
“Get out of bed, Harry. Maybe your sister is right. Some fresh air will do you good.”  
With that, she left the room…somehow, leaving me feeling just as bad as before.  
Gemma was quiet…I glanced over at her, sniffling.  
“Harry.”  
“Please don’t, Gem. Please. I can’t…don’t want to talk anymore.”  
“Maybe you’re right. Maybe it’s really over this time.”  
I whimpered, feeling my body shake again as I layed back down…burrowing into the warmth. The only warmth I could find.  
“But maybe…maybe that should be incentive enough to fight. To get up, get out of bed…give your all. Fight for her, Harry.”  
“She doesn’t want me to anymore, Gemma. She deserves the very best. Maybe I should let her go…let her find someone who wouldn’t make her feel this way.”  
Just saying those words made me want to puke.  
“I don’t think so, Harry,” she sighed…offering me a small smile. “I think when you care about someone like you care about Rory, you do everything you possibly can before giving up. I know my brother…and I know he wouldn’t let go this easily. Not of her. Not the girl that brings the life into his eyes…the girl that stuck by him when things got bad, pulled him out of it, sacrificed her happiness to set him free…”  
I couldn’t look at her, because I knew I’d continue crying.  
“If you guys made it through that, I think you need to at least give one last push. If that’s it, then fine…but at least you can look back and know you did everything you could. Yeah?”  
“I don’t know, Gem…I just don’t know anymore.”  
She didn’t say anything….just rubbed my leg.  
“Chin up. I enjoy teasin’ you, but I don’t like seeing you cry. Very emasculating, you know.”  
“I know.”  
“How about you go have a shower? Please? I’m here for the weekend, and you really, truly smell like garbage. I’ll hangout with you if you wash up.”  
Deep breaths. I stared down at myself…my stomach growled. With every bit of my energy, I dropped my legs off the edge of the bed…feet on the floor.  
“Good boy.”  
I forced myself up. With each step, I felt my demons pulling me back…telling me to disappear for awhile longer. Lay back down. Draw the curtains, turn off the lights. Let my pain consume me. I focused on the outcome…a hot shower would be good. A start. To what? I wasn’t quite sure anymore.


	51. Chapter 51

Fifty ::: Rory  
The knocking on the door was persistent. I heard it from the kitchen as I poured my morning cup of coffee. The apartment was dark. Within a few short moments, I was standing on the other side of the door, pressing my back to the hard surface. I shut my eyes.  
“Open up, Rory! It’s me!”  
Unexpected. It was Em.  
I opened my eyes, turning around…pulling open the door after a second’s hesitation.  
“To what do I owe this pleasure?”  
My sarcasm was taken in good stride. Clearly, she was just stopping by on her way out. She offered a big, hopeful smile, her makeup done just-so, her outfit matching her shoes, a nervous glint in her eyes.  
She looked me up and down, taking in my current state. I didn’t mind, nor was I ashamed that my hair wasn’t brushed and I was in my silk robe and nightgown that I’d put on two days before.  
“Um, can I come in?”  
“Sure.”  
I stepped aside, allowing her past me. She slowly walked in, glancing around. I stepped past her, walking into the kitchen and hearing her shoes scuff against the flooring behind me.  
“It’s really dark in here…”  
“Yeah, I’ve, um…had a headache.”  
Grabbing my mug, I turned around…watching her look at all of the dishes on the counter…clearing her throat.  
“You’ve been drinking a lot of coffee.”  
“Yeah, writing a lot…need the energy.”  
“Yeah, of course,” she sighed, smiling again. “So…you know how you said that this time should be all about me?”  
I smirked, nodding as I watched her squirm under my stare.  
“Well, I’m all for that….after today.”  
“After today…” I whispered, repeating her. I cocked my head. “Sincerely shocked you aren’t milking my offer for all it’s worth. What’s today?”  
The slow drop of her smile did not go unnoticed, though she covered it up pretty quickly, offering a toothy grin.  
“I thought that even though you say you’re fine—”  
“Em.”  
“— that maybe you could let me treat you for the day?”  
“I am fine.”  
“Right, okay, sure. Well, regardless…we may or may not have two appointments at the spa.”  
“Em…” I groaned as she winced, nodding her head. “You didn’t have to…I’m…really, I’m…I’m fine, I don’t need that.”  
“Well, then you can look at it as my mistake but the appointments cannot be cancelled.”  
Of course.  
She smiled proudly, beginning to gather the dishes spread everywhere. I swallowed hard…watching uncomfortably, feeling the unspoken tension in the air…she’d shown up for a reason, and I didn’t like the reason.  
Continuing to load the dishes into the sink to wash, she was oblivious to my unease.  
“Em, I’m really fine.”  
“Hush, go get ready.”  
“Can you…can you stop cleaning up? Really, it’s all fine, I can take care of it.”  
“I know you can,” she laughed, rolling her eyes. “Just busying myself but you’re wasting time! We’re going to be late, go.”  
I wasn’t going to fight it, I simply did as she said. The bathroom light was blinding. I turned it on and stripped down to nothing in one action, soon after turning on the shower. I’d never been the type to check myself out in every mirror or feel the need to make sure nothing was on my face, but as I caught a glimpse of my reflection…I hesitated. Eyes trailed down, lingered on my collarbones, down to my stomach, all the way to the tops of my thighs before the image was cut off by the counter. I didn’t like the person in front of me…I didn’t like looking like skin pulled over bones, but that was reality.  
I shivered…climbing into the glass enclosure, letting the lukewarm water pull me under.  
Once I’d gone about finding an appropriate outfit and grabbing my bag, it had been nearly twenty minutes. I hurried out, immediately noticing the scent of food drifting from the kitchen.  
With a huff, I turned the corner, trying to hide my frustration.  
Em smiled over at me, setting a plate with toast, bacon and eggs on the counter in front of me.  
“Here you go, slow poke. You took forever, eat up.”  
“You didn’t have to-”  
“I know, bored.”  
“Sure.”  
I scratched the back of my neck. Just looking at the steaming food made me feel nauseous.  
“You know what? I already ate actually. Sorry.”  
Em was quiet, staring at the food. She blinked before looking up at me and smiling with a nod.  
“Yeah, that’s okay. I’ll bag the toast and bacon so you can eat it in the car or something.”  
I didn’t reply…she wouldn’t listen anyways. I wasn’t hungry, but I had a feeling I’d be forcing down a cold piece of toast and three cold pieces of bacon within an hour’s time.  
“Never thought I’d have my face dipped into mud and actually enjoy it.”  
Em giggled, shaking her shoulder’s out as we walked out of the spa doors. My body felt…beyond good. My muscles were no longer sore, skin was no longer dry, shoulders were no longer tense…I wished that they had a service that could help the mind.  
“So you liked it?” she questioned, glancing over at me from the corner of her eyes.  
“Yeah…yeah, it was nice.”  
“Good!”  
She seemed genuinely pleased that her little plan had worked. I wouldn’t indulge her too much, but yeah…it was a nice change. I could feel the clouds returning, but the sunshine was nice while it lasted.  
When we reached her car, she sighed…hesitating. I glared at her, peaking around over the hood.  
“Take your time or whatever, I’ll just be over here…freezing my ass off…no big deal.”  
It was made clear that her hesitation to unlock her car was purposeful, her smile devious. I sighed…bouncing on the toes of my feet, trying to keep warm in my coat. She glanced down at her phone before looking back over at me, squinting from the sun.  
“It’s 3:12, which means it’s happy hour at that fun mexican place two blocks down. Want to go?”  
“Uh…”  
“Yes, the answer is yes.”  
She rounded the car, ignoring my deep displeasure that I was not trying to hide from my face.  
“Yay! I love drunk Rory and Em, we’re such a good time.”  
My arm was taken hostage and before I knew it, I was following along as she was grinning wildly. I scrambled for an excuse, but I had a feeling that once again, she wouldn’t be hearing it.  
“What about your car?”  
“Bryce and I can get it later or something.”  
“What about-?”  
“You aren’t going to keep hiding away, Rory. Come on, let’s loosen you up a little bit.”  
“I don’t want to loosen up, I’m pretty content-”  
“Yeah, you’re fine, I’ve heard. If you’re fine, you can throw back a few margaritas.”  
The restaurant was pretty empty, but I felt it the minute we stepped through the doors. Em nudged my shoulder, pulling me from the dazed eye contact I’d made with the handful of people dispersed around the place.  
“Want to sit at the bar?”  
“Sure.”  
I muttered my response, hung up on one of the many sets of eyes meeting mine, that specific pair from a corner booth near the bar. Piercing blue, with a snake-like smirk. A young guy with his friends, he wouldn’t look away.  
“Look at you, getting all of the attention.”  
Em raised her eyebrows with a grin, but I just shook my head.  
“Yeah, wonder why.”  
“Because…” she began, grabbing my arm and leading me to an empty set of barstools. “You’re a sexy, hot, single, accomplished author.”  
Single.  
I hopped into the seat, placing my purse on the bartop in front of me. She did the same as I began scanning all of the bottles…mentally picking my poison.  
Whiskey.  
“I have a pretty good hunch that’s not why they’re staring.”  
Definitely wasn’t going to go with whiskey. Or red wine, for that matter.  
Em didn’t reply to my statement, and I didn’t feel the need to pursue a conversation that wouldn’t end well. The bartender came over, offering us a variety of options…we decided to simply start with two margaritas.  
As we waited for our drinks, I leaned on the hard surface, my chin in my palm…I stared off, knowing I was slowly becoming awful company. It was taking everything in me to turn that around.  
“So…”  
Clapping my hands together in an attempt to snap out of my funk, I turned towards Em. My sudden movement drew the attention of my friend in the corner, yet again. He smiled over….I looked away, focusing on Em’s face.  
“Wedding bells are getting closer. How are you feeling?”  
The glint in her eyes was something I wasn’t sure how to feel about. The minute my drink was placed in front of me, I took a long…generous sip. She watched with a dazed look in her eyes, lessening her smile. I tried to pretend the change in emotion wasn’t for my sake.  
“I couldn’t be more ready. Wish it was tomorrow, really.”  
She picked up her own drink, sipping out of the tiny straw. I stared down at mine.  
“Bryce has been so great recently, just really…I don’t know. Attentive, sweet. Less annoying.”  
I snorted…taking my own straw and sipping from it. Just listening, as a good friend would. I knew that anything else I was feeling was incredibly selfish.  
“I’m really happy, the planning has just been stressful, but his family has been the best. Mom has been on the phone with me…you’ve been super great…”  
I knew she added in the last bit to cheer me up. I forced a smile, knowing it wasn’t true…I’d been MIA for over a month, practically. Another generous sip.  
“But yeah, speaking of the wedding…”  
Chewing on a piece of ice, I furrowed my eyebrows, letting her know I was listening.  
“I hope you don’t mind…I, um, told Bryce to ask Harry not to come.”  
Her confession wasn’t expected, but it was, at the same time. I’d completely forgotten that Harry had even been invited…a wave of dread washing over me, even though the news was good. Em was always a good friend, and had made the right decision, yet I didn’t feel happy.  
“Oh. Thank you.”  
“I mean, I didn’t think you’d want him there….” she began to explain herself as I shook my head adamently. “I just figured…”  
“Yeah, no. I…I mean, I introduced you all…it would be….weird, I don’t know, if he still came.”  
Em nodded, her eyes burning the side of my face as I casually stared at my drink. I ran my finger along the side, gathering salt…sticking it in my mouth. My timing was horrible, for the blue-eyed creep was grinning wildly. My action was completely innocent, though taken in a different light, clearly. I looked up at Em, smiling as much as I could.  
“I’m proud of Bryce. I know he’s probably devastated his crush won’t be attending.”  
Em giggled naturally, nodding.  
“Yeah, it was a big step for him. I’ll hold him to it, though, no worries. We don’t need those kinds of people around.”  
“‘Mm.”  
“Has he been talking to you?”  
Definitely not referring to Bryce. There was only a few sips left of my drink. I pulled the straw out, pressing the cold glass to my lips, tilting it back. I finished the last of it, motioning the bartender for another.  
“Uh, no.”  
“No? Not even texting?”  
Not even texting.  
“No. That stopped about two weeks ago, and that was it. Gifts stopped coming. It’s done.”  
I could hear Em swallow…her next action was delayed, careful. I couldn’t blame her. I felt the tequila pumping through my system. I laughed lightly, bitterly.  
“Yeah.”  
“Well, good thing it’s done. Handsome guy with gorgeous eyes is walking up right now.”  
“What?”  
Sure enough, my friend-from-afar was making his way over. He was tall, muscular. He had short, dark hair. Blue eyes. Sharp movements.  
My whole body grew tense. I turned to face the bar, finding one of the multicolored decorative tiles very interesting.  
Even with my back to him, I knew he was behind me…his expensive cologne suffocating me.  
“Hey there.”  
I knew Em was looking at me expectantly, hesitating before she answered him. He didn’t want her to answer him, though.  
“Hello,” she said in a cheery manner, kicking me under the bartop. I held my composure, keeping a straight face. I didn’t dare look at him. “What’s your name?”  
Smooth, Em.  
He chuckled…his deep voice was not polite or endearing. No, it was dumb. Far too macho to be attractive.  
“Tanner. My buddies and I saw you ladies walk in, wanted to know if we could buy you a drink or two?”  
Time to step in.  
“Get us drunk and slutty, right?”  
Sharper kick to my shin. I gave in, smiling over at Em obnoxiously. I glanced over my shoulder, barely paying any mind to Tanner. He was smirking, taking my reply as a lead.  
“Don’t think I caught your name. Names, actually.”  
“Don’t think we gave them.”  
Em cleared her throat, extending her hand to him.  
“I’m Em.”  
He shook it, though, his smile wasn’t friendly. He was mocking her a bit, which made me appreciate him even less. I rolled my eyes, turning away. He hissed playfully.  
“You’re a fiesty one, aren’t you?”  
“I’m not a puppy, don’t talk to me like I am.”  
I faced him straight on, giving him my full attention. Eyes were glassy, he was wobbling. Drunk fool.  
“Clearly. So what are you, a bitch?”  
I admired his quick response, partial wit present, but didn’t find it as humorous as he did. Em’s jaw was dropped open, speechless. I was simply bored, and honestly, done, with Mr. Hot-Shot.  
“Self-proclaimed. It’s cute how you’re asking for my name, but I guarantee you already know it.”  
He smirked even more, misreading my disinterest for a challenge. I hadn’t been in the place to shut someone down in awhile, so I was playing him for what he was worth. Em was no longer smiling…turned in her seat, head down. Frowning.  
“May or may not. Guess that’s for me to know, and you to find out.”  
“Charming one, aren’t you? So you’ve been here for, what, about three minutes? Still haven’t gotten my name, or like you said, maybe you already know it and you’re too arrogant to admit it. Little dick syndrome, I see it all of the time. You wanna keep talking?”  
His flirty facade was dwindling, but his displeasure was only fueling me. Em looked over at me, subtly shaking her head.  
“Your silence answers my question, yet you’re still standing here.”  
“You really are a bitch.”  
“Like I said, self-proclaimed. A compliment, really, from a true gentleman.”  
I grabbed Em’s shoulder, turning her around as I did, as well.  
“We don’t want your drinks, Tanner. Run along.”  
When I didn’t hear his footsteps, I knew something was coming. I just didn’t know he’d be so quick.  
“The other chick was hotter. Styles had it right, didn’t he?”  
Before I could think, my new friend had a fresh margarita dumped on his head. Everything else was a blur….Em paid for our drinks, my elbow was dragged, and we were back in the cold…walking towards her car, both knowing neither of us could drive it. Em was too tipsy, I was too angry.  
She was quiet, knowing there was nothing to be said.  
My steps were heavy, spiteful. I laughed, not even trying to hide how fake it was.  
“Well, that was fun.”  
“Rory…” Em sighed, rubbing her hands over her face. She shrugged, grunting in frustration. “That guy was a dick, alright? Don’t…don’t dwell on that-”  
“I was a bitch right back to him, Em. I deserved it. He was only giving what he was getting.”  
“Still, you’re a girl…you’re-”  
“And what’s that supposed to mean?” I scoffed, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk. She shut her eyes, doing the same…knowing what she had started. “I’m a girl? Yes, I’m a girl. So what? I’m just as entitled as him, I had just as much to do with the outcome, he was simply stating his opinion out of frustration. Clearly, he isn’t the only one to think Paige is attractive-”  
“Rory, stop.”  
“What? I’m just stating a fact, as was he. Really, he was fine. Wasn’t rude at all. Had a great time.”  
“Rory, stop this. You need to…you need to get out of this, alright? Today was supposed to help.”  
Em’s voice was getting quieter by the minute…her eyes soft, actions careful. I loathed it. I swallowed hard, my breathing easy.  
“Help what? I’m fine, Em. I feel like a broken record.”  
She ignored me, taking a deep breath.  
“You need to get it through your head that not all guys suck, okay? Just because that Tanner prick was a douche, doesn’t mean every guy is going to be…you’ll find someone else.”  
Someone else.  
I felt completely detached from the world around me. It wasn’t even cold outside anymore. She kept talking.  
“You’ll find a guy that won’t lie to you and abandon you like your dad, you’ll find a guy that won’t hit and cheat on you like Sam, and you’ll find a guy that won’t have as much baggage or hide things from you like Harry. You’ll find that.”  
“I don’t need a man, Em.”  
“I never said you did,” she bit back, licking her bottom lip. “But at some point, there will come a time where you’ll want that-”  
“Or not. See, this is why my editor has been hassling me! He wants me to give him an ending to my story, right? He wants the typical love story, where girl falls for guy, guy is amazing, guy hurts girl, then bam. All is well, they get back together, happy ending. Well maybe not every ending involves a guy. Okay? Why is that so hard to believe? You’re right, guys fucking suck! They suck. Even the good ones, you think you know them, and….”  
My voice trailed off as I looked at the passing cars. I chewed on my cheek…throwing my hands up.  
“I don’t need a man to complete me.”  
I looked back at Em, shutting my eyes. I couldn’t handle the way she was looking at me.  
“I just want you to be happy, Rory.”  
“Like I said…I don’t need a man in my life. I was fine before Harry…I’ll be fine after him.”  
I opened my eyes. Any bit of positivity in hers was long gone, her full focus on me.  
“I said happy, Rory. I want you to be happy. Not fine.”  
With one last shrug, I began walking. I knew she hadn’t caught up, but I still replied…the words lost in the harsh gust of wind stinging my cheeks.  
“They’re one in the same, really.”


	52. Chapter 52

Fifty-One ::: Harry  
My hands were still shaking. A sort of throbbing, really. As time ticked on and my heart rate slowed, so did the trembling of my fingers…but the change was gradual. Not quick enough. I felt like my eyes were bulging out of my head as I made my way to the back of the plane, tuning out any other conversation around me.  
Finding an empty recliner, I sat down, thankful to be on the private jet. The boys and I rarely flew together anymore…commercial was faster, more of a hassle, but faster. I needed privacy, though…just wanted to be alone…needed to be alone…  
I prayed that I was giving off the right hints. My sunglasses were on, headphones in, volume on max. My toes were tapping furiously, my frustration with everything at an all time high. I couldn’t even hear the Bob Dylan record I put on if I wanted to…ears still ringing from the crowd of fans shouting at the terminal.  
I knew before we even took off that my behavior would draw attention, but I was hoping it wouldn’t be so soon. Their gazes were constant…a silent way of pestering. Are you alright? I could see it in each of their eyes….I hated it. I stared out the window to avoid it, watching as London became pixels below us.  
Heathrow to JFK. A flight I was used to, but under different circumstances. I wouldn’t have blue eyes awaiting me behind the safe haven of thick doors, keeping me safe from the chaos. No, not anymore.  
My fists had curled into balls, eyes screwed shut. I needed to snap out of it, needed to pull myself up. Even if only for a few days, I needed to put on an act. They were waiting to see me crumble…everyone, making a party of it. My heart was ripped to shreds and they all knew it. They wanted the first set of pictures, wanted the best headline. It was my fault. All of it was my fault.  
“Spit it out, yeah?”  
I couldn’t hold it all in any longer, my eyes darting open, posture tense. The boys’ mouths snapped shut as I ripped my earbuds out, throwing my hands up.  
They stared blankly, as if they had nothing to say anymore. Funny, considering I’d known they were whispering about me since we boarded the plane. Louis smirked, looking away. Liam looked down at his feet, Zayn seemed disinterested, but Niall stared right at me.  
“Go on.”  
He smiled, though it was hesitant.  
“We were just talkin’, Harry, not about you.”  
“Right.”  
“Haz, let’s go, like, sit up front for a bit.”  
Zayn looked over at me, holding eye contact. It wasn’t unusual, but it was…at the same time. We were just as close as the rest of us, but he tended to keep to himself on long flights. I had an idea why he wanted to talk, and I really didn’t want any part in it.  
“I’m good where I’m at.”  
“Wasn’t really a question, lad.”  
For a few seconds, we just looked at each other. The other boys busied themselves, though I knew they were just as invested in the interaction as Zayn was. Knowing there was no escape, I gave up…chuckling bitterly and standing up, leading the way.  
We sat down in silence, the front half of the plane darker and quieter than the back. I layed back on the long couch…lacing my fingers on my chest, staring at the ceiling. I shut my eyes, knowing he wasn’t going anywhere. He sat across from me. I could feel his gaze, but I wouldn’t meet it.  
A shaky breath left my chest when he finally spoke.  
“Hate seein’ you like this, man.”  
I didn’t reply…just opened my eyes. They were sore. Tired. The ceiling was blank, white. Dull. It reminded me of what my days had felt like, and nights…just the same pattern, over and over again. Miserable, cold, lonely.  
“All I can think about. I try…” I scoffed, rubbing the heels of my palms over my eyes. “Try to focus on anything else…anything. It’s her, it’s all just…all I see is her. I can’t shake it.”  
He was quiet, letting me ramble.  
“I feel like shit…such shit, but I….dunno, don’t want to not feel this way, either. I feel like if I feel better, it’ll feel…I dunno, final. More final.”  
“Is it?”  
“Fuck…”  
I had to breathe…just focus on breathing. I couldn’t talk about what we were talking about. It was one thing to think it, but hearing it from someone else…  
“Harry…” he spoke slowly, barely audible, like he always did. I was hanging on every word, though I didn’t have it in me to show it. “You have to do somethin’, man. Been there…been there with Pez, you know? Seems like it can’t get any worse…we moved past it.”  
“Not like that, Zayn. This is bad…don’t think we can come back from this.”  
My voice cracked as I spoke my worst fear for the first time, actually meaning it. There wasn’t a light at the end of the tunnel. I had chosen to give her space…let her think on her own. She hadn’t talked to me. I had thought that maybe, maybe reversing my tactic would work…leave her be, figure things out on her own. Clearly, she had. She was better off without me.  
“Then, like…dunno, then move on, mate.”  
I whimpered. I had to cover my face, grabbing a decorative pillow and hiding away under it. I was past the point of crying, but the pain hadn’t eased. I wasn’t sure it ever would, and I didn’t want it to…for that would mean forgetting her, and I never wanted that. Ever.  
“Know it’s hard, but you can’t do this. It’s gettin’ drug out, yanno? Been…what? Over a month of this…aren’t yourself…”  
I groaned, wanting him to stop. To just let me think a little bit longer.  
“Boys hate it, I hate it. Fans are up in arms…media sucks. We’re flying to New York, Harry, gotta do somethin’ for yourself, or move forward, yeah?”  
“What are you saying, Zayn…?” my voice was monotone, lifeless. “Flying to New York. Yeah, so what? Go see her? Right.”  
“Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m sayin’,” he laughed without humor. I glanced over…peaking at him. “Go see her, or don’t. Or leave this in the past, but if you don’t go see her, you have to stop it with this. Can’t do this to yourself, yeah?”  
Because it was so easy…show up at her doorstep. And say what? Hi, remember me? That arsehole that broke your heart again? Doin’ well? Okay, yeah, so, I want you back. I want you to have my babies. I didn’t shower for nearly two weeks because I couldn’t stop thinking of you. Right.  
“Yeah, okay. Yeah.”  
He was quiet. I didn’t feel the need to say anything else, and frankly, I didn’t feel the need to listen any more. I didn’t want to. It all hurt…I just wanted it to stop hurting.  
With a sigh, I shrugged.  
“I just want what’s best for her.”  
“Right, Haz. So what’s best then? You’re alright with another lad comin’ in, sweepin’ ‘er off her feet?”  
“Fuck you.”  
“I’m serious. You cool with that? I know I wouldn’t be, if I felt about her like you say you do.”  
“What are you tryin’ to say, Zayn, that I’m bein’ overdramatic? Using this for attention?”  
Zayn huffed, throwing his hands up. He stood up, walking over…hesitating above me.  
“I’m tryin’ to get you to do something, Harry. Anything. Can’t help you until you help yourself, mate.”  
With that, he walked away…leaving me with my thoughts, once again. He was wrong….all wrong….there was nothing left to do. I didn’t need to help myself…she wanted nothing to do with me. She would only turn me away…I knew she would.  
Getting to my hotel room was a task in itself. It couldn’t be a simple journey from the airport there…no, it had to be jam-packed with shouting, flashing, shoving, pushing, pulling…they knew, they all knew. I felt my composure crumbling, but they still yelled…asked how I was doing, asked things they knew the answer to…it was cruel, it was all cruel.  
I was about to open my door when a hand caught my shoulder, causing me to jump. I turned around, receiving Louis’s concerned stare.  
“You good, mate? Bit of a mess out there.”  
“Yeah…yeah, I’m fine.”  
“Okay.”  
I went into my room. It was dark. I didn’t bother flipping the light switch. I threw my bag down, sitting on the end of the bed.  
Again…all of the noise, the madness, the attention…then silence. Alone.  
I looked over at the floor-to-ceiling windows…the amazing view. We were always put up at the nicest places, most expensive. I wasn’t sure what the big deal was. Sure, it was nice to look at, but in the end…what did that matter? I couldn’t walk outside if I wanted to…the most free that I could be was in that godforsaken hotel room, alone.  
I needed air.  
I stood up, walking towards the balcony, sliding open the glass door. The breeze was cold, very cold…I stepped outside, shutting the door behind me. Thankful that my room was high enough up that I didn’t attract any attention from below.  
It was early afternoon…the skyline looked as it always did. Busy, intimidating…cramped, sleek…beautiful. The cars below were loud, the buildings ahead plentiful. I placed my hands on the railing, gripping it.  
For a brief moment, I allowed my mind to wander…I shut my eyes.  
I wasn’t alone. I was outside, in the cold. On a balcony very similar…thick white blanket, wrapped around me…wrapped around her. She wasn’t smiling, but she was happy…we were talking. Her skin was warm against mine, so warm. My heart thud with a purpose as I looked into her eyes, the sun reflecting into them, bringing the blue pools to life with golden flecks swimming throughout them like tiny fish…I remembered thinking how gorgeous she was…much prettier than the view around us…we were picking up the pieces, cleaning up the debris…she wanted to make things work again…  
When I opened my eyes, I was watching her there on that balcony…in that blanket…with her eyes so blue…and another man was with her, holding her, kissing her cheeks, whispering into her ear…  
My grip on the handle became tight, my throat dry. I swallowed, but the lump didn’t disappear.  
He would tell her jokes, tell her how pretty she was, hold her hand…he would keep her warm…  
I shut my eyes again, and the faceless figure was gone. It was me. We made a decision…one that would change everything…we agreed upon it, barely making it inside before layers had been stripped…our hearts out in the open, vulnerable…I kept her safe in that bed, held her tight…it was fast, embarassingly so, but she laughed with me, not at me….she held onto me through the night, let me make it up to her in the morning…and the morning after that, and after that…  
When I opened my eyes, I couldn’t bare to let my mind take that final step…to think of another man doing those things with her, to her…but I did…  
I saw him running his hands over her curvy hips…over her slim waist, up….touching her breasts, kissing her neck…one hand holding the back of her neck like she liked it, the other going down…down….she’d arch her back into him, make that sweet little noise…  
No.  
No.  
No.  
I was inside, I was tugging on my boots. They were tight, wouldn’t go on while I was standing.  
I was walking down the hall in my socks.  
I was banging on Zayn’s door, I was breathing heavily. I was dizzy.  
“Hey mate, you alright?”  
I walked right past him…fingers furiously rubbing over my lips, pacing, thinking. I wasn’t sure where he stood, but I had heard the door shut, knowing I had his full attention.  
I was hot, so hot….seeing red, almost, just so, so dizzy.  
“I want her happy, yeah? Like I, erm, said, but like….no, not…not with another man, no….can’t…can’t bare that, Zayn, can’t…is that selfish? Am I….dunno, no, don’t really like that…don’t want that, but I dont know…is that wrong of me, to not want her with anyone else? I mean, I’m sure there are guys that could treat her right, sure, but like….I could treat her better, swear it. No doubt. I’m…I’m better, I’ll be better. I’d be better. I don’t….no, she can’t be with someone else. No. I’m…'mm I mad? I’m going…I’m going to go over there, yeah? No, I can’t, I…but I have to, don’t I?”  
I finally looked over at him. He didn’t look at me, just walked to his bed…laying down, staring off.  
“I think…dunno, I’m mad to go over there…she won’t return my calls, what would I say? Just…just how sorry I am, she knows that. I could explain everythin’ about Paige again, she knows that….I mean, I think? She didn’t really listen, I don’t think, or she just didn’t care…surely she cares, I’m ramblin’. Or maybe she doesn’t care anymore, but it’s worth a shot, yeah? I could like…tell her how awful I’ve felt, how I didn’t shower for weeks…well, probably leave that bit out. I won’t tell her about the proposal, no, that’s not fair…wait it out, see how she reacts. Hell, I can’t go over there. But if I don’t, I may miss my shot…we’re only in New York for a couple days….but doesn’t want to see me, I know it…I can’t go over there, just show up, I definitely can’t.”  
I was nearly burning a hole in the ground.  
I stopped walking, looking at him. He raised his eyebrows at me.  
“Should I go over there?”  
He didn’t even pause.  
“You just answered that question, lad. Now get out, you’re makin’ me nervous.”  
I’d seen my fair share of scary films, but nothing quite compared to the fear I felt standing in front of Rory’s door.  
I’d schmoozed my way past the doorman, letting him show me his granddaughter’s pictures. Told him she was cute, that I’d follow her on Twitter. I had every intention of following through, though he was an old soul…didn’t know that I needed her handle to do so. I made note to get it from him on my way out.  
For at least thirty minutes, I stared at the peephole of the tall black door…as if I could see through it, get some sort of feel as to how she’d react. I’d raised my fist a handful of times, letting it drop by my side. Not yet. A few more minutes could make all the difference.  
For all I knew, she was laughing on the other side, watching. I hoped for my sake she was…smiling, anything positive, even at my expense.  
I’d waited long enough.  
With a deep breath and a roll of my eyes, I knocked quietly…too quiet.  
Knocked again, a bit louder. Three times.  
I waited…and waited…and waited.  
Nothing.  
Chewing on my cheek, I took a step back. I made the assumption that she’d be home, though she may not have been. I could wait. I’d wait all day, and night, if I had to.  
Minutes passed, and I knocked again.  
Maybe she was in the shower. She couldn’t hear it.  
When another twenty minutes had gone by, I knocked louder…waited…nothing. I rested my forehead on the door…shutting my eyes. I caught a glimpse of the cross dangling from around my neck, saying a silent prayer to myself…  
“Rory…”  
I spoke quietly, but loud enough that it would be heard on the other side.  
“Rory, it’s me…well, erm, Harry…'course you know it’s me, I’m a right idiot, you know my voice…if you can hear me, please open the door….I need….just need to talk to you, please…”  
My desperate last attempt was idiotic, I realized, as I knocked again, and received nothing.  
I knew I could just call her, but I didn’t want to do that. Instead, I pulled out my phone…scrolling to the one name that may have been even riskier than calling Rory herself.  
Emily Adams.  
When I heard the line pick up, I didn’t give her time to answer.  
“Hi Em, it’s Harry…I know you probably hate me, I probably would, too, but like…can you just tell me where Rory is? I’m actually…well, I’m at her door, right now…just…standing…here. Right.”  
“Harry…”  
“But, I’ve knocked, a bunch…too much, probably, I just…I need to explain myself. Even if she never wants to see me again, need her to hear me out. I can’t…can’t bare to leave it where it is. We can’t…can’t end on that note, it’s so…I messed up, I did, but I love her so much, Em, I really do-”  
“Harry.”  
“I don’t want another man to make her happy, because I can be that guy, you believe me, don’t you? If you believe me, maybe she’d listen…I just need her to listen, Em, you understand that, right?”  
“Harry!”  
My head fell…I winced, shutting my eyes. Her tone told me everything.  
“Okay. Right. Well…tell her…tell her I came by, okay? I mean, she probably knows, probably hears me…no, I can’t…can’t leave it. I just need to talk to her, I’m not leaving until I do.”  
A long sigh was heard…I hoped that meant progress. I chewed on my cheek, waiting.  
“Harry, Rory is in LA.”


	53. Chapter 53

Fifty-Two ::: Rory  
My legs wouldn’t move fast enough. I had known it was coming…the brief phone call from Cal had explained everything. I knew it when I booked my flight, I knew it would be happening while I was home, and I knew she’d probably need back up….but, I didn’t know she’d be dropping the news of her pregnancy in the form of casually passing around her ultrasound in the middle of a family dinner.  
I could hear the yelling echoing off the ceilings and floors of my mother’s house, but I was nearly out. The dramatics were my dear sister’s thing - not mine, and the headache coming on was not something I was going to enjoy in silence, let alone around a bunch of angry shouting.  
The doorknob was in my hand, and by the time the warm LA breeze tickled my cheeks, I knew that I had successfully escaped. I could see my rental car at the end of the driveway, and all I could think about was getting to the hotel and slipping into a hot bath so I could think…  
“You little shit, if I can’t leave, neither can you.”  
Startled, I turned around, receiving a look of fluster from my dad as he slammed the door behind him.  
Very subtle.  
He came barreling out, shaking his head in distaste. I almost laughed, but the situation at hand wasn’t exactly funny…even though it was.  
He ran a hand through his long, wild hair, slipping his sunglasses on as he neared me.  
“Where are we going?”  
“You literally just said you can’t leave.”  
I smirked as he fumbled for words, having some sort of internal battle. It didn’t last long.  
“Fuck it, I’m leaving. Didn’t sign up for that shit, thought I was getting a nice dinner.”  
“You’re her dad, you can’t just walk out.”  
He didn’t seem bothered by my accustation, and in a typical Steff Thorn manner, he merely shrugged. I knew my mom’s meltdowns weren’t exactly his favorite, and Chase seemed to take better to Val than he did my dear, dazed father. Really, I knew my dad and I’s position inside was practically the same…uninvolved, and just uncomfortable.  
“Seems like your mother has it handled, I don’t do well in these situations.”  
I was a bit taken aback, playing with my keys in my hands…my dad and I didn’t do one-on-one hangouts. It was weird, strange…almost felt like watching a dog walk on its hind legs. I scrambled for an excuse to bail by myself, but he wasn’t having it…offering me a wide grin.  
“No way, Rory, if you’re leaving, so am I. Come on, let’s go to a diner or something, I could go for a fuckin’ burger.”  
As I should have known, it didn’t really matter what I wanted…because my keys were taken into wrinkled, ring-clad hands, and I was shoved towards the passenger door, mumbling the last of my complaints, knowing it wouldn’t be heard; Sure, you can drive my car.  
By the time we got downtown, the sun had said farewell for the evening. We found ourselves sitting in a dingy booth at the back of a crumbling restaurant - one with very few customers, thankfully. They stared as we walked in, but it seemed as if my father and I’s unconventional outing was the least of their worries, no matter who we were.  
I scanned the menu, reading all of the different choices. Nothing sounded appealing, which wasn’t new. It didn’t matter where we were.  
“First thing, I’m getting a damn beer.”  
The minute the words left his mouth, the hairs on my arms rose. I glanced up at him, seeing him look straight at me and shake his head in a silent scold. Still - that didn’t stop me.  
“You quit, dad.”  
“I just found out I’m going to be a grandfather, to hell with that. I’m having a beer.”  
As much as I felt the need to argue with his reasoning, I didn’t have it in me. I had other things on my mind…more important things than my sister’s awful choice in delivering massive news, or my self-proclaimed “recovered alcoholic” of a father.  
“What are you getting?”  
I pushed my menu aside, picking at my nail beds.  
“Nothing, not really hungry.”  
“You’re getting something.”  
I glared across the table, really not appreciating the tension that continued to grow with each little thing we disagreed upon. I was about to voice my thoughts, but he cut me off.  
“Don’t, saw you pushing your food around at the table. You barely ate. Get cheese fries or something.”  
I scrunched my noise, keeping my mouth shut as the waitress approached. I knew I wouldn’t have to make a choice…he would for me. Sure enough, in a matter of seconds, we were left alone again…waiting on our two burgers, a large order of cheese fries, and two beers.  
We sat in silence…I was tearing bits off of my napkin.  
“What’s on that damn mind of yours?”  
I glanced up, receiving a teasing grin.  
“Gotta be something, with that scowl. Always been a thinker.”  
I tried to push away my negative thoughts, to forget how awkward I felt being alone with him. I took a deep breath, deciding that making an effort was better than sitting in silence. Anything was better than that.  
“Just thinking.”  
“About how damn good that burger is going to taste? Fuck yeah.”  
I snorted…unable to hold it back. He was like a child in so many ways, something that would never change.  
“I haven’t had a good burger in a long time.”  
“I bet it’ll be good, you can tell…” he looked around, rubbing his chin. He pointed out a few things with his finger. “See that? All those vintage pictures, the tears in the booths, that weird smell…yeah, this is a good one. Burgers will be good, you can always tell by the state of the place.”  
“I hardly think that’s true.”  
“Trust me…” he mumbled, almost under his breath. “Something I learned over the years, one thing of many…dingy joint, good burgers…”  
I smiled down at the withering table, thinking about what he said. It was rare…didn’t happen very often, so when it did, I made note…locked it into my memory…my father said some idiotic things, but every now and again, he’d say something that would sit with me…his burger comment would, for whatever reason.  
“You know what? There are some exceptions, place in London was kinda uppity, if you know what I mean…but that burger….shit, was it good.”  
I didn’t feel the need to reply, letting him ramble as he would. Years and years of drugs will do that to you.  
“The kid has good taste, I’ll give him that, Rory.”  
I casually looked up as our beers were brought to us. The waitress smiled as she set mine in front of me, and I had to force one back…I probably resembled an animal in pain. My dad also thanked her as she disappeared again.  
“Who?  
I took a sip, the liquid cold and foaming.  
"Who what?” he asked, furrowing his eyebrows as he downed at least half of his beer in one sip.  
I rolled my eyes, for multiple reasons.  
“Who has good taste?”  
“Oh - Harry.”  
Seconds passed that felt like minutes…that were probably actually milliseconds…and I felt myself absolutely frozen.  
The name coming from his lips so casually left me dazed and confused. I assumed there was a mix-up of memories - jumbled together - but he seemed sure. He nodded.  
“What?”  
“Yeah, Harry.”  
“When did you go to a burger place in London with Harry?”  
My stomach was empty, but I wanted to throw up. Surely, Harry would have mentioned it to me if it had happened before we…he would have mentioned it.  
I was livid.  
“How dare you.”  
“What?” he dramatically scrunched his face, confusion evident. “What are you getting all riled up about?”  
“You think it’s okay to casually go out to eat with my ex? How on earth is that okay?! How dare you go behind my back and-”  
“Easy! Easy there, tiger,” he flailed his arms, taken aback by my meltdown. My chest was heaving as I tried to control everything I was feeling. How could he? “It’s old news, kid. Relax.”  
“How old, dad? We haven’t been together for over a month, can’t be that old-”  
“Older than that, chill. Geez, Ror. Relax. It was months ago, alright?”  
I felt my shoulders slump, but I couldn’t sit easy. It didn’t add up. Harry would have told me if he met my dad for lunch, he definitely would have. It didn’t make sense for him not to, they weren’t that close.  
“Explain.”  
“What?” he looked genuinely concerned as he took in my stiff posture, my pursed lips…I knew my chest was flushed. “Why are you all worked up? Wasn’t a big deal.”  
“It is to me.”  
To be honest, I couldn’t explain my reaction. I felt betrayed, even though I had no reason to.  
He sighed…shrugging as if it was no big deal. “Yeah, saw him at some charity event, he came up and asked me to lunch the next day, we met for lunch, done.”  
“He asked you to lunch?”  
“Why is this such a fuckin’ big deal?” he laughed. “You guys were dating or whatever, why is that weird? Nice kid, like him. Good lunch, great burger.”  
“I don’t care about the fucking burger,” I snapped, causing his smile to fall. “I’m still stuck on the fact that you guys, like, hungout or whatever - and I never heard of this until now.”  
“Chug your beer, Rory, Jesus Christ.”  
I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms and sitting back.  
“Like I said, no big deal. Such a nice kid, good kid. Wanted to treat me, I wasn’t going to turn him down. We had a nice….” he trailed off, spacing out. I noticed him visably change, a frown appearing. “Nice chat. He’s a good kid, Rory…real good kid.”  
I felt myself calming down, but I loathed the feeling that had spread from the tips of my fingers to my toes. I was on edge. I wanted to shut the book, I didn’t need to re-open it.  
“Right, so you had lunch. Okay. Cool.”  
“You guys are…so it’s done, yeah? Completely?”  
“Yes, completely.”  
I wanted to leave, but I couldn’t. My entire body felt shaky, uneasy.  
“Anyways, enough of that…”  
“Rory, I need to be a father for a second.”  
I met his eyes, feeling the color drain from my face. Heavy. It was a heavy look…one I’d seen on his face once, maybe twice. I couldn’t help it. My immediate reaction was one of defense - impulsive, hurtful.  
“Oh, the irony in that statement–”  
“I know,” he cut me off, speaking slowly. The waitress returned with our food, oblivious to what she was interrupting. Once she left, I prayed that his attention would have been pulled from me…but he just stared at his burger, leaving it untouched. “I know I’ve been shit, hell, I’ve been worse than shit. Your mom and I had our issues, and it should have ended there…it should have, but it didn’t.”  
I really wanted to leave, feeling like I had a thousand eyes on me - even though nobody was around.  
“I wasn’t a family guy, I knew that…I partied so fucking much, hell, I still do….I’ve wronged people, and I’ve lied, and I’ve cheated. I love the attention…” he scoffed sadly. “You know it, I know it…everyone knows it. For a little thrill, I’ll do almost anything…for fun, to see the world…I like to be free, I always have. I don’t like rules, don’t like guidelines…I liked the fame. I liked everything that came with it. I liked the drugs, I liked the girls, I liked the music…to me, it was a package deal. Without the shit on the side, fame wasn’t fame. It was a job. I didn’t want it to be my job…I wanted it to be my life, and with that choice, I lost you guys…”  
“I don’t want to do this here,” I cleared my throat, hoping my voice was steady. “Not here, not now. You’re probably tipsy, sensitive to the beer after so long-”  
“Let me finish, Rory.”  
His tone wasn’t what I was used to…so much so, that I shut up.  
“I made the wrong choices, and clearly, that’s gotten me where I am today. I’m…hate me for saying this if you want, but I’m a happy guy. I do what I want, I have that freedom I always wanted. Does that mean I don’t have regrets? Fuck no…I’ll always regret abandoning you and Cal, Rory. I always will.”  
My chest was aching. I couldn’t look at him, I wouldn’t. I stared at my hands, in my lap.  
“Then why don’t you try and fix it?”  
I sounded like a little girl…asking her parents if Santa really wasn’t real. I was afraid of the answer, and afraid of how I was feeling. I didn’t feel tough.  
“I don’t think…” he hesitated. I looked up, watching as he rubbed his fingers over his lips in deep thought. “I don’t think I’ve earned that, have I? I don’t have a right to be a part of your life, I know that. I know why you didn’t want to come with me here. I know why you don’t call me to tell me good news, I know why your boyfriend didn’t want to tell you he met with me. I’m not a good guy, Rory, but I want to be. You get that, don’t you?”  
“If you wanted to be, if you truly wanted to be, you would.”  
“That’s not true…I’ve done too much to come back from.”  
I laughed quietly, subtly shaking my head. He huffed…frustration evident, but only with himself.  
“Want to know something? That Sam, kid, that prick…you think I never cared about the shit he did? I had my manager call up so many labels…so fuckin’ many, Rory, told ‘em the kid was into hard shit…couldn’t handle the responsibilty of being signed. Why the fuck do you think they’re under such a shitty label?”  
I said nothing, but I was shocked…truly shocked, but I didn’t show it.  
“Yeah, that little fucker…and…your book - that book about me, really…so fucking good, Rory.”  
“You read it?”  
“Of course I read it, Jesus. You’re my kid, Rory, of course…of course I…”  
He took a moment, breathing heavily. He shut his eyes…rubbing them with his hands.  
He took a deep breath, looking at me tiredly.  
“I may have fucked up a lot, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t care, or that I don’t. I always have.”  
I didn’t know what to say…so I didn’t. He understood, and continued.  
“I don’t know why I feel the need to say this, but the minute I walked into your mom’s…the minute I saw you sitting at the table…reminded me of when you were little, when you’d push your peas around with that bitchy little face-”  
I tried to laugh, but I felt the tears…I felt them building, and I wouldn’t let them fall. I wouldn’t.  
“I saw you sitting at the table, and I saw my little girl…my youngest daughter…and I knew that I had to talk to you at some point. Let you know that I’m sorry. Maybe it’s shit, but that’s what it is…”  
“It’s okay, dad.”  
“It’s not, Rory, it’s not…and I need you…shit, don’t block me out, listen, alright?”  
I nodded curtly. I may have been immune to his promises, but I’d never seen him so upset seeming.  
“That kid loves you.”  
Suddenly, I didn’t feel so soft. I sat up straight, shaking my head…shutting my eyes and shaking my head. Our talk had been good, eye-opening…it didn’t need to turn into what it was.  
“Stop.”  
“Rory, that fuckin’ kid loves you. Hear me out.”  
“I’ve heard plenty, okay? You don’t know what happened, you don’t-”  
“I’ve seen enough on TV, he fucked up, right? I’ve seen enough from that night, that dude decking him good, he fucked up, clearly…don’t need to know what he did, I just know he fucked up.”  
I didn’t say a word, looking away. I wouldn’t look at him, wouldn’t fuel him.  
“I don’t even care to know what he did. I know the things he said to me at lunch. I know he loves you.”  
I was intrigued, but I shut that feeling down as soon as it arrived. No. I didn’t care what was said, because it was all bullshit.  
“I won’t tell you specifics, but you need to know he isn’t me. Jesus - he’s the fucking furthest thing from me,” he laughed, but he didn’t know how much he was tearing me up. “He’s everything I should have been at that age.”  
“See - this is why I know you don’t care, you’re standing up for him. He hurt me, dad, he hurt me so fucking bad and I can’t just-”  
“Rory.”  
I was shaking, my bottom lip trembling. No. I wasn’t going to listen to my father who had been absent from my life from the very beginning tell me what to do.  
“Rory, he’s different, that one. He’s different…shit, the media can’t get enough of him…and yet he’s unphased, he has this fuckin’ class, they’re all right…the kid has got it, got something…”  
“Dad.”  
“And if there’s one thing I know about Harry Styles, for sure, other than the fact he looks just like fuckin’ Mick-”  
“Dad.”  
“It’s that he fucking loves my daughter. What more could a father want?”  
I couldn’t take it…couldn’t listen. I was shutting down, feeling every muscle in my body want to explode.  
“Enough.”  
“Rory, the things he said about you…shit, it was what movies are about. Sickening, but beautiful. He’s a good guy, Ror, give him a chance.”  
“Dad, it was all bullshit, whatever he said. He…”  
All of the thoughts that had been eating away at me were surfacing…I kept trying to push them down, but they were coming up…I couldn’t let that happen.  
“Whatever he said, was just…let’s talk about something else, okay?”  
“Fine, don’t believe me…” he muttered, shrugging. I appreciated that he was pulling away from it…clearly as uncomfortable as I was. “Just…take a look at the performance from yesterday. Saw it on TV, they’re in New York, you know.”  
Goosebumps. Goosebumps ran up and down my spine.  
It was a sign that I was across the country. It had to be.  
“Kid is a wreck. You can see it on his face, he’s a mess, Rory.”  
“Let’s talk about something else.”  
And thankfully, we did. The rest of dinner was alright…because we shared our satisfaction regarding the burgers, and we ordered another beer, and we laughed about my sister, and how he was going to be the worst grandpa…we didn’t talk about hard things. We didn’t talk about the things that would break me, because he knew he’d broken me enough over the years…and it was nice to just talk, and smile, and laugh. I was alright…I felt okay. When we left that night, I wondered if his confessions to me meant as much to him as they did to me…because I knew I’d be going back to my hotel room, and I would cry…and I knew he’d be going wherever he went, free, as he always wanted to be…  
But something changed, and though things would never be completely okay…they were partially okay. And that was okay by me.


	54. Chapter 54

Fifty-Three ::: Rory  
There was a long, long, long silence…though I knew that neither of us were going to speak. I was doing my best to hide the fact that I was on the phone and driving, surely not needing yet another ticket from the lovely state of California. It would be even more of a shame to receive one after such an awful conversation. Double punishment.  
We were both being incredibly stubborn. I had known it would only be a matter of time before Richard and I didn’t see things eye-to-eye, but the current state of things was worse than I imagined. Though we’d only met in person a handful of times, I knew he was sitting there rubbing the top of his robust, bald head, steam probably seeping out of his ears. I kept my mouth shut, waiting.  
He was the first to break.  
“Aurora…”  
“No.”  
An aggitated huff met my ear as I drummed my fingers against the steering wheel, holding my ground.  
“You’re being arrogant, and frankly, stupid.”  
I rolled my eyes. It wasn’t the first time that I received scrutiny for my choices at work, but I also had never really worked for myself before. He was paid to edit…not tell me how to write.  
“I’m not sure how sticking to the ending that I want is arrogant.”  
“You’re just stubborn as hell, you won’t listen to what your characters are telling you.”  
I sighed as I pulled into the crowded carpark. I had other things to be thinking about. I didn’t want to be arguing about the ending of my unfinished novel…it wasn’t up for debate.  
“My characters don’t tell me anything, I’m writing them. It’s called fiction for a reason. Fake. I determine how it ends, alright? If I want it to end realistically, I will. They won’t be together.”  
“Well, you haven’t written a realistic story. Aurora, you are blind if you don’t see that what they have is different! It’s seen in the dialogue, it’s seen in how they interact, it’s seen in the places he takes her-”  
“You don’t know anything.”  
I didn’t realize the tone in my voice until after it was too late. I parked, shutting my eyes and laying my forehead on the top of the steering wheel. I could hear him breathing…knew the exact way he was about to speak to me, and I hated it before I even heard it.  
“Okay…okay.”  
Passive, quiet, gentle. I loathed it.  
“I have to go, my sister….I just, I have to go.”  
“We’ll talk later this week. Just…think about what I said, okay? It makes more sense…I think it does.”  
When my phone was shoved away into my bag and I was pacing towards the front of the store, it felt as if a cloud had settled over me. The conversation hung in the air, leaving a bitter taste on my tongue that I couldn’t get rid of. I tried brushing it off at least temporarily, remembering all of the random and disgusting things that my sister had asked me to grab…pregnancies were so weird. There seemed to be no other explanation as to why anyone would ever want nutella and pickles, or why that same person would send their visiting family member to fetch it on their last day in town.  
With the tiniest of smiles fighting to spread on my lips, the thought of a moody and pregnant Cal in mind, I journeyed up and down the aisles, looking for her two main items, and other small things I knew my sister liked. Candies, cookies, crackers - a bunch of junk, really.  
By the time I was waiting in line, the only thing in mind was whether or not I grabbed too much. Looking down at my overflowing basket….I had a pretty good hunch what the answer was.  
I didn’t have much makeup on, was dressed in sweats with my sunglasses on top of my head. Those around me paid me little attention, which I was thankful for. It wasn’t until I decided that maybe a Hershey’s bar was a necessary addition that I felt even the slightest bit uncomfortable.  
The headlines were consistent. Like the sudden pounding in my chest.  
“Heartbreak Hotel - Harry Styles a Mess in NYC After Thorn Split”  
“Poor Harry, Who Will Help Heal the Pop Prince? Pictures on Page 9!”  
“One Member of 1D Not Looking So 1Derful - Styles Steps Out After Breakup in NYC”  
I was staring…I felt like I had been stunned, rendered speechless and immobile. There were pictures…I was sure they chose the most unflattering shots to make the cover, but I wasn’t sure what to think…  
Deep bags, bloodshot eyes, an almost painful looking frown…hair a mess, baggy clothes…but his eyes…  
“Excuse me, miss?”  
My head snapped up as I looked over, flushing as I realized I’d held up the line. I quickly stepped forward, apologizing and placing my things onto the conveyor belt…I physically shook my head, hoping to rid what I saw…yet I knew I couldn’t.  
“If I had known you were going to be home early, I wouldn’t have agreed to be the slave.”  
I only partially joked as I stepped through the kitchen, loudly making it known that I had noticed Chase’s car in the driveway. When I entered the living room, Cal was in the same position she had been in when I left - sprawled out across the couch, surrounded by an endless supply of pillows and the trash can. One difference was noted immediately, though; Her frown had been replaced with a dazed smile, directed at the man rubbing her feet sitting on the opposite end of the couch.  
I walked in front of them, plopping down onto the ground. I raised my eyebrows at Chase as I began unloading my goodies, holding them up as Cal smiled and clapped her hands together.  
“I’m pretty sure I bought enough to last you your entire pregnancy.”  
Chase scoffed, shaking his head.  
“You’re joking, right? That will all be gone by tomorrow, promise.”  
“Hey!” Cal whined, kicking him hard, receiving a half-assed glare - along with a small smile. “You’re making me feel fat.”  
“You’re pregnant, you’re eating for two, babe,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “And I’m rubbing your feet, I hardly think I should be getting heeled in the junk.”  
“God knows Rory wouldn’t be doing that.”  
I scrunched my face, shaking my head as I pulled out the last of the snacks, setting them onto the already-crowded coffee table.  
“Feet are not friends, you are right about that.”  
“Oh, Rory!” Cal started flailing excitedly as Chase and I both stared at her with wide eyes. She didn’t pay any mind, reaching down on the ground and somehow producing a bag of things I hadn’t noticed. “Look what Chase brought home, you’re going to die.”  
Although the issues between Chase and I were long in the past, and I did have a growing respect for the guy, I did not expect what Cal was about to show me. My heart fluttered, my stomach felt a bit nauseous, and I was smiling…but it didn’t feel genuine.  
“Look! He bought the cutest baby toys, look, this one looks like a little elephant,” she held it up, a small stuffed animal with a squeek inside. “Because it’s my favorite animal, how cute is that? And then…oh, I like this one, too. I like how they’re all, for like, both genders, you know? Or is that gay, for a boy to have a rainbow sucker? I think it’s fine, and like, I’d be fine if he was gay, but like…I think it’s a girl.”  
She continued to ramble, smiling as she explained each of the toys, clearly unaware or simply not caring that I didn’t need everything to be put into words for me. I was looking at Chase….looking at her. He had this smile I’d really never seen, except around my sister…it was strange. Looking back, remembering how much he pissed me off at work, all of the awful things he said and did…I would have never thought he’d be sitting there, rubbing my sister’s feet, happily awaiting their first child.  
I hadn’t realized I should have said something…that they were waiting for me to reply.  
I cleared my throat, forcing an even bigger smile than the one I was donning.  
“They’re so cute, Cal. The baby will love them.”  
“I figured I should at least buy some stuff on my own…” Chase explained bashfully, scratching the back of his neck. He was still in his suit from work, having unbuttoned the first few buttons of his shirt. “I think we all know Cal is going to spoil the shit out of it.”  
“Naturally,” she hummed, shooting him an innocent smirk. She looked over at me…her smile falling. I went to ask what was wrong, but was cut off. “Funny how things happen so quickly, isn’t it? Never thought I’d enjoy staying in on a Friday night…decorating a nursery. Weird.”  
“I can confidently say that is the last thing I would have ever imagined to happen to you at 26.”  
She snorted, nodding….but her eyes held more emotion than a passing comment. She licked her bottom lip, watching my reaction as she spoke.  
“You know, maybe things don’t always happen how we think they’re going to…but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing.”  
I checked out emotionally the minute I understood where the conversation was headed. I smiled, standing up.  
“Yeah, yep. I’m, uh…actually pretty sleepy. I’m going to head to bed early.”  
“It’s only 5, Rory,” Cal said as she shook her head slowly, seemingly hurt by my sudden departure. “Come on, just hang out. It’s your last night back home until who knows when.”  
“I have an early flight…I should probably sleep.”  
I forced a timid smile before turning on my heel and leaving the room. I knew I was being a coward…but everything I said was true. I was tired…I did have an early flight.  
The spare room was tidy, cold. After shutting the door, I quickly found my way to my suitcase…grabbing a sweatshirt, tugging it over my head. Sleep would be good. Sleep was needed.  
It only took a few minutes for me to realize that although passing out peacefully was what I wanted to do, it wouldnt’ be happening.  
The kid is a wreck, Rory.  
I was on my feet…quietly making my way over to the empty desk in the corner. The only thing placed in all of the dust was my laptop, sitting right where I left it. I took a seat, running my fingers over the keypad and immediately regretting leaving my last document up.  
For a few moments, I read over the scene I had been having so much trouble with…it was a happy scene. One that would be remembered for a long time, but forgotten when things got bad. I swallowed the lump in my throat, just as frustrated as when I had left it open. I couldn’t get myself in that mind-set…I couldn’t go backwards.  
I carefully saved the unfinished piece, closing it before swiftly making my way onto the internet. Before I even typed the words, I knew I’d regret it…knew there was no way to come back from it. I wasn’t sure what to blame, unhealthy curiosity…or maybe just needing some reassurance…needing to see for my own eyes.  
I clicked the first video I saw…my dad had been right, a new performance in the city. They’d been on some talk show, but apparently didn’t do an interview, which was strange. Their team was impeccable when it came to scheduling events to get the most done in a small amount of time. If they were doing press, it made no sense that they’d perform and not do an interview.  
As I watched the set begin, I felt my chest become heavy…the boys were fine. They looked happy enough, a bit cold if anything…but Harry…  
He was a people-pleaser, and he didn’t have to try very hard. I’d always envied how well he could work the crowds…a simple smile would ignite thousands upon thousands to do the same. But this particular performance…there was no smiling.  
He looked exhausted…his shoulders were slumped. Again, his clothes looked too big…I was sure he’d lost weight. He didn’t make eye contact with a single person, staring down at his feet as he sang…the ghost of a man…  
I should have looked away, but I didn’t. I felt my own posture begin to resemble his…I was infatuated with this horrible image in front of me, a sea of thoughts swarming around in my head…  
That isn’t someone who doesn’t care…  
I tried to push the thoughts away, I really did. It was brutal, but he made it through the songs…I watched as the host came onto the stage, congratulating them, making the usual conversation…but Harry wasn’t there. Physically, yes…but he didn’t speak, didn’t look up. I felt my heart crack just enough to initiate a response…I slammed the computer shut, and just sat there.  
The room was dark, but I sat…I just sat, staring at the white walls.  
When I finally got up, I walked as quickly as I could to the bed…crawling under the sheets, and knowing that I needed to sleep. I really just needed to sleep.  
It took me a minute to realize I was waiting…sitting up, my position angled towards the nightstand…where my phone was resting. I was angry at myself for even having such a thought….to impulsively text him, make sure he was okay, or…something. Anything. But I didn’t. My phone remained out of reach, and I left it there.  
Go to sleep, Rory. You need to sleep.  
I wasn’t stupid, though. No matter how necessary a good night’s rest was…I knew I wouldn’t be doing anything but tossing and turning, empty green eyes haunting my dreams.


	55. Chapter 55

Fifty-Four ::: Rory  
My phone wouldn’t stop going off. I was aggressively avoiding any bit of human interaction like the plague…I’d been back in New York for only a few brief hours, and somehow I already knew…coming home wasn’t the solution to my problem. I wasn’t sure that there was one.  
I walked around my apartment like a zombie. My limbs felt like jello, my chest ached…I wanted to just sit on the couch and hug my knees to my chest, shutting my eyes…wishing more than anything to feel right again. I wondered if that were possible. I’d been standing on the edge for such a long time, but I had a feeling I was closer to falling off than being pulled back to safety…  
There was nothing on TV. Initially, I had thought why don’t you try writing…that lasted a matter of minutes, which in turn, brought me to sitting on the couch. Channel after channel after channel….junk. Or, maybe it wasn’t. Maybe I just pegged it as junk, knowing that nothing was going to help.  
Huffing, I stood up. I left some stupid soap opera playing, pacing out of the room and shivering in the process. My phone was ringing again. Em, I knew. She wanted me to come over, she was bored. Frankly, I didn’t deserve any company, for I would be horrible.  
The fact that I’d left a window open the entire time I was gone surely didn’t help my mood, the heater working too slow to warm the place up to my liking. I ignored the incessant ringing, my only worry getting a damn sweatshirt to hopefully ease some of my woes…at least my physical ones.  
Once in my cluttered closet, I just stopped. Stared at the mess, the chaos, the junk…it was ironic, it was sad, and it was the final push off the edge…for in one empty corner, lying in a heap on the floor with nothing else but a misplaced hanger…was Harry’s coat.  
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”  
I scoffed to myself, just standing there…laughing, but I found absolutely nothing funny.  
He always had a way…a way of staying with me, even when he was so far…even when I didn’t want to care at all…even when I’d been doing everything possible to push him away…  
I stepped forward, knowing that in the state I was in, it would be best to just leave it lying there. I should have known when I picked it up, it would still smell of him. I should have known it would be cold, reminding me how long it had been since he’d been there…since he’d worn it last. I should have known that an empty pack of gum quite possibly could tumble out of one of the pockets…and it did…  
But what I had no way of knowing, or guessing, was that there would be notes, pages and pages worth…that would fall to the ground, neatly folded so that whatever was inside was hidden from the view of an unknowing stranger.  
Or me.  
I stared at the ground…stared at the wrinkled parchment, just breathing. I knew that reading whatever it was would be wrong. It wasn’t my place, they weren’t my things. I was utterly astonished that he’d forgotten one of his favorite jackets, for he wasn’t very forgetful. All I could think about was his flustered state the day I made him leave…knocking things over, shaking horribly…I had to turn myself away, knowing I would crumble…he must have left his jacket in the wreckage.  
I was slow to move…slow to do what I knew I absolutely shouldn’t be doing. My phone was ringing from the other room, but I didn’t care….I knew it wasn’t him. Maybe if it was, I would have been stronger.  
The wood floors were freezing against my bare knees. I sat down gently, lying the coat right back where I got it from. I handled the discarded gum pack like it was something fragile, carefully placing it back into the lifeless pocket of a coat I’d had draped over my shoulders far too many times.  
When I grabbed the papers…the edges frayed, crumpled just a bit…I went to slide them alongside the gum wrapper. I knew that was right…that was best. The voice in my head was telling me to do just that. To put them away, to fold the coat, and to give it to Bryce…have him get it all back to its rightful owner.  
Unfortunately, my heart had been silenced for too long…screaming over what my head was telling me. I would indulge…just once.  
Carefully, I opened them up…unsure of what I was about to come across. Knowing Harry, it could just be a very old, organized grocery list…he was always so neat. Lyrics were possible, too…just little drabbles that would pop into his head as he went about his days…maybe even a reminder, he had so many meetings…but none of those things were found in his neat, purposeful strokes.  
I’m not sure how many times I “read” the scattered thoughts written in smudged black ink before actually reading them. I scanned over the messy notes, so unlike him…so scatter-brained…  
They told a story that I had imagined…picked up the hints, overthought the details…I’d pretended I was wrong, but I couldn’t pretend anymore. It was all right in front of me.  
Songs - Billy Joel, Coldplay, Stones, 80s stuff.. Don’t forget any of this. Maybe some others..  
Hybrid sunflowers, red and yellow. Place in Manhattan - can deliver night of. Have Jeff unlock back door, let them in.  
Strawberry cheesecake.. bakery in Brooklyn? Call and check - order.  
It continued on, just like that…line after line after line…  
Sangria.  
My favorite drink.  
Music at a reasonable level.  
I liked music playing at dinner, but not too loud. Needed to be able to talk comfortably.  
Have ring resized at jeweler’s.  
There were multiple reasons that I quickly shoved the stack into the pocket, my hands trembling. The first was the obvious…my suspicions had been correct. A proposal.  
The second held more tangible value…because between the ‘r’ and the ’s’ in jeweler’s, Harry had forgotten an apostrophe…something he did so often.  
But, sometime after, as if I was silently scolding him in his head…he’d added one, in sloppy pink ink.  
I couldn’t stop shaking. I rose to my feet, walking out of the closet. I walked into the living room, hearing the TV but not hearing the TV. Pacing, just pacing….my heart was racing, but I was nodding to myself…verbally speaking outloud, all alone.  
“You’re fine….you’re fine.”  
I’m not sure how many times I said it…how many times I convinced myself I was starting to believe it. But no matter how many times I let the words fall from my lips, I wasn’t feeling it. Not one bit.  
I told myself I was okay.  
Sometime later, the papers were back in my hands. Again, over and over…as if drilling some point…  
I’m okay, I’m okay, I’m okay.  
Emotions were hitting me in waves. I shouldn’t have driven, that I knew for a fact. I wasn’t delusional in thinking that. But there I was…standing in a hallway that wasn’t mine, my fist furiously banging against wood until my knuckles were rubbed dry, beginning to bleed.  
The door opened…Em’s annoyed scowl fell, concern and dread taking over the minute I shoved the papers towards her, my hands giving way to my current state. She took one look at them before pity…absolute pity was directed my way, but by that point, it was too late to come back.  
My entire body was violently shaking as sobs rocked my chest. I wasn’t even standing anymore, Em bending down to try and get me off of the ground.  
“Oh, Rory….”  
I was in pain…so, so much pain, and I couldn’t hide it…not anymore.  
“He….was….going….to…..propose….”  
I was not okay…I hadn’t been for 52 days…  
I was absolutely not okay, and I had a feeling Harry wasn’t either.


	56. Chapter 56

Fifty-Five ::: Rory  
The cries subsided, and my breathing returned to normal, but what I found underneath hurt much worse. I’d experienced heartbreak on more than one occasion, though the empty hole I could feel in my chest was something that no words could even describe…it was a pain I would never wish on anyone.  
Em continued to rub my back, even though I was much better off on her couch than I had been on the ground. I sniffled, staring down at the floor…unsure of everything.  
“Bryce, can you get some water, please?”  
Her gentle command was immediately granted, his quiet footsteps heard as he left the room. There was a time that I would have payed money to get Bryce to shut up…but he hadn’t spoken the entire time I’d been there, and I hated it more than anything.  
I took a deep breath. The words that were about to fall from my lips were absolute. Fact. I’d just been too afraid to speak them…and I was tired of being a coward. Strange how one punctuation mark could be what it took to get me to want to take some sort of action…to do what was right.  
“I’m a mess, Em.”  
I knew her reaction before it even happened, but I let it play out. It was taking everything in me not to break…knowing that what I said couldn’t be more true.  
“No, Rory, you’re going to be fine. Okay?” I shut my eyes, feeling her squeeze my shoulders. “Honestly, I think you guys can work through this. I don’t think it’s over-”  
“No, Em. I’m a mess. Not…not just because of this specific situation. I’m really…reallly messed up in the head. I’m a fucking mess. I have been for a long time.”  
She was quiet. Bryce returned, and I looked up…meeting his eyes. Again, pity. There was nothing else left for me, from anyone…I kept focusing on how much I hated that, yet I wasn’t doing anything to change it. I had the power to change it, but I continuously allowed myself to be weak…I didn’t want to be that girl anymore. The one that hid behind a tough persona, because she wasn’t strong enough to admit she was the opposite.  
I accepted the water, muttering a ‘thank you’. I could feel Em’s gaze as I sipped the cool liquid. She was hesitant.  
“I…I don’t think that’s fair, Rory. You’ve been through a lot…”  
I didn’t acknowledge her. I knew she meant well, but I didn’t need to make anymore excuses for my skewed perspective on everything.  
“You want to know why the Paige thing hurt so much?”  
I tensed, the gentle rubbing of my back becoming too much. I felt my body stiffen as I scooted away slightly, receiving looks of concern from both of them. Bryce carefully sat down in the recliner, his eyes bouncing between me and Em.  
“I just…I don’t want to be touched right now, okay?”  
She nodded slowly. They both waited as a fresh tear drifted down my cheek.  
“I know he had every right to sleep with people. We weren’t together. Naturally, hearing he’d had sex with six other people hurt…but I tried so hard to convince myself they were randoms. They were nothing, never meant a thing to him, never-”  
“They didn’t, Rory. You have to know that,” Bryce began explaining, but I shook my head.  
“I love him so much that even the idea of meaningless sex between him and someone else makes me physically ill. I kept telling myself that…it was meaningless, random. I think I knew…I think I knew that maybe there was something he wasn’t telling me. It wasn’t fair for me to do that…to question him, to drill him about what he did when we weren’t together-”  
“He should have told you, Rory, don’t make excuses for him,” Em suddenly snapped, shaking her head. “Don’t think you were wrong to want to know. He didn’t owe you that, but he should have told you.”  
“I know. But then the way it happened, the way I found out about her…I felt like that’s what I deserved. I deserved to be made a fool of, because I knew the whole time…I knew…”  
“Knew what?”  
I laughed, wiping at the tears in frustration.  
“I knew I’d never be good enough for him.”  
The endless rant following my confession was expected. The that-is-absolute-bullshit and you-know-that’s-not-trues. I didn’t say a word, just waited.  
When she was finished, flustered and red, glaring at me but not glaring at me, I continued.  
“It made sense. I found this amazing guy…this guy who seemed better than anyone I could have crafted in my dreams…he made me laugh like nobody else, made me think…made me feel good about myself. He was a gentleman, he was kind, he was amazing in bed…charming. Even the things I found annoying that he would do, I loved those, too. Just this perfect…perfect guy. Total idiot, but perfect.”  
I smiled…nervously playing with my fingers and looking at my lap. The smile fell.  
“Time and time again, I’d been shown by men that you can’t trust them…I knew it was too good to be true, but I pretended that voice wasn’t there constantly reminding me that. I’d think, no, this one is different. I fell for him so hard…and then it’s like reality slapped me in the face. Like some cruel, cruel joke…of course he had been back with his ex…of course…”  
My voice trailed off, the sick feeling in my gut returning. I swallowed hard, wincing as I shut my eyes.  
“Just over and over again, you idiot, you absolute fucking idiot, you should have expected this. You never deserved him, you weren’t good enough, you were stupid to think someone so great would only want you. Of course he was lying, of course he manipulated you…”  
“Rory…”  
Em’s voice was so hurt, hurting for me. I continued naming off all of the awful things that had been going on in my head for too long.  
“I thought about everything that he and I had, but I kept replacing them with her. I thought that if he was with her before me, and after me, clearly he cared…so much. I saw them laying in bed together, I saw him smiling, telling her his stupid jokes. Holding her hand. Dancing around naked for her. Just over and over again, stupid, stupid, stupid. You were nothing to him. Then I’d picture them again, wondering if he talked to her about naming his kids…wondering if he ran her baths because she had a long day and was moody. Wondering if he told her he loved her-”  
“Rory,” Bryce cut me off, running his tongue over his lips as he shook his head adamently. “You have to know none of that is true. We talked a lot when you guys weren’t together, he was always…it was always you, I swear to God.”  
I smiled pathetically, my eyes blurry with tears.  
“That’s my point. I know that, Bryce. That’s the funny thing. One…one pink apostrophe was necessary to drill that point, isn’t that fucked up? I knew…I knew all along it was me. I should have known that night I saw my scarf around her neck…I should have been the person to say, I’m mad, but I’ll listen. I should have given him a chance, because as the years passed, even when we were apart…I knew he was better than anything I’d ever known. He was good. So good to me. And I blurred the lines between him and the trash that I was used to, and turned him into something he was not…that’s why I’m fucked up. That’s why I’m saying I’m a fucking mess, because clearly, anyone who could destroy something as amazing as what Harry and I had is the most awful kind of person.”  
“But Rory, you’re not! You’re not awful…you’re…you’re truly amazing, why haven’t you ever understood that? It’s natural to be upset about that stuff, you just…you…” Em began to tear up, which wasn’t helping me. She shook her head, grabbing my hands. “Don’t you realize thinking like that is so delusional?”  
I didn’t have to answer. Bryce understood.  
“I think that’s her point, Em.”  
We made eye contact, and for once…he and I were completely on the same page. He offered me a sad smile, standing up. Forcing a laugh.  
“Too much emotion for me. I’ll leave you guys to it. Getting a beer…someting to restore my testosterone…”  
He walked out of the room, and I couldn’t be more thankful for the kind of guy he was…not only always doing the right thing, knowing when I needed a little bit of privacy…but also marrying the best person I knew. I envied them…I wanted to have what they had, and I did…but I ruined it.  
I took a shaky breath.  
“I think my dad really fucked me up.”  
Em quietly listened, letting go of my hands.  
“I think you just wanted a dad and you got a friend instead.”  
“Not even,” I scoffed. “One of those friends that makes plans and cancels last minute…all of the time.”  
“Yeah…”  
“And then Sam…who the fuck was I? To let him treat me like that, to cheat, to lie, to physically hit me…how weak was I to let that happen for so long? To find it in me to feel bad for him…to do drugs like I did, to party like I did, the hit and run…then to sleep with my co-worker because I was sad? Chase, he….I hated him. I thought he was such an arrogant dick, and I slept with him…I’ve let all of these guys hurt me. I’ve let it happen. Then I finally get a good one…a truly, truly good one. And I ruin it.”  
“You haven’t ruined it, Rory. You saw those notes…Bryce and I…we knew, we…just talk to Harry, Rory. You know? Tell him what you’ve told me, tell him-”  
The more she spoke, the more I knew exactly what I needed to do. Coming to that conclusion was the hardest thing I ever had to do…but I just knew.  
The tears returned, heavily…I was shaking, rubbing my hands over my knees…simply shutting my eyes.  
“No, Em.”  
“What? What do you…what do you mean no? What do you want then, Rory?”  
“I want Harry to be happy.”  
I knew she was probably completely confused, but it was final. I had to keep to it. For him.  
“You make him happy, Rory…like hello.”  
“Maybe I do. Maybe…but I also make his life difficult. I’ve been fucked over so many times, that even when something good comes around, I push it away.”  
“That’s what you’re doing right now.”  
“No. I’m doing this conciously…by choice.”  
I opened my eyes, staring at the wall ahead of me. I knew it was for the best…for not only Harry, but for me.  
“I need to let him go. He deserves the absolute best. He doesn’t deserve someone who is going to question his intentions…who will let one slip destroy years of built up trust and love…what we had was absolutely amazing. I wanted to marry him. I would have said yes.”  
I had to take a minute, try and gather myself. I exhaled a shaky breath.  
“He is everything that is good…everyone loves him. I need to be okay with what happened, because I want to move forward and look back on him and I as something that books are written about. My book. I want him to be happy, but I don’t think that involves me in the long run…we’ve been through too much at this point, and I’m tired of us both hurting.”  
“But Rory…”  
I looked over, smiling through the tears.  
“It’s okay. I’ll be okay. He fixed his grammar in notes that were only meant for him…that’s me. That’s so me. I nagged and nagged, every text, every love note…just because I knew it bugged him. But he read back through…amongst all of my favorite things he’d written down, he picked that out, and fixed it. I know that’s love, Em. He loves me…and I love him enough to know he deserves better.”  
The silence that followed was chilling. Allowing my words to settle in the air, giving me a chance to take them back. I couldn’t, because I knew it was all true.  
“He hasn’t talked to me, Em, that’s a sign. I’m tired of rationalizing everything…maybe things really are as simple as that. If we were meant to be, he would still be bugging me. I wouldn’t have conveniently been in LA when he was here…no, there’s something said in all of that.”  
Em still hadn’t said anything. I looked over…she was staring at her hands.  
“I’m proud of you, Rory. For getting all of that out…for realizing it’s not healthy to pick things apart the way you do.”  
“Yeah…”  
“I have a feeling you’re still going to be a stubborn bitch, though.”  
I looked up…smiling and crying, all at once. Wiping my tears, nodding.  
“Hell yeah. Of course. I wouldn’t be a Thorn without that.”  
The clock ticked, and again, we fell into a silence. I wanted to keep talking…anything, I needed to remain distracted. I knew what I was choosing was best…but that didn’t make it any easier. The notes still sat on the table in front of me.  
“I think…you’ve had a lot to deal with recently.”  
“Yeah.”  
“And you’ll have a lot coming up, considering the wedding is in two weeks…”  
“Yeah…”  
“So I think a treat is deserved. Ice cream?”  
It didn’t sound appetizing, but nothing did anymore…so again, I chose to make the right decision for myself. Even if I had to literally force it down my throat.  
“Sure.”


	57. Chapter 57

Fifty-Six ::: Rory  
My entire body was sore…a good sore. I walked down the street with headphones in my ears, enjoying the progressively warming temperature of the city in the springtime. Summer was coming, and I was ready…ready for tank tops and sandals, ready for fruity cocktails and barbequing, and ready for cold to transition to warm. It was nice to wear nothing more than yoga clothes and sunglasses and be comfortable, and it was even nicer to realize that Em’s hopes to have a warm, outdoor wedding were probably going to be a reality.  
Startled, I slowed my pace, noticing a teenage girl walking up to me…a hesitant smile.  
I tugged out one of my headphones, giving a small smile.  
“Uh, hi.”  
“Hi,” I returned easily, uncomfortably laughing. It didn’t happen a ton, but I still wasn’t used to strangers approaching me and asking for pictures. I’d always drawn attention because of my dad, but it was something else to have my own place in the spotlight…a place I was alright with. “I would take a picture, but I’m like…really sweaty…I just left a hot yoga class…”  
“Oh, no, I…that’s okay,” she stammered, laughing and tossing her hair over her shoulder. She was uneasy, but she nodded. “I just…I wanted to tell you I read your book, and…it really, really inspired me. It meant a lot to read about your relationship with your dad, because that’s literally…you’re just really amazing and independent, and I just wanted you to know I look up to you.”  
I stood there with a smile…and for one of the very few times in my life, I was rendered speechless. I shook my head…mouth agape.  
“I…thank you. Thank you so much. Do…um, do you want a picture? I can…here, let me take it? I’ll take one on my phone actually, if you don’t mind?”  
She grinned wildly, nodding her head.  
“Yeah. Yeah, sure.”  
“Do you care if I maybe tweet it?”  
“Yeah, yeah - I mean no! That’s…that’s fine.”  
And so, I took a selfie with the anxious girl…and she claimed that I made her life, but really, she made mine. My days since my breakdown at Em’s had been a rollercoaster of highs and lows…but it seemed as if things were really starting to look up. Little by little.  
When I stepped into my apartment, I felt like I’d been recharged. The morning had been tough, but I’d pushed through…forced myself to go to yoga before starting the difficult task of getting together Em’s wedding present. I didn’t imagine to feel as good as I did coming back, and I wasn’t going to waste it.  
After my shower, I made my way to the bedroom…getting down on my knees. One by one, I pulled cardboard boxes out from under my bed. I coughed as dust flew everywhere, shaking my head and for the thousandth time, mentally scolding myself for being so messy. How I still had unopened moving boxes sitting around was beyond me.  
I began digging…for what, I wasn’t sure. I wanted to make Em a collage….of pictures, little tid-bits of our friendship I’d gathered over the years…I wanted meaningful, sentimental. I could buy her the expensive purse she wanted, but I knew the collage would mean that much more. I had exactly one week to get it together, and I really couldn’t waste anymore time.  
Old pictures, stuffed animals, charm bracelets, faded t-shirts…I was smiling, reminiscing. Each thing held so much value…I wasn’t sure how to choose some and not others.  
As I continued digging, setting some things aside, I came across one item that had no place among the rest of the things…one that had me shaking my head, smiling from ear to ear.  
Hot pink shorts, two sizes too small, with the word “yummy” written on the butt. They had been Cal’s growing up…she gave them to me, and I never got around to throwing them out…though, my sister had nothing to do with the reason I was smiling.  
It had been a rainy afternoon…Em and Bryce had left to get dinner from the grocery store, leaving Harry and I to ourselves…  
“I don’t have time - stop. Ah! Stop!”  
I was squeeling, laughing uncontrollably and nearly falling out of my desk chair. Harry’s hot breath was tickling my neck as he laughed, his fingers tickling my sides in an attempt to pull me away from the article I was writing. He was only in town for a few days, but my deadline was in twelve hours…so naturally, he was doing everything he could to distract me.  
“Please…please stop…?”  
Moist kisses, all over my neck. I shut my eyes. His arms were wrapped around me, hands rubbing through my shirt and over my stomach. He smelled so nice. Like Harry…I’d only known him a few months, but I could feel it happening…feel myself falling.  
“‘Mmm, your actions are contradictin’ your words, love.”  
He nipped at the sensitive skin, successfully ruining any chance of getting my work done. In a moment’s time, we were in the bed…our innocence was still in tact, for the most part. Though we hadn’t yet been fully intimate, we found other ways to spend our time…ways that involved him without pants, me without a top, and him panting and groaning with my head between his legs…  
Twenty minutes later, I was back at my desk, glaring at the screen. The lighting in the room was dim…a few candles spread out, little christmas lights lining the window.  
I chewed on my thumb nail…trying to piece together words.  
“Stop staring at me.”  
Sure enough, when I looked over…sleepy green eyes met mine, confirming my suspicions. Matted hair. Just his head poking out from under the comforter. The candle lights flickered in his eyes, a lazy smile on his lips.  
I rolled my eyes…smirking.  
“You’re such a little shit.”  
He grinned bigger. He didn’t deny it.  
“Now I’m going to miss deadline, and you got a blow job. I’m not sure what I got out of this arrangement.”  
“Me, silly.”  
“Lucky me.”  
“You are. 'Cause I’m cute.”  
I had to forcibly look away, because I agreed. I agreed very much.  
As I wrote…becoming completely entranced by the words spewing out of my fingertips, I sort of heard Harry whining…saying he needed to go to the bathroom, didn’t want to tug his pants back on…he kept talking, kept saying something, but I couldn’t find it in me to pay attention…  
That is, until I turned to find a butt in my face, with the word “yummy” swinging back in forth.  
“Oh my god.”  
He was grinning, giggling like a schoolgirl.  
“These are quite nice.”  
I covered my mouth with my hand, unable to control my amusement. I had no idea how he squeezed into them, but he had…his hips poured over the edges, the front left little to the imagination, and his thighs looked like they were going to tear the legs…but he was in them, nonetheless.  
“Where did you even find those?”  
“Real question is, why haven’t I seen these? They’re ace.”  
Again, overly dramatic wiggling of his hips. He was looking down at himself, smiling and laughing.  
“Look good, right? Yummy? Am I turnin’ you on, Rory?”  
“You’re so stupid.”  
“Also yummy. So yummy, you should know.”  
“You’re gross.”  
“Weren’t sayin’ that when-”  
I shut him up…jumping to my feet and sealing my lips to his. He was taken aback…melting into it, holding my hips. When I pulled away, he had a small smile…his cheeks flushed.  
“What was that for?”  
“You are pretty cute, but still gross.”  
“Don’t forget-”  
“Don’t.”  
“Yummy.”  
“Idiot.”  
I was laughing…shaking my head, remembering. I had so many small memories just like that one…sure, there were so many ups and downs…but I held so many beautiful memories close to me…they were what kept me going, kept me smiling. I could remember how much I hurt…but I’d rather remember everything we had. All the laughs, the smiles, the tears, the hugs, the kisses…all of the time spent together wasn’t for nothing. I’d never…ever want to lose those. And the more I thought about it, the more I knew I couldn’t leave things where they were. I couldn’t just let things go when I didn’t know if he was okay.  
I stood up, walking out of the room. My phone was on the charger in the kitchen, and as I reached it, I hesitated.  
Before I could think, I opened a new message…careful that I said everything I wanted and needed to say, the first and only time.  
Hey you. I don’t know where you are, or how you are…but I hope with everything in me that you’re doing alright. I just need you to know I’ve forgiven you…and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused, because I hate this. I hate thinking you’ve ever felt like this. I wish you the best, Harry, because you are the best. You deserve the very best. I’m still your biggest fan…keep doing me proud, please. Rory  
I hit send and I left my phone right there on the counter, exhaling a deep breath as I walked away…I shook my shoulders out. The old Rory would find an excuse to sit on the couch and mope…but I wouldn’t allow that. I focused on feeling better…on Em. The rest of the afternoon was spent finishing up Em’s present, which I somehow managed to completely have together by the time night had fallen.  
When I crawled into bed, I was pleased to find that “The Breakfast Club” was on TV…smiling to myself, almost not even noticing my phone buzz on the nightstand.  
Almost.  
I felt the goosebumps. The chills. I knew who it was.  
With a trembling hand, I reached over…grabbing the device and holding it in my hands, taking a minute to shut my eyes and take a deep breath. When I opened them, my nerves went out the window…  
He only said three words, but I somehow knew he was okay. I somehow knew that maybe sometime in the future…maybe one day we could be friends.  
I laughed as my vision got blurry, shaking my head and running my fingertips under my eyes.  
As always, princess.


	58. Chapter 58

Fifty-Seven ::: Rory  
I could feel the alcohol pumping through my veins already, the neon lights and loud music contributing substantially to the painful grin on my face. The limo was filled with females, and definitely not short of penis-shaped favors and laughter. In a matter of 72 hours, Em would be tied to Bryce for life…so naturally, we were getting wasted and wearing hats in the shape of testicles. I took the responsibility of planning the entire evening, so I made sure to go absolutely all out…down to every last detail.  
“Oh my god…”  
I giggled as Em’s tipsy eyes widened, her friends watching her in dramatic curiosity. She was staring down at her drink, giggling as she pushed her straw around.  
“Rory!!! Penis shaped ice cubes?!”  
“Yeah, they’re made from a mold of Bryce’s. Actual size.”  
Mass amounts of laughter ensued, and I couldn’t help but giggle to myself, biting my straw. I didn’t really connect with most of Em’s other friends, but they thought I was hilarious…whether or not they understood my sarcasm, I wasn’t sure, but I went with it.  
The ride to the bar was brief, and felt even more brief considering the amount of vodka shots I passed out in such a short amount of time. Downing three myself, by the time we all piled out of the tight space, I was stumbling as much as the next person.  
While the male stripper rumor had the rest of the girls rushing inside, the bride-to-be herself was distracted. I looked over as she walked next to me, smiling down at her bright screen and squinting.  
“Jesus Christ, give me that!”  
Snatching her phone out of her hands, I shoved it in my bag as I received whiny protest through a fit of girly giggles. She tugged on my arm, nearly tripping over her feet.  
“No fairrrrrrrrrr! It’s all innocent, I just — I just want to make sure he’s having a good time with all of his bros.”  
“You did not just use the word ‘bro’ seriously.”  
I scoffed, laughing and rolling my eyes as she laughed.  
“It was very serious, and true. True and serious. But he sounds drunk already, saying I should watch out because my cousin Frank is quite the dude,” she snorted, shaking her head drunkenly. “He has so many mancrushes, I feel like that should worry me but it doesn’t. He likes my V, I’m sure of it…or, at least I think he does!”  
It took an extra tug on my arm as we slowed to a stop outside of the doors. She narrowed her eyes at me…knowing where my head had gone the minute she used the word 'mancrush’. I didn’t stop her from addressing it.  
“He’s not…he’s not here.”  
I wasn’t sure how to feel, so I just nodded, forcing a smile.  
“Yeah, yeah. Okay, come on you — you have a lapdance with your name on it-”  
“He sent us a gift, though. It was really nice…Bryce told him about Hawaii, so he got us, like, these ridiculous wetsuits with 'bride’ and 'groom’ written on the butt. They’re so bad, but so good,” she giggled, watching me carefully. “But yeah, he’s not here.”  
“That was nice,” I hummed, taking a deep breath. “But okay. Yeah, I didn’t think he would be. But no more boy talk! In you go!”  
Ushering her inside, we were overcome with the same environment as the limo - except, there were two men in thongs on stage, and other men in suits at the bar. Em looked at me with her jaw dropped, raising her eyebrows. I leaned forward, whispering in her ear.  
“I paid a hefty fee for them not to allow any women in tonight, so you absolutely owe me the pleasure of watching you squirm under one of those idiots with their ass cheeks hanging out.”  
“You’re cruel.”  
“Absolutely, go!”  
I laughed, watching as the rest of the girls forced Em into a chair and prepared her for the assault that was to come. Pictures were taken, we were shouting, Em was dying of laughter, and it was everything I had hoped - but better. By the time the dance was finished, I needed a drink, and I was off to fetch two of the strongest ones I could find - one for me, one for my progressively inebriated best friend.  
“Hi, um….can I get….?”  
“You’ve got balls.”  
I couldn’t help but laugh…hearing the male’s voice from next to me, almost forgetting what was currently on top of my head. Almost.  
I adjusted the vulgar accessory with dramatic confidence.  
“Bigger ones than you, I’m sure,” I lightly joked, looking over and giving him a smile. I was in a good mood and didn’t really want to cause another stupid scene with a guy at a bar.  
I was taken aback…the witty remark didn’t come from some creep, but a nicely dressed, tall guy. He was strikingly handsome…easy smile. He laughed at my remark, truly amused.  
“Probably. I can’t imagine the fact that I’m at a bar with two dudes in thongs behind me helps my case very much.”  
I laughed, shaking my head.  
“But you’re hitting on a girl, so a few points are returned.”  
“Who says I’m hitting on you?”  
I merely grinned…nodding my head.  
“Touche. I like your style.”  
I turned away, facing the bottles in front of me. The interaction was simple, didn’t worsen my mood.  
“I’m Justin, Aurora.”  
Again, played nicely. I turned, extending my hand.  
“Thank you for not pretending you don’t know who I am.”  
“No need to thank me. Can I at least buy you a drink?”  
I hesitated.  
One drink, Rory. Harmless.  
“I guess you do need to make up for the male strippers…buying me a drink would bring you up five points. At the very least, I’m doing you a favor.”  
The words came out of my mouth easily, but they felt foreign.  
“I should be the one thanking you, then.”  
“Two vodka-crans, please,” I smiled, shaking my head. “One for the bride-to-be, as well. I run a tough bargain, but that’s ten points.”  
He smirked, looking over at the bartender.  
“Make that three of what the pretty girl wants.”  
Pretty girl.  
No.  
I wished the chills that shot up my spine didn’t make an appearance, but they did. Too soon. Far too soon. I wasn’t ready…my heart wasn’t ready.  
“You know what, I…I actually need some air, thank you, though.”  
“You sure?” his tone was casual, but I could hear the disappointment. “I really need those points. You know, for my ego. That’s all I care about here.”  
I smiled, laughing. Justin was nice. I could not find a thing wrong with him…really. But just because he wasn’t wrong, didn’t make him right. Nobody would be, for a long time.  
“Thanks anyway. Because you’re a nice guy, points restored. You’re off the hook.”  
Before he could reply in a way where I’d have to respond, I walked off…making a beeline for the bathrooms. The back hallway was cold, dark…away from everything and everyone.  
I leaned against the wall, shutting my eyes.  
Pretty girl.  
I didn’t try to shake the husky tone from infiltrating my head, my ears, my heart…he didn’t deserve to be brushed aside like an unwanted memory. I allowed the pain…I allowed it, because it was okay to still hurt. It was okay to think of him. It was okay to not be ready. I tried to pretend it was okay to feel it all so intensely, so vividly.  
“Hey…you okay?”  
I opened my eyes as Em stumbled around the corner, grabbing the wall.  
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just needed some air.”  
Her eyebrows furrowed as I let out a strained laugh, trying to keep myself completely composed.  
“I’m alright, Em.”  
“Is…is it about-?”  
“Yes,” I answered quickly, unable to hide it. Knowing it would only be hurting me to hide it. “Yeah, it is. But I’m okay, just needed to step away for a second.”  
She went to speak, but stopped herself. Instead, she smiled…carefully, knowing how I was feeling.  
“I thought I was going to have to come pull you away from tall, dark and handsome.”  
“You wouldn’t have had to…” I sighed, shaking my head. “No, get back to your party. Go slut it up, in a classy way. This is your night, Em, I am fine. This is something that’s going to happen, and I’m learning to deal with it. Go!”  
She hesitated, but I gave her the best intimidating glare I could…before genuinely smiling.  
“Go. In three days you can’t do this ever again. Go slap some stripper butt.”  
She laughed loudly, shaking her head.  
“Ew!”  
“Go!”  
“Fiiiiine. You’re good?”  
“I’m good.”  
She scrunched her face, saluting me and tugging down her dress all at the same time. I laughed, rolling my eyes as she left me by myself once again.  
I knew I would be okay…I would be good. Eventually.  
I wasn’t nervous. I was way too tired to be nervous. I hadn’t slept in nearly 48 hours, but what I handed to Richard that morning was something that held a lot more value than a good night or two’s rest.  
My hands were laced, sitting in my lap. His office was warm, in so many ways…pictures of family, music playing, plants…it put me at ease. I watched him read…his glasses resting low on his nose, eyes narrowed. He held the papers in his hands casually, occasionally nodding.  
When he looked up…he didn’t say anything for awhile. He took his glasses off….put the arm against his lips, staring off. After awhile, he looked right at me. He spoke steadily.  
“I thought I was getting just the outline.”  
My voice was thick with exhaustion, but I was never more sure of anything.  
“Yeah, me too. But I couldn’t rush that…so I wrote what I knew.”  
“You wrote the entire ending without the rest of the book.”  
I stared forward, spacing out. The radio was playing. A dull buzz.  
I nodded, surely.  
“I wrote what I know. That’s…that’s what I know.”  
“Not what I expected.”  
“Me neither.”  
“It’s…it’s good.”  
It wasn’t that I needed his approval…at the end of the day, it was my story to tell. My plot. My characters. My book. But hearing his thumbs up made it all feel final. Resolute.  
“I’m surprised you like it,” I laughed lightly. “You wanted happy…I’m not sure that’s exactly a happy ending.”  
“It’s not,” he chuckled darkly, looking down at it. Spacing out briefly before looking back at me. “It’s tragic. It’s sad, but in a way, it’s also happy…in a way. You’re right, Aurora. You wrote what you knew. You listened to your characters.”  
“Yeah.”  
The silence returned between the two of us, but not entirely. A song on the radio. I shut my eyes…I didn’t have it in me to respond, but the voice that filled my ears was one that was familiar. One that I could never forget, even if I tried.  
I opened my eyes, seeing him watching me.  
“Do…do you think maybe later on, we could tweak it? Maybe…maybe instead of them ending up with someone else, they could…I don’t know…”  
“No. I need it to be like that. I need them to move on separately…happy. But I won’t pretend that they are just going to forget about each other…I won’t pretend they’ll stop loving each other, because that’s not true. I won’t pretend to forget him, never, because I will always love him, no matter who I’m with in twenty years.”  
My lips closed, my eyes widening. I felt my chest flush as realization settled on Richard’s face.  
“She. I meant…I meant she, she will always love him.”  
“I see.”  
I didn’t say anything…just shook my shoulders out, nodding once. The song had ended, but I still was hearing it. I smiled…a real, true smile.  
“Glad you like it, because I wouldn’t have changed it.”  
Without another word, I stood up…..hesitating in the doorway.  
“I’m going to need an extension on the rest. It’s…it’s going to take me awhile to pull all of that together. Their story. Their entire story.”  
Very slowly, he smiled. Nodding with a warm look in his eyes.  
“Get some rest, Aurora.”  
I walked to my car, feeling like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I’d be stupid to try and hide the fact that my characters…they weren’t characters. They were real. They told the story of a boy and a girl who were so wrong for each other, it only made sense that they’d be together. And they were meant for each other, they truly were…but sometimes things get complicated, and sometimes the boy or the girl has to decide to do what is best for the other…even if it hurts. Even if in twenty years, the girl knows she will still love the boy.  
I wasn’t going to push Harry out…I wasn’t going to let my past predict my future. I wanted to be happy, I wanted to not be heartbroken anymore, I wanted to move forward…but I knew I’d be lying to myself if I said I wanted Harry completely out of my life. We had something too special to do that…I didn’t want to do that. I was ready to accept that it would take time, and pain, and healing…but one day, I wanted him and I to be able to laugh, and to talk, and to catch up. I wanted that. I needed that. I needed to see that he was happy.  
I wasn’t sure when that day would come, but over everything else…I needed to try and push the memories aside, for at least one day. My plan was to go home and sleep until the next morning…and then plaster a smile on my face, a real, genuine smile…because my best friend was to be married.  
After that, I didn’t have much of a plan. And it was scary, and sad, and upsetting - but it was also good.


	59. Chapter 59

Fifty-Eight ::: Rory  
This was it. Through all of the laughs, the tears, the nervous breakdowns…it was all leading up to one single moment where everything would change. Though it was not my wedding, nothing would be truly the same after my other half was legally bound to hers.  
I was sure that I felt the entire spectrum of emotions that Em was going through, if not even worse. My hands were trembling as I held the small bouqet of baby pink peonies, beginning my journey down the aisle behind the rest of the bridesmaids. It was gorgeous outside…warm, but not hot. Sunny, but not blinding. The trees swayed in the slight breeze. The music was subtle, but I could feel it in my bones.  
I was careful, making sure to keep my pace slow and deliberate. I felt all of the eyes…and couldn’t help but scan the crowd…row by row.  
I saw Em and Bryce’s families…both tearing up, smiling from ear-to-ear….I saw friends from high-school, from college, eagerly awaiting the arrival of the bride…my mom and Val…my mom smiled at me, giving a little wave…I merely raised my eyebrows and smiled, looking next to them…Cal and Chase…Cal simply mouthed don’t trip with her conniving little smirk…Casey and his girlfriend…so many familiar faces mixed into unfamiliar faces, yet there was just one…one I did not see…  
He hadn’t come.  
Stupidly, I looked up towards the altar…just to make sure…Bryce looked terrified…and yet, his groomsmen were all very prim, proper, standing in a line behind him…none of them, him. As expected.  
I’d been told on multiple occasions he wouldn’t be there…but to actually see it for myself, see that he really, truly wasn’t there…I felt like I was going to faint, but I wouldn’t. I was better than that…stronger. The day was about Em and Bryce…not me. Not even the slightest bit about me.  
It was easy to forget all about my problems the minute Em appeared at the end of the aisle. A chorus of ooh’s and ahh’s erupted throughout the crowd, though Bryce and I both were rendered completely and utterly speechless. I could barely see through my blurry eyes, but my cheeks were sore from how big I was smiling.  
Traditional. Simple. Her makeup was light, her hair in loose waves. The dress was…I had never been one to think much of wedding dresses, but it was stunning…perfect in every single way. It fit her like a glove. She almost looked like she was floating, she was glowing so much.  
I looked over at Bryce…seeing his goofy grin, but focusing more on the tears I saw in his eyes…the first tears ever. He happened to look my way, and I made sure to grab his attention. I smiled…mouthing one thing that I already knew he’d do.  
Take care of her.  
He nodded once…his face getting serious. He adjusted his tie, raising his eyebrow at me to subtly make sure it was alright. I nodded, giving him my last seal of approval.  
By the time Em was standing right in front of me, I couldn’t hold back any longer. Tears were pouring down my face…happy tears. Even once she’d given my arm a tight squeeze, keeping her composure and facing Bryce…I continued to silently cry. The ceremony was beautiful….their vows were funny, and meaningful, and promising. I could see it in their eyes…just this look. It held so much, yet was so casual…it was a look I’d had in my eyes at one point in time. A look that had been returned, by another pair of beautiful green ones. I was sad to have lost it, but thankful to have experienced it.  
By the time the rings were put on and the kiss was shared, the reality of it all had already settled.  
Mr. and Mrs. Bryce Davis.  
Everyone was cheering, crying, smiling, laughing, hugging, staring, taking pictures - it was chaos, but also calm. They were married. I couldn’t find it in me to think about anything else except how happy I was for them. They looked so happy, and I knew that no matter how long they spent together…that wouldn’t change.  
The reception was nuts…really, truly nuts. Everyone was drunk, exuberant, dancing…drinking, drinking, more drinking. I’d had three glasses of champagne, but I was pretty sure even my mother had at least five. The only person more sober than me, was my sister…and it was weird to see her strangely okay with that…sitting off with Chase, quietly talking and smiling at each other.  
I was coated in a light sweat, panting and laughing lightly as I squeezed my way off of the dancefloor. For a good hour and a half, I was with Em and Bryce’s sisters, re-enacting every single possible dance move in the history of dance moves. My hair was sticking to my neck, and I was sure my makeup was a bit smudged as I neared the table my mom and Val were sitting at.  
My mom smiled at me as I grabbed my glass of water, taking a hefty sip. I swallowed, taking a deep breath and shaking my head with a laugh.  
“I can’t dance for the life of me.”  
“You have your mother’s genes,” she easily hummed, nudging Val. He smirked, looking up at me. I was honestly surprised he was still around…but that had to hold some value.  
“You doing well, Rory? Sorry we didn’t get to catch up much when you were home, with….well, you know.”  
My mom huffed, rolling her eyes. I ignored her, nodding my head.  
“Yeah, I’m alright. I’m doing well. No baby coming for me, so that’s good.”  
My joke was not taken lightly as my mom’s smile faded. She shook her head, laughing bitterly, though I could see her resolve breaking through.  
“Your sister and I have been having it out these past few weeks…she says she’s ready, but you know Cal…”  
“I think she is, mom.”  
I looked back over across the room…seeing Chase rubbing her back as he stood up, taking her empty plate from the table. Cal was smiling up at him…saying something.  
“I really think she is.”  
“Well…I’m not ready to be a grandmother. So, you take your time. No more babies before marriage, huh? I know we’re not exactly the most conventional bunch, but really.”  
I laughed, nodding my head.  
“No babies, anytime soon. Or before marriage. I promise.”  
“Good girl.”  
We fell into a comfortable silence. I snorted, looking out and seeing Bryce attempting to twerk…it was not a pretty sight, but it seemed to be keeping everyone entertained. Everyone seemed to be preoccupied with someone…whether it be dancing, or off talking in a quiet corner. I was going to make my way over to introduce myself to Casey’s girlfriend, but they were in their own world…staring into each other’s eyes, holding hands…it wasn’t my place to step in.  
“Everybody! Hey!”  
I laughed, seeing Em trying to get everyone’s attention. She went from smiling and kind-of yelling, to screaming and whistling harshly. Once everyone quieted down to a nice level, she smiled.  
“Time to throw the bouquet!”  
Immediately, every female in the room was up and rushing over…a hopeful glint dancing in every pair of eyes. I smiled, watching…knowing that though I could handle most everything throughout the day, that was one thing I wasn’t quite sure I wanted to be a part of. It hit too close to home.  
I had a few options. I could go mingle with Bryce’s creepy cousins and work friends at the bar…or I could excuse myself quietly, and go cool off. Let myself think for a little.  
I easily chose the latter.  
Slipping out the back of the transparent plastic tent was easy. It was dark outside, except for the light of the moon and the paper lanterns lining the pathway through the field and to the parking lot. There was a quiet buzzing, of fireflies in the night…it was comfortable. Nice.  
The music and commotion from the reception could still be heard, but it was off in the distance. I remembered seeing a bench…off by itself, away from everything. I took a seat…lacing my hands in my lap.  
For a brief moment, I shut my eyes…shut out everything.  
Over the years, I’d learned to expect certain things from people. Generally, it was always bad…I’d be lied to. I’d be let down. I’d be manipulated. I’d be hurt. I’d be stepped on. It was this horrible cycle…just a constant loop of negativity that I could never shake. It was dark, and lonely, and cold…just like how I felt sitting there away from everyone, shutting my eyes.  
When I opened them, I was still alone, away from everyone…but things really weren’t so dark and lonely and cold. The moon was glowing…this beautiful, bright glow. The animals were singing their songs, the leaves and grasses humming as the breeze brushed through them. The air was warm…accepting.  
The world wasn’t such a bitter place, really. Even the people in it weren’t always bitter, or cruel. I’d convinced myself of it for so long…that maybe I had just been the one that was bitter and cruel.  
I was hurting, but things would be okay. I would be okay. Because people had good intentions. Most of them really did. They had feelings, and they hurt, and they loved, and they cared…nobody was out to get me, but myself.  
I wasn’t sure when everything truly began to make sense. Maybe it all made sense at the altar, when I watched two of the most amazing people give themselves to each other…or maybe it began to make sense as I sat there, thinking about everything I’d been doing wrong. All I knew was that I didn’t flinch when I heard the footsteps behind me…I wasn’t surprised, or shocked.  
A hand was placed on my shoulder. I didn’t move for a minute…just appreciating how sometimes, when you give someone the benefit of the doubt…they’ll show you what they’re made of. What you deserve.  
The metal was cold against my skin…and sure enough, when I gave in and turned around…green eyes.


	60. Chapter 60

Fifty-Nine ::: Rory  
“Clock is about to strike twelve, princess.”  
His touch was gone as fast as it came. I looked down at my fingers…trying not to laugh. Merely shaking my head. I felt him next to me as he took a seat…resting his elbows on his knees. He was just far enough away to feel too far, but also just close enough to feel too close…somehow.  
“Wrong princess,” I quietly muttered, shyly glancing over. “Cinderella. Idiot.”  
His grin took some time…he looked up, staring off into the distance with that smile…the one that was cocky, and innocent, and just screamed little shit all at the same time.  
He sat up straight. When his eyes met mine, I felt safe. I didn’t think of six. I didn’t think of Paige. I didn’t think of the worst pain my heart had ever endured…  
No…I thought of a little, messy pink apostrophe.  
“I know that,” he retorted, casually rubbing his thumbs over his knees as he gripped them. “Thought it weird to bring up a bloody finger on a spindle, though. A bit violent, yeah?”  
I snorted…looking away. I bit my lip, trying to think of the right thing to say…feeling the rate of my heart increase, just having him within arm’s reach. His cologne was dull, but it smelled like home. I had to shut my eyes…try to get my wits about me.  
Gasping, they bolted back open as he startled me, tugging on the end of my hair with a small smile. His fingertips brushed my arm before dropping back down, causing goosebumps to spread in their wake.  
“Who needs the haircut now, Rapunzel?”  
“I know,” I breathed, glancing down as my brown tendrils cascaded over the front of my dress. They hung nearly to my belly button. “Way too long. I need to cut it.”  
“No,” he quickly replied, causing me to look up at him. His cheeks flushed slightly as he smiled, eyes tracing over me. “You look…you look so lovely tonight, Rory. So lovely.”  
“You look pretty dapper yourself,” I smirked, nudging him with my elbow, but his body was stiff…his eyes glazed, staring at me so heavily. Feeling every bit of my confidence dwindle, I forced myself to look away. The toes of my heels became awfully interesting as I cleared my throat.  
“I thought you weren’t supposed to be here.”  
“They know I’m here,” he easily replied, nudging his head behind us. “Not gettin’ rid of me that easily.”  
“I’m not - I wasn’t trying to…” I stumbled, huffing slightly with a shake of my head. He watched me curiously…the complete opposite. Calm.  
Gently, he reached over…using his pointer finger and thumb to still my head, taking hold of my chin. I tried to fight it…tried to play it off, giving him a subtle grin…but his eyes were steady. Boring into me as he licked his lips and rubbed them together.  
“I’d like to explain myself, if that’s alright.”  
Our eyes lingered on one another’s…why exactly, I wasn’t sure. It wasn’t a test…he knew the ball was in my court. For some reason, though, it was evident that he knew…he just knew I wasn’t going to turn him away. As he moved his hand, his touch absent…I let him reposition it, cupping my cheek…rubbing his thumb over the sensitive skin…accepting me as I melted into it, shutting my eyes.  
“I’m a right idiot for ever hurting you.”  
“Harry-”  
“I should have told you, Rory. Should have kept my promise, shouldn’t ever have let you down like I did.”  
“Please stop.”  
“Not until I’ve been heard. Made that mistake already, not doing it again. I need you to hear me out-”  
I sighed…reaching up and grasping his wrist, pulling it away. He didnt’ flinch, though he shut up…allowing his hand to settle on the bench between us as he remained facing me…his full attention on me.  
I shook my head…enforcing every word falling from my lips.  
“I don’t need to hear a thing.”  
When he went to fuss, I laughed…he was visibly perturbed, pursing his lips and furrowing his eyebrows as I hesitated to explain myself. I looked away, picking at a loose splinter on the bench…unable to face him and my demons at the same time.  
“If you haven’t noticed, you weren’t the only one to mess up. I should have heard you out from the start-”  
“Don’t you dare blame yourself, please…was all me, Rory, all me. You have to know-”  
I held my hand up…shushing him, forcing myself to look into emerald eyes that were making me squirm with a thousand different emotions. I offered him the smallest of smiles, though he didn’t really return it. He was determined, but had no idea that he didn’t need to be.  
“I meant everything I said in that text…I forgive you. I don’t want to hear a single word about it anymore…reallly, please. You owe me no apology…I should have given you more credit…I really can’t bear to hear you apologize, so please don’t.”  
“I’m sorry.”  
I wanted to scold him, but knew I couldn’t…not when he had that cute little smirk. Not when his eyes softened slightly, not when he looked like how he did the night on the roof of my apartment when he drunkenly kissed me for the first time. He’d always be that Harry to me…careful, sweet, special.  
Time stood still…but the seconds passed, and he didn’t stay quiet long. His smirk fell and his intensity returned.  
“Know somethin’?”  
“Hm?”  
He hummed…closing his lips, looking up at the sky…a distant smile on his face.  
“This girl once told me I was an arsehole when I tried to impress her with backstage passes.”  
Immediately, a smile made its way onto my face. I watched him…studying him from the side as he did his best not to grin.  
“Yeah?”  
“‘mm. Was only tryin’ to make up for somethin’ bad I did.”  
“I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.”  
“Was an accident, you know. Third party was involved. Put me shoes in the freezer, ran a bit late, ruined this girl’s interview. Felt like a dickhead.”  
“You weren’t, though.”  
“No?”  
“No.”  
“Right. Well, I probably deserved to be yelled at a bit, yeah?”  
I wasn’t sure where he was going with the walk down memory lane, but I humored him.  
“Yeah, a little. I heard you kind of messed it up, but not too bad.”  
“But kind of, yeah?”  
“Kind of.”  
His smile fell as he looked over at me…chewing on his cheek. He glanced down…running his fingers over mine, gently playing with them. I felt the electricity shoot through me, but tried to hold myself together.  
“Feel it’s my place to return the favor.”  
“What?”  
He looked back up…holding eye contact, his fingers still playing with mine.  
“This girl…same girl…I think she deserves to be yelled at a bit. Bein’ an arsehole.”  
I snorted as he made a dramatic face, expecting him to do the same…but he didn’t. He shook his head…his eyes hurting as he shut them. I waited as he finally sighed…leaning back against the bench. Looking over at me.  
“See, this girl…” he rubbed his fingers over his lips. “She’s bloody brilliant, yeah? Quite the catch. But a little birdy told me she doesn’t think so…may have told me she thinks she doesn’t deserve someone or other…I think the girl is mad, honestly. If anythin’, that someone doesn’t deserve her, yeah?”  
I looked away, feeling my chest flush.  
“I heard these awful things this girl was feelin’…and I really, really hope, with every bit of me that she - excuse my language - pulls her head out her arse and realizes how mental she’s being.”  
I couldn’t look at him…I shut my eyes, wondering just how much - and when - Em told him.  
“I’m gonna stop talkin’ in circles now 'cause it’s gettin’ a bit confusing,” I felt the gentle tug on my arm as I looked over, taking in Harry’s comforting smirk. He tried to pull me closer, but I was embarassed…embarassed and hurt. Again, he played with my fingers…as if they were the most interesting things in the world. He spoke just above a whisper. “You’re the best thing that’s happened to me, Rory…don’t ever want to hear you belittling yourself. The girl I care about is the one bitchin’ at me for bein’ an idiot…makin’ me shake in my boots 'cause she’s so damn smart, and confident, and everything a lady should be - but very few actually are. Don’t like to hear you thinking rubbish like you don’t deserve me, okay? Don’t want to hear that ever again.”  
I said nothing, but clearly he didn’t want me to. With that same confidence in his tone, he continued.  
“You know that even when it was bad, it was so good…it was so good to me, Rory, you do know that, right?”  
I swallowed hard, looking at him. He was being so tender…so careful as he spoke, looking directly at me.  
“Even when things weren’t okay with us, I always knew I’d be alright 'cause I had you. I knew I had you,” he chuckled quietly, as if remembering something. “You know when you lived with me, I was the happiest guy in the world, yeah? Comin’ home to you? Comin’ home to your clothes thrown about the bedroom floor, the closet a wreck, dishes sittin’ in the sink….”  
I couldn’t help but laugh, biting my bottom lip and enticing him to laugh with me. He shook his head…staring at me.  
“Yeah. Was the luckiest guy in the world. You made that place home, Rory. It’s just a place I stay now. S'all it is…so don’t you dare think you didn’t deserve me. You were everything. You are everything.”  
It was a lot to hear at once. I knew I shouldn’t have been kicking myself even more than I always had, but I didn’t want to keep dodging reality. I needed to face my fears head on.  
“Why are you here?”  
My voice came out as a squeak…a failed attempt to excude that confidence he’d always loved.  
His fingers stopped moving…merely held mine within them, his grip tightening the slightest bit as he looked at me.  
“You know why I’m here, Rory.”  
“Then why now?”  
My chest hurt as I swallowed the lump in my throat, losing my resolve. I’d been waiting around…hoping for something from him, and only receiving silence. I’d been okay, but it had been eating me up.  
“Why? Why did you stop trying? You haven’t said as much as a word to me in weeks…”  
I shivered as I felt soft, moist lips press to the very tips of my fingers. I looked at him as he looked up at me through dark eyelashes, pecking my skin once more before carefully laying them back down. I watched as he shut his eyes….making an 'o’ shape with his mouth as he slowly exhaled. I was about to ask if he was okay when he looked directly at me, a fire blazing in his eyes.  
“I had to do this in person. I was going to wait a bit, get you by yourself…show up at your door, dunno…but now is as good a time as any, and I can’t wait any longer.”  
I would have asked what he meant. I would have pressed him for specifics, but I no longer had the ability to do either…for he was no longer on the bench next to me.  
He was in front of me…down on one knee, both of his hands holding mine with a slight tremble.  
“H-Harry…”  
A broken name, barely slipping out as I tried to gather my wits about me. I couldn’t move, couldn’t function, seeing him in that position…seeing him sheepishly smile, chuckling lightly at my reaction.  
“Hi baby.”  
I began to shake my head, but he didn’t listen.  
“Aurora Thorn…”  
I laughed, but it was strangled, ending quickly. I could feel my pulse in my mouth, could feel every muscle in my body spasming. He seemed nervous, but sure. So sure.  
“A spitfire, you are. Always have been…with such pretty blue eyes. Ask Niall, went on for days about your eyes and I’d barely seen you through a dark windshield. A bit creepy, in'nit?”  
I continued to laugh…but I wasn’t even sure why, I couldn’t control it. I was smiling, but I felt my insides crumbling with each sound that came from my mouth. He just looked so hopeful…so collected, so happy.  
“But those eyes…” he continued, narrowing his own green eyes….rubbing his lips together. He shook his head increduously, never breaking eye contact. “I find it absolutely hilarious I thought you might be shy. Lookin’ at me like that from the car that night you came to get Cal. Don’t think I could have been more wrong.”  
I let out a genuine giggle, rolling my eyes as he grinned proudly. He had planned every bit of what he was saying I was sure, but it didn’t seem that way. It was true. Simple.  
He sighed, his smile faltering again.  
“Barely knew you. You stumbled upon me that night in the alley…I was drunk, trying to get a look at your knickers when you were walking around me….I succeeded.”  
I hit him on his head as he laughed loudly, his eyes crinkling up at the corners like I loved so much.  
“Eating an orange.”  
“Yeah,” he chuckled, nodding his head. He smirked. “I was. You were wearin’ those pink frilly panties, sexy, they were. Still love those, you know I do.”  
“Harry.”  
“You’re right, not the time. Moving on.”  
We both smiled softly. He took a deep breath, shaking out his shoulders as he continued.  
“But whether or not I saw up your dress that night really didn’t matter. I remember I told you somethin’ I hadn’t really told anyone…told you how I found comfort in the bodies I’d fall asleep next to. And you told me that was sad, somethin’ like that…I think that’s when I knew I was in trouble.”  
I bit my bottom lip, trying to stop it from shaking.  
“I knew I was in trouble 'cause I had someone else inside, waiting to go home with me…waiting to be that body to keep me warm, hold me through the night…and I knew that even having that comfort, having that kind of temporary bliss…I knew I would have rather sat there in the alley, talkin’ to you than have that.”  
I exhaled a shaky breath as he offered a soft smile, continuing. He rubbed over my fingers soothingly with his thumbs as he shut his eyes briefly.  
“I think it was the same week…asked you to lunch, when I very well shouldn’t have. Fibbed a bit, said you had to interview me there instead of the venue…when really I just wanted to get you one-on-one again. You met me for a burger, and you asked me to write down my favorite songs.”  
“You were a cheeky little shit and wrote me a note about liking me.”  
His smile lit up as I helped him finish the scene. He nodded.  
“Fond of you, I did. Was proud of that bit, and you never even said anything!”  
“You were being an idiot, you were with someone.”  
“Silly details,” he chuckled, shrugging playfully. He gave us both a minute to relax…our smiles falling. “I don’t remember a time after that where you weren’t the only girl on my mind.”  
“Harry…”  
I shut my eyes tightly, feeling it all begin to crash. My hands were shaking badly at that point, but he held them so carefully, trying to keep me safe.  
“You’ve always been the one for me, Rory. I can keep namin’ off so many times that I remember trying to memorize how you looked in a certain moment, or somethin’ witty you said that I wanted to repeat to mum or Gem or the boys, or conversations we had that have kept me up at night while we’ve been away on tour…I’m not this guy, Rory. I’m not the guy to settle with some girl who makes me happy sometimes. You’re so much more than that, you…”  
He chuckled and I forced myself to open my eyes, biting my bottom lip so hard I thought it would start bleeding.  
“You, doll, are one in a handful of billions. There’s only one Aurora Thorn. Without you, Harry Styles cannot exist…I can’t function without you right by my side, tellin’ me I’m an idiot, laughin’ at my stupid jokes, askin’ me to put my dick away-”  
“Harry.”  
He laughed, shaking his head.  
“Pinky, actually. Only girl to understand what that means…”  
He adjusted his grip on my hands, pulling one of his own away. I watched as he reached into his jacket pocket, fumbling around. I felt my stomach plummet, and I was unable to hold back any longer.  
A blue velvet box appeared as he finally dropped my hands completely, using both of his to hold the box in front of him. He shook his head….smiling bigger than I’d ever seen him.  
“Hate that I just segwayed into this talkin’ about my dick…”  
“Harry…”  
“I know this isn’t the right place,” he slowly began, finally showing some sign of unease. He swallowed hard, still grinning. “You hate cliches a whole bloody lot, and I’m not sure this is even a cliche, I just know it’s awful. But I can’t…I can’t spend another minute of my life not doing this…I need to spend every one that I have left with you by my side.”  
“Harry…”  
I wasn’t sure how many times I’d tried to interrupt at that point, but it finally clicked. I felt the tears blurring my vision…felt the sob shake my chest as I covered my lips with my hands, shaking my head as I watched his smile fall…his gaze wavering as he put a trembling hand on my knee.  
“This is supposed to be happy, love…” he shrugged, the box still closed in his hand as he slowly dropped it…realizing. “Why are you cryin’?”  
“Because I have to tell you no.”


	61. Chapter 61

Sixty ::: Rory  
I should have known that those words coming from my lips at that moment in time would be taken in the worst possible light. I felt my stomach twist in agonizing pain as the hope sparkling in his eyes dulled, replaced by glassy sorrow. His lips parted slightly as if he were going to say something, though no words came. His shoulders had slumped, and I watched as the blue velvet box slipped from his fingers, dropping down into the grass.  
Comfort in words was not necessary.  
My palms slid over his soft cheeks, pulling him towards me. He didn’t have time to react as I crashed my lips against his…fireworks exploding in my chest, stomach, and across every inch of my skin as I gasped into his mouth. Everything I remembered…but so much more.  
He was stunned, his lips still. I pecked him again, prolonging each kiss selfishly, though he didn’t move. He didn’t have to.  
When the sides of my thumbs suddenly were met with liquid, I realized he was crying. I pulled away, staring into bloodshot, broken eyes. He didn’t try to hide his vulnerability as he spoke, his voice cracking with each syllable.  
“I don’t understand.”  
I smiled as gently as possible, my heart pounding. He didn’t return it, slowly beginning to shake his head.  
“Rory, please.”  
His bottom lip was trembling as he plead just once more, causing my own tears to fall again…but my smile wasn’t leaving. My hands were shaking horribly as I reached down, grabbing the tiny box out of the grass. He watched silently as I opened it, the tears flowing heavier the minute I caught sight of the beautiful, simple gem.  
“Oh, Harry…”  
It was a foreign thing, to be staring at an engagement ring that was meant to be on my finger…it was so small, delicate…but it meant so much.  
I laughed…trying to still my fingers as I reached in with my pointer and thumb, gripping the thin band.  
“Rory…”  
I didn’t reply. I carefully set the empty box back into the grass before putting all of my focus into carefully unclasping the back of my simple silver necklace. I slid the ring onto it…reaching back, and somehow, hooking it back around my neck on the first try.  
My fingertips wound their way down the fragile chain…gripping the ring. When I looked up, Harry’s tears were still slowly dripping down his cheeks…but they weren’t fresh. His eyes were staring at the accessory laying on my chest, and it almost seemed as if he were holding his breath.  
With a steady breath…I smiled, and let out a shaky laugh…reaching out and rubbing over his cheek, my thumb caressing the damp skin.  
“I said no because we aren’t ready. Not even…not even close. There’s so much we have to recover from….I need to keep working on myself. But one day…one day, I would be honored to marry you, Harry Styles.”  
Similar to flipping a light switch, Harry’s demeanor changed in a matter of less than ten words. I wasn’t sure he even registered the first half of what I said. He was suddenly grinning…so much so it looked painful as I laughed, unable to stop him. I didn’t want to stop him.  
Eager hands gripped my hips as he pulled me off of the bench, laying me down easily in the grass as he climbed on top of me. I was giggling, squirming, trying to breathe.  
“Harry!”  
His eyes were so full of life…so happy, so excited, so…Harry.  
I laughed and laughed and laughed as his weight shifted on top of me, pressing me even further into the grass as he kissed every bit of me he could get his lips on. My cheeks, my forehead, my nose, my ear, my jaw, my chin, my neck, my lips - all while his hands desperately held me to him, afraid to let go…but I wasn’t going anywhere.  
“You’ll marry me?”  
He was panting, his eyes crinkled, dimples showing, shaking his head increduously as he stared down at me…nothing but adoration and love heavy in his eyes. I bit my lip….careful not to get ahead of myself.  
“Not yet, but one day.”  
“But you’ll marry me?”  
For a moment, reality settled…I looked up at him, his smile faltering as he waited…I didn’t have a single doubt in my mind. I didn’t have it in me to correct him again…because really, the answer was the same.  
Yes. I was going to marry him.  
“Of course.”  
He didn’t need much more to completely lose himself. Sloppy kisses, grabby hands, a curious tongue…his mouth was hot all over mine as I laced my fingers into his soft, shorter hair, tugging on it and earning a groan in the back of his throat that vibrated against my lips.  
“‘mm, Ha-rry…”  
I tried to push at his chest, get a breath - but he wouldn’t let me, only pushing his entire body down harder, sucking on my lips. I was allowing the shameful exchange to take place - only until he shifted himself a bit too close.  
“Harry!”  
My high-pitched scold snapped him out of his daze. I gripped his shoulders, successfully pushing him off as he blushed profusely, his teeth showing as he smiled like an idiot. I looked down between us, seeing the object of my distaste.  
“Really?”  
He giggled…yes, giggled. He dramatically glared down between his legs, pointing his finger.  
“Down boy!”  
“Too much.”  
“What?” he asked, furrowing his eyebrows. “Got my girl, naturally Pinky wants to reunite with his lady. Poor bloke. Be kind, Rory.”  
I didn’t even have it in me to be polite. With a grin that matched his, I reached down…rubbing over him through his black dress pants as his jaw fell slack and his eyes widened. I bit my lip, trying to stifle my dirty smile as he did his best not to do the same, absolute shock evident on his face.  
“Aurora Thorn, don’t tease.”  
I tightened my grip, but moved my hand slower.  
“What? I couldn’t hear you, the wind is picking up.”  
The muscles in his abdomen tightened slightly as he flinched, dropping his forehead against mine as his eyelashes fluttered shut. He swallowed hard, so loud that I could hear it. I kept the pace, feeling his approval with each flick of my wrist, knowing we were being so bad - laying off by ourselves, but out in the open.  
“He’d really like to say hi to his fiance, Rory.”  
“We aren’t engaged.”  
“Close enough, I reckon.”  
Our eyes met, and I could feel my happiness consuming me as he smiled gently, pressing his lips to my cheek. When he pulled back, I dove forward, kissing him hard before he detached us.  
With a dazed smirk, he rested his forehead against mine again.  
“My car is just around the bend.”  
“Harry,” I muttered, laughing as I shook my head. “We can’t leave. I have to go back in there, it’s my best friend’s wedding reception.”  
It was his turn to bring his bottom lip between his teeth, a fire raging in his eyes.  
“Never said we had to leave, just sneak off for a bit.”  
Before I could come to terms with the fact that I was actually considering having a dirty quickie in the middle of a wedding, I was gasping for breath…because a third body had joined us and was crushing me, Em’s drunk and hysterical voice shouting, Bryce, get off them!  
“Jesus Christ, Bryce,” I huffed as Harry nimbly rolled off of me, knocking the drunk baffoon off of his back in the process. I caught my breath, sitting up…and feeling my entire face and chest flush as Bryce’s jaw dropped, his eyes widening as they lingered on Harry’s crotch.  
“Boner patrooooool!”  
Harry looked over at me completely speechless…smirking and shaking his head as he attempted to cover himself, failing.  
“Bryce!” Em was giggling wildly, also looking at the massive tent as I stared at the two of them in absolute horror. “Oh my god, Harry, that is so gross. But wow.”  
“You guys are unbelievable,” I muttered, climbing to my feet. Bryce still lay in a heap in the grass, his hands laced on his chest as he smiled off into the distance. I offered Harry my hands as he took them, allowing me to pull him up. “Well, this has been sufficiently uncomfortable.”  
Harry was laughing to himself as Bryce stumbled to his feet, clammering over towards him. He leaned onto Harry’s shoulder with slits for eyes, attempting to whisper - and failing miserably.  
“Did you give her the good dick like you said you would?”  
Immediately my jaw dropped and Harry was looking at me in absolute fear.  
“I did not say that, I swear. I swear I didn’t-”  
“He didn’t, Rory,” Bryce hummed, smiling like an absolute fool. “He did say-”  
“'Nuff of honesty hour, yeah? Let’s get you back inside,” Harry helped Bryce stay upright as he shook his head, using his height and stature to keep him on his feet. “You smell like a dirty pub, mate, it’s dreadful.”  
I watched as they began to walk forward, Bryce catching my eye as he looked back at me.  
“Did you say yes?”  
I blushed, my fingers finding the new addition to my necklace as I held it tightly. He didn’t wait for me to answer, smirking proudly and harshly slapping Harry’s back, causing him to nearly fall over. Once he caught himself and successfully kept Bryce upright, shy eyes met mine…a knowing smile.  
“You can thank me later, I did most of the work.”  
“No you didn’t,” Em finally spoke up, hissing at her new husband as she smirked over at me. “I did.”  
“I remember a conversation about keeping some things private, dunno,” Harry grunted from ahead of us, shooting Em a subtle glare. “If my memory serves me correctly.”  
“Oh Rory, he was so cute-” Em began to speak though not for long, cut off by Bryce.  
“How did he propose? I wanted him to do it during the wedding, like show up and-”  
“Know what I’d really like?” I ineterrupted the two of them, looking straight at Harry. I knew he was on the same page as I let out a breath of relief, laughing with tears resurfacing in my eyes. “I’d like the newlyweds to hold hands and go back and enjoy their wedding night, while I steal my man for myself. No more talking about us, okay? It’s your night.”  
“But Rory…” Em smiled, talking quiet enough so that only I could hear. “This is big. I know I’m a little drunk, but we need to…I want to hear everything, did you say yes?”  
I hummed, unable to stop smiling as I shook my head.  
“Your night. We’ll talk tomorrow.”  
She huffed, nodding slowly. With a spring in her step, she walked the small bit of space ahead of us, slipping between Harry and Bryce. Harry glanced over, watching as she latched onto Bryce - but not before getting on her tip-toes and pressing a quick kiss to Harry’s cheek.  
“I would say be good to her, but I know you will.”  
My heart had never felt so full. So whole. Harry pursed his lips, his face serious as he nodded once at Em, allowing them to walk ahead. When he looked back at me, his smile slowly spread. He straightened his posture…ran his hand through his hair, took a deep breath…and extended his arm.  
“Accompany me inside?”  
I smiled…nodding as I wrapped my arm under his elbow. I shut my eyes as he tilted my head up with his fingers, gently pressing his lips to mine before looking down at me.  
“No pressure, alright? Don’t have to talk about things right now, I know…I know we have some work to do.”  
I sighed…nodding my head. It had been a long couple of months. But, I knew the ones to come would be a whole lot different…in the best of ways.  
“If anyone asks, I’ll tell them. But I won’t talk if I don’t want to. This is us…nobody else has ever really mattered, and that’s not changing. This is our news to share…our relationship we’re working on.”  
He looked stunned for a moment…his eyes glassy. I cocked my head, though he only laughed lightly…shaking his head as he ran his thumb under his eyes.  
He pulled me tighter, rubbing my arm.  
“My pretty girl, yeah?”  
“You’re going to make me cry,” I laughed, barely getting the words out as my own tears drifted down my face. I reached up, wiping his away as he laughed, rolling his eyes. “But yes. Yours.”  
“We’re a miserable lot, aren’t we?”  
“I was hoping those were happy tears.”  
“No, I’m absolutely gutted.”  
He smirked down at me, giving me a very overly-dramatic pained look.  
“Really, truly. Stuck with you now. What did I do to deserve this? Ow!”  
I giggled, tugging him forward as he rubbed the spot I pinched, stumbling along.  
“Devil woman.”  
“Idiot.”  
Walking back into the wedding was an interesting feeling. I felt like we had come full circle…all of us. At some point in time, I would have cared that a lot of eyes landed on Harry and I’s interlocked hands…a lot of eyes landed on Harry, in general. I may have put the necklace and ring in my bag, may have tried to hide from the attention by staying a safe distance away from him…but I didn’t. I tugged him closer, findng my spot by his side…I knew I was blushing as I looked over at my mom, but it didn’t matter. There was nothing to hide from.  
I felt that same sense of freedom as I let Harry go…watching as he joined Bryce on the dancefloor, cracking his knuckles before beginning to twerk. I felt it as I caught sight of Em giggling with Bryce’s sisters at a table, lost in their own world. I felt it when I looked over at my mom, genuinely happy with a guy much younger than her. I felt it when I saw Chase, running back over to the bar to fetch some Sprite for my demanding and expecting sister. I felt it when I saw Casey staring at Gwen with nothing but adoration and happiness in his eyes…  
As much as I fucking loathed the idea of stupid cliches, maybe life was just one big cliche…a series of unfortunate events that somehow, always played out how they were supposed to. It was messy, and sometimes cruel, and sometimes it hurt like hell - but maybe you have to experience the bad to find the good…whether that be a job you always wanted, or being surrounded by your family, or maybe…maybe in something as simple as emerald green eyes. If you look hard enough, the good is always there.  
“If you eat another cupcake, you’re going to turn into one.”  
Cal rolled her eyes, shoving another massive bite of red-velvety-goodness into her mouth. I stood next to her chair, partially distracted as I watched Harry approach the bar where my mom was standing.  
I looked back down at Cal. She shrugged, giving me a sarcastic grin as she crumpled the wrapping.  
“So fucking good.”  
“Or maybe the baby will just be a cupcake when it comes out. Just a cute little pastry.”  
“I’ll eat it if it does.”  
Harry was smiling, his eyes catching mine as he spoke to my mother…his grin only grew before he forcibly pulled his eyes away, returning to the conversation. The lights were dim, but I caught them just once more before he laughed, continuing to speak as my mom grabbed his arm.  
“Sick.”  
I looked back down at my sister as she glared at me, a look of sheer disgust on her face.  
“Want to know what’s sick? Your vomit-inducing fairytale ending with perfect Mr. Popster over there. Can you at least pretend you aren’t going to screw his brains out in about an hour? Save us the misery? You’re eye-fucking him, Rory, and God knows I don’t have to turn around to see him doing the same.”  
“You better hope the baby can’t hear your filthy mouth,” I muttered, rolling my eyes but feeling my chest flush. I was playing with the necklace…realizing that Cal had noticed it, but didn’t seem shocked. “How did you…?”  
She smirked, shaking her head.  
“You have no idea what he’s been up to for the past few months, do you?”  
“I…”  
“Excuse me, ladies, may I interrupt?”  
He had impeccable timing, truly. And he very well knew it. His grin spread as his hand extended towards mine, not waiting for an answer before tugging me onto the dancefloor.  
When he turned around, gently pulling me by my hips towards him, I offered him a smirk.  
“You asked, but gave me no option to turn you down.”  
Carefully, he adjusted our positioning, taking my hands and lacing them around his neck. I briefly tugged on his hair a bit too harshly, earning a pitiful whine as I grinned innocently. He rolled his eyes, rubbing his thumbs up and down on my lower back as he laced his hands.  
A slow song I’d only heard a few times began to play as we started to sway our bodies to the melody. We were one pair in a handful - but I felt like it was just us as his eyes drifted to the shiny piece hanging from my neck, then back to my eyes with a sheepish smile.  
I swallowed, allowing my heart to race like the first time he ever touched me. I was just as anxious about everything that had happened that evening, but seeing his subtle glances gave me reassurance that no matter what, we’d be okay.  
“What were you talking to my mom about?”  
The reminder caused him to laugh lightly, his eyes never leaving mine.  
“She’s quite adament that no babies are made before the wedding,” he quietly said, shaking his head. “I assured her that I’d keep that promise.”  
“So you told her about the…kind-of engagement?”  
He pursed his lips, a knowing smirk attempting to be minimized. It didn’t work as his dimples broke through, a raspy laugh shaking his chest.  
“Erm…no, I…didn’t really have to.”  
My conversation with Cal replayed in my head, only reinforced by the way he looked like a dog with its tail tucked between its legs.  
“What have you been up to these past few months, Styles?”  
“A man must never divulge his secrets.”  
“You didn’t have to, pretty sure everyone around us kind of gave me the hints necessary to pick up on whatever has been up your sleeve,” I gripped a shoulder with one hand, using the other to poke his nose. He shook me off, huffing playfully. “Really, though. Why is nobody freaking out I have a diamond ring suddenly hanging from my neck? Was I the last one to find out about my own kind-of engagement?”  
His silence, along with the flush on his cheeks answered my hypothetical question…I smiled even more, unsure of what to even say. Months of worrying, having trouble sleeping, trying to do what was best…all to find out he was still there. He hadn’t given up.  
Pressing a kiss to the underside of his jaw, I made sure that I was going to start showing him that he was worth just as much as I was…little by little.  
I wasn’t sure how things would pan out…but I knew he’d be my side in the end.  
“Damn it, Harry.”  
He scrunched his face up, gasping lowly as I slapped his chest.  
“What did I do?”  
“I have to re-write the entire ending of my book.”  
“What book?”  
I simply grinned…looking up at chocolate-colored curls, the most expressive green eyes I’d ever seen, and the sweetest pink lips I’d ever tasted.  
Fuck it.  
The princess had found her prince.  
“You’re such a goob.”  
“What book, Rory? I’m a bit lost, if I’m honest.”  
“Shhh.”  
“Don’t shhh me, what were you goin’ on about?”  
“Nevermind, be quiet.”  
“I will do no such thing-”  
And I knew he wouldn’t, so I did the one thing I knew would shut him up. I kissed him.  
The early morning hours were approaching, yet the party was still in full swing. Love was in the air, and I wasn’t immune to it…reality was settling, and as I came around to it…I could feel the urgency shaking my bones.  
I eyed the room, wondering where Harry had gone. Though I didn’t see him, I didn’t need him just yet.  
I stealthily made my way to the open bar…exchanging a look of confusion with the bartender as I grabbed an entire bottle of champagne. The cheapest looking one I could find.  
“You saw nothing, right?”  
“My lips are sealed.”  
“That’s a good boy.”  
“With a small fee.”  
“Oh, you prick.”  
With a little less dignity, I slid a $20 across the counter, flicking him off after…but not without sharing a laugh. I did my best to sneak out….avoiding any direct eye contact. I saw Em and Bryce…laughing about something, sharing a kiss on the dancefloor…I was happy. So happy for them, and I knew that anything I needed to say could wait until the next day.  
Having yet to find Harry, I had to put off my victory dance for successfully sneaking away. I walked up the lit pathway, nearing the bench that suddenly held so much value. I smiled at it…but stopped, hearing a familiar raspy voice drifting from a bit further up the hill.  
Following the low tones, I found the object of my desire.  
With his back to me…he stood with his suit jacket under his arm, the phone pressed to his ear. I could tell that even from behind, he was at ease…  
Stepping closer, I overheard his hushed conversation…and for what felt like the millionth time that evening, I realized how happy I truly was.  
“Yeah…erm, yeah, I think…will you lot quiet down? Jesus, mum, I told you Gem would talk over me, this is important stuff….oh, don’t cry, mum…s'not even official yet…yeah, I’ll ask….was hopin’ to head back home for her birthday, maybe? Surprise her? Sound okay? No, we don’t need an engagement party…no, mum.”  
I cleared my throat, biting my lip. Immediately, he spun around…eyes widening and his cheeks flushing as he smiled, seeing the champagne dangling from my fingers as I shook it back and forth, mouthing, let’s go.  
“Yeah, I have to go…I’m sorry…I will, alright? Bloody hell, relax, I can genuinely hear your snot…right, okay. Shut up, Gem. Okay…love you, mummy, bye.”  
He hesitated…eyes looking over me as he smiled. He shoved his phone into his pocket, pointing at the champagne - attempting to escape what he knew was coming.  
“Did they know, too?”  
“Stealin’ bubbly? You naughty thing.”  
“Where are we going for my birthday, hmmmmm?”  
He rolled his eyes, giving up as he huffed and took a few steps towards me.  
“You ruin everythin’.”  
He grabbed the bottle from my hands, slipping his fingers between mine and tugging me along as he squinted and tried to read the words on the side in the dim lighting.  
“Cheshire is quite nice in the Fall.”  
“I can’t wait.”  
We walked towards the parking lot in a comfortable silence, but I made him stop.  
“Harry…”  
His eyes were squinted as he brought the bottle closer to his face, visibly perturbed and completely disregarding me, even when I dropped our hands.  
“Just want to see if you got a decent bottle. Jesus, that’s tiny.”  
“Harry.”  
“Hm?”  
“Harry.”  
When he finally looked down at me, agitation clear on his features…I laughed.  
I laughed because there we were…sneaking away like two teenagers with a stolen bottle of alcohol and a partial-engagement…something about the way he was looking over at me expectantly, the way his suit jacket was tucked under his arm, the way he had cursed at his family on speaker phone to tell them about the news, the way his diamond ring was hanging from around my neck and not on my finger, the way he proposed to me at my best friend’s wedding, the way he was a huge pop-star and I absolutely hated pop-stars…I laughed because we had always done things our own way…a way I had always thought had been wrong, but maybe…maybe it wasn’t.  
“You gonna say anythin’?” he chuckled, waving the bottle in the air. When I didn’t say anything, he giggled like an idiot - clearly letting the reality of the situation settle. “We have stolen goods, can’t be doddling. The get-away car awaits, Thorn, we have to go.”  
“Harry, we made it.”  
His face fell…realization hitting him a bit later than me.  
Through it all…we’d made it.  
With a very shaky laugh…and a very tight hold, he tugged me by the back of my neck to him….kissing my lips. It was a lot of spit, a lot of tongue, a lot of minty breath…but the exchange was cut short…for he pulled back with wide eyes, coughing like a maniac.  
“Harry-”  
Things clicked, and slowly…very slowly, my jaw dropped. A white hunk of goo went flying into the grass as he gasped, staring at me with his jaw dropped.  
“That did not just-”  
“My God,” he swallowed nervously. “Gum will be the end of me, I’m sure of it.”  
Slowly…very slowly, I started to laugh…not just a small one, but fits…fits and fits, to the point I had tears dripping down my face.  
“S'not funny, Rory, what if that’s a bad omen?” he asked, complete horror on his face. “Only twice has that happened to me, both times with you. What if our engagement is doomed?”  
“You’re so stupid,” I rolled my eyes, grabbing his hand, tugging him along behind me. He was still traumatized, dragging his feet. “Technically, we aren’t even engaged yet.”  
“Good thing you said no.”  
“Idiot.”  
With a twinkle in his eye, and a pep in his step, he nodded.  
“Your idiot.”  
He hurried his pace, jogging ahead of me. I was laughing as I tried to keep up in my heels, the warm breeze tickling my cheeks.  
With a lopsided grin, and far from innocent eyes…he began the next chapter of our story, glancing back at me.  
“Faster, kind-of-fiance, s'not like we have the rest of our lives together.”  
And then, he tripped…taking me down with him.


	62. Chapter 62

Epilogue ::: Rory  
13 Months Later  
It had been a long time coming. Months and months of easing back into the swing of things had pulled Harry and I completely out of our darkest days - but we were young, and excited, and still had so much to accomplish…which was why when he sheepishly mentioned putting off our official engagement just for a bit - I was relieved, releasing him of any weight that had settled on his shoulders. He was free to focus on the future of One Direction, while I put every bit of me into finishing my book. Though we weren’t always together, he’d moved into the apartment near mine in the cold and busy city, and we grew used to balancing what was best for our relationship with what was best for us both - accepting that not every night needed to be spent together, and that it was okay to focus on our careers for the time being. His hair grew a bit too shaggy, and mine was finally cut, and we finished doing the growing up that we needed to do before taking any steps.   
Though it felt like the blink of an eye, it had been over a year before we decided to tackle the stairs - two at a time, it seemed.  
We’d made a few trips together, then separately, back to the west coast…searching high and low in the quiet spots of Los Angeles county - which were few and far between - to find the perfect home to start our life together. I did enjoy my time in New York, but I realized that I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life warming my hands over the toaster in the mornings. Frankly - Harry would have gone along with anything I wanted, though he seemed quite pleased that I had been more than okay with moving back to our original stomping grounds. It would always be home, and held far too many memories to leave behind permanently.  
Not only had we found the perfect little home situated on a large amount of land nestled away in the privacy of the hills - but the European leg of tour had ended, my book was ready to head to publishing, and our kind-of engagement had transitioned into an actual one - giving us plenty reason to celebrate on our first night spent in our new house.  
When I woke up drenched in a light sweat and feeling a bit worse than just groggy, I wasn’t surprised. I was surprised, however, to wake up in our mostly-empty new master-bedroom, completely alone.  
Harry and I’s activities had been the perfect example of what Cal had once deemed “vomit-inducing”. We’d fought over who was going to put the key into the door for the first time, though when Harry caught sight of the shiny addition to my finger, he’d merely grinned - placing a sloppy kiss to my temple before handing me the key. From that point on, it was a blur of stolen kisses, grabby hands, teary eyes, clumsy feet, and finally, bare bodies and tangled limbs.  
I was not pleased that my gangly-limbed, goofy, cheeky-shit of a husband-to-be was missing when the sun came up, the only reminder that he was ever there wrinkled sheets, a dented pillow, and a single sheet of notebook paper.  
I sighed, ignoring the tossing and turning in my stomach as I reached over and grabbed the leaflet, squinting my sleepy eyes to read the smudged black ink.  
If you have found this, it means I am already gone.  
Idiot.  
Just some very average and expected errands.. Nothing out of the ordinary. Groceries. And stuff. Be back when I am. Love you a bit. H  
Though I was rolling my eyes, the fondest of smiles was also dancing upon my lips as I glanced down at the uncomfortable hunk of metal on my finger…it wasn’t that I didn’t adore how it looked or what it meant, but I had never been a fan of rings. Harry had mentioned going to get tattoos in place of traditional wedding bands, but I assured him that I wasn’t that progressive. I would happily get used to the unfamiliar feeling, and frankly, much more was on my mind than minor skin irritation.  
As much as I wanted to keep sleeping, I knew there were things I could start tending to. The boxes were endless, I needed to discuss things with the publishers, I needed to set up when I was going to be able to watch Milo so Cal and Chase could have their first date night in months, I had to call and let Em know we’d arrived safely, and I really, truly needed to take a shower.  
Unfortunately, only the very last task was completed before everything else slipped between my fingers…for I walked down the long hallway, stopping at a closed door.  
With a gentle sigh, I opened it…taking a few steps into the cozy room. It was everything we’d talked about, and more…floor-to-ceiling windows lining the back…dark wood floors…a view of our entire property, with just the right amount of shade so the sun wouldn’t blind me…it was meant to be my writing room, my “imagination station” as Harry had deemed it. The reminder left me feeling all sorts of anxious as I quickly stepped out, shutting the door behind me. I wasn’t going to be getting anything productive done.  
I’d had enough time to gather my wits about me, distracting myself by making the bed when I heard Harry pull up the driveway. We’d left the windows open overnight, and with nothing for miles around us, the sound of squealing tires was loud and clear. I huffed in agitation, making my way towards the front door, fully prepared to unleash the scolding of the century. I’d told him time and time again he was going to wear the tires down if he kept driving like that, plus his car was susceptible to roll-overs. I didn’t want him to die before I even had the chance to say, I do.  
The handle on the door was heaved open, my mouth already moving as I began my speech, but everything came to a sudden halt.  
I had absolutely no words for the image in front of me…none, except maybe a few confused expletives.  
Harry looked rather cheery, chomping his gum with a big old grin, a fedora perched on top of his head…but he wasn’t alone.  
“What….have you done…”  
It wasn’t a question, but more of a statement.  
He didn’t miss a beat, smiling even bigger.  
“Rory, meet Pierre.”  
I let the words settle…once, twice, three times….I thought that maybe, just maybe, I’d blink and there he’d be with a few bags of groceries.  
But, nope, there he was…the groceries still visible in the backseat of his car. The only thing he held in his hands was a leash…with a very small, disinterested, baby goat at the end of it.  
“You didn’t.”  
“I very well did, Rory, you’re being impolite,” he gently scolded, giving me a look of disapproval. He looked down at his furry friend, looking back up at me with a furrow in his brow and a slight pout to his lips. “I think he’s tired from his trip.”  
I shook my head, shutting my eyes…unable to fathom why and how we suddenly were in possession of a farm animal. I focused on deep breaths…trying to find the humor in the situation, but only becoming more anxious than I already was.  
When I opened my eyes, the two of them were staring up at me - Harry looking hopeful, and Pierre looking just as bored as he had before. I wasn’t sure which one to look at.  
“What…what trip?” I finally asked, glancing between the two.  
“From France, obviously,” Harry huffed, giving me a look like I was the insane one. “We talked about this, remember? Cottage in France, had to have a goat…”  
“We didn’t buy a cottage, and we aren’t in France.”  
“Rory,” he hissed with heavy disappointment, whispering under his breath. “He’s quite sensitive, I can imagine. He’s had a long few days of traveling from home, he probably misses it.”  
The more I knew, the worse it was.  
With a few hesitant steps forward, my frustration began to bloom in the pit of my stomach. I didn’t know what to do with my hands, so I crossed my arms.  
“Because we don’t have enough to deal with right now, you had a goat delivered from France?”  
Harry sighed, gently tugging on the leash so Pierre would stop chewing on the gravel under his hooves.  
“He has a name, Rory. But yes, Pierre is probably tired and hungry.”  
He glanced back down towards his feet, growling under his breath.  
“Pierre, no more rocks.”  
“Harry, we spoke about getting a goat in passing. I thought it was a joke!” I flailed my arms, feeling my composure slipping away. “We just got here, we have so much to…so much to do, you said you were getting groceries.”  
“And stuff,” he reminded me, pointing downwards as Pierre the Goat continued to roll pebbles around in his mouth. “Stuff.”  
“I’m speechless.”  
“You just spoke,” he smirked with a wink, holding the leash out towards me as I stared at it. “Do you mind? I need to get his play pen out of the back.”  
“You are absolutely unbelievable. Yes, I mind. We don’t have time to worry about a baby goat, Harry.”  
“You’re not givin’ him a very warm welcome, Rory,” Harry muttered sadly, taking him with him back towards the car. Pierre was not having it, standing his ground as Harry tugged on the leash. “Stubborn one, you are. You and mummy will get along great.”  
His choice of word temporarily pulled me from my pit of rage, causing me to adjust my posture. It took every bit of me to follow them out to the car, glancing around Harry to see all that he brought home.  
I wasn’t sure why I was surprised.  
“Two bags. Two bags of groceries. What is all of this junk?”  
Without my approval, the leash was in my hand, and Harry was reaching into the backseat and tugging out everything he’d returned with…sure enough, a play pen….and bags and bags of crap.  
“What is this shit?”  
“Goat toys.”  
“Goat toys. Really?”  
“He’s a baby, Rory,” he grunted, having a hard time getting everything out. I didn’t have it in me to help as he bent down, setting the play pen onto the ground with an ooof. “You can help, if you’d like.”  
“I’m good. I can’t believe you.”  
“Believe it, baby. Now pet him, he’s getting antsy.”  
Antsy was one word for it, but I knew very well what was coming as Harry kneeled down again to pick up something he dropped. Still, no emotion was shown on the small creature’s face, but his stance made his intentions quite apparent….and I may or may not have loosened my grip on the leash to help him out a bit. In a move that immediately made him grow on me, Pierre sprung forward, successfully head-butting Harry in his most-prized bits.  
“Christ!”  
I bit my lip to try and stifle my laugh, unsuccessfully. Harry was glaring at the causee of his pain, cupping himself lightly. Though the hit was impressive, the angle had shielded the brunt of the blow.  
“Bad boy. We’ll have no more of that, yeah?”  
I snorted, earning my own filthy look from Harry as he tucked the pen under his arm, shutting the door with his free hand before grabbing the bags.  
He shot me a threatening look as he walked by, warning me under his breath.  
“You can laugh all you want, but any damage down there will impact you, too.”  
I was still laughing to myself as Harry disappeared up the stairs, but my smile fell. I sighed, gently pulling Pierre along but stopping at the bottom of the stairs.  
“He is not allowed inside!”  
Harry appeared in the doorway moments later, giving me a very tired look as he passed me, picking up his friend and walking back up. I followed quickly.  
“No. No, he is not to be inside-”  
“We don’t have a fence yet, Rory, this isn’t France. He’ll get confused and wonder off, for now he’ll stay in the pen.”  
I was past the point of arguing, and honestly in a complete loss for words…so I let it be. My mind was frazzled…so frazzled that even when he set Pierre down, his tiny hooves sliding all over the wood floors, I didn’t say a word. I simply passed them, grabbing the minimal groceries and taking them into the kitchen.  
As I began unloading, I felt a presence behind me. I glanced over my shoulder as I put the milk in the fridge, receiving a sheepish look from Harry as he leaned in the doorway.  
“Are you mad?”  
I sighed, laughing without humor. I continued to do the easy work, ignoring the fact that I could hear Pierre clanking around in the other room.  
“No, you are. Completely and utterly mad. We don’t have time to raise a baby goat!”  
“He’ll be fine outside once we install the fence, Rory,” Harry whined, shrugging like it was no big deal. “I promised you a cottage in France with a writing room and a goat. Got the cottage, got the writing room, so naturally I got the goat. Not in France, but I’m a man of my word.”  
He was completely rationalizing it, acting as if it were no big deal. I smiled with a sigh, shaking my head and throwing my arms up as I gave him my undivided attention.  
“Harry, we have too much going on to add a baby animal.”  
“Like what?” he chuckled at me as I turned my back to him to finish unloading, I could hear him taking a few steps closer, tensing as he lined up behind me, his hands casually resting over my belly button. I shut my eyes…shivering as he pressed a few kisses to my shoulder. “We’re finally starting our life together, doll. Figured it good practice to raise an infant of some sort before the real thing.”  
I snorted as he pulled away, oblivious.  
“You quit your worrying, right?” he smiled, giving me a reassuring raise of his eyebrows. “Pierre is here to stay.”  
I wasn’t that worried about the damn goat.  
As expected, Harry was preoccupied for the rest of the afternoon, leaving me to most of the manual labor. I was tired and cranky as I lifted yet another box of my clothes onto the bed, preparing to hang them up into the closet when I heard another yelp, along with a series of scolds that surely went in one ear and out the other. Still, I found myself laughing…slowly walking down the hall and peaking around the corner.  
Harry looked beyond perturbed as he glanced over at me, again, his hand covering his sensitivity. From what I’d been hearing, Pierre had taken quite the liking of learning how to use the little horns at the top of his head to his advantage. I smiled down at the well-behaved animal, wishing that in his travels Harry had brought back goat treats.  
“S'not funny,” Harry muttered, standing to his full height. “I need to buy a training manual, this is rubbish. Every chance he gets, nails me in the dick.”  
Again, I was chewing on my cheek to try and not show how amused I really was. Harry put his hands on his hips, shaking his head and glaring off into the distance.  
“I’ve tried multiple techniques, but none seem to work. I feel like he only knows French.”  
“Probably.”  
“I only know some, though. I guess we’ll have to work on it.”  
I began giggling, unable to hold it back any longer. Harry rolled his eyes, giving me the look he had just been giving the goat. I wasn’t sure how he didn’t find the situation funny, or find it humorous at all that he was standing in the living room trying to train a baby goat.  
“Go on. Like I said, laugh all you want,” he sneered. I couldn’t stop grinning. “When we’re ready to start a family, let’s see who’s laughin’ when I can’t provide. My baby maker will be broken, and you can be the one to tell me mum that you found it funny.”  
“You’re being dramatic,” I rolled my eyes, beginning to walk out. My back was to him as I walked down the hallway. “Stop being a sour puss.”  
“I’m not, I want to be a dad someday-”  
“Sooner than you think.”  
The words fell from my lips before I had the chance to stop them, my playful smile falling. I stopped walking…time standing still. I could hear my heart beating as I shut my eyes, loathing my stupid inability to keep my mouth shut sometimes.  
When I turned around, Harry just stood there…hands on his hips, eyes a bit wide. His lips were sealed, though not for long.  
“What?” he breathed out incredulously, his chest slumping as he stared at me.  
I chewed on my bottom lip, really wanting to just disappear. I could feel the heat rush to my cheeks and chest, the already-there nausea only intensifying the longer we were stuck in silence. Pierre rammed Harry’s knee, but he didn’t even flinch as I began to flounder - taking his shock as a bad thing.  
“I’m such an idiot, I’m sorry. I…I’ve only known since right before we left the city, I took a few tests at Em’s and…they were all positive, but I wanted to find the right time to tell you, and I wanted it to be cute or whatever, but I’m so not good at that stuff…”  
Nothing. Another hit to his knee.  
“I wanted to tell you last night, but we were so lovey and happy and I didn’t want to ruin the night or something, so I thought maybe today….and then you brought the goat home, so I couldn’t tell you then, and…and then I stupidly said it like that, oh my god, I’m such an idiot…” I buried my head in my hands, tugging on my roots. “I’m just really nervous because of course our timing is shit, as usual, we don’t even have a wedding date, and we promised my mom we wouldn’t pull what Cal and Chase did, and look at us now? I know it’s not really the time for a baby, and-”  
“Rory.”  
The tone of his voice took me off guard. When I opened my eyes, he didn’t look as terrified as before…no, not even a little.  
He had the biggest smile, green eyes blurred with unreleased tears as he slowly walked over, harshly pulling his pant leg away from Pierre’s mouth as he nibbled on the faded black material. His hands were trembling slightly as he reached me, cupping my cheeks and forcing me to look directly into his eyes.  
I don’t think I’d ever seen him look so naturally happy.  
“We’re having a baby?”  
Hearing him say the words did something to me I had no idea was possible. I felt chills shoot up my spine, a warmth growing from within me as I bit my lip to stop the smile from growing. I simply nodded and watched as a tear drifted down his cheek, the sweetest laugh falling from his lips before he crashed them to mine.  
He wasn’t sure what to do with himself, a nearly 6 foot ball-of-excitement just giddily staring down at me. He went to pick me up but stopped himself, bracing my hips as if any sort of touch or movement could break me. I couldn’t get enough of the way his fingers lingered on my skin, the way his eyes bounced from mine, down to my stomach, back to mine, to my lips.  
Another series of sweet pecks as he smiled into them, suddenly dropping down to his knees. I gently tugged the hat off of his head, tossing it to the side so I could massage his scalp as he very, very tenderly tugged my shirt up. He looked at my flat belly like it held all of the answers to the world, staring at it with pursed lips and a wrinkled forehead. He slid his palms onto it, slowly rubbing his thumbs in circles before smiling up at me.  
“I’m so happy you’re happy,” I admitted softly, wiping the tears from my cheeks and watching as he stared back at my stomach, shaking his head. “I was so scared to tell you…”  
“No reason to be scared,” he spoke in a daze, hesitating before he leaned forward and began pressing kisses all over the area. I giggled, his slightly chapped lips tickling every inch of skin they brushed. “Hiiiiiii in there.”  
I twirled his hair around my finger, giving him the moment he needed. So many kisses, so many tears…such a huge smile.  
“We’re havin’ a baby…” he repeated to himself, as if he needed to hear it, taste how it felt to say again. “Your mum is going to castrate me,” he said with fearful eyes, looking up at me. I began to laugh, causing him to, as well.  
“I can’t wait to meet you,” he whispered quietly, giving my stomach one more rub for good measure. “I love you so much.”  
The tears were consistent as he finally rose to his feet, the pads of his fingers just barely pulling my shirt back down and giving it a once over before his eyes met mine….a familiar fire that I wasn’t expecting.  
He stalked the few inches forward, his forehead landing on mine as he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, the skin white. HIs hands eagerly gripped my hips, a stark contrast to his actions a few seconds before.  
“You’ve no idea how turned on I am that I knocked you up.”  
I blushed profusely, feeling my eyes widen as he harshly captured my lips before pulling back and bending down slightly, his voice losing any bit of hunger it held.  
“Mind closin’ your ears and eyes for a bit, little one? Daddy needs some alone time with mummy.”  
I wasn’t sure if I found his request sweet, or incredibly raunchy.  
“Harry-”  
“Just giving a fair warning.”  
He smiled, again, his face going from dark and heated to childlike and innocent.  
“I love you so much, Rory.”  
I didn’t have time to answer as my hand was tugged down the hallway towards the bedroom.  
“But Pierre-”  
“We don’t have any furniture for him to ruin in there.”  
“But-”  
“Come on, Rory,” he was so all over the place, his tone dipping lower as his hands slid around me, cupping my butt. “I’d like twins.”  
I kissed him with everything I had, smiling into it as he groaned, his eyes glowing when I pulled back, dimples so deep I could sink my fingers into them.  
“That’s not how it works, Harry.”  
“I think we should give it a go.”  
“But-”  
“Pinky wants to say hi to his…child?”  
I scrunched my face, trying to pull away from Harry as I shook my head in distaste.  
“That is so crude, Harry.”  
“What? He’s technically the dad, I’m just the middle man.”  
“You’re being gross.”  
“I’m bein’ honest, Rory.”  
“Just shut up, you idiot.”  
“As you wish, princess.”  
So, we tried for twins…and though we both knew deep down that wasn’t really how things worked, we played along…a tangle of happy smiles and shy touches and satisfied hums and gasps of names…  
We were on cloud 9 as we walked down the hallway, shuffling with our bare-feet in minimal clothing. Harry’s hands were all over me, causing me to giggle wildly until we both stopped - absolutely stunned.  
Timing had never been on our side, and clearly, Pierre got the memo…for he had chewed through the crown molding in the foyer.  
“Damn it, Pierre!”  
“You’re calling about the fence today, Harry.”


	63. Chapter 63

Clarity Extra // I Like Girls, Girls & Fast Cars (extra scene between Chapter 60 & epilogue)  
Harry was going to be in massive, massive trouble. It wasn’t a possibility, it was a definite, but he was still trying to figure out where things went wrong and if he would ever be able to un-see his Grandpa Earl’s eyes bugging out of his head when he saw what was really meant for Harry’s eyes, and Harry’s eyes only.  
“So, who wants dessert? My treat.”  
Harry clapped his hands together, conveniently standing in front of the 48-inch flatscreen located in the humble home he grew up in. The faces he was receiving were all over the spectrum - his sister was trying to contain her laughter, his step-dad was flushed and looking incredibly uncomfortable, his grandfather was a bit pale (Harry was convincing himself he was always a bit pale), and his mother….well, his mother was doing an awfully poor job hiding her rage.  
“Cake? Anyone?” Harry swallowed hard, his voice cracking as he fumbled to distract from the situation at hand. “I don’t mind fetchin’ it, heard mum has been working on her cheesecake recipe.”  
“Harry.”  
Gemma was biting her lip, cheeks pink with unreleased giggles. Harry knew when she nudged her head over his right shoulder that he needed to adjust his position. She did not need to make matters worse, but sisters tend to enjoy doing that, and Harry was already frowning before she even spoke.  
“Perfectly round and perky breast is still in sight.”  
“Gemma,” his mother groaned, covering her face in dread as Harry’s eyes widened, darting between the varying looks of disapproval. He didn’t know what to do.  
“Turn the telly off, you idiot!”  
Harry wasn’t sure how he didn’t think of that, but with lightning speed, he hit the power button and he watched his wildest fantasy turn to black, successfully ending his worst nightmare.   
“I mean, like…” he scratched the back of his neck, letting out a forced laugh that was literally painful. “At least you know the investment in the LCD display was worth it. Did you see that quality…?”  
He was being tugged out of the room by his ear before he could finish his sentence. Though he was having a hard time focusing on much more than the sharp pinch his mother’s freshly-manicured nails were inflicting upon his cartilage, the scene that had just unravelled before him - completely accidental, but tragic, nonetheless - was still much fresher in his mind than he wished.   
The sound of eager footsteps behind them caused Harry to scowl as his ear was set free, though that didn’t mean he was in the clear. While his mum was looking at him as if he’d just murdered a flock of newborn doves, his sister had settled as a far-from-innocent bystander, laughing maniacally. Harry was not amused, nor did he find anything about what had happened amusing.   
He was flushing at the mere thought of what had been plastered on the big screen for his entire family to soak in….he was going to be in massive…massive trouble…and not just with the woman directly in front of him.  
“I’ve raised you better than that.”  
“I’m sure Rory has, too, goin’ off that sight.”  
“Gemma,” Anne scolded, shutting her eyes. Harry practically growled at his sister, giving her a glare as she giggled to herself, leaning her forearms onto the counter. “Go back in the other room.”  
“No way! I bet that’s the first naked girl Grandpa Earl has seen in decades-”  
“Piss off, Gemma,” Harry hissed, snarling at his flesh-and-blood. “You are absolutely ridiculous.”  
“I am?” she snorted, eyes wide and lively and so pleased with her brother’s humiliation. “Coming from the idiot who just showed his entire family a picture of his girlfriend topless on top of his car!”  
“I didn’t mean to! It was in the tour pictures, it was an accident!”  
“Well I should hope so, be a bit of a pervert if you did that on purpose.”  
“I did not raise an animal, Harry Edward-”   
“I beg to differ,” he grinned, unable to miss his opportunity. “Haven’t seen me at night - ow!”  
“Thank you, Gemma,” Anne sighed, rubbing her forehead as Harry whimpered, rubbing his arm that had been punched. Gemma was smirking but looking at her phone. “Harry, you need to apologize to Robin and your grandfather, entirely inappropriate.”  
“I know…” he muttered, staring at the toe of his black socks in shame. “’M sorry. Was an accident.”  
“Has a nice pair, I’ll give her that.”  
While Anne took to scolding his dear sister for her unnecessary comment, Harry was distracted with the sound of his phone ringing in the other room. Although he would have done practically anything - including unloading the dishwasher, which he hated - to escape any more verbal punishment, the tug on his arm kept him back.  
“Oh no, I’m not finished with you. Naked pictures on your car, Harry?! Really?!”  
“They’re old, mum!”  
“That’s hardly an argument, you idiot,” Gemma snorted, looking back at her phone before Harry could retort.   
“I did not teach you to treat a lady like an object!”  
“We were just havin’ a bit of fun, nothin’ serious,” he whined, covering his face with his hands. His voice was muffled. “I’m away on tour a lot, gimme a bit of a break.”  
“Well you flashed your dear girlfriend’s breasts to your entire family,” Anne sharply replied, pulling her son’s wrists down. He may have been grown up and capable of making his own decisions, but she didn’t approve of sharing those decisions with his 85-year-old grandfather - accident or not. She was sure her father came dangerously close to having his second heart attack. “All for a bit of fun. Are you satisfied?”  
“I doubt Rory ever is.”  
Harry eyes were blazen with fury as he looked directly at his sister.  
“She’s plenty satisfied, especially right after that picture was taken, took her right on the hood- OW!”  
Anne was furious.  
“You go apologize right now, Harry, and then…” she sighed, shaking her head with a frown. She had to put her foot down. “No dessert.”  
“But mum!”  
Harry’s phone was ringing again and he wasn’t getting dessert and his granddad had seen the twins and his sister was smirking at him in a way that meant she was up to no good - and he was about to throw a tantrum.   
“I’m never home and you made cheesecake!” he whined, practically stomping his foot. He was so frustrated he didn’t even realize that Gemma was strangely quiet. “I’m tired and I have a belly ache and Gemma is pickin’ on me and I didn’t mean to show everyone Rory’s boobs, it was a bloody accident, I just want a bit of dessert-”  
“Rory knows.”  
“-and I’m sorry, I really, really am, honest, swear on it,” he crossed his finger over his heart. “I’ll even promise to unload the dishwasher all week, but please don’t take dessert, and please don’t make me go apologize and bring it up again-”  
“Rory knows.”  
“-it was scarring as it is, I won’t be able to forget Grandpa Earl’s face. Mum, he started to smile, bloke is nearly a century old! Rory would never forgive me if she knew-”  
“She knows.”  
“What?”  
Harry was going to ask her to repeat herself again, but Gemma was grinning wildly. Anne was glaring at her, having heard her all three times, and Harry was speechless. All he managed to sputter out was one word.  
“No.”  
With a giggle, and as if on cue, Gemma’s phone started to ring. She answered with her eyes set on Harry’s, her smile only deepening.  
“Hey Rory - what? Yeah, he’s right here.”  
The color was long gone from Harry’s face, his eyes bugging out of his head as he backed away from his sister, who had stood up and was nearing him. To his greatest dismay, he looked over at his mum, who seemed to be fully supportive of his overbearing sister’s actions.  
“I have a feeling dessert will be the least of your worries, bub,” she quietly commented, patting her son’s cheek before leaving the room.   
Gemma was grinning as Harry glared at her, mouthing the words Tell her I’m asleep, please Gem, please, please, please-  
“He’s telling me to tell you he’s asleep, like the proper knob he is. Of course, here you go.”  
There was a slew of profanities ready on Harry’s tongue, but he kept them back as he hesitantly put the phone to his ear, forcing a smile - and a broken, nervous laugh.  
“Baby, I miss you so bad…” his smile was gone in a matter of seconds. “Shhh, no, it’s okay! When we’re married, we’ll look back on this and laugh…”  
Anne had been right. Dessert was the least of his worries.


End file.
